


In the Eye of the Beholder

by Pyreneese



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, B is, Backstory told over multiple chapters, F/M, Flashbacks, Grudges, L x reader - Freeform, Misa isn't the 2nd Kira, Non-graphic Consensual Underage, Past lovers to lovers again, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Paralysis, bit of a slow burn, non-con drugging, reconnecting, you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 41
Words: 91,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23094151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: 3 years ago, the raid against B's hideout went horribly wrong. So wrong that you left Wammy's without saying goodbye to your lover L and made it your obsession to catch B.Seeing as you're the closest person to L, B has mixed feelings. One one hand, your pursuit means he can't fabricate an unsolvable case. On the other, he sees you as the ultimate challenge. If he can fool you into believing he's L, then he's succeeded in becoming the detective.But when you track him to Japan, a new threat arises... Kira... and soon B finds himself with a Death Note of his own.
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader
Comments: 148
Kudos: 110
Collections: Favorite Fanfiction





	1. Converging

Bringing the hot cup to your lips, you sank into the sofa, flipping through the channels. You knew you should really finish unpacking, the moving boxes were still everywhere, but procrastination won out as you stretched out languidly. Japan was beautiful, although it wasn't your first time in the country. The first time you came had been investigating an arsonist with L... You'd always been too busy with a mission for L, but that was... you shuddered... that was... before. 

As you flipped, a news announcer came on, declaring a world-wide broadcast from the Interpol and L. You winced, shaking your head. Everywhere you went, there was a reminder of him. A news story about a solves case, a special theorizing on how he was so successful. The more and more you heard about him, it made you miss him... _maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you're ready to move on_?

No... not until you caught B. None of this would be over, you wouldn't be able to live, until you caught him.

The broadcast was about those Kira rumors circulating the underground... leaning back on the sofa, you sipped your hot chocolate. Searching for B had allowed to meet an array of... _colorful_... people. Very illegally colorful people. They were all absolutely panicking, trying to completely erase themselves from the radar and pretty much preparing for Doomsday. 

Pausing, your eyes narrowed. 'Lind L Tailor', huh? A small smile crossed your lips. _Come on, L, you're smarter than that. Kira's not going to fall for such an obvious-- **HOLY FUCK**_. You shot to your feet, eyes popping. Lind was scrambling at his chest and collapsing against the table.

Kira was dangerous.

He just proved he wasn't exclusive to criminals. 

_L, you better fucking be careful, I swear to God_ -

"So go on! Kill me! Come on, do it!"

"SHUT UP!" You screamed at your tv.

Instant fear shot through your veins. Were you going to watch your once-lover die?? You stared intently, the large Cloister Black L filling the screen. The cup shook in your hand, every second long and agonizing.

After about a minute of him yelling for Kira to kill him, he chuckled.

"Can't you do it?"

You swayed, relief making your knees buckle.

"L, I swear, you open that big mouth of yours one more time--"

Because he's L, of course he is, he opened that big mouth of his one more time.

"You've given me a useful hint... let me return the favor. We said this was a worldwide broadcast, but in actually, we're only broadcasting to the Kanto region of Japan."

You froze, you heart thundering. The Kanto region...? You came hunting B, all signs pointed to him hiding somewhere here. You had rented an apartment and everything... and you happened to be staying in Kira's backyard? You sank into the sofa, hanging your head between your legs. Okay... okay. B was somewhere in Tokyo and now Kira... could B be Kira? No, that wouldn't make sense. But if Kira really was in the area, that meant L was almost certainly going to travel here. 

The thought of seeing him again made a wave of shame rise up in your chest.

A note. You should've left a note. Or told Wammy you were leaving. Or left him a message or _something_. After what happened, you couldn't look at L's face. A sob almost escaped, but you managed to push it back down.

Catching B. Once you caught B, everything would be better. 

But you felt a protective flame light in the pit of your stomach. L never seemed too bothered by mortal danger. As long as his mind was working on a puzzle, it was like everything else, including his life, came second.

If Kira saw that broadcast, the probability was that B did too. B would realize that L was coming straight in his direction. And he didn't know B was in the area. L knew this was your fight and for the first time in his life wouldn't impose on the chase. He was walking in blind...

You groaned. As much as you didn't want to, as much as the guilt tore at you, you had to warn him... okay, maybe help him out... you were still reeling from how risky of a move Lind was. Even if L didn't show his face, just the act of challenging such a dangerous person made your heart thud. _Shit, L, why would put yourself so on-the-line like that... we need you_. Arrogant... a childish way to rub it in Kira's face that he'd figured something out and to prove how clever he was. 

Taking out your phone, you dialed Wammy.

* * *

L's perspective

I watched from the security feed as they wheeled out Lind's body. Adrenaline still pumped through my veins, making it impossible to concentrate. Incredible... a heart attack from a distance...

"Do you think Naomi was killed by Kira?" I whispered.

Watari's eyes scanned me. He gently patted my shoulder, his large yet wrinkled hand encompassing.

"That was 3 years ago, L," he rasped.

"But it's the only thing that makes sense," I hated the slight waver in my voice.

He knew what I was talking about... the fact that Naomi had B in her sights, her gun trained and ready to fire when she randomly, almost as if by magic, collapsed. It was only revealed later she had a fatal heart attack.

I rubbed my lip thoughtfully. It was true, logic dictated her death probably wasn't the result of Kira, but there was something else to her death. A piece I was missing. Sighing, I decided to get back to the task at hand, work with the evidence I knew was connected to this serial killer here and now.

Lind went much better than expected... I truly believed I'd have to at the very least go through different regions.

Watari set a silver tray next to me, carefully adjusting and pouring coffee when his cell rang. My brow quirked. There was a very limited list of people who had his number. The second he held it up to his ear, he jerked it away, eyes wide. From my position, I couldn't hear the words or really the voice, just the... loudness of it. Hm, the person sounded indignant.

Watari slowly pressed it back to his ear.

"...I see... oh! Yes! Of course! We're at the Four Seasons Hotel in Tokyo."

That made my eyes snap in his direction. Why was he telling someone our hotel? He hung up, looking dazed but a slight twinkle in his eye.

"Y/n's in Tokyo."

My eyes popped, the coffee coming out of my mouth and dropping back in the cup. I stared at him, trying to see the joke on his face. No. He wouldn't joke about something like that. My brain felt stuffed, my chest constricting. My mind was already racing to fill in the implications.

"So, B..."

"Must be in Japan," he whispered with a nod.

Great... two terrifying serial killers possibly in the same region... and Y/n was coming! _Here_! I was a mess! The hotel was a mess! There were scattered papers everywhere and I looked like a goddamn ninja turtle or something. _No, more like the human version of a raccoon... Y/n likes raccoons, right_? Wait, why was I being like this? It was Y/n! I knew her! Uuuugh. My eyes darted, chewing on my thumb with all this new information my brain was receiving. There was so much I had to do... I paused, slowly looking at Watari. He was watching me with a slight grin at my disheveled state.

I was sure my eyes were gigantic and eager.

"Did she say anything about me?"

A part of me was afraid of the answer. Was nothing better or worse than something? After everything that had happened... but a wistful smile crept up his lips.

"Actually, she has a message for you. Her exact words were 'learn some self-preservation, you rash git."

I snorted, unable to stop the smirk on my face. My eyes went to the phone still clutched in Watari's hands. Even though I knew she'd hung up, it still felt like she was on the line.

"Okay," I whispered... "I'll see you soon."

B's perspective

Well fuck me silly and call me a monkey's uncle! Kira was in Japan?!

Hm, that was both good and bad. On one hand, it was practically guaranteed L would follow. Good. But a serial vigilante who would kill me in a millisecond... and killed from a distance. Bad.

Although there was a very high chance Y/n had tracked me to Japan...hm, jury's out on whether that's good or bad.

But there was a very good chance she wouldn't track me to this underground dump. Good. But then this was, again, a dump. Bad.

Swinging to my feet, I sighed, shaking my head. There had to be some way to shake Y/n off my tail. Long enough for me to think up a new unsolvable case for L. Although it looked like Kira was trying to encroach on that territory... I chewed my lip, quickly catching myself and switching to my thumb. Important to keep in-character. Something touched the back of my neck.

A piece of paper? Whirling, a scream ripped from my throat. I tripped backwards, landing hard on my back, fear racing up my spine.

A monster! It had stringy hair and golden eyes that seared through my very soul. It was... _bony_ and large and white and just... alien. The thing leaned over me and I bit back a whimper.

"Are you a demon," I breathed in awe.

Its voice was decidedly female, her eyes narrowed.

"Not by your traditional sense," she growled, holding out a long arm.

In her hand was a little black book with the words Death Note scrawled over it. She held it out expectantly... waiting for me to take it...

I slowly took it, looking at it curiously. What was this supposed to be?

"Who... what are you?" I asked slowly, forcing myself to meet her eye.

She bowed her head slightly, gazing around the dingy little room I'd found to hole up in. I knew it was a shit-hole, but seeing a supernatural entity so judgmental was an extra sting I didn't need in my life.

"I am Rem, the Shinigami," she rumbled.

My brow furrowed. Shinigami... 'god of death' in Japanese... my eyes widened slowly. A Japanese death god! My chest heaved, struggling to push down the fear. Turning my eyes back to the death note, I tilted my head and began flipping through the pages. Whoever's name was written in the note would die... I stumbled back, dropping it. It clattered to the ground, looking so innocent. 

"I... I don't..."

"It's your inheritance," she sighed.

At my expression, she bent and scooped it up.

"You were born with Shinigami eyes, were you not?"

Yes... I was... ever since I was born, I'd been surrounded by constant reminders of death. Can really mess with someone's head... knowing when all your friends would die. Going into my friendships, I knew A would die young, but the pain had still been unexpectedly sharp. Both Y/n and L were slated to die at ripe, old ages... although technically now I guess...

"These people I know... their lifespans are long-"

"This note doesn't adhere to lifespans," she rumbled, "they could live for sixty years or you could kill them in the next two minutes."

Whoa... I'd always just taken it for granted they were immune or something. 

Rem was a lumbering god, clumsily exploring my little home while she explained her story.

"Your father was a Shinigami named Gelus... he truly loved you with all he was. When a woman named Naomi Misora was about to shoot you, he sacrificed himself by writing her name and extending your lifespan... This note belongs to you. I wish I could say I'm just delivering it, but I'm tied to it until the day you die," she glanced at me, her eyes glinting, "it's the contract between a human and their Shinigami that at the end of your life, I will write your name in my note." Her lips curled, "provided someone doesn't kill you first."

I stared at her, my heart pounding in my ears. That day in the warehouse... I was supposed to die? That did explain why she had such a... fortunately... timed heart-attack... 

"My father," it was difficult to say.

My mother had died when I was just a baby, and I'd always just assumed dear old Dad was either dead or a deadbeat, not even worth killing. But a Shinigami... and now I had his note... Rem looked at me. Her eyes were cryptic, her gaze intrigued. 

"Why do you live in this... place?"

Rolling my eyes, I threw myself on my bed, already pouring into the note.

"This bitch I know's been chasing me for three years. Anything nicer and she'd been on me in a goddamn millisecond."

Rem tilted her head curiously.

"I see. Are you going to be killing her first?"

A barking laugh rose up my chest.

"Nah, the chase is fun. The only thing I wish is that I could see her face as time goes on and she just keeps on failing to catch me. Besides, I can't kill her until I appear to her as L and _finally_ fool her." 

"Fool her?"

My lips curled.

"Everyone else has been unable to identify me from L. It even took Wammy a whole week to realize something was off... the longest I've been able to fool her is 7 minutes," I clarified.

She watched me silently, her expression unreadable. But she did seem intrigued. I shrugged, scanning through the rules.

"24 hours, that's all I want. 24 hours where she doesn't suspect a thing and then I'll kill her."

L was another matter entirely. My plan to give him an unsolvable case had been shot, and now with this new Kira fellow... I couldn't just kill him now! No, I had to kill the current Kira first at least. If L was going to die, goddamnit it would be trying to solve _my_ case.

No one else's. 


	2. Batman Services

You fiddled with the hem of your sleeve, the silence unbearable.

L opened his mouth, thought better of it, and then promptly closed it. 

When you saw him, it was like stepping back in time. 

Watari opened the door and you froze, your systems crashing together. How many times had you dreamed about this moment? The opportunity to talk about what happened? And he'd looked just as shaken, silver grey eyes huge and consuming. But now that the opportunity was there, it was uncomfortably quiet. Watari delivered a not-so-subtle kick to L's shin. He yelped, glowering at the elderly man.

"L, aren't you going to offer your guest a seat?" Watari asked pointedly.

L shifted awkwardly, avoiding your gaze.

"Would you um, would you like a seat?"

"Uh, thanks."

Jesus, what a loud clock. The ticking was really echoing. L picked at his white shirt.

"I solved a really cool murder last month," he mumbled.

You tilted your head in genuine curiosity.

"Cool. What was it?"

"12 skinning murders across New Zealand. He was using them to build a replica of his dead wife."

"Nice. I mean, not nice, but um... cool."

Not knowing what else to say, you cleared your throat. L shrank. 

He smacked his lips, "yyyup."

Watari came by with a tray of sweets. L started taking a pastry and seemingly decided he needed something stronger, just taking the entire little container of raw sugar. 

"So... do you like Japan so far?" He asked.

You bobbed your head.

"It's... nice..."

L's eyes were saucers, doubling as spotlights that kept you rooted. Was he waiting for you to share what was going on with the B case? You rolled your shoulders.

"Ever since I managed to wound him in South Korea, he's been on the defense, doing more motel-hopping and even cutting off ties with any crime syndicates that might've helped. By now, I imagine he's healed though."

He nodded in interest, lightly stirring his coffee. The way his long, slender fingers moved the spoon was plainly hypnotic.

"Good. Speaking of healing, how's your physical therapy going?"

The heat rose up your cheeks, trying to hide your sheepish smile. L froze, a thin trail of steam from the coffee mixing with his intense grey eyes.

"You... _have_ been going to physical therapy, right?"

"Not in the past year," you admitted with a sigh, "it's just been so busy!"

You were shocked to see the sliver of panic on his pale face.

"How's your hand?"

"It's fine!"

Was it, though? There was a tremor you couldn't get rid of and squeezing something too hard made your entire hand go numb. Your lips tightened. Another thing to thank B for. L scooted closer, perched on the balls of his feet. His toes wiggled nervously.

"At least tell me you've been seeing a therapist..."

When you didn't answer, he bit down on his thumb. 

"Y/n--"

"I'll see a therapist when I catch him," you growled pointedly.

His eyes locked with yours, his expression unreadable.

"You're obsessed."

"Ask if I care," you chuckled sardonically.

L shrank, avoiding your gaze. There was a tense moment where neither said anything, the silence more deafening in a way than if someone was speaking. Deciding to break the ice, you grinned merrily.

"That broadcast was really dramatic," you chuckled, "Kira seems like such an interesting case... you must be in Brain Heaven right now."

The tension in the air eased and he gave you his signature small but meaningful smile. 

"I am. I suspected he might have a god complex and would hate being called evil. I was right... as usual," he added with a playful smirk.

Detective work always brought a certain sparkle to his eye. Your brow quirked, while you stuck out your tongue. 

"He's been leaving me messages," L grumbled, digging around his bag and taking out three pictures, "this suggests he can not only control the times of their deaths, but can, to a certain extent, control them." 

Shivers ran up and down your spine at the thought. L held out the pictures and you glanced at them as if they were toxic. Were such powers really possible? You took them from him, your brow furrowing in confusion. Maybe your Japanese was just rusty? In total, you knew 6 languages, but L had always been the expert in that department (a whopping 13 fluent ones and 5 rusty).

"It's incomplete, isn't it? There's no fourth picture?"

L rubbed his lip.

"Exactly. Since I _assume_ you're not Kira," you snickered at that, "you find the message incomplete and ask for a fourth photo. I wonder, though... Kira is childish and he hates losing... if I were to present these in front of him, he'd want to show that he's brilliant at deductions, that he's never wrong or feels like he's missing something."

"He'll assume the incomplete message is all there is because he knows it's all there is," you said slowly.

L nodded.

"Oh, that's awesome," you trilled.

He seemed surprised by your outburst. L leaned forward, his eyes always captivating you.

"Would you like to join me on the Kira Case?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

L gently touched your wrist and you inadvertently flinched. He looked at his hand as if it had a mind of its own.

"Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't even realize... I..."

He leaned back, quietly stuffing it back into his pocket. Your eyes flickered around his face, but it wasn't betraying any of his emotions. Guilt rose up your chest.

"I guess I do need that therapy after all," you gave a weak laugh.

L shrank, avoiding your eyes.

"Please take care of yourself," he mumbled.

"Only if you do the same..."

The two of you met eyes, a myriad of emotions flashing. Sighing though, you shook your head.

"I can't work on Kira with you. It sounds like the case could take months... In that time, B could easily slip to another country and fall so out of the radar that I never pick up his trail again."

L watched you, a twinge of sadness on his face before his lips twitched upwards.

"'The Hound', huh?"

Heat rose up your neck. While chasing B, you were a bounty hunter for others on the side. It had earned you a bit of a reputation and the title The Hound. But you didn't know L was aware of it... you tried to hide your smile, not wanting to admit you were kind of proud of said title.

Watari burst back into the room, making both of your heads snap in his direction.

"L... and Y/n... there's something you have to see."

* * *

"Holy shit."

The two of you stared at the screen in shock. 

L's eyes flashed to Watari, instantly in detective mode, flipping through several files.

"Body count?"

"162, men, women and children. So far they've only determined 84 causes, but all 84 suffered a heart attack."

It was an arial shot of a large plaza. Their eyes were bugging, hands permanently frozen scrambling at their chests. The bodies had gotten together and twisted to form the message, _L's lost his Hound_. You leaned against the desk, swaying. L's nostrils flared.

"This-this isn't Kira! It fits nothing about his profile!"

"But it fits B's," you whispered knowledgeably, "he's the only one who knows we're associated... you... you did lose me for 3 years... and he's proven time and time again he's not concerned with killing children."

A shiver went up your spine remembering Quarter Queen, a 13 year old girl he brutally murdered for his sick 'unsolvable case'. L was breathing heavily now, the implications and possibilities making him sway.

"B has the same killing power as Kira?"

"Well if that's not terrifying," you giggled in uncertainty.

L's eyes widened.

"Today 12 FBI agents are coming to investigate police and their families to make sure none of them are either leaking information or doing Kira-esque activities... this might work to our advantage. Kira will be outraged that this copycat's besmirching his name, tainting his cause. He'll _want_ to get close to me, to kill me, yes, but also use my resources to find this new Kira," his voice dropped a register, "even if he's cleared of suspicion, he might try to kill all the FBI agents."

You chewed your lip thoughtfully. He shrank slightly, glancing at you while nibbling his thumb. There was the beginning of a hopeful smile on his features.

"L and Y/n Batman Services?"

Your eyes trained on him, the memory making you shift.

_You scrambled through the vents, a wide smile across your face. Behind you were B, A and L, all giggling excitedly as they moved. They were getting close to the kitchen, close to the sweets and strawberry jams and about any other treat they might want. The darkness engulfed you as you pushed open the grate and scampered into the kitchen. B cheered._

_"Kitchen raid!" He yelled loudly, making a beeline for the fridge._

_L glanced around, his too-large clothes making running awkward. He pulled a stool towards a cabinet full of cookies, struggling to find his balance. A dug through the pantry, tossing out bags upon bags of food. You threw open the freezer door, filling your arms with tubs of ice cream. The next day, Watari would definitely punish all of you, but for tonight..._

_They dumped their stolen treasures in the middle of the floor, sliding with their legs crossed. B held out a jar of jam to L._

_"I'll trade you for some cookies."_

_He blinked large bug eyes, watching B warily._

_"Ok... but I want an extra strawberry thrown in."_

_You struggled to pop off the top of your favorite ice cream, stabbing your spoon into the hard dessert. A threw a chip at you with a mischievous grin. You puffed out your cheeks playfully, tossing a glob of ice cream in his direction._

_"I'm going to get you for that!"_

_By the time all of you were done, the silverware was spread across the floor. Food crumbs and sticky sugary spots were all over eveyones' clothing. You fell on top of each other, wrestling for the last bag of chips. B kicked L at some point and he landed on top of you, grunting. The two of you were the oldest of the group, both ten at the time. B was eight and A five. L's cheeks flushed red. You blinked, your heart fluttering._

_"Sorry," he mumbled, scratching his neck as he moved away._

_"Ooh, L and Y/n sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G," B sang._

_A squealed, clapping his hands._

_"K-I-S-I...um..."_

_"You're such a bad influence," L rumbled, throwing a handful of gummy bears at B._

_The kid caught as many as he could, shoving them in his mouth._

_A was the first to crash from the sugar, snoring softly, and B was soon to follow. That left you and L with one last tub of ice cream to go through. You were exhausted, but he seemed perfectly fine, actually not tired at all. Yawning, you tried to shovel a mouthful into your mouth._

_"So, yeah. I want to be *yawn* one of the greatest detectives to ever live," you smiled serenely, "and I want to... I want to beat up bad guys!" your eyes sparked with the dream, a toothy grin lighting up your face._

_L tugged at the hem of his shirt, nodding slightly._

_"I don't know if I could beat up bad guys. But I do like working from the computers."_

_You bobbed your head enthusiastically, speaking through your ice cream._

_"Oh, I know! You could be like, the cool tech guy and I could be the badass warrior guard! Ooh, like Batman and Alfred!"_

_"So I'm an old guy?" L gave a wry smirk._

_Your cheeks went red._

_"You know what I meant! But just picture it! It'll be so much fun!... Just you and me."_

_L watched you. Sometimes it was so hard to tell what he was thinking. You knew on some level, he trusted you. After all, you'd already helped with so many of his cases. It was an adrenaline rush for you, and sometimes you felt like you needed to make that adrenaline physical, actually chase them. For him, it was a past-time to alleviate his boredom, a puzzle to keep his mind working. He tapped his chin._

_"We need a name for our detective company."_

_Victory! You rose, swiping at the air._

_"How about... L and Y/n's Batman Services?"_

_"I think I find a flaw in that..."_

_You shrugged, your cheeks flushed either from the sugar or excitement not even you could tell._

_"If they can't see the epicness, then it's their own fault."_

_Yawning again, you slumped against him. L stiffened, his eyes wide as you fell asleep, your head lolling on his shoulder. His heart was beating so loudly, he was shocked you didn't wake up. But as the night dragged on, he fell asleep too, the two of you propped up by the dishwasher._

_If only you'd been awake to see Watari's expression when he first walked in. He was so shocked, he couldn't form sounds... but seeing the four of you together, orphans who'd found a family in each other... his gaze softened. Being as silent as possible, he moved out of the kitchen. He'd give you all two hours to wake up and sneak back to your rooms. Then he'd make a big show about asking who had broken into the kitchen, and when no one stepped forward, he'd say there were cameras and have you clean the mess._

_But for now, you were peacefully sleeping._

L was still waiting for your answer on whether or not you'd stay, work the case with him. Swallowing, you nodded.

"L and Y/n Batman Services," you confirmed with a determined smile.


	3. Not a Game

_You were 12 at the time, reading a book on the hammock in the orphanage's garden. There was the quiet shuffling of feet and you glanced up to see L lumbering towards you, rubbing his lip. Grinning, you swung your legs over the side of the hammock._

_"Hey!" You chirped, "how's the serial killer in Brazil coming along?"_

_He shuffled his feet, rolling his shoulders._

_"Pretty good," he sighed, "although... I was getting distracted."_

_You tilted your head curiously. He wasn't one to get easily distracted. At your questioning glance, he turned his eyes_ _downwards, seemingly not knowing how to proceed._

_"It's just..." he hesitated before giving you the tiniest of smiles, "I... I kept thinking about you... would you like to go on a date?"_

_Your stomach flipped nervously. A date?! Your palms went sweaty and you quickly rubbed them against your shirt._

_"I-"_

_But you paused. There was something a bit off about his stance. It was minuscule, hardly noticeable, but your brow furrowed. Now that you were paying attention, you could see slight differences in the structure of his face._

_"Wait a second... **B**?!"_

_His eyes popped. Almost instantly, the L facade dropped and he doubled over laughing._

_"I totally got you! Cool, huh?"_

_Blinking, your cheeks went red, your mind blanking._

_"What... why? Hold on, why'd you ask me on a date?!"_

_He shrugged, beaming while he sat down next to you on the hammock._

_"Come on, Y/n! You and L were made for each other! You found me after about 4 minutes... it took Wammy at least an hour. You two should totally go on a date."_

_Your cheeks were still flushed, embarrassed at how excited you'd been at the prospect of going out with L. But 'dates' weren't really how he operated. Well, to be fair, you hadn't really given it much thought. It was a miracle he'd allowed you into his life as a friend. Chuckling nervously, you took in B's disguise. It was... unnervingly... good._

_"Wow... that's... incredible. But... why? And also, where the heck did you get that wig?"_

_B smirked proudly, adjusting the mop of dark hair on his head._

_"Well, if I'm meant to be the Backup, I should get as close to L as possible, right?"_

_"B... stop calling yourself the Backup."_

_He snorted unperturbedly._

_"Whatever. Constructive criticism? How was my performance?"_

_You hesitated, but he was looking at you with such eager eyes. Groaning, your lips twitched upwards._

_"You stood way too hunched. L's got one, but not like... that."_

_He tapped his chin._

_"Hm, got it. Thanks!" He bounded off, flapping his arms to make the way-too-big for him shirt billow._

_You stared after him, trying not to let it show that it bothered you. Not too long after, the real L came down, yawning widely. It was obvious he'd been up all night on a case. Pausing in front of you, he grinned sheepishly._

_"I'm getting pancakes, want to, um... want to join me?"_

_Yeah, definitely L. Trying to push the slightly creepy thought of B running around looking so similar, you pushed yourself to your feet, nodding. To your surprise, he actually took your hand for just a moment, you wondered if it was B again. But your gut was telling you this was L. Your eyes traveled to his long fingers intertwined between yours. Could he feel your pulse? You focused on trying to slow it down, a smile creeping up your lips._

L kept glancing in your direction questioningly.

"Are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past five minutes."

Oops. Your eyes moved away, heat rising up your neck.

"Just thinking," you chirped innocently.

His brow quirked, but he didn't address it. Returning back to his laptop, he cursed.

"The FBI agents died... all of them."

Your eyes flashed up from your laptop. 12 good agents, gone? Wait a second... your skin went cold. 

"What?! I thought you had them recalled!"

L didn't answer, his laptop's screen reflecting in his eyes. He dragged his finger across the mouse-pad, his silence heavy in the air. You straightened, your own eyes hardening.

"You _did_ recall them, right?"

"We can figure out who they were investigating and narrow the field. Based on the patterns of criminals dying, I'm certain it was between the 14 and the 19th."

You glared at him. In response, you saw him shrink a bit under your harsh gaze.

"Why didn't you recall them?" you demanded.

"It's a risky job. There was a high probability of them dying anyway."

Your mouth fell open. 

"Jesus, L!"

You rose to your feet, pacing. God damn it, he always did this! No qualms about sacrificing people as long as the game was won.

"This isn't a game!"

His brow quirked.

"You're just as risky with your bounties."

"My life!" You yelled, "I put _my_ life on the line! I don't just send people to die for me. Asshole."

Grabbing your jacket, you started stalking towards the door. A bad idea. You knew coming here in the first place would turn out to be a bad idea! That little voice in the back of your head whispered like a mosquito, making you want to swat at it. _He's acting like B_. Shit.

You hated this back and forth. It was part of the reason why you took off... Before you'd just up and left Wammy's, you'd always had to carefully examine every single one of L's movements, trying your damndest to make sure you were talking to him and not B. Every day, psycho-analyzing his words, how his fingers twitched or the little quirks, constantly asking yourself if the man you were talking to was the one you thought he was. It got so... tiresome after a while. And when he did stuff like this, it sent your brain spiraling into confusion. 

Your fingers brushed the door's handle, when he finally spoke up.

"Thank you."

"... for what?"

He buried himself, his knees touching his chin. Now he was fully looking at you, eyes flickering. Usually they were good at hiding emotion, but you could see sparks of sadness and worn fear.

"For coming. For showing me that you're not dead in some alley or killed by B."

You gaped slightly, your heart tugging. L picked at his knee.

"I was starting to think you'd been killed," he whispered. He stared at his now black computer screen before turning it on again, "I understand you have to do it, though... that's it. Thank you."

 _L, you're killing me here_. 

Leave. Leave. You knew you should go. 

Hanging your head in defeat, your fingers dropped from the handle.

"You're such a pain in the ass," you grumbled, but you added a hint of affection as you moved next to him. Close enough that he was forced to look up at you, "L... this can't keep happening. I need you to promise me you won't be trading lives like this. I can't be second-guessing who I'm talking to."

"Do you think I'm like B?"

It was an earnest question full of curiosity. You chewed your lip, considering.

"I think B's figured out how to take your worst qualities and amplify them to the point where it feels as if the two of you are similar."

He was quiet. 

Watari came in from the other room, clearing his throat.

"We have a slight problem."

"When do we not?" L sighed, rubbing his temple. 

Watari didn't miss a beat, already preparing the hotel room.

"The task force is insistent on meeting you. They say it's an imbalance of power."

L groaned, massaging his temple. You stared at him... you'd never seen him like this before. Tired from cases? Of course. Stressed out and even dare you say... scared... that was a new one... his eyes met yours, large and worried. Smiling reassuringly, you shrugged.

"What do you think the best course of action is?"

He swallowed, gratitude shining through his eyes. 

"They're choosing to pursue Kira knowing their lives are in danger... is this trading lives?"

It was a genuine question... he had no idea... you tucked a strand of hair consciously behind your ear.

"No," you whispered, "if you want to trust them... I don't know..."

His eyes flickered over your face before bobbing his head.

"Go ahead and invite them, Watari. Maybe if they see how serious I am about this case-"

He said this while giving you a sideways glance. You read the expression loud and clear. _I won't treat this like a game... I'll try not to, at least_. 

* * *

The task force stared at L in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance. You were lounging mostly out of sight, taking notes about the men. They glanced in your direction and you gave a tight smile. They didn't question you. While they talked about Kira, you watched. In all honesty, you didn't want to be in L's position anyway, having to explain your thoughts and opening yourself up to criticism. While they worked on Kira though, you stared out the window, wondering about B.

He had the killing power... who took more precedence? Logic would dictate it was more important to catch B. A serial killer vs a killing vigilante. You snorted, earning a slew of slightly annoyed looks from the task force. 

_Alright, B. Based on your message, you wanted to bring me and L together... what's your game-plan?_ You chewed the inside of your cheek, getting lost in the sky-view of Tokyo while they talked about bugging police chief Soichiro Yagami's household.

B's perspective

Humming to myself, I spread the strawberry jam over the toast. Yesterday was a good day! Sitting in that plaza, surrounded by all those faces... those names and death dates. I'd kind of given up being bothered by them. Breaking out into full-blown singing, I used my knife as a microphone. Rem watched me, not bothering to hide her judgmental gaze. A smirk made its way up my lips. I couldn't give two shits what she thought.

"You killed 162 people."

"Hm, observant."

She snorted, eyes narrowing. Glancing at her, I shrugged, giving an easy smile. 

"I guess you're not going to be sacrificing yourself for me anytime soon," I sighed dramatically, landing on my bed. 

"You're lucky I don't kill you myself."

"Aw, Remy, Baby, Sweetie. Your concern touches my heart. If you were going to kill me though, you would've done it already. Not to mention killing me would make my... my father's... sacrifice in vain."

Her nose wrinkled, but she didn't say anything. Satisfied I'd won, I stretched out, flexing my toes and sliding my wig off of my hair. I knew I had to also remove the makeup. L's complexion was annoyingly smooth... I couldn't risk too many bumps and pimples. But for now, I was tired, and by God I just wanted to munch on some jammy toast!

"Look on the bright side, Sweetie," I chirped.

"Call me Sweetie again and-"

"Yeah, yeah. You'll kill my yourself. How original. Look on the bright side, Sweetie. My little message means Y/n and L are working together," my lips curled, brain stewing with the delicious possibilities, "it shouldn't be long now."


	4. A Place to Sleep

_The both of you were 13. You were sleeping peacefully in bed. There was a soft knock on the door and you moaned, trying to rub the tiredness out of your eyes. As you did, you heard loud boom of thunder outside, the rain pelting the manor's windows. Wow, it sounded like a serious storm._

_"Come in," you groaned._

_L peeked his head through, his bed hair even more wild than usual. He had a fuzzy blanket around his shoulders. Pulling it tighter around himself, he gazed at you, his eyes owlish in the low light._

_"Hey... I, um... Can I... can I join you...?"_

_You started, staring at him curiously. Why would he want-- there was another crack of lightning and thunder and he flinched, wincing. Your mouth fell open slightly. Was he afraid of the thunder?_

_"Yeah," you said in a daze, scooting over and leaving some room._

_He shuffled forward, settling next to you, his gaze distant._

_"It's embarrassing," he admitted bitterly, "13 and scared of thunder," he chuckled sardonically, "I... I probably look like a loser, don't I?"_

_Shrugging, you leaned back against the headrest, shoulders touching. He avoided your eyes, looking ashamed of himself. The corners of your lips tugged up as you shook your head._

_"You're not," you said gently, "do you want to talk about it?"_

_He tugged at the hem of his blanket nervously._

_"Today's... today's the 5th anniversary of my parents' death. I guess the um, I guess the lightning and thunder reminds of a, uh," his voice dropped an octave, "gun."_

_"... oh."_

_He didn't say anymore and for a while, the two of you simply listened to the storm. Every time he flinched, you softly squeezed his hand, his fingers shakily wrapped around yours almost desperately._

_"Ever since they died, I-I haven't been able to sleep well," his eyes welled, making your heart strain. His voice came out cracked and terrified, so different from the indifferent kid you knew, "every time I fall asleep, I think I'm going to wake up to someone about to shoot me....... I'm so... **tired**... all the time."_

_L hung his head, mop of hair falling forward. You swept it back, stroking his scalp while he shook his head, "I miss them so much."_

_Enveloping him, he buried his face into your chest, his body trembling._

_"I never knew mine," you admitted quietly, eyes misting, "what were yours like?"_

_He gave a short laugh, wiping at his face._

_"Would you believe my dad was blond?"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Platinum blond. Russian-French... But I got my grey eyes from him. My mom had the darkest hair you could possibly think of, as black as the night sky. They were quiet, but super creative. Actually, my mom and Wammy were both inventors..." his face went wistful, "he saved me from the foster system."_

_He went quiet, the silence weighing heavily. L's eyes met yours, urgent with a spark of fear._

_"I need to hear that you'll never leave me."_

_You stared at him, the corners of your lips twitching._

_"What makes you think I'd leave?"_

_His lip quivered._

_"My uncle refused to take care of me, my parents are gone, my other aunt took me in for a month and gave me back... everyone seems to leave in one way or another. Everyone I care about."_

_Your heart skipped, your mouth gaping a bit._

_"You care about me?"_

_There was a beat where neither of you moved. He leaned in, so close you could feel his breath on your lips. As he grew, his bug eyes became more proportionate to his face, his features more angular to the point where it was obvious that he'd be handsome. L tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips against yours. You simply sat there, stunned. It didn't progress further than holding his cool lips against yours, but it was still enough to send your mind spinning and your systems going haywire._

_"I won't leave you," you whispered, "we're all we have... I won't abandon you."_

_He nodded numbly, his body deflating as though there'd been a weight. The two of you sat there until you realized he'd fallen asleep on your shoulder, even sleeping through the thunder._

* * *

That memory always made you feel guilty... the fact that you'd broken your promise... You sat with L, watching the news with wide eyes. A distorted voice representing Kira broke through the air.

"To this New Kira, this is your last warning. We are beacons of justice! We smite the wicked and help the defenseless! If you continue these reckless actions, I will have no choice but to punish you."

L snorted, shaking his head.

"Like B would ever listen to that. Kira's scrambling."

Ha, B actually listening to someone. The thought almost made you laugh. L leaned back, licking at his popsicle. Okay, you may or may not have been staring longingly at that tongue, slowly moving along the frozen treat. 

"Technically B is the greater threat," he rumbled thoughtfully, languidly dragging his tongue up the side, "he's much more unpredictable than Kira and actually goes out of his way to kill innocents..."

He wasn't wrong. It had been about a week since meeting the task force and bugging the various households. In that time, about 100 criminals had died while B's numbers had skyrocketed to a whopping 503, without rhyme or reason to his choice of victim. 

"But we actually have a lead on Kira," you mumbled, picking up the picture of Light Yagami from the table.

He was traditionally handsome, tanned skin and swept brown hair. A little too traditional for your tastes, but to each their own. L shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's only a 1% chance."

"Hm? And what's his percentage without the bullshit?"

His eyes narrowed with a playful gleam. 

"91%."

"Sounds about right," you quipped.

L shook his head in frustration, leaning back and staring at the ceiling, trying to slow his racing mind.

"Thankfully there's a silver lining... I believe I can say Kira needs a name and face. New Kira only needs a face. After all, if Kira only needed a face, I have a feeling we'd be seeing death numbers rivaling B's. Not to mention criminals whose names have been spelled incorrectly on the news still aren't dying."

Nodding, you paused, exhaling slowly. You knew L didn't believe in the supernatural or powers or anything like that. It's probably why he always brushed it off whenever B started rambling about numbers. But you couldn't help but be curious...

"Unless they both need a name... and B can just see it."

L's eyes flickered in your direction, not bothering in the slightest to hide his skepticism. Sighing, you tossed some candy into your mouth.

"Don't give me that look. Nothing about this case makes sense."

Finally, something he couldn't contest against. Standing up, you stretched, your limbs cracking and popping. You started gathering your things, preparing to go back to your crappy apartment.

"It's late... you need sleep, you're human too," you gently reminded.

He snorted, munching down on his frozen treat.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"Not funny."

"... Sorry."

L watched after you, clearing his throat.

"Are you sure you want to go back to that place? It's not exactly... sanitary..."

You paused, giving him a playful smirk.

"How do you know it's not sanitary? I could be living in a palace."

He gave you a deadpan expression.

"Basic deduction."

Hm. You opened your mouth to argue, but found the words stuck in your mouth.

"More sanitary than my other places," you laughed dryly.

He hesitated, biting at his thumb.

"You could stay here if you wanted," he offered quietly.

You stopped, watching him carefully.

"Doesn't Watari have the second bedroom?"

He bobbed his head.

"You could have the sofa if you so wish," he tilted his head, "surely the sofa is still better than the entirety of that apartment."

You pursed your lips.

"Hey, don't knock it. I worked hard for it."

It was true. Chasing B and absolutely refusing to ask L for monetary help had led you to become one of the most revered bounty hunters. But then again. That sofa did look inviting. No mold. No cockroaches that made you question what the fuck Mother Nature was thinking. No walls so thin that you were living in a basic audio porno 24/7...

"On second thought-"

He grinned triumphantly, going to get extra sheets from the closet. As he arranged the sofa into a makeshift bed, he said the next sentence SO NONCHALANTLY that you could've sworn you misheard it.

"Oh, by the way, I'm going to introduce myself as L to Kira tomorrow."

"That's ni-... I'm sorry, what did you say? I thought for a second you said you were going to introduce yourself as L to _Kira_."

"Well to be fair, there's still a 9% chance Light Yagami isn't Kira," he smirked to your indignant expression. 

"W-why?!"

Your heart was racing, a metallic taste in your mouth. L clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Actually it's a very strategic move. 1. He won't be able to kill me lest bring himself under suspicion by the task force. 2. If he can't kill me, that supports the theory that Kira also needs a name. 3. If I can get him into the investigation, he's going to be extremely driven to kill B... the one currently destroying his message."

Your nostrils flared, thoughts scrambling. A more logical part of your mind did understand the strategic value.... **_but come on_**!

"I'm coming with you."

"No you're not."

"L. You have literally no field experience!"

He displeasedly chewed on his lip, shaking his head stubbornly. Damn it, he could be difficult. L smoothed the sheets, standing back to admire his work.

"The likelihood that New Kira responds with a tape of his own is 99%. I would like to observe Light's reactions and deny him the chance to respond. Ergo I need him."

"Just be careful... please."

"That's supposed to be my line to you."

You smiled tiredly, rubbing the bridge of your nose worriedly. As he stepped away for his room, you cleared your throat, running your hand across the soft material. Even though it was just a sofa, you hadn't slept in something so soft in years.

"Thank you," you mumbled.

L gave you a smile. It. warmed your chest, making your fingers tingle pleasantly.

"Goodnight, Y/n."

* * *

Your cell rang. As you held it up to your ear, Watari's voice crackled through. 

"Y/n. Mr Soichiro Yagami has sustained a heart attack-"

Your eyes popped, fear racing up your spine.

"-but it's okay. It was due to stress and he's currently recovering in the hospital. In any case, Ryuzaki has asked if you could guard him."

"O-of course," you stuttered, hand already on the door. 

The chief always struck you as an honorable man. While you stood by the window, he watched you and said something. Crap, he said it really fast in Japanese. You chewed your lip, making a mental note that you'd ask L to help you practice. Instead of answering, you just smiled reassuringly.

L came in with Light, the teen's face worried and shocked. Maybe you should've felt bad about his dad, but the _second_ you saw, yoooou didn't like him.

Immaculately groomed. 

An air of superiority.

Every movement purposeful and perfect.

 _Well, Light, you definitely fit Kira' profile_.

He glanced in your direction, tilting his head curiously.

"A, kon'nichiwa. Watashinonamaeha Raitodesu."

 _Oh, fuck, okay. Kon'nichiwa means hello, Raitodesu must be his name, ooooh. Okay. Oh, hi. My name's Light. Jesus, you're rusty_.

Cringing hearing yourself, you clumsily replied, using the alias L had given you.

"You can call me Kage..." the Japanese word for Shadow.

He dipped his head in greeting, eyes glinting. It was just to taunt you, you could tell, but he went comically slow with his words. On one hand, it did help you understand, on the other, Dear God did you want to punch those perfect teeth in.

"So how long have you been working with Ryuzaki?"

You smirked. _Trying to find out information about me thinking it'll lead you to L, hm_?

"A long time," you replied cryptically.

His mouth pursed, but before he could reply, L perched on the chair.

"I take it this satisfies your need to know if I'm L or not?"

Light glared at him, his eyes sliding between the two of you. You could see the gears turning in his head, a tight smile on his lips. His eyes were predatory, sending shivers up and down your spine.

"Yes," he decided with a nod, "it'd be an honor to work with you, Ryuzaki."


	5. Research

_The both of you were 15 at the time. Wammy's was situated at the end of a winding road in a forest really only accessible if you knew where the orphanage was. Ever since that storm, you and L had been spending more and more time together. Of course, as a rule, he tried to leave the manor as little as possible, but once a week Wammy would confiscate all his laptops and demand L be a child for at least an hour._

_"An hour of sunlight, Lawliet! I'm not raising a vampire.You can do an hour."_

_"Wammy!"_

_"YOU'RE NOT SOLVING GORY MURDERS UNTIL YOU SPEND AN HOUR OUTSIDE."_

_L shot daggers with his eyes, but the conversation was over._

_Long story short, the two of you were spending his prison sentence walking around the trails in the woods._

_"I need my computers," he jittered, twitching nervously._

_"Jesus, you're acting like a crackhead," you snorted to his indignant expression._

_But he still looked slightly miserable. Blinking, you grinned coyly. S_ _ighing, you leaned against a tree dramatically. His dark hair fell into his face as he tilted his head._

_"You don't want to reconnect with nature?"  
_

_L smirked. Some other nice things had come from that night, such as lengthy and_ **very** _pleasant make-out sessions. They were mostly innocent and it's not like you were getting knocked up or anything. His slight hunch always made him appear shorter than he was. He straightened a bit so his lips were hovering over the bridge of your nose._

_"I suppose there can be a... silver-lining to missing my murders," he rumbled, capturing your lips._

_Your chest warmed as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. His eyes lidded, framing your face and nipping at your bottom lip. A slight moan caught in the pit of your stomach, tasting sugar and candy on his tongue._

_A branch cracked nearby and the two of you jumped back as if you'd been electrocuted. Technically there was no rule against making out with another orphan, but whatever this... thing... was was still new and tender. Neither of you wanted anyone to know about this 'relationship'._ _L cleared his throat, eyes flicking to the side._

_"Fucking Hell."_

_You followed his gaze, your eyes darkening. Anger speared your stomach as you saw B with the_ _guiltiest expression on his face._

_"That's it! **B! Come back here you little shit**!"_

_He yelped, running into the woods and out of sight, dropping a notepad in the process. Stepping over to it, you flipped through, a shiver going up your spine. Observations about L. Subtle things like the way he put more weight on his left foot and even how apparently L's upper body tensed when he was kissing. There was even an extra note about how it seemed as though L favored tilting his head to the right when kissing. Groaning, you rubbed your temple._

_"I thought Wammy told him to stop researching and working on his fucking disguise. It's creepy!"_

_Even L's face, who had seen some seriously disturbing crime scenes, was twisted in uncomfortableness. He threw up his arms helplessly._

_"You're telling me?! I'm the one under the microscope! Wammy talked to him. B said he'd stop."_

_You pursed your lips but didn't answer._

_The mood thoroughly ruined, and with the feeling of eyes on the back of your necks, the two of you just decided to go to the stream. As you walked, you lowered your voice, casting meaningful glances in L's direction._

_"I'm getting worried about him. He's showing signs of... psychosis..."_

_"You mean his claims that he sees numbers and names?"_

_You nodded, your tongue heavy in your mouth._

_"Hallucinations, disorganized behavior, social isolation, lack of restraint... he's kind of cut himself off from A and he obviously can't stop himself from trying to copy you. I'm not saying it is, just that... we should keep an eye on him."_

_"... he's been cutting himself off from A?"_

_It didn't surprise you he hadn't noticed._ _He was too far off in his world most of the time and it wasn't like B was an open book. You sighed, scratching the back of your neck, not sure if you should say the next sentence._

_"It's not just you though... I have a feeling impersonating you is B's magnum opus or something, but he's a...concerningly... good actor... it's like he wants to be anyone but himself."_

_L didn't respond for what felt like the longest time._

_"B, are you still there? You won't get in trouble... we just wish to talk..."_

_There wasn't an answer._

* * *

B's perspective

I needed to get in on the investigation and find that fucking Kira. As more and more criminals died, I kept going over in my head what lists I was on... if he could somehow kill me... I'd have more problems than just giving L an unsolvable case...

"Shit. A vigilante. Why a vigilante?"

Rem rolled her shoulders uncaringly. My eyes narrowed.

"Sweetie, you're just waiting for me to die... we're going to be stuck to one another for a long time. You might as well talk to me."

"I have nothing to say to you," she rumbled with a slight growl.

Sighing, I smoothed a hand over my face. 

"Well, I don't think L will just let me in on the investigation," I grumbled.

It was hard not to feel miserable. Somewhere, my enemy and my inspiration were together. If I could just get in, I could pretty much do whatever the Hell I wanted. Everything was so close I could almost taste it. Rem stared at me for a beat.

"You're obsessed with this 'wanting to fool her for 24 hours'," she murmured thoughtfully.

I didn't answer right away. 

"I just have to," it came out quieter than I intended, "I need to be L..." 

Moving to my dresser, my eyes went over my assortment of wigs. Of course L was my favorite, but I had all different kinds of wigs and ready to go disguises, from blond to chestnut brown to black... taking one of the wigs, I twirled it. Of course all the hair came straight from the head (scalping really is the most effective method). Although I suppose I shouldn't knock them. Hiding myself in plain sight was one of the ways I'd managed to evade Y/n for so long. In fact, it was the main way... she was scarily good at finding people... Slipping a dark brown wig on and hazel contacts, I adjusted my jacket.

"Come on. I need to restock my jam."

It was getting late, no one on the street... just how I liked it. The street-lamps cast the sidewalks in a bit of an eerie glow, but it didn't phase me... it was better than walking amongst the day crowd. I hated seeing their faces, thousands and names and thousands of deaths right in my line of sight. It was always unsettling. My eyes must've been too cast down, because someone came up from behind, grabbing my arm and dragging me into an alley.

Instinct took over and I whirled, half-expecting to see Y/n.

Two men smirked, sizing me up. One of them had a knife while the other stood behind, blocking my exit. 

"What's a scrawny son a bitch like you doing outside so late? Don't you know there are muggers? Rapists?" Knife-wielder cooed.

My brow quirked.

Was this guy serious?

A shrill laugh escaped my chest. He shifted, obviously not expecting it.

"Aw Sweetie, you think you're big shit?" I purred, "how fucking adorable."

His eyes sparked in rage, swiping his knife upwards.

"You better shut the fuck up!"

"Make me, Big Shit. Unless you're little shit."

He roared. Before he could plunge the knife down, there was the sound of a gun being cocked. All three of us looked to see a young man at the entrance of the alley.

"Freeze! Police!" 

The two men gasped, dropping their knife and running. The policeman chased them, rushing past me. They disappeared around a corner and must've blended into the night. He cursed before jogging back over to me to make sure I was okay, fishing for his ID. 

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, glancing at his name and death date before glancing at his ID... they were different... I froze, my brow furrowed. Taro Matsui... real name Touta Matsuda... interesting... an easy smile crossed my lips. 

It was illegal for the police to show fake IDs, and they weren't at the point where they were breaking their precious code. _So why you, Matsuda_? I quickly scanned him, my actor brain already picking apart what made this guy tick. Well dressed, young, black hair, pale skin for Japanese, seemed a bit like a rookie, twitched nervously and always had his eyes down, probably discouraged and talked down to a lot. Definitely a mama's boy, rule-follower. Yeah, no way this guy would get himself a fake ID if he wasn't told to. Which meant... my eyes widened... could he be working for L?

"Thank you so much! I really thought I was a goner."

It wasn't too hard to believe. In order to keep my body prime as L, I'd had to starve myself, force myself to be skin and bones. Matsuda smiled shyly.

"Oh, no problem! You should be more careful, a lot of dangerous people out on the streets. Are you foreign? Your Japanese is amazing!"

"So true! Yes, I am. Visiting a friend. Please, let me treat you out to dinner as a thank you."

His face went a bright red as he waved a hand. My head tilted. _Note to self: closes eyes when embarrassed. Has a tendency to scratch the back of his neck_.

"That's alright, I'm just glad I could help! Although if you'd like to make a statement with police-"

"Nah, those guys aren't really worth the trouble," I shrugged, making my face friendly, "are you sure I can't treat you?"

"It's not really appropriate-"

"It is where I'm from," I chirped, "come on. I'm a traveler. I like sharing my stories with people. And you, Mr Matsui, look like you have some to share as well."

Matsuda hesitated.

"Well... I suppose I am technically off-duty," he said slowly.

"Great! I have a feeling you and I are going to be good friends."

* * *

"I hate Japanese," you grumbled, tempted to throw the flash cards into the air.

A smile played on L's lips as he leaned back, flipping through the cards.

"Just one more round."

At your 'I want to burn everything right now' expression, he chuckled. Sighing, you relented, listening to his so-flawless-it-was-insulting Japanese.

"Well now you're just showing off," you playfully accused. 

"Am I?" He chirped innocently, eyes sparkling.

You rolled your eyes, swinging upside down on the sofa.

"You really think Light's the guy?"

"I think he's our main suspect. But with him in the investigation now, maybe we can catch B first."

Hm. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. For the past 3 years, everyone had been your enemy. Every person made you suspicious, made you question who you were talking to. There was something on your mind, a guilt that you tried not to pay attention to, but it was difficult.

"L... do you think... do you think this our fault?"

Without looking at you, he kept flipping through his cards.

"We tried to get him to stop multiple times."

"Yeah, but we never really tried to figure out why he was acting out..."

He stopped shuffling, grey eyes meeting yours with a sense of urgency.

"Y/n. You can't blame yourself for his actions."

"But if I'd listened-"

"We were all orphans trying to figure everything out."

Your eyes slid in his direction.

"It always felt you had everything figured out," you admitted quietly, "you were always so driven. You knew exactly what you wanted to be. Maybe that's why he aspired to be you... I think all of us wanted to be you to a degree."

The honesty in the statement surprised even you. You couldn't really say you'd been jealous, but it was hard not to feel like you had something to live up to when the entire world was at L's feet at only 11. 

L stared at you, not moving a muscle. He swayed slightly on the balls of his feet before laughing. That made you sit up immediately, thinking for a second maybe it was B, but... no. You could tell this was actually L. You stared at him in shock, unsure what to do as he covered his mouth, wheezing. You'd heard him laugh before, but this was almost a... sad sound...

"I always admired _you_ ," he chuckled, wiping at his eyes, "you always wanted to be out in the field, investigating in person. Meanwhile, I hid in a dark room for most of my childhood."

Your fingers twitched, a bubbly feeling in the pit of your stomach.

"You mean that? You're note just being nice?"

Moving closer to him, your felt your heart squeeze. He met your eyes, grey sparkling like metal. 

"When have you ever known me to just be nice," he whispered with a wry snort, "I always wanted the courage to visit crime scenes myself. And I don't think I ever thanked you for being my physical proxy to all those locations."

The two of you were sitting so close... he watched you for a second before leaning in, brushing his lips against yours. You gasped, your mind spinning. It had been so long since you'd felt those cool lips, tasted the sugar and coffee on his tongue... his mouth moved along your jaw, leaving light, feathery kisses. Each one made your stomach tighten, a knot forming. 

"L," you sighed.

Hearing his name made both of your bodies buzz. His lips ghosted down your neck, pressing softly against the soft part of your throat. A moan caught in your chest as you ran your hands through his wild hair, pushing through the tangles. His own hands slowly slid up your arms, almost hesitantly. Your mouth fell open when those lips started trailing to the side of your neck, behind your ears. 

"L, I just got the report of crimin-oh!"

L quickly pulled away, clearing his throat. Heat burned up your neck when you saw Watari standing in the doorway, files in hand. He blinked, eyes flickering between the two of you.

"I could come back later-"

"No, it's alright," you said quickly, "the sooner we can catch these two, the better."

L fiddled with his thumbs, obviously trying to hide his disappointment before nodding.

"Yeah. Bring them over."


	6. Come Home With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tag: non-consensual drugging. Also: Suggestive non-con seducing but no rape and certainly nothing graphic. 
> 
> Also also,  
> So because of a certain pandemic right outside, I've been at home with nothing to do for days *laughs a bit insanely*. Maybe because of that, this chapter is much longer than usual. Do you like the longer format, or do you think shorter works better to the story's advantage?  
> Thanks! And stay safe out there!

B's perspective

I offered Matsuda some wine, but he quickly shook his head.

"I can't, it's a work night," he said sheepishly, still looking uncomfortable at having accepted the meal. 

Hm, he was worried about disappointing someone.

"Oof, your boss sounds like a hard-ass," I purred, leaning forward.

In truth, I found him fascinating. I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity... Matsuda snorted, staring at his dinner. 

"You could say that," he chuckled.

"Come on," I goaded, "you saved someone's life tonight. You should be able to celebrate."

Matsuda hesitated, considering until he nodded resignedly.

"You know what? Sure. Why the Hell not."

I smiled agreeably, adding a special little something to his wine.

"You must have a lot of baggage with this boss."

He grinned shyly, not saying anything but instead opting to bring the wine up to his lips. _Note to self: doesn't like talking bad about people. Must be bullied a lot. Refrain from using usual 'Sweetie' terms_.

"But tell me about yourself," he chirped, "a traveler! That must be amazing. How do you like Japan so far? Where else have you been?"

I shrugged, using my knife to cut into my large piece of steak. He kept watching me curiously, eyes wide.

"It's very nice. I've hopped around... let's see... about 50 countries in the last 3 years."

"Whoa," Matsuda breathed, "that's incredible... I'm sure you've seen some awesome stuff."

My lips twitched upwards.

"Things you wouldn't believe. You sound curious about traveling... you don't wish to?"

"Aw, nah. I'm too stupid. I probably wouldn't get five feet before meeting a serial killer."

I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. _Note to self: easily manipulated with kindness_.

"You sell yourself short. You're young. You should be out enjoying life. That's the only the way you're ever going to be successful."

"I don't know about that. I know some pretty young and successful people... with a lot of confidence... who don't really enjoy life. Or at least... oh, man, I don't know... he doesn't seem to enjoy life... people are confusing."

"Sounds like you're talking about someone specific."

Matsuda stared at his wine, his eyes distant. He was swaying a bit, his gaze slightly unfocused.

"It's nothing-"

"You need someone to talk to! We're probably never going to see each other again, who better to unload to?"

He faltered, coming back into himself a bit more. For a second, I saw a deep sadness. Yes. This is what I enjoyed... getting to the meat of the character, cracking them open like an oyster and seeing the deepest, darkest part of their psyches. God, it was hard not to smile! He cleared his throat, massaging the bridge of his nose before giving a drunken giggle.

"Ryuzaki. He's," he chuckled wryly, "this guy I really want to impress... he's the goddamn strangest man you'll ever see, but... there's something special about him. He can mobilize people and get them to do what he wants in a heartbeat. And he never seems bothered by his strangeness. I've spent my entire life trying to be normal and garner approval through my normality, but he just does his own thing and the world falls at his feet."

Ryuzaki... my eyes widened... L. My eyes narrowed. 'Trying to be normal' and seemed extremely... smitten... with 'Ryuzaki'... _internalized homophobia_? Possibly... I tilted my head, shifting to a more subtly sensual position. Yup, Matsuda didn't let it show on his features, but there were definitely dilated pupils. 

"That's a shame," I made my voice low and sultry, eyes flicking his body, "he doesn't deserve you."

Matsuda rubbed his temple, the drug almost definitely working its magic. He smiled tiredly, avoiding my eyes.

"T-thank you... I-I just want him to see me..."

"Why don't you come home with me?" My voice went husky, and I could see him looking confused and spaced-out, "you deserve to be seen. I can show you how you deserve to be treated."

Matsuda shook his head, obviously trying to clear it. Glancing around to make sure no one was in earshot, I leaned in and dropped my voice, settling it into L's register, copying his intonations almost perfectly.

"Come home with me."

The effect was what I was going for. Matsuda scratched at his scalp, bobbing his head.

"Ryuzaki...?"

He was struggling to stay conscious. I could imagine his vision was blurred at this point. My lips curled as I went in for the clincher, sidling closer to him, so close I could see my breath moving the hair around his ear. I murmured in L's voice, so accurate that his brow furrowed in confusion. When I said the next sentence, he shuddered.

"Come home with me, Touta."

He gave a small 'okay' in response.

* * *

Your task was to meet Light in the hotel's lobby and show him up to the room. L was gathered there with the task force, deciding the next course of action. He'd been saying lately how he was getting sick of the hotel room with its limited space and resources, not nearly enough for what he needed. You took as code for 'I don't know what my next move is, and I need to keep Light on his toes... not give him the chance to plan something'. 

So he was building a fucking building.

When Light arrived, you greeted him at the door, escorting him up through the hotel. He watched you closely, his eyes analytical. Shifting, you met them glaringly. Yeah, you didn't like him. The feelings of mistrust since meeting him in the hospital only grew until the alarms were blaring in your mind. He smirked, crossing his arms.

"You didn't really get to see my and Ryuzaki's tennis match, did you? Ryuzaki was a worthy opponent... but I won, of course. He just doesn't seem like the athletic type, does he?"

 _Jesus, in love with the sound of your own voice much_?

"You're right, he doesn't. Just as you don't seem like the silent type, but maybe you can surprise me."

His lips tightened but he huffed.

"I can listen to people," he growled. He paused, the corners of his lips twitching, "so tell me about yourself. How long have you been working for Ryuzaki?"

You gave him a sideways glance. As much as you wanted to tell him to fuck off, L did say half of his investigation required him to be cordial to Light and pretend they were getting close, even becoming 'friends'. You debated on how much information was too much. After all, the best lies are half-truths. 

"I don't work for Ryuzaki. Consider me an associate."

He tilted his head, amber eyes sparking curiously.

"Detective?"

"Of sorts. Here, this is the room."

Stepping inside, L shook Light's hand, giving an obviously fake to you but still convincing smile. 

"Light-kun," he chirped, motioning to the task force members and introducing them with their aliases, "I'm glad you could join us..."

Information was given, the latest reports of criminal deaths and discussion on how to proceed with New Kira as well as discussing the plans for the new building. The task force was gathered around L, their faces deep in concentration. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Matsuda in a chair, massaging his temple. He looked exhausted. His young face was worn, his skin clammy, eyes dark. Overall he looked terrible. Deciding the rest of the group didn't need you (you were having trouble understanding the conversation as it was), you stealthily stepped away. You moved in his direction, keeping your voice low.

"Matsui, you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm good. Just, um," he smiled sheepishly, "I messed up... again... I drank last night."

"On a work night?"

Matsuda avoided your eyes, looking ashamed.

"I'm sorry. It was just... I don't have an excuse."

You looked at him, your heart softening. It reminded you of the orphans whenever they were having problems but were too closed off and nervous to share them. Everyone at that manor seemed to have that problem. You, L, Linda, A, B, it was an expression you knew well. You smiled reassuringly.

"There's some extra coffee in the kitchen. Do you want some?"

"That'd be... nice... thank you," he smiled gently, lines around his eyes.

The 'kitchen' was just a small off-shoot from the rest of the hotel. As you poured the coffee, you heard him trying to insert himself into the conversation. But he'd missed so much that it was obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that he was annoying the others. 

Motioning for him to follow you, the both of you moved out towards the hotel's lobby, sitting next to a window overlooking the crowded street. As he sat down, he pulled a large coat tighter around himself, shivering. 

"Are you feeling sick?" You asked, carefully handing him the cup.

You winced at the tremor in your hand, making you almost spill it. He stared at your shaking hand.

"Never mind me... are you okay?"

"An old injury," L's voice chastising you about missing physical therapy echoed in your brain, "someone I used to know stabbed a knife clean through my hand."

He hissed, wincing.

"Sounds painful... what happened?"

Your foot twitched nervously, trying to push the memory away. The worst day of your life that sent you spiraling and ruined your life for a couple of months. Instead of answering, you gave a tight smile.

"Your problems look more immediate."

 _Translation: I'm not talking about this. Certainly not with someone I barely know_. A shy grin came across his features as he got the message, returning back to his issues.

"I woke up on my living room floor, and I... I don't know. I haven't felt... right... since last night."

"Oh, want to talk about it?"

It was part of your pact with yourself. Once B went off the rails, you'd promised yourself you'd be an ear for people to talk to... someone they could confide in and allow them to not feel so alone... Matsuda hesitated, watching you cautiously.

"Do you actually care or is that just being polite?"

"What makes you think I wouldn't care?"

He didn't answer at first, staring you almost curiously.

"No reason. People do that a lot. Someone has a lot to get off their chest and suddenly... there's no one there. And the people who are there obviously don't care."

Hm. You couldn't contest with that. He sighed, leaning back and looking over the busy street. 

"A whole building... Ryuzaki sure is something..."

"Agreed," it was hard not to feel a blush spreading up your face.

"Do you know if he's... with anyone?"

You nearly spat your coffee back into your cup, the liquid that was going down your throat turning down the wrong pipe and causing you to cough.

"He's..." you watched him. Was Matsuda gay? You had no idea what to call your relationship with L, but you gently smiled, "I can tell you he's straight."

"That obvious, huh?" he beamed weakly.

"A bit," you giggled.

"That's okay. I can tell you like him anyway."

"No!" You almost spilled your drink. He chuckled lightly at your bright red face. Holding up your cup, you snorted, "well then I guess we're both obvious, stupid people."

He gave you a warm expression, clinking his cup against yours. Sighing, you stood up and stretched.

"I'm going to head back in. L was talking about broadcasting a message for New Kira pretending to be Kira," you smirked, "word on the street is that he's going to make Light write the announcement."

Matsuda nodded, starting to gather himself.

"Of course. I'll be up in a minute... thank you..."

Your stomach buzzed pleasantly. Bowing, you stepped away, mind whirring. With anyone... wow... you'd slept with L before and you didn't even know what to call him. You were so deep in though that you didn't notice the dark expression that had crossed Matsuda's face, his lips curled.

* * *

_"Knock them dead," you_ _playfully punched L's arm, trying to push down your sadness._

_He gave a squeak, smiling shyly as he rubbed the spot. Wammy had forced him to dress up for the occasion... to meet potential adoptees. No outsiders were allowed in the manor, so anyone wanting to meet an orphan had to meet them and Wammy at a secondary location, with said orphan using a new alias. Considering you and L were 16, the fact that someone was interested in him was a miracle. You... well... you'd arrived at the orphanage as an infant and... no one had ever shown an interest in adopting._

_L glanced between the limo and you in uncertainty. You could see him hesitating, but you grinned reassuringly. This was good. He might be finding a family._

_So why weren't you happy?_

_You waved goodbye as the limo pulled away._

_Slinking to your room, you buried yourself under your blankets, feeling guilty at the fear and sadness battling in your mind._

_**You're a terrible friend! You should be supportive**!_

**_But he's leaving!_ **

**_So?! Good for him... he's getting a good life... you're being selfish._ **

_Tears stung the corners of your eyes._

_**But I don't want to be alone again**._

_You curled up, letting out strangled sobs. No one had ever shown an interest in you... no one... you don't know how long you were like that until the covers were gently pulled away from your face. You glanced up with tear-stained cheeks, coming_ _face-to-face with L. You blinked, your limbs trembling._

_"Stop it, B."_

_The corners of his lips tugged up as he roughly pulled at his hair. When it didn't budge, you gaped._

_"Not B," he rumbled._

_Your mouth fell open, unable to think or form words._

_"T-they didn't want you?"_

_L rubbed a lip, casting his eyes to the floor. When he finally met your eyes again, they were... tender... you straightened, not used to seeing that emotion on his face. His eyes sparked in a moment of mischief. Pure, chaotic mischief._

_"Well, it's hard to want to adopt when your new teenage charge starts talking avidly and in great detail of the grisly murders he's seen."_

_"You... you sabotaged your own adoption? But... why?!"_

_He sat on the bed next to you, the only time he ever sat normally and stretched out. Almost looking relaxed. L rolled his shoulders, running a hand to tussle his gelled hair._

_"Eh. They were too... apple-pie... for my tastes, anyway. Besides-" he caught your eyes, grey captivating and hypnotic, "you once promised that you wouldn't abandon me. I know I have a streak for hypocrisy, but what good would it do if I abandoned you?"_

_You stared at him, sniffing. There were so many thoughts racing in your brain, you had no idea where to start._

_"B-but you had a chance at a family... a normal life... I don't want to be the reason you miss out on that..."_

_He watched you, his face cryptic. Reaching out, he slowly passed his long thumb across your cheek, swiping away a tear._

_"Y/n... in case you haven't noticed, I'm not really a normal person."_

_You laughed, the sound and your throat strained. The well that had been building up in your chest broke and you buried your face into his chest, crying loudly._

_"I thought I'd lost you," you whimpered, the world swirling._

_L slowly, hesitantly, wrapped his arms around you, seeming unsure if what he was doing was correct. You inhaled his scent, the sweetness that always left you shaking. Smoothing your hair away from your face, his neck craned down, pressing his lips against your temple. In response, you closed your eyes, leaning into his body heat. Twisting your face to meet his, you captured his lips, your heartbeat like a hummingbird. He let out a low, throaty sound, framing your face._

_"We're in this together," he murmured._

_"Together..."_

_The kiss became more heated, his talented tongue working wonders in your mouth, sucking and brushing. Landing horizontally, he paused, his mouth an inch from yours._

_"I um..."_

_"You want to stop?"_

_"Do I want to? No... but it would change everything and it'd be such a new experience and," he scratched the back of his neck, "I... don't have condoms."_

_You watched him for a second._

_"I wouldn't mind changing everything," you smiled, "and I do like new experiences... also, duly note I'm on the pill-"_

_"You are?"_

_"L, you don't know every single minuscule thing about me."_

_"Me not knowing everything. Strange feeling."_

_You laughed, the feeling good in the pit of your stomach. You were still acutely aware of pressed against you he was, his skinny and bony body poking against you. Dragging your fingers up. the sides of his neck, you saw him visibly shudder._

_"So?" Your voice dripped, anticipation stirring in your chest, "do you want to stop?"_

_His eyes scanned yours, a smile that reminded you of warm honey filled his face._

_"I've never been one to quit," he purred, catching your mouth._


	7. A Bounty Hunter

_You were 18 when you were finally able to convince Wammy to let you be L's physical proxy to a crime scene. For a couple of years now, he'd been so adamant that it was too dangerous, that you were too young. In all honesty, even L had been wary of the idea. You made it clear though that with or without L, you wanted to be out in the field, investigating murders... you just wanted to do it as his partner... Eventually, you broke them both down, reminding Wammy that he had given you the skills to survive._

_Stepping into the crime scene, you sucked in a breath. Being in one in person was_ **much** _different than just seeing images. Interpol had asked L to investigate a sadistic killer who'd racked up a bodycount of about 21 people, young, old, women, men, the killer didn't seem to care. One of the police officers stepped in front of you, brow furrowed skeptically._

_"Excuse me, ma'am. I'm going to have to ask you to-"_

_'I represent L," you said automatically, flashing the insignia he'd given you._

_The officer stared at you, stunned, his face white._

_"Y-you seem rather young."_

_"And you seem to be in my way," you quipped smirking._

_In your earpiece, L groaned but it wasn't without its affection._

_"H-have you met L?" The officer breathed in awe._

_"Say no. A lot of my proxies have been attacked..."  
_

_You glanced at the officer, denying having met L. Going around the scene, you took pictures, pretending to be recording your thoughts when in actuality, you were reporting everything directly to L. A lot of it was working on your own... your own ability to identify what you believed could be important to the case. In this way, it was almost like working independently from L... you found the puzzle pieces and he stuck them together._

_Walking out of the crime scene and onto the beautiful streets of Paris, you sighed._

_"So when are you going to actually leave the hotel?"_

_"I see no point. In here, I can focus bet-"_

_"I'm standing next to a pastry shop."  
_

_"Pastries?"_

_"Mhm. I'm smelling macarons, eclairs, croissants, petit fours."_

_"... I'm on my way."_

_With the two of you working it, the case lasted about a week._ _Hm, it was good you hadn't given any information to the cop... it turned out he was the killer. You watched on the monitor as they arrested him, feeling... good..._

_And of course the two of you celebrated._

_You yawned, stretching. The scent of sex hung in the air, and your limbs were exhausted. You kissed his throat, feeling it move contentedly beneath your lips. He was still breathing heavily, the afterglow setting in. Coyly, you took his shirt, slipping it over your head. L watched you, eyes glittering as you crossed the room to his large file of cases, flipping through them._

_"As gruesome as it was, I liked it," you admitted sheepishly._

_L nodded, popping a chocolate into his mouth. You joined him back in bed, taking a moment to watch his face, the moonlight from outside illuminating his features like marble. He flicked on a lamp, leaning his head against a pillow and exposing his long, slender neck._

_"This is your first time outside of London, no?"  
_

_You bobbed your head. Taking the file from you, he gingerly picked around the large stack of cases, tilting his head._

_"You're not homesick?"_

_"For England?" Your lips twitched upwards, "depends on where we're going next."_

_L smiled, sidling closer to you, so close you could smell the chocolate on his breath._

_"Well, their detective L never runs out of cases," his eyes flickered around your lips for a second before leaning in, "you choose the next place."_

_"How about... Austria?"_

_"Oh, excellent choice."_

_You squealed as he wrapped his arms around you, burying his nose into the crook of your shoulder, pulling you back horizontally._

L's perspective

 _Don't do it, man_. And yet, I kept glancing at the security feed set up in Y/n's new apartment. Of course she'd been given her own place in the building, and had accepted, even with the security cameras installed in every area, leaving virtually no blindspots.

Quickly, I snapped my eyes back to Light's room. He'd 'agreed' it was best to stay in the new building. Now it was just a waiting game... something told me I wasn't wrong to suspect him... a flame of protectiveness licked up my chest as I caught my eyes wandering to her again, stretched out across the sofa and enjoying all the small amenities I'd included. When was the last time she'd lived in a nice place, where she could relax? Where she felt safe? A part of me didn't even want to entertain the imaginings of what kinds of areas she'd stayed in. _Don't do it, it's creepy spying on your... um... person_... 

But I didn't look away, resting my chin on my knee. There was a sadness prickling up my stomach... sadness that I couldn't help her when she needed me... that we might've had a normal, healthy... happy... relationship if it wasn't for B.

She was eating breakfast while reading a book. Standing up before leaving for the day, she gave a light wave to the camera. My lips twitched. Of course she found it. I didn't expect anything less.

I didn't even realize that I'd been staring, thumb on lip. 

"Any way I can help?"

Matsuda! I tore my eyes away from her, glaring at him. He looked over my shoulder, tilting his head.

"Is Kage under suspicion too?"

My cheeks burned as I shut off her feed.

"Just reviewing the tapes recorded this morning. She's out right now with Light and Aizawa, taking interviews from the latest heart attack victims' families."

He bobbed his head, beaming.

"Nice. What area?"

"Shinjuku. Kira's first victim had a wife."

Matsuda grinned, sitting next to me.

"That's good to hear. Do you want any help reviewing the tapes?"

Light's perspective

Ryuk wouldn't stop laughing! I glared at him, wishing he'd just _leave_. Aizawa went through his list of my 'victims'' families. Could they even really count as victims if they were all just scum? My eyes made their way back to Kage. She always avoided me when she got the chance... if I could just get some time alone... I could find out her name! Aizawa went to go take a statement from a different criminal's mother, leaving the two of us on the sidewalk. 

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. How could I manipulate her? I needed an opening, something I could pick at. I must've been staring too hard because her eyes snapped in my direction.

Instead of yelling though, she gave a slight smirk.

"Is there a reason you're staring at me?"

"It's hard not to with such a lovely woman," I shot back, tapping into my usual charms.

Her brow arched. Damn. Unconvinced. I could see it all over her face. I can't manipulate without her getting suspicious... how would I even manipulate her? I chuckled, folding my arms.

"If you're not interested in me, may I ask who's the lucky guy?"

She snorted, watching me incredulously.

"You're so full of yourself that it's actually fascinating. Even if you're not Kira, you've got some serious ego problems to work out."

My lips tightened. Okay, so that kind of backfired. Shrugging as if it didn't bother me, I gave her an easy smile.

"You sound pretty convinced that I'm Kira."

Before she could answer, the older woman Aizawa was talking to gasped. The two of us straightened, looking at her worriedly. She was pointing a shaking finger... at Kage. My eyes widened, slowly looking at her. Kage seemed at a loss for words, gaping. The woman's face contorted in rage.

"You!" She cried out, "you're the reason my son was thrown in prison! If it wasn't for you, he'd be free and safe from Kira!"

She snarled, trying to push her way past Aizawa. Kage was frozen, watching in shock. The grieving mother roared, her eyes tearing.

"You had no right! Fucking bounty hunter!"

Kage inhaled sharply. It was subtle... if one wasn't looking for it, they wouldn't have noticed. But my lips curled. A bounty hunter? Working with a private detective... interesting... she looked at me and we made eye-contact. I could see the fear in her pupils... the realization that I was a step closer to figuring out her identity. Her gaze flickered and she cleared her throat.

"Come on," she mumbled, "I guess she doesn't have any useful information on Kira."

The woman was still screaming obscenities until Aizawa had to flash a police badge and she clamped her jaw shut, scurrying back inside. Kage didn't meet my eyes again, already stalking towards the next address. I couldn't help but smile.

"A bounty hunter," I whispered under my breath.

"How interesting," Ryuk commented.

"Indeed."

Your perspective

Fuck, fuck, fuck. If you could've helped it, you would've preferred that Light never find out anything about you. Stepping into the building, you found yourself chewing on your thumb... an unconscious habit you'd picked from L. Cursing under your breath, you sped-walk in L's direction, mind spinning. Okay, so what? So Light knew you were a bounty hunter... he knew L was a detective and he still couldn't figure him out... you exhaled slowly. It wasn't the end of the world... as you got closer to the camera room, you stopped when L bellowed.

" **Matsuda, you idiot!** " L snarled.

You winced, poking your head in the room to see that Matsuda had spilled coffee all over L's white shirt. Matsuda's lip trembled.

"Ryuzaki... I'm so sor-"

"Why don't you take the day off?" L cut off coldly, glaring at him.

Matsuda faltered but ultimately bowed his head, pushing past you. You glanced in L's direction to see him slumped forward, forehead digging into hand. Making your way over, you tilted your head. Gunmetal eyes slid in your direction, but they were cooling off, tired and worn from stress.

"It's never going to come off," he grumbled, "God, it's like he's trying to be the most stupid person I've ever had working under me."

"You sure it's not just stress?" Your brow quirked as you leaned against the table.

He didn't answer at first. Finally, he picked up the script Light had written, meant to address New Kira.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted quietly, "I'm scrambling. You know better than anyone B's not going to fall for this crap..." his voice went quiet, "I don't know what to do."

You chewed your bottom lip. It was true... the idea of B falling for such an obvious trap was laughable. He seemed so... exhausted... when was the last time he'd slept? You didn't even realize you'd been running your fingers through his hair until he looked up at you in surprise. Wow... when was the last time you'd actually touched him? That kiss in the hotel had felt like... its own little bubble... but this felt real... you smiled reassuringly.

"We'll catch them both," you murmured.

He watched you, eyes sparking affectionately.

"Thank you," his voice was low but left your chest squeezing. 

You swallowed heavily, fingers pausing on his scalp.

"Light knows I'm a bounty hunter."

He tensed under your fingers. L raised a finger to his lips, eyes darting. He squeezed his eyes closed, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Okay... okay... I'll have Watari make sure it's impossible for someone to do a background search."

You didn't answer. Watari might do a very thorough job, but the fact of the matter was that you'd spent years traveling to so many countries... what if you were on some list? Some database? What if Watari let just one slip through the cracks and that's the one Light found? You faltered. _Calm down... you don't even know for sure if Light's Kira. He's just the main suspect..._

 _Yeah, but L's main suspect_ , a voice pointedly reminded.

Trying to push it down and focus back on the task at hand, you stepped towards the hallway.

"I'm going to make sure you didn't give Matsuda a heart attack."

He gave a dry laugh. L paused for a second, not saying anything, just... taking you in, his eyes scanning you. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

Matsuda was sitting outside. He blinked, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh, Kage. Hey. If I can be honest," he gave a shy smile, "I was kind of hoping I could talk to you."


	8. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tag: mention of suicide/finding body

_You were 19 when everything started going wrong._

_Returning back to Wammy after 16 months of traveling felt strange. At the door, all the kids excitedly crowded around, asking you a million questions. You gazed over them, confused why you didn't see B..._

_He hadn't come to greet you and when you found him, the 17 year old was curled up in the library, his eyes hollow. Concern worked up your chest as you stood awkwardly next to him._

_"Hey," you said softly, "how's everything?"_

_He didn't respond at first, and then he looked at you. His eyes were brimming and he seemed so... defeated..._

_"I thought L could do anything," he whispered, his throat bobbing, "I... I wanted to be able to do anything... I thought that if I could be L, I could save him..."_

_And then he met your eyes... you shifted, the resentment and bitterness in his gaze making a shiver go up your spine._

_"I tried to warn all of you," he growled, his eyes dark, "no one_ **listened** _to me... not even you! And then you just up and left to fuck off cases around the world... you left me with_ **Roger** _, Y/n... he hates us on a good day! There's no way he'd ever take me seriously!" His upper lip twitched in disgust, "how'd you do it? How did you never fall for my disguise? How was I never good enough as L?"_

_Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth. It was just... something you were able to do... his disguise had never lasted more than 10 minutes... You had no idea how to respond... his lips curled, sending your brow furrowing, prickles of fear working up your spine. He'd always worried you, but through thick and thin you considered him a friend, someone you wanted to protect. The look he was giving now though was chilling._

_"Since the two of you love your fucking cases so much, I'll make one for L he **can't** solve... I'll give him his first failure," there was a slight snarl with every word he spoke, "although I suppose he failed A already... A's death is on your hands."_

_A's... death? What was he talking about?_

_You stared at him, about to ask what he meant when there was a shriek from upstairs. You locked eyes with B, your feet frozen in place. He flinched at the sound, but didn't move... he didn't even look surprised... swallowing, you ran, bounding up the stairs. L was right behind you, his eyes set determinedly._

_Bursting through the door, a scream ripped from your throat._

_A._

_He... he committed suicide..._

_He was only 14 years old..._

_You stood in horror, watching his body swing, his neck broken and his lips blue. L gasped, wrapping his arms around you and quickly pulling you away. Everything was a blur... you were vaguely aware of Wammy and Roger racing past you, barking orders and calling 999. Your entire body felt cold... numb... L framed your face, his eyes wide._

_"Y/n?! Y/n!" But his voice was distant..._

_Your stomach gurgled threateningly. Leaning against him, you threw up onto the carpet, A's face etched into your mind._

_Curling up on the armchair, you had a blanket wrapped around your shoulders._

_It had been a couple of hours since the paramedics came and took away the b-... the body... You buried yourself deeper into the blanket, tears springing to the corners of your eyes._

_L sat next to you, pressing his forehead against yours._

_"I can't believe he's gone," you whispered._

_L nodded, his eyes still shocked._

_"I... I had no idea," he rasped._

_You blinked, looking at him. 'No idea'... but B had the idea. It felt as if he knew exactly when A would die..._

_"Where's B?!"_

_L faltered, eyes darting._

_"I... it's been so crazy. I don't know... I haven't seen him since this morning..."_

_Straightening, you forced yourself out of the chair, hugging the blanket around your shoulders._

_"B?!" You called, jogging through the old manor._

_When there wasn't a response, your chest squeezed in fear._

_"B!" You cried out, the world tipping._

_Throwing open his door, you stumbled, your throat closing on you. His room was empty... all his drawers cleaned out and a note on the bed saying he was leaving... you picked up the note shakily, staring at it._

_**They'll never make it beyond their birthdays**._

_"Oh, God... B..."_

You were eating lunch with Matsuda, but to your surprise, he wasn't eating anything. Over the past two or three days, the two of you had been getting closer and closer to the point where you might consider him a friend. It was strange, the two of you seemed to click almost immediately. Everyone still didn't know what to make of each other... so while the two of you talked, everyone else quietly ate. Every once in a while, you caught L casting not-so-subtly envious looks.

"Are you sure you don't want some of my lunch?" You offered, "I never see you eat."

Truth be told, over the past few days, you'd noticed his weight starting to go down... and you were a bit worried. But Matsuda grinned warmly.

"No thank you!"

For a second, you just watched him, worry eating at your chest. You gave an unsure smile.

"Okay... if you want to talk, though, I'm-"

"What?!" Matsuda snapped, "you think there's something wrong with me?"

The outburst caught you off-guard. You straightened, watching him. It was loud enough to attract the attention of the others. L's eyes flashed protectively, his body tensing as he glanced between the two of you.

"Is there a problem?" There was a slight warning to his voice.

Matsuda faltered, blinking as if just realizing the harshness in his own voice. His gaze flickered, his body deflating. You blinked. Could the mood swings be related to the weight loss? He gave a sheepish smile, rolling his shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I just um... I'm not hungry."

Nodding slightly, you continued eating. 

In the investigation room, you were trying to find a pattern with B's killings... anything that could help find where he was. L had decided to just split up the task force... him, Light, Aizawa and Ukita on Kira and you, Matsuda, Soichiro and Mogi on New Kira. It was an effective system.

Matsuda cleared his throat in uncertainty.

"There's a particularly large cluster of deaths in the Ginza area," he said thoughtfully.

You scratched at your chin. Up until this point, you and L hadn't told the task force about B... he was too clear of a link back to Wammy's... you sighed. As astute as the observation was, it was expensive living in Ginza... it didn't make sense for B to live or even travel there... you scanned through the different districts, narrowing your eyes. 

B loved playing games. He had ever since he was little. Even if he wasn't trying to get caught, he'd throw in clues just to mess with you or L or both... so what was the clue? 

Grumbling to yourself, you checked in on the other half of the team, reviewing prisons and trying to find a pattern of their own. L's face was neutral, but you could tell he was getting frustrated.

That night, you lightly knocked on his door. When he opened it, your heart softened. He seemed so tired. He gave a weary smile, inviting you inside.

"I was thinking," he began, "I don't know what to do about B, but what if we set up bait for Kira... a killer so dangerous and unpredictable that he'll have to try and kill him... and we can somehow use that to catch him."

"Sounds good... but how?"

L opened and closed his mouth.

"That's the part I'm still figuring out," he replied miserably, digging around the fridge for some cheesecake, "how's everything going with B?"

"There's a pattern... I know there is... he wouldn't be able to stop himself even if he wanted to..." you cast your eyes to the floor, "I've never been able to figure it out though..."

Tears stung the corners of your eyes. L paused, fork hanging from his lips. You sat forward, pressing your hands against your forehead, trying to stop your bottom lip from trembling.

"I've never been able to figure it out... for years... I haven't been able to catch him..."

L stepped forward, looking like he wanted to hug but hesitating. Inhaling deeply, you enveloped him. He stiffened in surprise, seeming unsure how to react. Quietly, you buried your face into his shoulder. There was always something soft yet hard about him, a stick-figure that made you want to never let go.

After a few seconds, he returned the hug, slowly stroking your hair.

"I abandoned you," you whispered.

"You did what you had to... I can't fault you for that..."

But there was a waver in his voice that told you he _hadn't_ been fine. You stared at the fuzz on his shirt. Would he ever admit if you'd hurt him like that? But to your surprise, you heard him inhale shakily, his grip on your shoulders tightening. As if to say 'I let you slip away... I'm never letting go again'.

"Y/n," he croaked, "if B slips away again, please... stay. We can figure it out together."

Your fingers trembled, the thought sending your mind spinning. Yes... you'd like that... Craning your neck, your breath caught. In the low light, his pale skin practically glowed, the dark circles under his eyes making the light grey in his irises silver. There was a beat where neither of you moved, the only sound in the apartment being the hum of his fridge. 

Holding your breath, you pressed your lips against his. L blinked, gently running his long fingers through your hair. He sighed into your mouth, the fingers tangling and his tongue slipping into your mouth. The kiss became more heated, soft nipping and his nails digging a bit into your scalp. You wrapped your arms around his neck, angling your face for a deeper connection. L shivered, his fingers dancing up your arms. His thumbs were so calloused after decades of biting at them that they were rough against your skin, borderline hurting. 

Looking at him, your heart skipped. His large eyes had managed to go even wider, his throat bobbing nervously.

"Can I... do you want... I, um..."

"Yeah," you whispered, pressing your forehead against his, "I want you."

* * *

B's perspective

I lounged, licking the jam off my fingers. It really was delicious! There was a knock on the door and my heart fluttered in excitement. Rem wrinkled her nose, not bothering to hide her utter disdain while I answered the door.

"Matsuda," I purred, "I've been waiting for you."

As he lumbered in, I ran my hands through his hair, assessing it. Hm. Soft curls. He leaned into my hand, looking at me with glazed eyes. My lips curled. This really was fun!

"Did you get in with her?"

He nodded.

"She's starting to see me as her friend. I, uh... I had a small outburst today, but nothing serious enough to ruin my standing with her... if anything, she's probably going to dedicate more time to 'helping' me."

He sank to his knees, looking up at me, cocoa brown eyes eager to please.

"Am I doing good?"

Aw. How adorable. Passing my hand comfortingly across his scalp, he visibly shuddered.

"Sweetie, you're doing fantastic..."

He really was... ah, parting would be such sweet sorrow. Matsuda fell to his knees, dipping his head into a deep bow, his entire being trembling with the compliment. Yes, a shame indeed. I moved to my death note, looking at his page, flashing a warning glare at Rem. The bitch better not have lied to me...

"And the longest I can possibly have him is 23 days?"

She quietly bobbed her head.

I chewed the inside of my cheek. Damn. I only had 12 left with him. So much to do, so little time. 

_Touta Matsuda, May 16 2:01 pm. Accidental death. For the remainder of his life, he unquestioningly and adoringly serves and follows the orders of this death note's owner_. 

Snapping the book closed, I turned my attention back to him.

"Tell me L's next steps. Does he have a suspect for Kira yet?"

"Light Yagami."

Light Yagami... if I could just see his face... no, if he were to die just after joining the task force, L might get suspicious... Y/n would definitely be so. It was all a balancing act of timing. Using Matsuda to get a good profile on Y/n and L, see how they'e changed over the years... I had to assume my usual L disguise would have some failings, after all. And I still had to figure out the best time to switch myself in L's position. And the building's security. Hell... what was I even going to do with L? I sighed. Yup. So much to do. Motioning to Matsuda, I leaned against a wall. 

"Walk normally from here to the kitchen and back. I want to see your gait."

I was still on the fence on whether or not I'd have to disguise myself as Matsuda. There were still so many factors and unknown variables... But every actor must do extensive research before even considering taking a role... and time was running out. He didn't even hesitate to do as told. God, I loved this book. I inspected the way he carried himself, internalizing it and storing it for possible future use.

"Act how you normally would when angry. Hold it for about five minutes."

I held out my recorder, taping how he sounded when he was angry, the inflections in his voice and how he moved. I brought the recorder close to my mouth.

"Note to self... temple twitches when angry. Practice making the vein pop."

After 5 minutes, he hesitated to see if I was pleased. Nodding, satisfied, I pulled out a new recorder.

"Same thing for sad. And then I want you to help me further develop character profiles of the rest of the task force."

When he was finished being sad, he swayed on his feet, looking drained and exhausted. Stepping up to him, I closed the distance between us, sensing there was something he wanted, but didn't have the courage nor incentive to ask.

"Is there something you want to say? I give you permission."

Matsuda faltered.

"I'm hungry," he whimpered.

"No," I snapped a little harsher than I intended. He flinched, avoiding my eyes. 

Sighing, I forced my voice to be sweet again, make him look at me lovingly.

"No, Sweetie," I cooed, "if I have to become you, I need you to get as close to my weight as possible, not the other way around."

Matsuda shifted but nodded understandingly. Admittedly, I could see him starving himself was starting to take a toll. He looked clammy and overall unfocused... but it was necessary. Matsuda met my eyes nervously, his voice shaky yet hopeful.

"Can you... can you do the voice again?"

Easily slipping into L's register, I smirked.

"You mean this one?"

He nodded and I chuckled, patting his cheek. It was cute in its own, sad, pathetic way.

"Alright, Matsuda. Help me with the profiles. Then you can go home."


	9. Subconscious

L led you backwards until the bed met your back, so soft that you were sinking into it. Every touch and kiss sent fire up your skin, your eyes glazing over and getting lost in the sensations. A moan caught in your chest when he nibbled on the dip of your collarbone, his talented tongue drawing patterns. You leaned your head on the pillow, panting a bit.

"Fuck, L," you squeaked, his teeth dragging lightly, "oh, God."

Hearing your voice after so long, dripping with lust made him grind against you, still infuriatingly clothed. You bucked your hips against his, feeling the way he shivered and groaned.

"Lawliet."

He moaned into your neck, the sound vibrating. You needed him inside of you. Attaching your nails to his shoulders, you gripped him through the soft, white fabric. You licked at his lips pleadingly, passing your tongue over small cuts and wounds. With your silent demand, he leaned back, slipping his shirt off to reveal his lank, languid body, every movement sending his muscles rippling.

You dragged your fingertips up and down his chest, loving how the goosebumps pushed back against your pads.

"Y/n," he breathed, looking down at you, his pupils blown black.

Slowly, you rode up your own shirt. His breath audibly caught, his long fingers dancing up your abdomen. You arched your back into the exploring digits, every glide sending adrenaline through your arms.

"I've missed you," you admitted, your voice strained.

He leaned down, nuzzling the crook of your shoulder, nodding into it.

"I've missed you too," he breathed, agonizingly slowly reaching to the back of your bra and undoing the clasp. 

The cold air hit your nipples. You bit down on your lip, squirming needle beneath him. He craned his neck downwards, his tongue darting across your nipple. You gasped, unable to form coherent thought as he took the bud in his mouth, rolling his teeth over it. Your nails dug in, surely leaving marks, but he didn't seem to mind. 

While he sucked on it, abusing and licking at your nipple, his hand slid beneath your waistband, delicate finger rubbing your folds and making you cry out in pleasure.

"L," you pleaded, gyrating your hips, trying to sink those fingers as deep as possible. 

He curled one along your wall, making your body burn, the hairs on your skin standing straight. 

"More," you begged quietly, your voice a slight whine.

He smiled into your skin, adding another finger and then a third. Each pump and twist made you throw your head against the pillow, mouth open. There was a tight knot forming in your stomach, each move making it tighter and hotter until it burst. 

With a cry, an orgasm shook your body, leaving your limbs trembling. 

Seeing your features screwed in pleasure, L sucked on your neck, needily digging his fingers into your hips. 

"Pants," you commanded.

He gave a husky sound in response, slipping down your pants, ghosting over your underwear before pulling that down too. It was a maddening sensation of cold from the bedsheets, but warm from him, sending your body into limbo. Making eye contact with him, you slid down, teasingly undoing his jeans.

L's lips twitched, his fingers tangling through your hair. Taking the zipper in-between your teeth, you were about to drag it down when his hand steadied your head, something changing in his demeanor.

"Wait."

You immediately stopped, facing him curiously. His face was cryptic, his brain obviously trying to hang on to his last shred of methodical calculation.

"You haven't been to therapy in a long time."

You bristled, instantly wanting to change the subject, but trapped under his spotlight gaze.

"I haven't had a night terror in a little over a year," you defended, the heat rising up your cheeks.

But his eyes darted, looking as if he was just realizing what was happening.

"I can't fall asleep next to you," he murmured more to himself than you.

Your lip quivered, understanding what he meant. Why. That night flashed in your memory, the ugly purple bruises around his neck and his terrified eyes. The way he curled up and tried to shut himself off and away from the world... the night you were so horrified at yourself... the fact that you'd almost killed the man you loved... that you left...

"Of course we'll stop, but L... I-I'm better now."

"Are you?" There was a sharpness to his tone that made the two of you wince. 

L inhaled shakily. You faltered. Y-yes! The last time you did anything in your sleep was 2 years ago... you were fine! Everything was...

"I'm sorry," your voice cracked.

"It's not your fault," you knew on a level he believed that. But on another, it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. L picked at his knee, the lithe muscles in his upper body still tense, "I still can't fall asleep," he mumbled.

Your throat bobbed. Gathering your bra and shirt, you cleared your voice, trying to keep the waver out.

"I know I have to work for your trust-"

"I trust you," he said, meeting your eyes seriously, "I... I trust _you_... _you_ would never hurt me, but..." he rolled his shoulders, "I don't trust your subconscious. A subconscious is such a deceptive and... tricky thing... it does what you don't want it to."

"... yeah," you rasped, forcing a smile. 

L bit at his thumb, resting his cheek on his knees while he watched you. Not sure what else to say and desperately wanting to hide, you bade him goodnight, disappearing for your room. The floor felt cold under your feet. 

There was a pressure building in your chest, uncomfortable and distracting. Curling up on the sofa, you stared at the sleek fabric. 

"I don't know what to do, Naomi," you whispered to no one in particular.

The answer was clear; get therapy and work to better yourself. That should've been the answer, and you should've been on-board with it. But every time you thought about B, there was a stirring anger in the pit of your stomach, a white, hot feeling you couldn't shake... L was right... you were obsessed... your eyes welled, but you squeezed them shut, trying to push it all down... you'd been doing a lot of that...

You held your eyes closed for what felt like the longest time, somehow managing to fall asleep, the memories swirling in your brain and absolutely drowning you.

_For a few months, nothing happened... you turned 20 could almost delude yourself into believing B had just left, that he wouldn't come back._

_And then... murders... in Los Angeles... you chuckled sardonically. You got it. L... A... **Clever, B**._

_You stared at the case file in your hand, forcing your grip to be steady. A part of you knew for so long now that B had the potential to be a dangerous person, but to actually see the news reports... you met L's eyes, and you could even say he looked as regretful as you felt._

_"I guess we're going to LA," he laughed humorlessly._

_Stepping into the crime scene, you bit your tongue to stop from feeling sick._

_A 13 year old girl... he'd brutally murdered a child... you stared at the scene for a second, ignoring L's voice in your ear to urge you forward._

_You never thought he'd be capable of... of **this**... utterly deranged. B was insane._

_Someone cleared her throat and you started._

_A woman in her twenties with long black hair and sharp dark eyes. An FBI agent. She was standing over the body, looking over at you curiously... even though she wasn't much older than you, she flashed a warm smile that made you feel... safe... You faltered, bringing yourself back into the room, flashing your insignia and your alias._

_"Hello," you greeted, "my name's Sybil, and I'll be L's proxy. If there are any questions or complaints, I suggest you take them up with Watari."_

_She blinked, dipping her head respectfully._

_"Sybil? I thought your name was Minerva."_

_Minerva...? That was your alias for the last case. The whole point of being L's proxy was to be an untraceable link. You got your kick of adrenaline all the while staying safe and ensuring no one could use said proxy to get to the orphanage or L or Wammy. Besides, everyone always had their attention on L, the big, mysterious detective. People liked narratives like that. No one gave the person collecting the evidence too much of a thought... and that's how you liked it._

_She chuckled at your expression._

_"I follow L's cases very closely. I still can't figure out who you are, just that you're the person who always shows up to the crime scene."_

_Hm. Someone did their homework. You watched her, not sure how you felt about this new development._

_"Naomi Misora," she clarified, her eyes twinkling, "I look forward to working with you."_

_You bristled. If you'd learned anything, it was that law enforcement only slowed the investigation. You waved flippantly._

_"It's alright. We have Interpol's consent to take over the investigation. You're relieved of duty."_

_She frowned, crossing her arms. Rolling her shoulders, you noticed with a hint of annoyance that she still hadn't moved. Her colleagues had already cleared out the second you proved who you were with._

_"I said you're relieved of duty, Miss Misora," you growled a bit pointedly._

_Her brow arched._

_"Someone got on your bad side."_

_**A 13 year old girl and constantly making me feel guilty? You're fucking right someone got on my bad side**. Ignoring your scathing expression, she kneeled over the small body again._

_"If it's an order, I suppose I'll have no choice. But surely two heads searching for clues is better than one?"_

_You stood there, debating. L was asking what was going on, but you didn't answer. Making a last-minute decision, you crouched next to B's victim._

_"Don't get in my way."_

_"That would be counter-intuitive," she beamed serenely._

* * *

_"To the bride to be!" You declared, a heavy slur to your words._

_After about a month of working on the case, you and Naomi had your first night off. She took a swig of her beer, looking out over the high rooftop and the bustling city. Technically, in America you were still a minor, but after having lived in England for so long, '21' felt like such an old age. She laughed drunkenly._

_"Here comes the bride, na na na," she snorted._

_Last night, Raye had proposed to Naomi. She was still a bit in shock, but the two of you were celebrating. Stepping up to the roof's edge, she screamed at the top of her lungs._

_"I'M GETTING MARRIED. WHOO."_

_You giggled, taking another swig of your beer._

_"Get away from the edge before your dumb ass falls," you chuckled._

_She playfully stuck her tongue out, but came back._

_"I'm so happy," she sighed dreamily, "I'm going to be a badass bride. I'm going to go ya! And_ _badaa!" She lazily kicked upwards and your nose crinkled with laughter._

_"In another world, you'd be good at Capoeira."_

_She cocked her head._

_"You know Capoeira? I'm good at jujitsu."_

_"No shit! Yeah, I-I learned it at the_ _orph... um, the place I grew up. C'mhere. I'll give you a lesson," you slurred._

_Surprise, two drunk people trying to teach each other martial arts didn't exactly play out well. The two of you collapsed after a while, laughing and almost shattering one of the empty beer bottles. You simply sat there, staring at the night sky until she spoke up and a chill went up your spine._

_"You know the killer."_

_Struggling to a sitting position, you watched her. She gazed back at you, her face trying to decide if she was right. You laughed in uncertainty._

_"What, what makes you think that?"_

_She shrugged._

_"Aside from the fact you pick up on the killer's hints alarmingly quickly, you seem a-affected by the crimes. I'd think L's proxy would be more... more, m-sanitized to it. You didn't show such strong emotions when looking at pictures from other cases."  
_

_Your mouth felt dry._

_"Huh. I guess I'm not as good at hiding my emotions as..." you trailed off, staring at the inky black sky, wishing you could see stars._

_There was a beat where neither said anything, until Naomi wrung her hands._

_"I want kids," she whispered, "I want a husband, and a house, and kids, and grandkids," she laughed again, her nose crinkling, "I'm going to marry Raye..."_

_Her eyes twinkled with a certain excitement. You watched her affectionately._

_"I'm glad you're happy," you said earnestly._

_"I am," she replied gently._

_The next morning, you could feel your head pounding. But L was crouched next to you, his weight making the bed sink in, his large eyes boring into your own. He was poking your forehead incessantly. You blinked, shooting him a playful glare._

_"Sleep," you murmured._

_"No sleep. We might've found B. In fact, I'm 84% sure."_

_You were instantly awake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is pretty much exclusively backstory :)


	10. Who?

_"You don't have to go," L said in a soft voice._

_You gave a gentle smile, checking your gun._

_"Yes. I do. I have the ability and incentive to go after him."  
_

_"So does the FBI," he pleaded._

_You paused, looking at him._

_"L... I'm not just going to use these people as pawns to do what I can. This isn't a game. Besides... I have to do this. I can't just sit by while they find and take him in... this isn't like our other cases."_

_His lips pursed, but he didn't answer. Stepping towards him, you gently kissed him, his lips soft against yours._

_"I promise I'll be careful," you whispered._

_An old, abandoned factory with different exits and twisting turns... a nightmare for anyone trying to find someone._

_So nightmarish that if you and the team of agents split up in teams of 3 to sweep the various areas... a part of your mind was thinking... hoping... you could get through to B. To the little kid you'd grown up with since he arrived to the orphanage only a couple of days old. Another part of yourself knew it was naive thinking, but... you couldn't make yourself care._

_You just had to see him... rounding a corner into a room, you gasped.  
_

_He was so quick that at first you didn't know if it had happened._

_B sliced the throats of your team members in succession, wearing black clothing to blend in with his surroundings. They fell to the floor, instantly dead._

_Your eyes popped._

_It was a white, hot pain unlike anything you'd ever experienced._

_You clung to your abdomen, crying out. Warm blood gushed over your hands, trailing down and pooling on the floor. You were breathing heavily, your vision blurring. There was a metallic taste in your mouth as you slumped to the ground. You gun clattered to the floor. Before you could reach it, B kicked it across the floor._

_He smirked over you, brandishing a long knife... slick with blood. Over the earpiece, you could_ _hear L yelling. You choked, blood rising up and escaping your mouth. It dribbled down your chin, making it impossible to talk. But you managed to gurgle out,_

_"B... stop this..."_

_B snarled, twirling his knife._

_"Don't call me B. I'm the new L," he barked._

_You could hear L asking something frantically, talking on different frequencies, but you couldn't make out his words. He stood over you, using the knife to slice the wire connecting you to the rest of the team._

_It was much more quiet than you would've imagined. Your eyes fluttered, the blood leaking down your sides. One could even say it was peaceful. Y_ _ou shuddered, the silence making tears press the back of your eyes. In a way, it was more deafening, just allowing your horror to pound and dominate your thoughts. Somehow you managed to laugh, a barking sound._

_"You'll never be L," you rasped, "you always failed... such a pathetic failure."_

_His eyes blazed in unbridled fury._

_"Call me L!" He commanded._

_You looked at his face, lip quivering. He was a master of disguise, looking almost identical to L. Even his voice could be mistaken for his, that low register making you tremble. Large, grey eyes were wide with giddiness as he held the knife over your chest, licking his lips in anticipation. Grabbing your hair, he forced your head up. You squeaked a decidedly unheroic sound, shaking in his grip._

_"I am L," he hissed venomously._

_When you didn't respond, he growled. Just desperate at this point, you swung a fist. But you were so drained. B snorted and stabbed his knife clean through your hand, viciously pulling it out. You screamed, a hole in your hand and blood running down your arm. Your body started to convulse, but he stomped a foot onto your chest._

_"That wasn't very smart now, was it?" He trilled._

_B sank his blade into your sternum. You shrieked, staring up at his face, the pain drowning you, searing your limbs in fire. The shriek must've been enough because the two of you heard heavy footsteps. He cursed under his breath, looking for a way out. When he realized there wasn't one, he slowly turned his gaze back to you._

_So much blood... soaking your clothing, covering the floor and caking in your hair..._

_It was your natural reaction to sob. Tears forced their way down your face, your brain locking in a mind-numbing terror. He glared at you, threatening to slice you fatally, poising it directly above your throat._

_"Please, don't kill me," you croaked._

_"'Please don't kill me', **who**?"_

_Your eyes misted. He pressed it just deep enough for a trickle of blood. Your throat_ _closed on you, a primal fear clawing up your throat._

_"Please don't kill me, L."_

_B smiled._

_Naomi burst in through the door with a war cry, her gun pointed._

_"Target found! "Comrade down! I repeat, comrade down! We need an ambulance..."_

_B flinched, his body shaking. He locked eyes with you... and all you saw was absolute acceptance and bloodlust. He knew this was it for him, and his gaze told you that he was taking you down with him. B reared up, the knife directly above your throat._

_"Drop the weapon! I'll have no choice but to shoot!" Naomi barked._

_His limbs trembled, but he didn't stop his motions._

_"I SAID FREEZE."_

_Her eyes widened though, the gun slipping from her grasp. B stopped the knife an inch away from your windpipe, watching Naomi with large, confused eyes. Her hands slowly went to her chest. She choked, clawing at her heart like she was trying to rip something out. B stared on in a quiet shock while she collapsed, her eyes wide and unblinking._

_"NAOMI!"  
_

_You wanted to rush to her, but everything was fuzzy. At this point, you couldn't feel anything... it was like all the emotion was sucked out. B's eyes were trained on her, as if she'd suddenly pick herself back up. There was more yelling in the distance. He faltered, looking at you._

_For just a moment, it was quiet. And you could almost see the kid you cared about. B's eyes went to his knife, traveling along your body, darting as if you were toxic. He gave a slightly... panicked... sound. Stumbling away from you, the blade fell out of his hand._

_Without saying anything, he ran._

_"B," you called weakly._

_The world spun until you'd dipped into unconsciousness._

* * *

L's perspective

I stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself. Every part of me wanted to be with her... God, did I want to... feeling her warm soft body, her pulse fluttering wildly. It sparked a myriad of old feelings in my chest. And I thought I was ready! 

But she was hurting because of B. Because of... me... 

And because of that hurt, she'd once almost killed me. And now I was scared of her. Hm, we were scared of each other. I laughed to myself, my body heaving. This was all so fucked up.

I poked at my hair, slowly dragging my finger along my features. I hadn't experienced the depersonalization in years... but having her teeth grazing my abdomen, her fingers dragging along it body... it brought back the admittedly terrifying out-of-my-own body experience... I was arrogant, I saw everything as a game. Willing to sacrifice people for the investigation. Cold. Intelligent. Detached... my face fell. The reflection copied me, but it felt surreal questioning if I was staring at myself or not.

Was I really like B? 

N-no. I couldn't be. But then again... if I wasn't like him, then how could he imitate me so perfectly? Growing up, whenever I saw him in his disguise, it was so eerie. Like looking into a funhouse mirror. 

"I'm nothing like B," I snarled at the mirror.

My reflection met my eyes almost tauntingly.

 _Why can't you just admit to yourself that you scare her_?

It was true... I remembered the absolute terror on her face... That day in the hospital rose up in my brain. Every time I thought about it, it made me sick to my stomach, an acrid taste filling my mouth. If I was really nothing like B, then why was her subconscious always wary around me?

"I'm me," I hissed at my reflection.

 _Yes, but what if he's you too_?

My lip trembled as I roared, punching the mirror. The glass shattered, reflecting my face a hundred times. They all seemed to laugh at me, and I couldn't tell which ones were me and which ones were him. They all left me feeling small.

"You're all me!" I screamed at them, "you're all... **I'm not him**! H-he's not... we're--"

Blood trickled down my fist, dripping onto the counter and staining the white sink. I leaned against it, the stinging pain actually welcome as the memories flooded my synapses. 

_I was sitting by her bedside, trying to focus on my laptop. It was impossible, just a useless attempt at a distraction. She came into the hospital with three wounds... her abdomen, sternum and hand. And I... I had the_ _**privilege** of seeing her before they wheeled her into surgery... her tattered, broken body... my lunch threatened to come up on me and I quickly snapped my laptop closed. _

_She moaned, her brow furrowing. I scooted forward anxiously. The doctor said she'd be doped on pain medication and a million other things, but seeing the confused, almost vacant look in her eyes made my hands wring._

_"Hey," I whispered._

_Her eyes slid in my direction, unfocused. Fuck, I wasn't good at this stuff..._

_"I, um... B escaped the factory. He's at large, but we're..."_

_Shit, what was I doing? There was no way she'd want to hear about him right after waking up!_

_Y/n simply looked on, her eyes flickering._

_"A-are you tired?" **Dumbass, of course she is**!_

_She shifted, seeming to want a blanket which had gone out of alignment. I moved forward to put the blanket in a more comfortable position._

_My fingers brushed her wrist._

_Her eyes snapped in my direction, her pupils constricted in fear. She let out a scream, her chest heaving._

_"Please don't hurt me," she gasped._

_Her body shook, tears forming in the corners of her eyes._

_"Please, L, don't hurt me. Don't hurt-"_

_"Wha... Y/n! Y/n, it's me! Not B! I-I'd never hurt-"_

_She thrashed against the bed, crying out._

_I slammed the button for the nurses, practically falling out of my chair as I scrambled away from her. She met my eyes, wild and terrified._

_"Help! Somebody! Naomi!"_

_Nurses bustled in, ushering me out and sedating her._

_I stood dejectedly in the hallway, watching through the window. She was curled up, letting out high pitched whines and hugging her pillow until the sedation kicked in and she fell asleep. Everything felt... cold... I couldn't move... the nurse came out to talk to me, clearing her throat._

_"It's probably best if you stay away until she's not on the medication anymore."_

_I didn't say anything. Her face softened._

_"It's just the medication, shock and trauma."_

_I wanted to believe her, but I knew better._

_That this would only get worse before it got better. If it ever got better._

_She wrung her fingers regretfully._

_"Mr. Ryuzaki, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

_Leave... I couldn't help her? I couldn't..._

_She was scared of me._

_The realization made me feel sick._

_She just equated me to B... but she called me L... My eyes went to my hands, shaking._

_"... Who am I?" My voice was small._

_Turning away from the nurse, I threw up._

I took a step away from the toilet, wiping at my mouth, now desperately needing something sweet. Rolling my shoulders, I stepped up to the intercom, slipping on the mask that could hide myself so well. I faltered... kind of like B's mask... being careful to keep the emotions out of my voice, I called Watari.

"Please bring up some medical supplies. I accidentally hurt my hand."


	11. Frozen Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags: sleep paralysis (if you don't know what that is, I explained it in an end-note) 
> 
> A mention of potential self-harm but I'm not planning on having self-harm in the story.

L's perspective

I was in bed, staring at the ceiling. My bandaged hand was _itching,_ but of course I knew better than to scratch at it. Hm, I really thought I'd kicked this depersonalization issue, but there I was, feeling like I was swirling above my body rather than being in it... seeing myself in third person. Grumbling to myself, I tried falling asleep. I needed it, I'd already been a couple of days without it. I knew the limitations of my body, and I was already quickly reaching it. For a while, it worked and everything was peaceful, but I started waking up... hearing something that made my blood run cold...

"Law-liet," a voice sing-sang, low and taunting.

My eyes flew open and a gasp caught in my throat. B... Beyond... was standing in the corner of the room, staring at me, his lips curled. His edges were blurred, making him look more like a smoky demon in the darkness. A cold sweat broke out over my features as I realized I couldn't move! The only thing that did were my eyes... they darted, fear clouding my vision. B crept closer, his irises glowing a menacing red.

"I'm going to kill her," he trilled, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "the last thing she'll ever see is her lover's face while he brutally destroys her."

I managed to whimper, but my jaw was firmly closed. He crawled on top of me, moving agonizingly slowly, his limbs almost unnatural. Horror choked my throat as he crouched, the balls of his feet perched on my chest. It was a heavy weight that sucked the breath out of my lungs. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears, the terror shooting up my brain. He leaned down, his face a few inches from mine... oh, God, all I could see were those red eyes, absolutely washing my vision.

 _It's happening again. Eyes! Eyes! **Close your eyes**_!

I did, squeezing them shut so tight that they. B kept taunting me, telling me all of things he'd do to Y/n. How he'd disembowel her, rip her apart, shred her to pieces, each sentence going into greater, excruciating detail... it was almost worse with my eyes closed, allowing my mind to imagine it. To _see_ it. But I still held my eyes firmly closed. After a while, his voice faded away and the weight lifted. My fingers were able to move... I slowly sat up, my chest heaving. Wringing my hands, I called Watari and asked him to bring up some soothing tea.

He stared at me in my disheveled state, his eyes soft, the steam still rising from the tea in his hands.

"L, it's four in the morning... three hours ago I had to bandage your hand... what's happening?"

I didn't say anything at first, but took the tea he offered. He was still staring at me expectantly so I sighed.

"The sleep paralysis is kicking up again. The depersonalization in kicking up again... everything's kicking up again."

Watari's eyes flashed in alarm. I ignored the look, sinking into the bed and delicately sipping the tea. My nose crinkled when I realized he'd skimped out on the sugar, barely any. But I guess that was to be expected. Watari cleared his throat.

"Do you want to be monitored in case of another episode? Do you want me to get Y/n?"

"No!" My eyes snapped in his direction, my limbs trembling, "I don't want her to know about the sleep paralysis." I winced hearing the note of panic in my voice.

His gaze faltered, concern bleeding through his expression.

"L. She'll understand. She can help-"

"I don't want her to know," I whispered, "Quillish, please... please don't tell her."

His jaw tightened. 

"W-why not?! L, the two of you need each other!"

"This is simply a fluke. As the expression goes, you're making a mountain out of a mole-hill. The sleep paralysis will go away like it did before and everything will be fine. Everything... everything will be fine."

Watari was floored, watching me in disbelief. Hearing myself say it out loud, I knew there were so many flaws with that line of thinking, but I couldn't make myself think otherwise... I hung my head, avoiding his eyes.

Watari huffed, crossing his arms, "So what? Are you going to keep avoiding sleep? L, you're already an insomniac as it is. Forfeiting any _more_ crosses the line into _danger_. Your health, your sanity, you're risking it."

I hesitated, knowing at some level that he was right. 

"I'll be fine... thank you for the tea."

Watari's perspective

A vein popped in my temple. **_Fine_**? _Jesus, these two. I blame you two for my white as Hell hair_. But he had pulled his laptop onto the bed, his mind already made up that he wouldn't even try falling asleep. That he wouldn't consider telling Y/n. _He's playing a dangerous game_. Especially with the Kira Case... he needed to stay focused. L had to minimize the dangers of mistakes. 

"You already haven't slept in three days," I reminded pointedly.

"Don't concern yourself. I will sleep."

Liar. 

"You may go," he dismissed without looking at me.

"Don't spiral," I warned, "I was able to keep you from spiraling the first time... but that's because you _asked_ for help."

He didn't say anything. 

_I was dusting the mantle. L was spread out on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. His eyes were always glassy lately. Ever since he visited her in the hospital. Of course he never told me what had happened, but based on how they were treating each other, I could tell it must've been terrible for both ends. Y/n had come back from the hospital a few days ago. She couldn't be in the same room as him without having a panic attack. The first time it happened, I could see the guilt on her face, the self-loathing. I could tell it was taking a toll on both of them, trying to move on but unable to use the person they'd always relied on. Y/n was in therapy, but it wasn't helping. It just seemed as if her condition was getting worse and worse... I suspected a part of that was knowing that B was still out there, somewhere. A shadow our people couldn't seem to catch._

_B... Inhaling deeply, I steeled myself. I lost one child... I refused to lose 2 more._

_"What are you doing?" I inquired, gazing at the calculative expression on L's face._

_It was one of deep pondering, his eyes so trained on the ceiling that I thought it might warp. His brain was always a mystery to me._

_"I'm having a philosophical debate with myself."_

_"Oh? What about?"_

_"... if your face is indistinguishable from another's, to the point where no one knows who they're talking to... is that face really yours?"_

_My hand froze, watching him cautiously. He sounded nonchalant, as if the thought didn't bother him._

_"Yes. Because you were born with that face. Anyone else who takes it is just a thief."_

_"Hm. But once a thief has something and gets away with it, that object is then theirs. B stole it and it has not been returned. Therefore, my face belongs to B."_

_I didn't know how to respond to that. Maybe just to keep up appearances, I continued cleaning the room until my brain somehow formulated an answer._

_"But he hasn't stolen your face, just the image of it. A replica of the Mona Lisa doesn't suddenly become the Mona Lisa."_

_L tilted his head with the new perspective._

_"I suppose. But if I were to change my face, completely erase and pull it from my skull-"_

_Panic almost shivered up my system._

_"L-"_

_"Mere speculation. But if I were to do that, would his image then become my face? If you were to destroy the real Mona Lisa and leave nothing but the copy, would that then become the Mona Lisa?"_

_"Irrelevant."_

_"It's not-"_

_"Yes, L," I said sharply, wincing at may own tone, "it is irrelevant. Because you're not destroying your face."_

_"And why shouldn't I?" He asked calmly, his eyes capturing mine._

_"Because it's yours. And if you destroy it, then B wins."_

_"Quillish, the woman I love is terrified of me," he said it so casually that for a second I thought I'd misheard._

_My mouth gaped, my brain at a loss. He used the word 'love'? I never thought I'd hear him say it..._ _His eyes went distant, sounding more like he was talking to himself than to me._

_"There's something I've been keeping from you... I've been having... sleep paralysis..." Now he looked at me and I could see a hint of desperation in his eyes, "my tiredness has gotten worse. I burnt myself, snapped at the kids, I can't focus on my cases no matter how hard I try. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I want to claw my skin off... I want to slice at it and hack it to pieces and tear out my hair," he shuddered, "and I'm so tired I don't think I can stop and think rationally about it... Quillish... put me on self-harm watch."_

* * *

Stepping into the investigation room, you faltered, seeing L's hand bandaged. He adverted his gaze, slipping his long sleeve over it, continuing to type as if it wasn't there. On a whole, he seemed... off... his hair was more tussled that usual and his eye-bags more pronounced. No one else seemed to notice. You took a moment to look at the task force. Everyone seemed tired and worn down. Matsuda, especially... his cheeks were hollow and he looked on the verge of passing out. There needed to be a breakthrough. And soon. You could feel the energy leaking out of them, a certain hopelessness settling in.

Interestingly enough, Light didn't seem to have that problem. Oh, no he seemed _perfectly_ fine. 

L looked at you and your chest stirred. Of course you'd had an unrestful night, the memories always drowning you, but there was something behind his eyes you couldn't quite place. 

"Can I have some coffee?" He asked earnestly.

You blinked, nodding as you went to get some. Putting it on the table in front of him, you leaned in so only L would hear.

"Everyone looks exhausted. When was the last time anyone took a break?"

L's eyes were consuming. A part of you thought, no, expected, him to refuse. To say that everyone had to keep grinding. But what good would that do? There weren't any new leads... everything was the same... his eyes flickered. 

"Today is a day off. I suggest you take the opportunity to come back refreshed and with new ideas."

All of their eyes went hopeful and grateful. It was almost comical how they practically flew out of the building, leaving just you and L. He stood up, stretching languidly.

"This is actually quite fortunate. I've been meaning to-"

"Are you okay?"

He shrank, watching you for a beat.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know... you look shaken. More... I don't know..."

L picked at his shirt.

"I'm fi- **_ow_**!"

"Sorry," you apologized shyly, his hair clutched in your hand. Satisfied that this was just L's slump and not some lousy acting, you tilted your head, "candles?"

The corners of his lips went up, and you were genuinely surprised to see the affection in his gaze, "you're still into that?"

"Of course! Bold of you to assume I know how to have actual fun."

He snorted, but followed on your candle-smelling adventure.

Going to different stores, the two of you smelled as many scented candles as possible. Big shock, his favorite were the sweet ones like vanilla cupcake and lemon meringue. The two of you chuckled, the levity a welcome distraction from the night before. You knew that the two of you would have to talk about it at some point, but right now it was nice just to spend time with him. He shook his head teasingly while you inhaled a blueberry muffin scented one.

"You do realize that rather than just smell it, we can buy a real one?"

You stuck out your tongue playfully.

"We _could_ , but this totally lasts longer."

"Hm, I suppose I must agree with that assessment."

You chuckled while he sniffed a key-lime pie one, before he held it out for you.

"Okay, this is relaxing," he admitted in a rumble. 

Holding up a musky one, you gagged with a giggle, quickly putting it back. You glanced out of the corner of your eye to see him watching you, his thumb propped between his lips. Twisting the top off of another, you blinked. 

"Before, in the building, you didn't look too well... are you okay?"

L nibbled on his digit. He gave a tired smile.

"I have some things going on. Nothing I can't handle... what about you?"

You chewed your lip. A lot had happened in your life after you'd left Wammy's... things L probably couldn't even guess... were you okay? No... you wouldn't be until you'd killed B. _Obsessed_. But you nodded slightly.

"I guess taking it one day at a time... do you want to talk about it?"

L scanned your face before picking up a toasted marshmallow candle.

"After I find a better scent than you." 

You should've expected an answer like that. Translation: _maybe. But not right now_. Nodding, you allowed a smile. 

"Pfft. This is pretty much my life. You're out of practice, Detective."

His eyes twinkled with the challenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, in case you didn't know or were curious, 'sleep paralysis' is a real phenomenon. Basically, when you're in REM sleep, your body paralyzes itself so it doesn't act out your dreams or hurt itself or anything like that. Sleep paralysis happens when your mind is partially awake, but your body hasn't come out of REM, so you're temporarily paralyzed. Hallucinations are common since you're still kind of asleep, and people more often than not describe their hallucinations as being malicious in nature. It's also a common experience that people will actually feel a presence sitting on their chest. I've never had the hallucinations or extra weight, but I've had sleep paralysis and it SUCKS. So, yeah :)


	12. Leaving Wammy's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I explain a card game called 'Bullshit'. I can be bad at explaining games like that, so here's a link of the official rules if you still don't get it.  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheat_(game)
> 
> New tag: night terrors

_You laughed drunkenly._

_"I'm **fine** ," you snorted, "I'm fine!"_

_L watched you from across the room, wincing when you bumped into his nightstand, sending his lamp shattering across the floor. You stumbled backwards, taking another swig straight from the wine bottle._

_"You're not 'fine'," he rumbled pointedly._

_You waved a hand._

_"Are you- are you still upset about my hospital episode? L, that was **months** ago! And I was all doped up," you giggled, "21, bitch!" You cheered, taking another deep gulp._

_He didn't say anything at first, gaze flickering._

_"Go back to your room," he sighed, "just... you're drunk..."_

_"You bet I fucking am," you slurred, dancing up to him._

_There was a spark of sadness in his eyes, but he quickly buried it._

_"You haven't been going to the therapist."_

_"He's a quack who doesn't know shit," you chuckled airily._

_His lip quivered, his eyes scanning you._

_"Y/n... this isn't you..."_

_You swallowed, swaying on your feet. Not you? You were more you than you'd ever been! Stepping up to him, your body trembled._

_"Fuck me."_

_"What?"  
_

_"L, I'm fine! I'm totally me, I don't know what's wrong with you," you hiccuped a laugh, "let's fuck."_

_L's brow furrowed, his eyes trained intently on yours._

_"Come on, I'm taking you back to your room."_

_"Ooh, you're gonna, you're gonna fuck me there?"_

_You tripped over yourself, almost collapsing. He gasped, enveloping you, keeping you upright. Your head tilted back, a smile plastered across your face._

_"You're handsome," you cooed._

_"Okay, I guess you're not making it back to your room," he grumbled more so to himself._

_He helped you over to his bed, carefully layering the blankets. You sank into the mattress, already feeling the call of sleep. L started to turn around, but you held out a hand._

_"Stay?"_

_He hesitated, looking back at you._

_"I don't think that's a good--"_

_"What if I have another nightmare?" you whispered. Your voice turned into a whimper, the fear settling, "I don't want another nightmare."_

_L stood in the doorway, but ultimately sighed, spreading out next to you. Twisting around, you buried your face in his chest. It was warm and embracing._

_"Thank you," you mumbled._

_He simply stroked your hair, tenderly running his fingers over_ _your scalp. You were vaguely aware of his lips pressing against your temple._ _It was soothing and hypnotic, eventually letting you drift into sleep._

_B laughed wickedly, slashing the knife across your arm. It exploded in a fiery Hell, your mind swirling as you tried to escape. But it was no use... he was chasing after you... your heart pounded as you tried climbing up slick stone walls, only for him to grab you and viciously plunge his knife into your stomach. A scream ripped from your throat, the horror drowning you. You writhed, whirling to face him, baring your teeth. Your life was slowly draining out of you, you could feel it, and all you could hear was his laughing... but damn if you'd die without a fight!_

_Releasing a bloodcurdling war cry, you launched yourself at B, using your entire body-weight. He wouldn't_ _stop laughing, watching you with glittering eyes._

_"You couldn't take me in! Failure," he cackled._

_The second his head hit the ground, his eyes screwed shut, brow furrowing. He gasped as your fingers tightened around his throat, his eyes popping in panic and confusion. B held onto your wrists, coughing, eyes darting around your face._

_"Y/n! Let me go! I'm not going to fight or-or hurt you!"_

_You laughed, your eyes narrowing._

_"Is that so? Then tell me how does it feel?" You spat, applying pressure._

_B squeezed your wrists, squirming under your grip, letting out a strangled sound of terror. He whimpered loudly. His eyes were starting to roll back, but he was forcing himself to stay conscious._

_"Y/n, it's me!" He cried out, gagging, "You're safe!" he shrieked, his voice cracking._

_Safe? **Safe?**! All the hurt and emotion rushing forward at once. A rage you didn't even know existed surged as you dug your nails into the soft part of his throat. B's grip on your wrist loosened slightly as his eyelids fluttered._

_"Y/n... safe... wake... w-wa..." he whispered, head lolling back, wheezing loudly._

_You woke up, looking down to see your fingers tightly wrapped around L's throat._

_His head was back, his neck exposed. It felt like you were electrocuted as you jumped back, shocks running up and down your arms. Your hands flew to your mouth, a tremor running through your limbs._

_He didn't move._

_"L?"_

_You crept towards him, pressing a finger to his neck. He didn't react to your movement, his eyes still closed._

_No pulse._

_You scrambled out of the bed, tripping to the intercoms and slamming your hand on the button._

_"L's room! Somebody help! I-I think he's..."_

_There were loud footsteps. Roger and Wammy burst through the door, their faces falling in horror. You stood numbly while they surged past you, Wammy supporting L's head. His eyes were closed, his body limp._

_"L! L, son, can you hear me?!"_

_Wammy put his ear against L's chest._

_"Shit. Roger, call an ambulance!"_

_Your lips quivered, goosebumps going up your arms. Wammy laid him flat and began doing chest compressions, blowing air into L's mouth. You stumbled, your heart freezing. Did you just... after about a minute, L gasped, his eyes flying open. A relief like you'd never known washed through your system. They were bloodshot, the pupils sluggish. He coughed wildly, his face going red. There were dark, ugly rings of purple around his neck, stark against his pale skin. L shook, his mouth gaping as tears visibly formed in his eyes. Wammy enveloped him, gently holding him._

_"Shh, it's okay, I'm here," he whispered soothingly._

_All semblance of his emotionless facade were gone as he clung to Wammy, sobbing, his knuckles white. You felt nauseous... disgusting... it felt like you couldn't move... L met your eyes. Even though they were still tired and confused, you could see absolute, raw terror._

_"I-I didn't mean to-- I'm so sorry," you whimpered, your hand going to your mouth._

_Instead of answering you, he buried his face into Wammy's jacket, taking in deep, shuddering breaths._

_You stumbled back, practically running to your room. As you threw your stuff into a bag, you called a cab and scribbled a note, your breathing quick._

_"Y/n-"_

_"Stay away from me, Wammy," your voice wavered as you pushed past him._

_He watched after you sadly, lovingly grasping your arm._

_"Please don't leave like this. You're running from your problems."_

_"I've going to catch him," you snarled, "I'm going to catch him and fucking kill him. Don't follow me."_

_You swiped at your eyes, leaping down the stairs. Wammy stood at the top, harsh lines on his face._

_"Don't become obsessed with this! Don't lose who you-"_

_"I almost... no... I **did** kill L!" You cried out, hand on the knob, "I have to do this for myself... for him, for us... how am I supposed to look at him in the eye?" Your voice cracked._

_Wammy opened his mouth, but you didn't listen, slipping out of the manor._

* * *

They stared at you.

"Bullshit?" Light asked, genuinely curious.

You shuffled the cards, the corners of your lips tugging up. L was down on the balls of his feet, a nostalgic grin across his face. It was a game the two of you would play with A and B all the time. 

And this was the perfect occasion for it.

You nodded, throwing a '2' card face-down in the middle.

"The rules are simple. The objective: get rid of your entire hand. There's one 2 in the middle. Say it's my turn, I'd have to put down one or more 3s face-down on top of the 2. Now, say I don't have a 3... I have to put down one or more random cards and pretend it's a 3. If no one calls 'bullshit', then I get away with the lie and it's the next person's turn. If you were lying but someone calls bullshit, you have to pick up the entire middle. If you weren't lying but someone calls bullshit, the caller has to pick up the middle."

Light's brow quirked, his eyes glittering dangerously.

"So it's a game about picking up on someone's lies? Finding and memorizing their tells?"

A slow smile crossed your lips.

"Oh, but I know you're not a liar. Hopefully you don't mind losing. You have to be a really good liar to win," you purred.

Light's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything. 

Needless to say, it was a very tense game. 

You watched L out of the corner of your eye, wincing at how much he was... swaying... when was the last time he'd slept? He shot you a reassuring smile, but there was something behind it. You chewed the inside of your cheek. It wasn't exactly the best place to ask. You were distracted thinking about him as you put your card down. Light pointed a finger.

"Bullshit."

"... aw shit."

You slid the entire middle into your hand with a grumble. As the game went on, you were dismayed to find your hand growing and growing. Hm, maybe you weren't as good a liar as you thought... well, compared to them, at least... _that's fine. You're a finder, not a liar_. Still. It made you a teensy bit annoyed. Pretty soon, they both only had 2 cards left, glaring at each other as if it were a life-or-death match. Giving up hope on actually winning, you sat back, watching them amusedly.

L's lip was twitching, his gaze steady holding Light's, as if to say ' _come on, Light. You and the entire task force know I lie. You, on the other hand, you have so much to lose_.'

Light chuckled, tapping the back of his card. 

"I don't know," he laughed good-naturedly, "does me accusing you of lying raise my own percentage?"

A wry smirk graced L's thin lips. You felt a bit like a spectator wanting to say _oooh_. L tilted his head respectfully.

"No need to be concerned. You wish to win. It is human nature to want to win, after all... unless you have reason to be concerned, that is. But I couldn't possibly imagine what that reason would be."

 _OOOOH_.

Light gave a short laugh.

"Are you still going on about me being Kira? Maybe if you learned the humility to admit that you can be wrong too, we could actually get some progress in the investigation... just a suggestion."

 ** _OOOOOH_**.

You shrank a bit at L's twitching temple. He rolled his shoulders, putting a cool facade again. Eh, either way you decided to hide behind your cards, watching them with wide eyes. 

"Forgive me if I'm following the only lead we have," Light's expression darkened at that, his jaw clenched while L continued, "I'm sure you can understand my position. Even if you are the prime suspect by virtue of there not being another, that still pits you as the prime suspect. And seeing as the prime suspect hasn't even been detained, I must work under the assumption that you are Kira."

"Well I'm not! What do you want to do, detain me without evidence?" Light growled.

You glanced between the two of them, the air icy. L's brow quirked.

"You're right, I don't have any evidence, although I do hope that you'd be willing to pursue the truth, even if that means being detained."

"I am," Light practically snarled.

"Then would you be willing to be detained?" L followed up immediately.

Your mouth fell open, as did Light's. Heart thundering, you looked between the two of them, drumming your fingers. Light shifted and met your eyes. You met them back, your pulse loud in your ears. His nose wrinkled in distaste, but he somehow managed to smile. In some failing way, it was probably meant to be pleasant. But it was predatory, sending chills up your spine.

"Sure, L," Light conceded, his voice heavily laced with venom, "detain me as long as you see fit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have come to a bit of an impasse. I have a few cool ideas for the '3 years between leaving Wammy's and going to Japan' but at the same time, I'm worried about the flashbacks kind of over-staying their welcome and it seems like a good place to end them. A bit conflicted so any advice is welcome :)


	13. I'm Yours

Light's perspective

My foot wouldn't stop tapping nervously. I'd allowed myself to get in this situation... about to be detained and it'd just look monumentally suspicious if I backed out now. I smirked. No matter. With my last free night while they prepared everything, I wrote down hard, in-prison criminals in advance. Scrolling through my laptop, I also wrote that certain released criminals do certain horrible atrocities. But that wasn't enough. They'd soon realize that no new criminals without a record were dying... so I scrolled through social media, picking out people at random. It surprised me how much information and pictures people put on a site like Facebook. Of course I bribed Ryuk to tell me whether or not the names I saw on their profiles were fake or not.

_Miko Nakamura dies of being murdered by Frances Beauton on April 23._

_Frances Beauton. Dies of heart attack 2 days after he murders Miko Nakamura and a day after his face and name appear on the news._

Things like that.

As much as it pained me, as much as I knew they did nothing wrong, I had to make these innocent people murderers and rapists for the sake of never having had a criminal record before. 

But it was done.

My lips curled.

 _Good luck with that one_.

* * *

L's perspective

My brain wasn't equipped for an interrogation at the moment, I knew that. Every time I tried to sleep, the sleep paralysis would just come again. I was on... crap, how many days had I gone without even a nap? 7? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was 7. And then 8 nights... I chuckled to myself, remembering an article I read where the person to stay awake the longest before collapsing was 11 days. Pfft, I could beat that... I could- I gasped, jerking back my hand as I almost spilled scorching coffee on it. My pulse thundered, the call way too close. My brow was beaded in sweat, but I forced myself to ignore it.

It had been 3 days into Light's confinement and there was no change in the number of criminals dying or such. It was frustrating. I sat in the interrogation room, Y/n next to me. I paused, subtly smelling her shampoo. It was always relaxing... even when she was choking me out. I giggled airily at the thought and she glanced at me in concern.

Your perspective

Okay, what the fuck was up with him? He didn't even seem tired anymore, more... sick. 

He massaged the bridge of his nose before bringing the mic to his lips. 

"Light Yagami. Will you go over the day's events on November 28, 2006? The day Kira's first victim died?"

"Hm? Oh, um, hm. I think I was just studying in my room."

You watched L closely, your brow furrowing. He was swaying, his expression dark.

"I see. And on December 5? The day of my broadcast?"

"In my room," he rolled his shoulders, the action slightly obstructed by the handcuffs behind his back, "watching the broadcast while studying."

Annoyance flashed over L's features. You blinked, your body unconsciously tensing even as he continued.

"Interesting. And on December 27? When the agent who was shadowing you suspiciously died on a train platform?"

Light's eyes pooled in sympathy.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't quite recall, but chances are that I was home-"

" _Studying?_ " L snarled.

You jumped a bit, watching him. His limbs were shaking as he slammed the mic's button, his voice venomous and threatening.

"You're so perfect aren't you?" He growled.

You stiffened, alarm worming up your system. The task force was staring at him incredulously and even Light seemed stunned. L pressed his fingers to his temple, but kept his eyes trained on the monitor.

"I know you're lying about _something..._ I'm going to be the one to sentence you to death," he seethed.

Your eyes popped. What was he doing?! This wasn't the way to conduct an interrogation! It was a good way to lose the confidence of the team though! Before L could say anything else, you slid the mic away. His head whirled in your direction, about to bite. But his eyes softened, scanning you're gaze. He faltered, as if just realizing how close he'd been to snapping. He quietly shrank down while you continued the questions, your pulse so loud that it almost drowned out Light's answers.

"And were you aware of the fact that Raye Penber had been investigating you? There was a bus-jacking incident on the 20th which Penber wrote about in a notebook."

You thought you saw him stiffen ever-so-slightly, but he otherwise only responded with an "oh?"

"It doesn't say much about the incident other than the fact that the man shot at the window and could've resulted in several casualties. Apparently Penber was interested in the criminal and had been gathering information until his death."

Light nodded slightly.

"Intriguing."

The rest of the interrogation was fruitless. You eventually closed the file, your eyes narrowing.

"We'll continue tomorrow."

"I'll be here," Light laughed dryly, "by the way, I don't know what happened to Ryuzaki, but tell him I hope he feels better soon."

You didn't respond.

* * *

"What the fuck was that!?" You cried out, making sure the room to his door was firmly closed. 

"What?" L's voice had an edge to it, "I was investigating Kira! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

Your heart skipped, unsure how to answer. 

"Yeah," you stuttered, "but there's something wrong with you!"

You froze, instinctively thinking about B. His movements had been consistent, but the didn't mean he didn't have something brewing... in fact, you were expecting an ambush... you just didn't know when... L held your gaze, as if reading your mind. He chuckled sardonically.

"Still paranoid about me, hm? Can't tell if it's me or B?"

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you faltered. Everything about him screamed L, but L wouldn't have just jeopardized the entire interrogation like that. L burst out laughing, stumbling back.

"You know what? Sure. I'm B. Fuck it, I guess I'm B. What's the point anymore, hm? What's that saying? You become what people say you are? No, that's not it, is it? Whatever!"

He smiled and your tongue felt heavy in your mouth. The smile was a perfect hybrid of L and B's, so mixed together that it genuinely sent your radar spinning in confusion.

"You're not okay." You mediated quietly.

His entire body seemed to twitch. He was watching you almost in disbelief.

"How?" He exclaimed, "how are you not more messed up than me right now? I wasn't even the one to get stabbed and I feel like I'm falling apart!"

"I was," you admitted quietly, "for a while I was in one of the darkest places possible. If it wasn't for Aiber and Wedy, I'd probably be dead... or worse..."

Your admission made his brow furrow.

"Why won't you tell me what happened to you during those 3 years...? Everyday I was terrified for you..."

A part of you wanted to tell him. But there was still a mixture of guilt, worry of judgement... and still questioning whether you were talking to B or not. You stepped towards him, gently tugging on his hair. It didn't budge, but that almost wasn't enough for you. You leaned in, confirming that yes, those weren't contacts. His gaze flickered. 

"I suppose I am B," he snorted again, reaching for his cheek, "I mean... my face doesn't belong to me-"

The words made him pause, his eyes distant. It was as if he'd made a realization. His voice rose in volume and pitch, making you gape.

" _Nothing_ belongs to me," he gasped. L's voice cracked, eyes misting, "my face, my dreams, my mannerisms, my mind." He was shaking so hard that for a second you thought he'd fall apart. L leaned against the wall, his face clouding in panic, " ** _nothing is mine_**."

He tightly gripped his scalp, his breath heaving.

"I'm yours," you breathed.

He froze, watching you.

"I think that's why B's so insistent on tricking me. Because he knows I'm a part of you he can never replicate or have. I'm not a part of 'L'... I'm a part of _you_..."

You stepped up to him, tenderly pushing his soft hair away from his face. His eyes were intense, large and scared. The words came out and even you were shocked by their honesty.

You smiled gently, "it doesn't matter who you are or what you choose to call yourself. L, B, Ryuzaki, Coil, Deneuve... I'm yours..."

L's lip quivered. He swayed, giving a short sob. His face melted, leaning into your fingers running along his scalp. Craning his neck, he pressed his cool lips against your palm. He was still trembling, but he was calming down.

For a moment, everything was quiet, just him and his mouth buried into your hand. He gave a shuddered sigh.

"I would kiss you at this moment, except I haven't slept in 7 days, 8 nights and I can't feel my toes. Actually, a lot of things are feeling numb right now-"

" ** _8 NIGHTS_**?"

He collapsed, sagging into your grip.

* * *

It _had been about 3 months since you left Wammy's. You'd tracked B through about 10 different countries. The first time you'd found him was in Canada, at his laying-low job. His face had been almost comical, a mixture of 'oh, fuck' and 'no fucking way'._ _You'd almost gotten him too, but he'd managed to slip away._

_He must've thought moving fast and often would shake you off his trail, but you'd latched on and you'd be damned if he completely disappeared, never to be heard from again. You stared at the last of your savings in your hands... a measly $300. You'd tried taking temp jobs, but B's movements were so erratic that it was basically impossible to earn enough to support yourself while also looking for him._

_The man in front of you was a powerful mob-boss. Intimidating and cold. If your intelligence was to be believed, he had information on B, or "Eric Holt" as he was currently going by. Reluctantly, you offered the last of your money. You wouldn't be eating tonight..._

_He stared at your money for a second before chuckling._

_"That's a sad amount. An **in** **sulting** amount, in fact."_

_"It's all I have. Please... I need that information."  
_

_The man considered, before tilting his head._

_"Shall I give you a lesson in business?"_

_At your expression, he pointed at your envelope of cash._

_"You've been able to track this man through about 10 different countries, no? That's no small feat. It requires skill. A good economist would realize that you should be having us pay you for said skills, not the other way around."_

_You chewed your lip thoughtfully._

_"And what would you use my... skills... for, exactly?"_

_"This man has stolen close to a million dollars from me. Find him for me and take care of him."_

_"I don't 'take care' of people," you replied harshly._

_The two of you locked eyes, sizing each other. He gave a slow smirk._

_"Fine. Just find him and bring him back. He has quite a bounty on his head. Not only will I give you the information you need, you'll be paid quite nicely."_

_....._

_You crept through the rundown, cracked and old house, the gun in your hand. It was just for defense, but it was heavy in your hand. The promise you made to yourself echoed in your brain. Killing B... could you really do it? If you were so hesitant of killing this person, how did you know you'd be able to pull the trigger when you had B in front of you?_

_A scuttling in the old house. You glanced around, the shapes and shifting lighting sending your nerves on edge. Capture him. That's all you were going to do... that's all you needed to-_

_There was a yell and someone_ _coming at you with a knife._

_Instinct took over and you fired, your heart pounding. A man fell to the ground, dead, a bullet-wound in his head. You froze, staring at him, your limbs trembling in shock. He was staring up at you with dead, glazed over eyes, the knife still tightly clutched in his hand._

_You stumbled backwards, the world spinning. Your lip quivered... and you started laughing... it started as a nervous chuckle and rose to a slightly crazed cackle. You stared at the gun in your hands, feeling tears sliding down your cheeks but not the actual act of crying._

_You'd just killed a man..._

_... and a part of you liked it..._

_You were so angry and hurt and a part of you had been pretending it was B._

_Well, at least you knew that you had what it took to pull the trigger._

_Your chest heaved with the giggling, unable to stop yourself. After a few minutes, you sucked in a breath, slowly releasing it, feeling dirty._

_"Self-defense," you whispered to yourself, "I-it was self-defense..."_

_But you called the mob-boss, clearing your throat._

_"He's dead."_

_There was a low, almost taunting laugh._

_"You're not a bad assassin," he purred._

_The new title made you cringe, but you didn't respond. He sighed._

_"Good job. You'll be compensated."_


	14. Old Friends

You were curled up in an armchair in his room, reading your book while he slept soundly. Why would he force himself to forgo sleep so wholly? When you asked Watari, he said L would explain it when he woke up ("he better explain," the old man muttered) and asked if you could keep an eye on him. Make sure he didn't get dehydrated or that anything might wake him up. 

He'd been sleeping for about 17 hours now. 

You glanced over to see L slowly waking up, his eyes drowsy and his brow furrowed in confusion. He looked at you, a bit unfocused, tilting his head.

"My head hurts," he grumbled, struggling to sit up. 

"Easy, easy," you said gently, holding out a Gatorade, "I've never seen you burn out. Spill what happened."

He delicately sipped the gatorade before pulling a blanket tighter around his shoulders. L blinked, shrinking a bit and clearing his throat.

"How are the interrogations-"

"L!"

"Fine, fine," he smiled a bit at your stern expression, "it's rather silly when I say it out loud. It's um, sleep paralysis."

You sank onto the bed next to him. Sleep paralysis...

"Did you see anything?" Your voice was barely above a whisper. 

He stared at his bed for a moment, his grip on his blanket tightening. 

"... B," he rasped, taking another swig of the Gatorade, "B telling me... horrible things... things I'd rather lose sleep over than hear them said again."

"L... I'm so sorry..."

For a few seconds, neither of you said anything. Shrugging, you gave a gentle grin.

"Well, I could be wrong, but I would say your strategy's not really working."

L's lips twitched upwards. 

"I suppose there were some... miscalculations... in my mission to never sleep again."

You snorted, your nose crinkling. He rested his cheek on his knee, simply watching you chuckle, a certain fondness in his eyes. Shaking your head, you gave him a playfully stern expression.

"Nice going, Genius."

"I'm sure with a few more tweaks, I could've been successful in my endeavor," he purred, eyes twinkling.

There was a beat where neither of you said anything. Grumbling, you shook your head.

"Shame on you for following the romcom cliche of not telling your partner something important."

"Oh, so you're my partner?" He playfully teased to your quickly reddening face. The expression became more settled and he fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I... they... B..." he drew in a shaky breath, "B scares me. I see myself in him and he _terrifies_ me."

He looked up at you, eyes shining.

"For a while, they stopped... did you mean what you said about not having night terrors anymore?"

You hesitated, all the nightmares swirling back to the forefront of your brain, goosebumps peppering your skin.

"I still get nightmares," you admitted sheepishly, "but I'm not acting them out anymore."

L scanned your face, his features twisting.

"I don't want to go back to sleep," he whimpered.

You stared at him for a second, your heart tugging. You'd never seen him like this, but everything, the stress of the Kira Case, his title to uphold, B, you.

"You don't have to," you assured, "we can just stay here..." your eyes popped with an idea, "Okay, so I know you advised me not to spend _all_ my spending money on scented candles-"

"You didn't," a smile broke across his lips.

You shrugged helplessly, as if it was just inevitable.

Because it was, of course, but that was besides the point.

"All I'm saying is that you could totally fall asleep in a freaking bakery."

"Hm. Well I do enjoy the sweeter things in life."

Finishing off the Gatorade, he curled back up under the covers, his dark wild hair making him look a bit like a cat.

Now the room really did smell amazing, so many pastries swirling together and feeling like some kind of bakery wonderland. His eyes slid in your direction, silently inviting you to join him on the bed. You blinked in surprise, but settled against him, pulling him into a hug. You could feel his warm breath on your shoulder, and to your... shock... he kissed your skin... His lips were cool, chilling wherever they ghosted. They settled against your neck, his warm breath blowing across the soft part of your throat.

He cozied up a bit to you, lightly dragging his fingers up your sides and draping his arm around your body. L was so... close... you could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, the somehow both erratic and steady beating of his heart. 

Twisting your neck, your lips were an inch away from his temple. 

"I love you," he whispered.

Your chest constricted. For as long as the two of you had known each other, you weren't sure if you'd ever heard him say that. Your throat closed on you.

"I-I love you too," you stuttered.

Craning his neck, he captured your lips, tasting like the Gatorade. You froze, slowly melting into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. He framed your face, touching his forehead to yours and falling asleep again... pressed against you. _Does this mean he trusts me_? The thought made you smile. You looked down him, gently stroking his hair. Your eyes fluttered and for the first time in a long time, you didn't have a nightmare.

* * *

"Aiber! Wedy!" You cried out, enveloping them.

They laughed heartily, holding you out.

"Charlie! Or is it something else now?" Wedy purred.

"Kage," you sighed, taking their hands.

L shuffled behind the three of you, taking his seat again in front of the monitor. The task force was watching Aiber and Wedy with critical gazes.

"Who are they?" Soichiro piped up.

L didn't answer at first, dipping a cookie into his sugar-laden coffee. He did smile a bit though, meeting your eyes. Even though he still didn't understand where you'd been and what you'd done, he knew that Aiber and Wedy had stopped you from going too dark... been just the amount of support you needed to stop yourself from spiraling into a monster. You grinned, introducing them.

"They're with me. They're going to be working on the Kira Case with us."

When you'd brought up the idea of inviting them onto the case, L had been hesitant. They were still unpredictable to an extent. But there was no denying that the investigation was not only understaffed but biased towards believing Light. And besides, they were the only ones besides you and L who had ever seen B's real face. They understood the kind of monster he was... Wedy looked at Light, still imprisoned.

"I take it that's the suspect?"

Matsuda nodded, shaking his head and looking at L.

"Do you really think he's guilty?"

 _He does_. But you knew L wouldn't vocalize it. Instead, L shrugged.

"Well, we can certainly use Aiber and Wedy's skillsets to aid us in finding that out."

He looked at them. The three of them were still relative strangers, but he knew just enough to know that they were dedicated and could do about anything in their respective fields.

"Come," L cleared his throat, "Kage and I will brief you on the situation and discuss how to proceed."

You followed them out of the room, Aiber hanging back and scanning you worriedly.

"Are you doing alright?" He asked in a low voice.

The corners of your lips twitched up as you leaned into him.

"Better than I was," you answered to his relieved smile.

 _For a good 5-6 months, you really lost yourself, becoming so focused on finding and killing B that nothing else seemed to matter. Not even yourself or your humanity. You'd gotten a new hit. Some conman that had conned some dangerous people out of a_ **lot** _of money. Stepping into the spacious apartment, you rounded the corner and froze in surprise, the barrel of your gun pointed at a 2 year old kid on the floor. He looked up at you, eyes wide and curious._

_The sound of a gun cocking behind you made you sigh._

_"Put. The gun. Down. I swear to God, I won't hesitate to shoot," the man growled._

_"Or I could say put your gun down because you have the most to lose in this situation," you replied cooly, motioning towards the kid, "where's the mother?"_

_"Out with friends."_

_"Damn. Trying to have a family while screwing over a guy named Wolf. His name's an animal for God's sake. You must be the most fucking stupid man on this planet."_

_Silence._

_"Okay, how about we discuss this like rational adults, hm? Something tells me you're dangerous, but you're no child-killer."_

_You tightened your lips, knowing it was true. He took your silence as acceptance._

_"On the count of three, we both throw down our guns and talk, yeah? 1... 2... 3."_

_You considered whirling and shooting him, but for some reason, you tossed your gun to the red carpet and craned your neck. He was large, with icy blue eyes and slicked back blond hair. His gun was also on the floor. He nodded._

_"Cool. See, that wasn't so hard, was it? You can call me Aiber."_

_"Charlie," just another alias for the list..._

_Aiber scanned your face, his lips twitching upwards._

_"You look like you have a good story."_

_At your arched brow, he explained._

_"Call it an extra hobby of mine, but I like to listen to people's stories."_

_"I'm not telling you shit. Understanding what makes someone tick is how you operate," you smirked._

_Aiber tilted his head. There was a spark of mischief that you found annoyingly endearing._

_"Who, me? Innocent little me?"_

_You snorted, unable to stop it. He motioned to the kitchen._

_"I can't help it if I'm a curious soul... wondering how you ended up doing things like this. Wine?"_

_"How do I know you won't poison it?"  
_

_"Because it's not in my best interest to kill you," he shrugged._

_You hesitated, watching him carefully as he moved about pouring the glasses._

_"How about this. You said I'm the most stupid man on the planet, right-"_

_"Most fucking stupid-"_

_"Oh. Right. Important distinction. Let's trade stories."_

_Sitting down, you listened as he talked about becoming a conman. You hated to admit it, but you were completely enraptured in the story. How he was abandoned as a child and had conned his way up several ladders to a life of relative luxury. After a while, he stared at you expectantly._

_"I'm hunting someone specific," you whispered, "once I kill him, this will all be behind me."_

_He sipped at his wine._

_"Hm. Sounds like you have a massive grudge against the guy... do you want to talk about it? You can use codenames."_

_You hesitated, staring at your wine._

_"I don't need to talk, I need to **do**."_

_"Well you can't really **do** anything here and now, can you?"_

_You stared at him, your lip quivering. Giving everyone codenames, you launched into your story, talking about growing up in an orphanage and how 'Ben' was obsessed with becoming 'Luke.' After a while of just spilling everything, you noticed the glass was shaking in your hand. You drew in a shaky breath._

_"I just want to be able to look at Luke and now for sure who I'm talking to," you croaked._

_He stared at you for what felt like forever._

_"I know it's none of my business, but killing for money doesn't exactly sound like the answer... I can't really move out of France, but I've got a friend who moves around all the time."_

_"Illegal friend?"_

_He smirked._

_"A thief. She's been meaning to take on larger heists, maybe hire someone. Wherever your guy goes, there's bound to be things there ripe for the taking."_

_You watched him, hating how your eyes had gone large and hopeful. Did he really want to help you? You didn't even realize you'd been trembling, the sincerity in his gaze making your eyes mist._

_"No killing?"_

_"No killing."_

* * *

Matsuda's perspective

I was screaming in my mind, but my mouth wasn't making any sounds. I knew exactly what was happening to me, Beyond's plans, his desires, his little pads filled with notes... I'd been trying to manipulate myself to protect Light from him, telling him he was L's prime suspect, a large reason being he was his only suspect. Giving the truth but managing to hold just enough back... my own little way of resisting...

But it was like watching myself in third-person talking to the task force, groveling at Beyond's feet and doing whatever he wanted.

I knew what was happening.

Everything had a slightly red tint, and as time passed, the tint got stronger and stronger until it was almost hard to see past the red. 

The briefing was done and I was spending lunch with Kage. Beyond would probably want to know what she and L talked about to those criminals. But if I could just keep myself from asking, from knowing, then I couldn't give that psychopath anymore information.

Kage was trying to get me to eat something again. God, I wanted it... it was a slice of watermelon... fuck, I wanted it... but my mouth said 'no thank you'.

Her eyes flashed in concern, but she nodded. 

"If you want it-"

"Kage?"

"Hm?"

"Would you say we're... friends?"

 _Don't say yes, don't say yes_. She tapped her chin before shrugging, giving a lopsided grin.

"Yeah. I like spending time with you. You remind me a lot of all the kids I grew up with."

 _Wammy's_... it was bizarre knowing so much about L. Was it even possible to get a message out? To somehow fight the death note? I wish it was one of those movies, where the underdog realizes they were stronger than they ever gave themselves credit for and overpowers the centuries-old evil... but this wasn't a movie... Standing up, my body stretched, the cracks popping out as I rolled may neck. She looked up at me, her gaze kind and caring. 

Hm. I hadn't really known that kind of kindness.

"Going somewhere?" She chirped.

I shrugged, the sunlight streaming in from the world outside.

"Nah, just going to take a walk, Friend."

She giggled at that but bobbed her head, continuing to sip her coffee. _She's not my friend though... she's B's... this is B's puppet... Wait, n-no! Wait! Stop!_ My legs felt heavy, panic shivering up my system. Even if I was just a puppet! I'd be fine with just sitting talking with her! But my feet were going one after the other.

_Kage! **KAGE**!_


	15. Banana Cake

"Ryuzaki, criminals keep dying," Soichiro growled, "I think you can let my son go."

You crossed your arms, glaring at Light through the monitor. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was smirking, a gleefully dark expression on his face. A shudder ran up your spine. He'd managed to take a situation in which he was at a disadvantage and turn it into a way to bring the task force to his side. Chills ran across your skin. Aiber and Wedy were waiting off to the side. The four of you had discussed what to do about Light, how to utilize the criminals' skillsets in the best way. 

Sighing, you moved back to the dishearteningly long list of B's victims. 2 Kiras, one already in a cell, one God knows where. 

But L simply shrugged.

"Very well."

The task force straightened, expecting more resistance. In fact, they all looked wary about L's agreeability. But you knew what was happening.

Wedy and Aiber were going to keep tabs.

* * *

When Wedy had heard about L's bugs, she burst out laughing, much to his tight lips and displeased glare. Wiping her eyes, she threw up her hands.

"Over 60 cameras? You're insane. If he was Kira and found even one of those cameras, then of course he wouldn't do anything suspicious! Admittedly, if he found one, you'd still have over 50 others, but you kind of run out of hiding places. The whole point is to ensure that your target doesn't know where _any_ of the cameras are. And once they know there are cameras, they're going to be suspicious of wiretaps too."

"It was more so for reconnaissance than actual investigating," L grumbled under his breath.

Wedy was already taking notes of the Yagami household's blueprints.

"I'll put in the cameras and wiretaps. He should be there for at least a couple of days before I go in to snoop around, give him a chance to get comfortable with the place."

Everyone looked at each other, nodding.

* * *

Light grinned smugly, stretching his limbs and yawning.

"Wow, Ryuzaki. 2 weeks and nothing? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had some kind of fixation on me."

L's brow quirked. He glanced at Soichiro out of the corner of his eye before addressing Light. You knew it was wrong... unlike last time, he didn't tell the police chief that Wedy was bugging the house. But then again, a part of you wasn't shocked. 

"I suppose this has... given you an alibi. If you wish to remain in the building-"

"You're still suspicious of me?" Light asked sweetly. 

L's gaze hardened. 

"All I said is that you have an alibi."

"Hm," Light's eyes sparked, "well I think I'd rather spend the time with my little sister. She's still struggling in school and I'd be the worst brother if I couldn't help her."

Soichiro nodded approvingly. _Light doesn't think it'll be bugged because he knows his father would never accept it... he'll still be cautious though_... he looked in your direction, winking dramatically. Wrinkling your nose in obvious distaste, you moved out of the investigation room, pretending to be disheartened by the uselessness of the detention. 

* * *

"Dinner?" L chuckled, "is there such a thing? You see, I split food into two categories-"

"Sugar and not?"

"Aw, you know me so well. I think I'm in the mood for a good banana cake."

You giggled, turning the fish over on the grill. Okay, this was actually nice. With Light out of the building, it felt like a weight had been lifted off, allowing you and L just to... exist together. To your surprise, he started going around the kitchen, picking up bananas and other various ingredients. Pausing, you glanced at him.

"Wait, you can bake?"

His cheeks went red, a sheepish laugh escaping his chest.

"I'm a prodigy genius and you're surprised that I can bake?"

"Considering you've never done anything else for yourself," you teased.

L snorted, rummaging for measuring tools.

"I consider it a survival skill. If I'm ever separated from Watari, I have to be self-sufficient after all," he scratched the back of his neck, making his hair fluff, "after all, it's um," he tried hiding his smile, "it's fun."

"Hm. Impressive. Can you show me how to make banana cake?," you purred.

You were genuinely curious, you'd never seen him bake before. L hesitated, seemingly embarrassed by the idea. But after your gentle coaxing, he finally relented, trying to hide his smile as he peeled the bananas. You leaned against the counter, eating your fish in fascination as he started working, every measurement calculated to near-perfection. After a while, you washed your plate, tilting your head and still watching him squeeze a bit of lemon into milk.

"Why are you-"

"We don't have buttermilk," he sighed.

"Oh."

He motioned for you to join him in whisking the butter. Blinking, you did, confused why the recipe wanted to whisk just the butter. He shrugged.

"When it comes to baking, I find it better not to question the recipe."

You nodded, watching as the butter went smooth and creamy. It was so quiet in the kitchen, the only sounds being the clinking and spoons and him mixing things. As the two of you worked, you were aware of how close he was, his arms brushing yours. When the batter was done, he moved on to another bowl.

"Frosting."

It looked _so_ good. You stared at the white frosting, your mouth watering. Amusement flicked up his eyes as he held out a finger with icing. He faltered, seeming to realize that he was basically holding out his finger for you to lick.

Smiling coyly, you sucked the icing off. Just to be a bit mean, you added a slight _pop_ as you drew back. His pupils dilated, but he cleared his throat, taking some of the frosting into his own mouth.

L stopped, staring at the bowl, grey eyes flickering in debate. You shifted, worry flashing up your brain... but he shyly offered you more frosting. 

You gaped, your heart doing a small flip.

 _Yes, please_.

Trying not to look too eager, you wrapped your tongue around his finger, marveling at the small shiver it caused him. It didn't move in your mouth, as if he was worried that one wrong move. would send you running. Meeting his eyes, you slowly brought your lips close to his, swaying on your feet. L's eyes scanned you, licking his lips as he leaned in, capturing your own. There was still the strong flavor of frosting in his mouth, coating your tongue and sending your thoughts scattering.

You sighed into his mouth, your stomach churning. He poked at your tongue experimentally, framing your face. That same fire warmed your insides, leaving an itch under your skin. He smiled into your lips.

"I have to put the cake in the oven," he rumbled, a low groan working up his chest.

You nipped at his bottom-lip, loving the way he sharply inhaled.

"How long until it's ready?" You breathed.

His fingers danced up your sides, wrapping around the small of your back and pulling you into his body heat.

"45-50 minutes and then cool for 30." 

While he put it in, your arms were around him, pressing into his abdomen, nuzzling the nape of his neck. He almost dropped the pan, leaning into your touch.

It was all in one fluid motion. He closed the door and whirling to face you, attaching his lips to the side of your neck. You gasped, the feeling of his soft lips and teeth lightly grazing making your heart go fast.

"L," you moaned. 

You ran your fingers through his hair, taking a moment to look at his face.

"You want this?" You asked gently, dragging your fingertips down his jaw.

L tilted up your chin. His eyes were sincere.

"I love you," he whispered, "I love you... and I want to be with you. I want to be with you so badly... and you know what? B's not going to change that, trauma's not going to change that. It complicates it... but whatever happens..." his eyes went serious, begging, "whatever happens, we'll work through it?"

It felt like your feet were frozen in place, but you somehow managed to nod.

"Through thick and thin."

He nodded, as if reassuring himself. The next kiss was softer, almost like a promise between the two of you.

"Whatever happens," you murmured.

Your back arched when his hands glided over your sides, gently leading you to the bedroom across the hall. 

Everything felt experimental.

Fingers drawing patterns on arms, unsure kisses on jawlines. His lips were feathery, sending your stomach reeling. L ran his calloused thumbs along your collarbone, his eyes wide and nervous. A short laugh escaped your chest and he paused, obviously worried he might've messed up. You shook your head, clarifying.

"We acting like we did when we were 16."

L blinked those large eyes. His entire body rumbled with laughter. It was always a strange sound that made your insides do flips, low and monotone but somehow also always shifting. Pulling you close, he kissed you more confidently, years of sex together coming back naturally. You moaned, his tongue running along your teeth and the insides of your cheeks, expertly twisting and running. 

He smoothed your hair around your head, tilting your face back. Running the palms of your hands down his back, you could feel his sharp shoulder-blades poking through and you were able to slip the shirt off. 

The kiss became more heated, nipping and playing. Somewhere in the groping, you managed to slip off your clothing, leaving you in your underwear and bra, him still wearing his jeans. You gently slipped your fingers down his pants and his breath hitched, his eyes glazing over.

You ran your hand along the length, feeling it quickly harden beneath your fingers.

"Y/n," he breathed. 

You shivered as he rocked his hips a bit into your grip. Dragging your nails lightly along his member earned you a whine, his fingers digging into your shoulders. He pushed his forehead against yours, his breath hitching every time you pumped your hand. L slowly traveled down, his lips moving across your sternum and abdomen, stopping just above your underwear. He tried pulling it down with his teeth, brow furrowing when he found himself having a hard time.

"It's been a while," he grumbled, tugging harshly on the fabric.

The harsh tug actually did feel _very_ nice, so your eyes screwed shut, rolling your hips while he mumbled to himself, finally managing to get it off. 

"Ha!" He declared his victory, holding the garment between his teeth, eyes sparkling.

Your brow arched. You were about to taunt when he pushed a finger inside and your mind blanked. He rested his lips on your stomach, his voice making your skin vibrate.

"You were going to say something mean," he accused.

"Who, me? Mean? Pfft, I don't know what you're--ahh."

You threw your head back when he curled a finger delicately rubbing it up your walls. 

You weren't expecting it when you felt his tongue.

"Oh, God," you groaned, that fire under your skin just burning hotter and hotter.

Your stomach was anxious, a knot forming. Grasping the bed sheets, you writhed, a litany of 'please' spilling out. A cry racked your body as pleasure washed your system, the burning dying down and leaving you cool. But the moment didn't last long. He never stopped his motions, even during your climax. It was so methodical and perfect, you found yourself quickly approaching the edge again, letting out strangled, unidentifiable sounds. 

You were so close, but when he pulled back, you whimpered, your limbs absolutely _scorching_. Twisting, you tried to say something, but all you could do was incoherently mouth. Somewhere between robbing you of your second climax and your writhing, he'd ditched his pants and underwear. You stared at it, your nostrils flaring, remembering it in your throat, lunging and swelling and you knew you needed it in your mouth. He seemed to read your mind, crawling back up until you took it, lapping your tongue. He grasped your hair, his voice now anything _but_ monotone.

He rolled his hips slowly, letting you get used to the feeling of him moving. You scratched down his hips, signaling him to go faster. He didn't need to be told twice.

L thrusted, each one making you scratch a little harder, sure you were leaving marks. Your scalp was stinging, but you didn't mind the pain, in fact, it made your vision swim with pleasure.

Grunting, he pushed himself so deep that for a second, you thought you'd gag. He came, his fingers wrapping somehow even tighter in your hair. You took it all in, your body humming. God, you missed this... you missed this so much and you hadn't even realized truly how much you had.

He dislodged himself, but he was instantly down, unhooking your bra and tentatively licking at your nipples. Almost desperately, you angled yourself more into his mouth, your vision glazing over with how his teeth rolled the bud and his tongue swirled. But the both of you were getting impatient. He crashed his lips into yours. You could taste yourself, getting lost in the sensations when he wrapped his arms around you, entering.

A gasp escaped at how filling it was. You wrapped your legs around his hips, urging him to sink deeper. Burying your face into the crook of his shoulder, you inhaled his scent, shivering and bucking your hips, telling him to move.

He did, slowly at first until he found a rhythm, jerking his hips into yours. You tried to meet his thrusts, biting into his shoulder. Damn, even his skin tasted sweet. 

"Y/n," he growled huskily. 

"L," you responded, your throat bobbing.

Hearing his name spurred him, slamming into you, his chest bouncing against yours, your thighs quivering from the effort. One of L's hands grabbed the headrest for support, his spearing you so deeply that for a moment, you thought you'd split.

Your toes curled as you screamed, your legs shaking as your back arched. He stared at your face for a second before roaring, biting your shoulder as he came, hot, filling you and sending you reeling. He slumped, licking the place where he'd sunk he teeth, wincing as he lapped it.

"Sorry."

"Oh, trust me, you have nothing to apologize for," you chuckled, sliding your hands through his soaking hair.

The two of you sat there, breathing heavily. He nuzzled your neck, a tender kiss that left you feeling warm. You weren't sure how long the two of you were like that, the afterglow settling in until a burning smell filled the air.

L yelped, falling off of you and scrambling to his feet.

"Shit, the oven, shit, shit, shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/best-banana-cake/ 
> 
> Banana cake used as reference XD


	16. The Talker vs The Listener

_The more time you and Wedy spent the together, the... better... you felt. The two of you had made a deal. You'd do a heist to whatever country you tracked B to but if he moved before the heist was up, you'd leave and Wedy would follow when she could. It was a nice system and you very much enjoyed the thief. Sometimes she could be a bit full-of-herself, but she obviously liked to listen to you talk. It was nice._

_Until you got to Romania, that is. You'd found B almost comically easily and were chasing him through the streets._

_"Get back here, you little fucker! I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out!"_

_He squeaked, skidding into an alley. What he didn't know was that Wedy was lounging in wait. As soon as he turned, she round-kicked him, sending him sprawling onto the stone ground, his blond wig falling off._

_The kick was so hard that one of his contacts had slid out of position, revealing his maroon eyes, straddling the border between brown and red._

_"Bitch!" He spat, caressing his cheek._

_You were breathing heavily, whipping your gun out. Wedy simply blew out a puff of smoke from her cigarette, watching you in interest. She had a philosophy: you weren't a baby. She wasn't going to coddle you or tell you what to do. If you were going to kill B, she didn't really care._

_He froze, looking up the barrel of your gun. Under his wig, you realized he'd shaved his head completely... and his fingers were... battered... you jutted your gun at them._

_"Explain."_

_B squared his jaw but shrank, avoiding your gaze._

_"L's fingers are longer than mine... I had to get an illegal surgery..."  
_

_You stared_ _at him, your grip on your gun tightening. His eyes_ _sparked, his lips curling in hatred as he pressed his temple against the gun._

_"Do it," his voice sent chills up your spine, his gaze taunting, "come on, Sweetie. You've come all this way. Fucking do it."_

_Your hands steadied, your finger on the trigger. Just one bullet. And then you were free. Why the fuck were you hesitating? Determination finally settled over your features. Before you could pull it, there was a loud "stop!". Wedy cursed, holding her hands in the air. You hissed out a breath, police training their guns on your back. B scrambled away, scampering down the alley. Anger surged up your arms. A part of you was tempted to take the shot, be damned if the police killed you. But Wedy shot you a look and you felt the gun slowly slip from your hand and clatter to the ground._

_The two of you were in jail for about a week until an officer told you someone was bailing the both of you out. For a second, you thought it was Aiber, but L stepped around the corner, his jaw set. Wedy's brow quirked._

_"He looks familiar," she grumbled. You ignored the comment, not wanting to even imagine him looking similar to B._

_L's gaze snapped in her direction, eyes narrowing. Wedy shrugged unconcernedly. He closed them, sighing before looking at you._

_"Really? A Romanian jail?"_

_You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms._

_"Well shit, you didn't have to come."_

_His lips pursed._

_"How could I not? You literally just dropped off the radar, as if you never existed in the first place."_

_Wedy shrank, looking like she desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. You bristled, straightening._

_"That's none of your business. I'll come back when I kill B... I-I **had** him, I just have to get him again..."_

_Guilt was tearing at your stomach. He'd been right there, in front of you, and you'd hesitated. Blinking, you stared at L, pulling at his hair. He yelped, rubbing his scalp before holding out a crumpled piece of paper... the sad excuse of a note you'd left..._

_"Trust me, it's me," he growled, "how could you just leave like that?! This note is bullshit and you know it!"_

_You didn't answer at first, your eyes flickering towards Wedy. She tilted her head, making eye contact with L. He scanned her, nose wrinkling but not saying anything._

_"I have to go," you whispered, pushing past L, "I can't lose his trail."_

_To your surprise, his eyes popped in panic._

_"Y/n, please! Don't go-"_

_You whirled on him, baring your teeth._

_"I **hesitated**! I showed concern and curiosity and now he got away-"_

_"AND YOU WOULD'VE BEEN IN FOR A MURDER CHARGE INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTED-"_

_"I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO BAIL ME OUT!"_

_"GODDAMN IT WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?"_

_"WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HELP ME?! I ALMOST KILLED YOU! **I DON'T DESERVE HELP**!"_

_He stared at you, looking like he'd been slapped. His eyes misted, his voice cracking._

_" **Y/n, I forgive you!**..." He sucked in a breath, lip quivering, "I know you didn't mean it, I know it was just a nightmare. But you're scaring me right now... I forgive you... please, come home. Just come home..."_

_Your limbs were shaking, tears rolling down your cheeks. You shook your head, speed-walking towards the door, leaving L and Wedy behind._

_"I don't forgive myself," you whispered, kicking open the door and stalking out._

* * *

You yawned, your body creaking. Surprisingly, L was the one still sleeping, his form sprawled across the bed, his hair sticking up in a million more directions as usual. He'd managed to save what was left of the cake, and the two of you had decided to bring it for some... in-bed dessert... the paper plates and napkins were strewn across the bed. Rolling over, you watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, mentally traced the lines along his face. Hm, you could get used to that sight. 

For the first time in years, everything felt peaceful. Even with all the threats right outside the door, everything was okay here. The bedroom was like its own micro-world, detached and running on a different time. You sucked in the scent of cotton and sex, your skin humming.

His eyes fluttered and he gazed at you, a serene smile crossing his face as he pulled you towards him. L's body was warm, making you want to melt. He buried his face into your hair, inhaling deeply. 

"Morning," he rumbled, resting his arms around your waist. 

You grinned, twisting around and kissing him slowly, savoring his lips. He moaned into your mouth, snaking his hand to the back of your neck. His teeth grazed your jawbone, softly working their way down your skin. Each movement made you jolt a bit, shivering from the light feeling. You gasped feeling his fingers dancing up your stomach. Leaning into him, you kissed the side of his face. 

"I _thoroughly_ enjoyed last night," his voice had a low, seductive purr, making a thrill go up your spine.

"Me too," you giggled, your brain too muddled to be sure how else to respond. Moving a finger down the bridge of his nose, you nibbled gently on his ear, feeling the soft skin. He inhaled sharply, trying to angle more of it into your mouth, "if you wish," you continued, your voice barely above a breath, "we can also _thoroughly_ enjoy this morning."

He gave a low sound of pleasure, leaving wet kisses trailing down your arms. When he attached his lips to your shoulder, you shuddered, pushed your skin harder against his sucking mouth. By the time he pulled away, there was a very distinct hickey formed. A smile passed up your face as you rubbed it against his chest, sighing. In response, he gently kissed it. 

"Can't we just take the day of-" your words caught at that tongue drawing light patterns up the nape of your neck. Your nostrils flared, trying not to pant, "well, I guess they'll be waiting-" your body writhed, a needy whine rising up your stomach. 

L's lips tugged up against your skin, playfully passing his fingers up and your front.

"They can wait for their boss, can't they?" He murmured huskily, delicately kissing the shell of your ear.

You squirmed at that, your mouth falling open.

"Yes," you decided with a laugh, "they can."

Rolling over, you landed on top of him, kissing his throat. It bobbed excitedly, his arms snaking around your waist. Rubbing yourself against him a bit, he made breathless sounds, his fingers running along your spine. 

"Although, I suppose we must get this case over-" L was trying to tease you, but it ended up a nonsensical jumble when you licked his nipple. He threw his head back, giving a raspy chuckle.

"Oh my God, keep doing that," he urged, gaping.

While you did, he guided himself inside, recapturing your lips. Looking down at him, you couldn't help your heart tugging, the filtered sunlight making his tussled hair falling around his face handsomely.

The two of you rocked your hips in unison, each slide making your blood boil. Hooking your fingers into his shoulders, you moaned. The moan made his finger press harder into your hips, and you were sure there'd be new bruises joining the ones from last night. Arching your back, you cried out, dragging your nails down his chest as you climaxed. He groaned at the feeling, releasing.

L smiled, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Breakfast?"

"Hm. I thought you'd never ask."

He spread his digits through your hair, kissing your forehead before you shifted off of him.

* * *

A couple of days passed without incident and it seemed the investigation was stagnating. It was getting you anxious, like some big alarm clock that you never knew when it was going to go off, or which one would set it off first. Light or B? Both were dangerous in their own cunning little ways.

L was sprawled out, naked under the covers, sleeping. It was late, the sky outside inky, the lights from Tokyo so bright that you couldn't even see stars. The only thing you were wearing was L's shirt, sitting languidly in a chair, you scribbled down your own observations, your deductions. You chewed the end of the pencil, staring at the paper. 

B was always more of a listener, putting together his actor profiles and getting people to tell them about themselves, get to know them intimately while building himself to _become_ them. Light... hm... you hadn't known him for very long, but you'd say he was more of a talker, bringing people over to his side with words. Impress and instill his own superiority and make people want to follow him, even against their own code. He liked being a spectacle.

Now, which one was more dangerous? Which one was more likely to strike first?... Was there even a way to counter-strike? 

You finished jotting down your thoughts on the two of them with a sigh, tucking your notepad behind the bathroom mirror with your emergency gun. Leaning against the counter, you tapped your chin. 5 days since Light had managed to worm his way out of detainment. Wedy was going to be doing her snooping tomorrow. You scratched at your scalp, shaking your head.

Nothing about this case made sense. And the lack of physical evidence was dragging it way too much. You paused, remembering B's deep belief in the supernatural and his claims of how he could see people's names and death dates. Ugh, all of this was so impossible. It was making your brain ache.

Groaning, you smoothed your hands up your face, looking for pants and wandering to the surveillance room. Matsuda was there typing something. He glanced up, beaming widely as he turned his chair around, moving in front of his screen.

"Y/n! What are you doing here?"

You rolled your shoulders, yawning. 

"Just checking up on things. How's surveillance?"

He shrugged, standing up.

"Boring," he laughed, "you want to go get some coffee in the break room? We could-"

His hand shot out, wrapping around your wrist.

You gasped, your mind locking in surprise before snapping back to reality. His nails were... _digging_.

"What the **_fuck_**?!" You cried out, trying to wrench your wrist away.

It didn't work, only seeming to get tighter. Your eyes flashed across his face, your heart freezing. He looked... terrified, his pupils constricted in fear and beads of sweat rolling down his brow. The look was so foreign on his usually cheery face that you found yourself just standing there, not sure what to do.

"M-Mats-"

"C-c-c-c," he stuttered, his eyes widening.

You watched him, your heart pounding.

"Matsuda! What's wrong?"

His teeth chattered, his entire body scrunching with effort. You yelped, the nails digging in so harshly that a faint trickle of blood ran down your skin. You glared at him, rearing to do a Capoeira kick to the chest when he let out a horrified, strangled whimper.

"Help," he sobbed, locking eyes with you.

A bucket of cold washed over you. By now, his grip was so tight that he was shaking. A smile crept up his lips, but his eyes were still full of raw fear.

"Oops. Sorry about that. Oh, well. Goodnight!"

You stared at him, the words not matching those _eyes_. They were tearing, begging. He seemed to be fighting himself on letting you go. It felt like forever until he threw your arm and started walking for the door.

You were stunned, frozen in place. Snapping out of it, you raced after him. He was already way too ahead, making you have to run fast and hard.

"Wait! Matsuda! What's going on?!"

Instead of answering, he exited the building, slipping into the darkness and disappearing. You stood in the doorway, the light streaming in from behind you.

"Matsuda!" You screamed, "Matsuda, wait! W-where..."

You scanned the area, but didn't see him. Chewing on your lip, you stood there dejectedly, drops of blood rolling down and dripping off your fingers.

"Matsuda?"


	17. Downfall

B's perspective

Rem explained everything. As she spoke, my jam craving was getting worse and worse. Aw shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit.

 _Goddamn it, Matsuda! I had a plan! Asshole_.

I pressed myself more flat, trying to make my breathing shallow. Across the room, Rem was cackling. I wanted to retort, but was stuck between that and forcing myself to be quiet. She wheezed. I couldn't really see her from my position, but Dear God, did it sound like she was having a good time.

"Looks like that human threw a wrench into everything, hm?" She burst out laughing again, the sound raspy and unnatural.

"Oh fuck off," I hissed, quickly clamping a hand over my mouth.

When nothing happened, I sighed.

"I thought your precious little death note was foolproof! It's a supernatural notebook of death!" I whispered.

I could hear the nasty smile in her voice. Even worse, I could picture her lips curling. Ugh, I needed jam. Maybe something a little stronger on the side. But most definitely jam.

"Technically speaking, you never told Matsuda not to do that," she purred.

 _Serve adoringly?! You'd think it'd be implied_! But I managed to keep that to myself. 

I smoothed a hand over my face. Okay, okay. It wasn't a total loss. He'd done the important part. I just had to... tweak... the rest of the plan up a bit. The only part that had really gotten screwed up was getting a look at Kira's face. Try to figure out if he was useful or if it was in my best interest just to kill him then and there. But other than that... everything was going okay...

Yeah. I could work with this. I slowly exhaled, my face lighting up as a thrill of excitement ran up my spine. 

_Oh Matsuda... you really did fight so hard. And if you'd only been a bit better, you might've won_.

* * *

You paced, your mind spinning. Okay, okay. You just had to... fuck, what did you have to do? Scanning through the security footage, you growled in frustration. Nothing throughout the day had indicated Matsuda would have such a meltdown! Chewing your lip nervously, you rushed back up the stairs to find L. He was still curled up, but being the light sleeper he was, jolted upright when you burst in.

"What-"

"Something's going on with Matsuda. I think he's in trouble."

He was instantly awake, pulling his laptop onto his lap, his fingers flying.

You went back to pacing, feeling like a caged animal. Something was about to go down, you could feel it sinking in your bones. After a minute or two, L had managed to hack into city cameras and was flipping form street to street, shaking his head.

"He's not home yet and I don't see him on any of the streets."

 _He looked so scared_... you chewed your nails, looking over L's shoulder.

"Can you check his movements over the past few days?"

He glanced at you, eyes flickering in surprise.

"He scared you that much?"

You nodded silently, debating whether or not to tell him about the harsh grip. You didn't need to, his eyes traveled to your wrist with a gasp.

"Did he do that to you?!" His voice rose in a note of panic.

When you didn't answer, he gently took your hand, inspecting the gashes. By now, they'd stopped bleeding. But they still stung and burned. L motioned towards the bathroom.

"I'll get something to clean them. Maybe if we sent Aiber to his house to wait for him?"

"Sounds good."

To your dismay, hours passed and Matsuda hadn't returned home or to the building.

When the task force saw the bandaged marks on your wrist, they didn't bother hiding their shock. L rubbed a thumb along his lips, making eye-contact with Soichiro.

"I'm afraid I must ask Light to come in. This could be extremely serious."

Soichiro blinked. Your heart tugged. He always seemed to be the closest to Matsuda, almost like a second son. Soichiro massaged the bridge of his nose.

"You think this is that serious?"

L didn't answer at first, staring at the screen in front of him.

"We know that to a certain extent, Kira can control the actions of his victims. Right now, we know nothing of Matsuda's condition or why he did what he did. But if he was somehow under one of the Kira's control, we need to determine the extent of the influence... before he..."

The word 'dies' hung heavily in the air, unspoken yet there.

You still couldn't get that expression out of your mind... it was a chilling sight that made you want to curl up.

Of course Light skipped classes and came right away, helping everyone do a sweep of the building. You were in charge of the security cameras, reviewing the footage from last night all the way up until a week ago. You chewed your lip in frustration. Nothing seemed off about them. You sat back, rubbing your temple. 

It felt like you were going around in circles. 

By the time night fell, you were trudging to L's room, thoroughly exhausted. 

L glanced up as you entered the bedroom, your wrist stinging all over again. His gaze softened as he went to get some more antibiotic cream and fresh bandages. You sat on the edge of the bed, watching him work as his long fingers brushed against you.

"You really think Matsuda's going to die?" You whispered.

He hesitated, holding up your wrist for inspection. When he was satisfied that it was okay, he gently slid a hand up your cheek. You nuzzled it worriedly, meeting his eyes. They flickered.

"Yes. I believe he will. Unless this is an unprecedented mental breakdown, I don't see how Kira couldn't be involved. But like I said, there are many explanations. We won't know until we find him."

You nodded numbly, leaning in and brushing your lips against his. He returned it, framing your face. L tucked your hair behind your ears, pressing his cool lips to your forehead.

"We'll figure it out," his voice vibrated your skin.

You felt a greater inkling of confidence, weaving your fingers through his. A small chuckle rose up your chest.

"This case is such a pain."

He gave a genuine smile, snorting. 

"We should go somewhere when this is all over," he rumbled, kissing the soft part of your throat.

You leaned into him, nodding. To your shock though, you felt prickles of sadness rising up your stomach. L pulled back slightly, scanning your eyes. You shrank, a familiar ache in your chest.

"I want to go back to Wammy's," you whispered, "when this is all over and B's dead... I want to go home..."

L passed his fingers comfortingly over your scalp. To your surprise, excitement passed over his features.

"I think you'd like it," he admitted sheepishly, "Quillish installed a full playground in the back. Near and Mello are always at each other's throats, but it's kind of become a gameshow with the other kids," he smiled wistfully, "they'll make bets on which one will win whatever competition they have going on."

You grinned. The last time you saw them, they were so young. Too young to really try to connect with you. 

"Let me guess. Matt's the one taking all the winnings."

L shrugged, "what can I say? He knows how to play the system."

The two of you chuckled, watching each other. Settling with your ear on his chest, you listened to the other ways in which Wammy's had changed. Little ways that you hand't even considered. A new type of rose in the garden. New stained-glass windows after someone accidentally broke the old ones. Different snacks stored in the kitchens because Roger felt the kids should be eating healthier. It was surreal listening to L talk about what the kids had done and how they'd changed since you'd been away. 

After a while, you stretched, looking out to see that it was almost midnight. Jesus, you'd been there, with your ear over his heart listening to his stories for almost two hours.

"Do we still have those donuts in the break room?" You _really_ wanted one. 

L's lips twitched up.

"Get me one?"

Rolling off the bed, your muscles creaked. Stumbling down, you checked the investigation room. It was Aizawa's turn to watch the cameras, but his duties were doubled in keeping an eye out for Matsuda and scanning the city cameras. Moving into the break room, you froze. Light was sitting at one of the tables. He glanced in your direction, his lips curling. 

Trying to ignore the gaze, you moved for the donut box, your face falling when you realized it was empty. Light cleared his throat.

 _Ah, fuck_. You turned to see that yup, of course he had all of the donuts sitting in front of him. He tilted his head, motioning for you to sit across from him. 

"You really care for Matsuda, huh?"

"You don't?" You shot back pointedly.

He smirked, inspecting his nails and making sure nothing was off or imperfect, down to the nonexistent wrinkles on his shirt. Your eyes narrowed.

"If I find out that you had _anything_ to do with his disappearance-"

"You'll _what_?" His eyes sparked, as if this were all just the start of some game. Your eyes flamed, your nostrils flaring. 

After a tense second of glaring at each other, his face fell back into a frown.

"I had nothing to do with his disappearance."

You watched him closely, trying to decide whether or not you believed him. Something told you he was telling the truth, but it felt like he'd told so many lies that it was impossible to know.

"Whatever," you grumbled, "as long as you help us-"

"Of course I will, Sybil."

The world came to a screeching halt.

You stopped, staring at him. Sybil... you hadn't used that alias since being L's proxy... in fact, it was your alias during the LABB case.

"Where did you hear that name?" You rasped, your heart almost drowning out his voice.

At your expression, he gave a light laugh.

"You're a very hard woman to find information about. I knew that you were a bounty hunter at one point, but that was almost a dead end. It was practically guaranteed though that you have some past connection to L, possibly through cases. Interesting enough, almost every one of L's cases goes off without a hitch, each piece playing exactly as he wanted it to. Except for one. The LABB case. That one went all to Hell. Four agents died, one was severely injured and the murderer actually managed to escape. It was a massive outrage and for a while, people were _really_ gunning for L's head. According to official files, there was an outsider named Sybil representing L," he leaned forward, his eyes glittering. 

Your mouth felt dry. He shrugged.

"This was actually more so of a test. And you passed with flying colors. You basically just admitted to being Sybil... you've known him for a long time, hm? I'm curious now. All the other cases I found had different names, some male, some female. If it turns out to be that you were all of them... that would mean you've worked with him at least since you were 18."

Your brow quirked, your mind trying to regain control of the situation. No matter how much Light dug, he wouldn't find Wammy's. That you could be sure of. 

"So?" You chirped, "You know I have a long-standing relationship with Ryuzaki, so what? Call this what it is, Light. A desperate intimidation tactic because you're looking for a kink in his armor. You don't think you can find it in Watari, so you're looking for it in me... you think you can use me against him. Just because I choose not to have a flashy, mysterious title, you think that means I'm the weakest link."

Light blinked, obviously not happy about having been called out. He leaned forward, his eyes practically glowing red, producing an eerily similar feeling to whenever you'd look at B.

"Call me a concerned citizen. If L has his _girlfriend_ so out on-the-line, he's giving himself a vulnerability. You'd do better for him and yourself to leave."

"It's never occurred to you I might be more dangerous than L?" a languid smile crossed up your lips, "he can order Kira's execution... but I'm the one who'd pull the trigger. I must say, though, It's a bit strange that you want to get rid of me so badly, isn't it?"

Sparks flew between the two of you. A part of you was tempted to kick his throat, show him just how skilled in Capoeira you were. Deciding against it, you snatched two donuts, walking briskly for the door.

"You're going to be his downfall," he taunted after you.

The taunt left shivers going up and down your spine, but you didn't stop walking, didn't allow yourself the chance to panic or spiral as you made your way back to the bedroom.


	18. Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning: There's a very brief mention of suicide.

_After meeting Wedy, you knew L was also keeping tabs on Aiber. Any time he tried reaching out to you, you were volatile. He finally got the message and backed off. When he did, it was both a relief and a curse. You were torn between wanting to see him but finishing what you started. As you prowled the streets in America looking for B, there was a bounty office._

_Okay, that job had been much easier than your previous ones combined. And you were **expected** not to kill. Hm. Wedy watched as you started packing your things._

_"Are you sure you want to leave?"_

_For the first time since you'd met her, she looked worried, bitting at her lip nervously._

_"Are the heists too much for you?"_

_"Come on, Wedy," your lips twitched up, "we both know you can't afford to take smaller heists. Besides, you've been taking care of me and helping me heal for about a year now. If I need help, I swear you'll be the first person I call."_

_Wedy hesitated. To you shock, her eyes were teary, but she nodded. She understood. If you felt you had to do this, who was she to stand in your way? Wedy enveloped you, and it was the warmest gesture you'd ever received from the thief._

_"Give Aiber my love," you touched your forehead to hers and she sighed._

_"Of course. Be safe, Charlie. I... I hope you find what you're looking for."_

_"I will," you whispered confidently, slinging your bag over your shoulder._

_You were good at being a bounty hunter. After having been a bit of an assassin searching for dangerous people, regular ones who hadn't paid their dues was easy for you. It earned you money on the road, and you practically felt yourself getting closer and closer to B. He knew too, putting more effort into his disguises and trying to blend so wholly that it was like he was never there._

_You were packing your gun and smaller belongings when you received a tip that he was in-transit to Japan. Sighing, you moved out of the crappy apartment you'd been living in for the past two months, rolling your shoulders._

_"I guess I'm going to Japan."_

* * *

L nibbled on his donut, watching you. Your eyes were burning a hole on the edge of the bed. He opened his mouth, thought better of it, and promptly stuffed the donut back into his mouth.

"God, I can't stand Light," you growled, rubbing your face.

He rose a thumb to his lips in curiosity, his gaze like a spotlight.

"Do you wish to... share?"

"Not really," you grumbled, "just... he gets on my nerves." 

He looked like he was about to respond, when the coms crackled to life. Watari's voice was grave. It instantly made your skin go cold and goosebumps run along your arms.

"Ryuzaki. Kage. We... we may have found Matsuda. A John Doe... I'm... I'm sorry."

There it was. The confirmation that you knew was coming but was dreading. You didn't want to move. L inhaled sharply, his jaw setting. When you still hadn't shifted from the bed, he gently touched the small of your back.

"We have to go. There's a possibility it's not him."

"He's dead," you whispered.

"Y/n. We need to go."

Everything felt stiff, even as he hugged you, burying his face into your shoulder. Your breath caught, tears threatening to slide down your cheeks. You really had been starting to see Matsuda as a friend... your lip quivered, just wanting to curl up.

"Yeah," you croaked, numbly looking for your sweater, "maybe it's not him."

* * *

The task force was gathered around the body. Mogi had been the one to get the tip that a morgue had received a John Doe. He'd followed up on it... 

A shudder passed up your spine.

"Oh my God..."

Even Light seemed shocked at the body's state. According to reports, he'd been in a major traffic accident. He looked it... so many bones were broken, his face so swollen that it was understandable how the morgue couldn't identify him. If no one had been looking for him, you weren't sure how long he would've remained a John Doe.

L circled the body slowly. He was already in detective-mode, his eyes sharp and analytical, scanning meticulously. He narrowed them, biting at his thumb.

Aizawa cursed under his breath, shaking his head.

"Fuck... how..."

"You think Kira can kill in ways other than a heart attack?" You breathed.

The task force glanced at you, nodding quietly. Soichiro closed his eyes, lines forming deep in his face. Light patted his father's shoulder reassuringly. Ukita swiped a cloth over his forehead.

"Are we sure it was Kira? He'd been refusing to eat lately... Maybe he was..."

That made you shift. _You should've pushed him to eat_. What if Ukita was right? What if this wasn't Kira? But Light shook his head.

"Mr. Ukita, if Matsuda was suicidal, there would've been many easier ways to go about it."

You chewed your lip, hating to agree with Light... but at the same time... shit, this was all so complicated. L had stayed quiet the whole time, still inspecting Matsuda's body. You tilted your head. Now that Matsuda's face was badly damaged, you had to say he looked a lot like...

"B," you gasped, your eyes widening, almost stumbling back.

L's eyes snapped in your direction, his eyes large in surprise. They melted into realization, his hand shakily covering his mouth. 

"His attack," he breathed.

The task force whirled between the both of you, but you didn't pay them any mind. Everything was dream-like stepping towards the body. Yeah... the weight-loss had been gradual enough that you didn't really notice, and his face had enough differences that you didn't think of B when you saw him. But like this, his limbs small, his face tighter as a result, his skin much paler than when you'd met him and his eyes closed, he did bear a bit of a resemblance to L. Enough for B to work with, at least.

A cold sweat broke out on your brow. Had that been B's plan? To turn himself into Matsuda and infiltrate the investigation? If Matsuda hadn't warned you, his death would've gone unnoticed for so long... it was the perfect kind of opening for B to slip through the building's security. He could've done anything he wanted, been anywhere and be in total control of the situation.

"What does 'B' mean?" Light piped up.

Your throat was closed on you, not wanting to answer. All you could see was Matsuda's face... had B really orchestrated this? Light looked like he was about to push when L's jaw ground defensively.

"None of your concern."

"If this B had anything to do with Matsuda's death, then it is our concern!" Soichiro burst out.

Everyone stared at him. Out of everyone on the force, he seemed to be the most confident in L and his abilities. But the older man was staring with a betrayed and angry glare.

"You've been keeping valuable information," Soichiro accused, his voice rising a notch, "if we'd known about this B since the beginning, this may have been prevented! _Explain_!"

L flinched, locking eyes with you. You gazed back, the both of you having a silent debate. Would talking about B give Light a lead towards Wammy's? N-no... Wammy's was one of the most secure facilities on the planet. But the thought of Light using B's existence to track the orphanage... L seemed to read you mind, shaking his head.

"He's... an unstable individual-"

"And?" Aizawa snarled, looking ready to bite L's head off.

They engaged in a silent battle before L swallowed.

"There's a 99.7% chance that he's New Kira."

The reaction was visceral. You shrank, your eyes wide as they whole force seemed to gang up, screaming about how this was necessary information. Aizawa was pointing a shaking finger at you, demanding to know how much you knew. L's eyes darted, his body tensing. 

"Shut up!" He barked.

Ice filled the air, mouths clamping, the atmosphere thick. You exhaled slowly, trying to keep your knees from buckling. L was breathing heavily, his gaze dark.

"I do everything for a reason, do I not? Then I ask you to realize that I had a reason for not telling you. And I will continue to not tell you until I have a reason to do so."

Your lip quivered. On one hand, all connections to Wammy's House had to stay as buried as possible. On the other, L had just essentially said-

"Matsuda's death isn't 'reason' enough?" Mogi spat.

L blinked, drawing back slowly from the body.

"I-"

"I'm out," Ukita snarled, turning on his heels, "I didn't realize our lives meant so little to you."

Aizawa and Mogi watched Ukita in disbelief. They hesitated, Mogi running a hand through his hair.

"I'm not out," he murmured quietly, "but I need time."

Aizawa nodded in agreement to Mogi's statement, following him out of the morgue. Soichiro didn't say a word. He cast long look at Matsuda, his eyes glassy before dejectedly walking out. You and L stood there in a daze. Light feigned heartbreak, but you could practically see the smugness fighting to spread across his face.

"It looks like you just pushed away your entire task force," he crooned, backing towards the door. He paused and flashed what he must've supposed was a reassuring smile, "don't worry, Ryuzaki. I won't just leave. You won't get rid of me that easily."

The sound of the door closing behind Light sounded especially loud.

L turned his face downwards towards Matsuda, his features cryptic. You were still reeling, not sure what to think or say. Maybe it would've been better if you and L had told them all about B. It just felt like he was such a liability, a thorn that would never go away. L gave a dry chuckle.

"I guess I was never good at keeping friends, hm?"

"Hey. We'll figure it out," but it sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself. 

Stepping forward, you pulled him into a hug. He was stiff in your arms at first, but melted into your grip, wrapping his arms around you. Trying to put yourself together, the both of you exited the room, bidding goodnight to the coroner. It was late now, much too late. At this point, it was about 2 in the morning and you couldn't get past the slog in your brain. Maybe if you stayed up just a little longer to try and track Matsuda's movements? But by the time you and L entered the limo, you were asleep, your cheek pressed against his shoulder, him lightly passing his fingers over your scalp. 

You didn't wake up until hours later, tucked in bed, sunlight streaming in. Blinking, you rolled your muscles, glancing over to see L perched on his chair, reading and nibbling on a danish. You squinted, looking over to see it was already almost 10. 

"Damn, it's late," you sighed, swinging your legs over the side of the bed.

L bobbed his head, closing his book. You stared at him.

"Why are you here? What happened to the case?"

"I have been working on the case, I came up here about an hour ago. I didn't sleep last night..." he buried himself into a ball, looking at you anxiously, "I wanted to be here when you woke up... make sure you're okay."

Folding your arms around yourself, you didn't respond. He opened his mouth, looking like he was about to reach out. _No. No crying. You can cry after we catch B_. You held on to that thought, wrapping the blanket around yourself. 

"Come on," you muttered, swiping at your eyes, "even if it's just us..."

He followed you down to the investigation room where you both balked. L swayed on his feet, his face absolutely painted in shock. The entire task force was there, even Ukita, who had declared he was 'done'. They were all shifting uncomfortably, Soichiro and Light at the computers. L scanned them all.

"I thought all of you wanted time to process..."

"We do," Mogi cut in, scratching the back of his neck, "but we also want justice for Matsuda."

"Yeah!," Ukita declared, "I'll admit L, I'm not too fond of the way you do things, and you shouldn't have kept information like that secret... but we can deal with that when we catch this B."

You gaped, your chest going warm. L tilted his head. You knew he wasn't used to people sticking through thick and thin with him. Hooking an arm around his, his eyes moved in your direction in uncertainty. He held your gaze until his expression warmed.

"Let's get him," he smiled.


	19. Callous

The day was filled to the brim. It was a welcome distraction, even if you felt terrible. A lot of it was spent with you just shoving all the bad emotions into a corner of your mind and trying to pretend they didn't exist. If. you could shut yourself off... maybe you could get through this... damn, it was still skewering your concentration. 

You grumbled to yourself, trying to remember back when Matsuda first started refusing to eat. It was... a while ago... L's eyes trained on you. He nodded thoughtfully.

"It would seem Kira can control his victims' actions for much longer than we initially thought."

"That was like... a full month," you said softly.

Hanging your head, everything was aching. You should've been more diligent... better... if you'd only... you swiped at your eyes. There was something you were missing. You stared at the table, your mind spinning. L was going through the security footage one last time, shaking his head.

"Nothing," he sighed, leaning away from the monitor and rubbing his eyes.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, exhaling shakily.

"Come on," you croaked, "we'll feel better once we get some dinner."

L looked like he was about to argue, but you were already dragging yourself towards the break room. He scrounged the fridge, sliding some leftover pie on a plate, offering it out. You shook your head, your stomach gurgling unpleasantly.

"I don't think I can have sugar right now," you admitted with a dry smile, searching for something more substantial. 

The task force seemed to have the same idea, trickling in one at a time and silently getting their dinners together. Aizawa said he was taking the rest of the night off to have dinner with his family. The others bade him goodnight and sat around the break room, no one meeting each others' eyes.

In simplest terms, they were still pissed with the two of you, ignoring you and L whenever possible. Just trying to get the job done for Matsuda. L obliged, not pushing unless necessary, sticking closer to you.

You shriveled, not really wanting to be part of the group anyway. Hell, just sitting among them was making your stomach ache with guilt. Taking L's hand, you gently led him outside, motioning to the stairs.

"Roof?"

* * *

It was a thick blanket of grey and you were sure it would start raining at any second. Sunset was somewhere in the distance, and you wished you could see the brilliant colors. Instead, you were met with just a bunch of clouds. But otherwise, the roof was nice. Overlooking the city and parks, all the cars and people looking tiny and detached. You were sitting on the edge, swinging your legs languidly over the side. L was staring at you, drumming his fingers. After a few seconds, he snorted.

"I'd prefer if you didn't fall," he chuckled warily.

You smiled, motioning for him to join you.

"There's something adrenaline-inducing about being so close to the edge," you admitted, wringing your fingers.

He hesitated, but slowly stepped next to you, perching on the balls of his feet. There was a quiet moment where neither of you said anything, just letting the wind blow through your hair. The fork with his pie dangled from his lips and he chewed on the prongs thoughtfully.

"They didn't come back for me... did they? Not because they trust me or think I have their best interests at heart. They think I don't care."

You bit into your sandwich, not wanting to confirm it. The judgement and resentment bled through their expressions and you felt yourself wishing all over that things were different, your mind berating you on how you could have and should have helped Matsuda. And since your brain was feeling extra self-loathing today, it wandered to everyone else in your life who had suffered.

"I just wish I could've helped him."

L placed his chin in the cup of his hand, his eyes like spotlights. It was difficult swallowing the sandwich, your chest straining. The words came out in a tumble, your eyes blurry. You shrank in on yourself, the lump in your throat so heavy that you could barely talk around it, making your sounds even more broken.

"I wish I could've helped all of them. A, B, Matsuda, you, myself. Fuck-" You grasped the front of your hair, your limbs trembling. A tear managed to fight its way out and roll down your cheek. It wasn't welcome though. You tried bottling it all back in, but it was starting to leak out, "I'll never be good enough."

You curled up, letting out a slight sob. L gaped, shifting closer. It was like your body acted on its own. You enveloped him, burying your face into his shoulder. You just needed to be held... a shudder passing over you. He slowly passed his fingers over your scalp.

"Don't say that. It'll be okay," he soothed, wrapping his arms more confidently around you.

Sagging in his grip, you let out a high-pitched whine, you lip quivering.

"I'll never catch him. I'll never be able to move on. Light-Light said I was just a liability for you and I'm terrified that it's true... I'm just not good enough," your fingers were clutching his sleeve so tightly that your knuckles were white. 

He pressed his lips to your temple and you sighed, leaning into him. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he rumbled, talking quietly into your ear, "I know nothing I say is going to make those feelings go away, but if I may just say... I think you're incredible. Who else can track a man with no identity through dozens of countries? You've been keeping one of the most dangerous killers in this world on his toes for 3 years. If that's not incredible, I don't know what is. Besides," L's lips went up into a small smile against the side of your face, "Light's a dick."

You burst out laughing, holding your forehead against the crook of his shoulder.

"I'll give you that."

Intertwining your fingers between his, you leaned against him, staring out at the cityscape. 

* * *

Light's perspective

As night came, the task force drizzled out. I decided to stay behind, maybe just to give Ryuzaki and Kage a hard time. That was fun. Ryuk materialized through the floor, pointing at an apple pleadingly.

"I can't," I hissed, "cameras. Ryuzaki checks them every morning."

Ryuk chuckled darkly and rolled his eyes, lounging horizontally in the air. His eyes glinted dangerously.

"Well I want my damn apples. Figure something out... Are you going to actually do something interesting or am I going to be steeped in boredom?"

Damn Shinigami. But it was probably best if I kept him entertained. I gave him a sideways glance, trying not to look annoyed.

"Oh? And how do you want me to entertain you?"

He opened his mouth and hesitated, tapping a long claw against his chin. A shudder ran up my spine. I'd never get used to that. For all my brave talk, the Shinigami did make me... anxious... I didn't know what I was expecting, but him clasping his hands together as he chortled wasn't it. The laugh only seemed to grow in volume.

"You know what? Never mind. I'm plenty entertained."

My brow quirked.

What was that supposed to mean? 

Trying to ignore him, I turned back to the monitors, scanning through every room. As I did, I could hear Ryuk chuckling over my shoulder. And it was just getting louder and louder. God, was he annoying. But it did make me stop and rewind the footage Ryuzaki had looked over. 

My eyes narrowed.

"... the fuck?" I breathed.

* * *

You walked into the room to see L sitting in bed, reading a book. Sighing, you moved to his side, shaking your head. A part of you was embarrassed about your outburst, your meltdown that you felt you were still on the verge of. Sinking onto the mattress, you smiled tiredly, your brain spinning from how insane the day had been.

"Thank you... for listening," you mumbled.

L's eyes went to you, flickering. He nodded, rubbing his thumb along his lip. Leaning in, he brushed your lips.

"I'll always be there," he murmured, "you don't think you're good enough... but you know that's not true."

Blinking, your eyes misted. Crap, was it really happening again?

"It's just..."

Your throat closed on you, unable to find the words. L stared at you, holding onto your hand reassuringly. You smiled.

"I love you," you whispered, touching foreheads.

He scanned your face, the corners of his lips up.

"I love you too."

He slowly pressed his mouth to yours. His lips were warm, sending your arms tingling. You invited his tongue, the two of yours battling for dominance, twisting and dancing around each other. He let out a husky moan, the sound traveling through your throat. In response, you let out a strangled, needy sound. 

Tangling your fingers into his locks, you pulled him closer, his thin frame pressed against yours. L's fingers slid up your shirt, sliding it off and leaving you in your bra. The cold air hit your skin, making all your nerves go haywire. You shivered, your stomach bubbling. His digits were cold, sending goosebumps up your front. L ran his thumb along your cheek, his lips ghosting to your neck. You leaned into his mouth, gaping as he sucked on the soft skin, his teeth lightly grazing across your windpipe. His hands slid up your sides, his smooth finger softly gliding across your hard jawbone.

He'd just attached his lips to your shoulder when your eyes flew open.

His thumb was soft and tender.

Not calloused after decades of biting it.


	20. In A Jam

Your mouth felt dry, your stomach turning. You froze, unable to process anything but his tongue lightly dragging along your collarbone.

He ran his fingers up your sides and you were suddenly _very_ aware of your toplessness. Your mind spun, your eyes darting. Fear shivered up your spine when he kissed your lips again, softly nipping at your bottom one. You cursed yourself. How could you not have felt it before? The kisses were different in their own little ways. A shiver ran up your spine when he framed your face. You had to figure out a way to kill him... _No! I can't!... I need to find out where L is... I need him alive_.

You'd been so lost in your thoughts that you squeaked in surprise when he rolled the two of you on the mattress, his weight pressing you down. Your skin crawled, your nostrils flaring in fear. Just to hide that you knew, you closed your eyes, shuddering when he kissed your collarbone again, holding your arms over your head. His breath tickled your ear, not bothering to hide his smirk.

"I'm going to make you scream my name."

Shit, shit, shit. You needed a way out of this. Your brow furrowed.

Wait a minute... he's supposed to be L right now... could it really be that easy? 

You blinked.

"Wait."

He immediately stopped, sitting back, still straddling you. You breathed out slowly, smiling apologetically.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

He rose a thumb to his lips, probably trying to decide whether or not L had a bathroom kink, trying to decipher if you were inviting him to go with you. _That's right, B. You don't know everything about him... this is the equivalent of improv, huh_? He gave a tight smile, gaze flickering in annoyance. But he leaned down and kissed you slowly. 

"Don't be too long," he said huskily, his fingertip dragging down your throat while he kissed.

You returned it, even adding in an extra moan for good effect. Walking to the bathroom, you felt his eyes boring a hole into your back, watching you intently. Closing the door, you stumbled. Your knees buckled, almost giving out on you. Hissing out a breath, you only slightly opened the faucet to give the impression of using the toilet, expecting him to be right on the other side, listening in. Diving for the mirror, you practically threw it open. Your heart dropped, your ears ringing.

Your gun was gone.

You stared at the area, your mind going into shock.

There was a 97% chance that Beyond Birthday had your gun.

Your hands gripped the edge of the counter, your arms the only thing keeping you upright. _Think_. Your eyes went to the cabinet, pulse pounding. Carefully sliding it open, you nearly collapsed in relief.

L's razor.

It wasn't a lot. Hell, against a gun, it was laughable, but it was better than nothing. You picked out the blade, pocketed it and flushed the toilet. Stepping back into the room, he was eagerly waiting for you, chewing on his thumb.

"Are you okay?"

You nodded reassuringly. Before he could ask any questions or get suspicious, you pulled him into a deep kiss, trying not to recoil. You needed a clean, decisive slice somewhere that would make him pass out but wouldn't kill him. Your grip on the blade tightened, your heart drowning everything else. Maybe the wrist? But there was still the issue of the-

The gun's barrel poked into the back of your head. You paused, your lips so close to his that you could feel his smile. 

"I admit, I was flying by the seat of my pants a bit, but I'm curious where my performance lacked?"

You stiffened, glaring at him before sneering and pointedly wiping at your mouth.

"You're the worst goddamn kisser I've ever had."

His lips twitched. He brought the gun around, pressing it against your forehead. The metal was cool, making you shiver. Your breathing quickened, unable to concentrate. He sighed dramatically.

"Be a dear and get me some jam? We have some in the little fridge," he purred.

When you didn't shift, he shook the gun a bit threateningly. Swallowing, you forced yourself off the bed, desperately missing your shirt. You subconsciously tried covering yourself, crossing your arms over your bra as you made your way to the fridge. He snorted.

"No need to be so modest. Trust me, Sweetie, I don't care about that, I'm not even attracted to you in that way," his lips curled, "I have standards."

Numbly, you opened the fridge, glaring at him as you held the jam jar, holding it out for his approval. He hummed, jutting out a hand. 

"Much obliged."

Before you moved over to him, you held it protectively. His eyes sparked amusedly, realizing you wouldn't give it to him until he answered your questions. Leaning against the headrest, he motioned for you to ask. You faltered, not even sure where to begin.

"Where's L? Is he..." your breath caught, "did you kill him?"

"Oof, you don't know if your lover's dead or alive... you're in a Hell of a _jam_ , huh?"

Surprise! You didn't laugh. A dark expression came over his eyes, the instability making itself known.

"And what would you do if he was dead, hm? What if I told you I ripped his body apart, piece by piece, all the while while he screamed and begged for me to stop? Cried out for you because all he had at that point was love and desperation? What would you do then?"

If felt like you couldn't breathe, the images making you want to shrivel. Oh, God... The dark expression vanished and he gave an almost goofy grin.

"Geez, relax, just a joke. Everyone's a critic. Don't worry. He's alive, running around in Dreamland. How can I kill him when I haven't given him an unsolvable case?"

You exhaled slowly. Okay... he was alive... there'd be no reason for him to lie about that...

"How long?" You asked suddenly, your chest squeezing.

B's lips twitched. 

"22 hours. So close."

Your throat bobbed. 22 hours... that meant... as if reading your mind, he chortled.

"You were so sweet," he drawled, imitating you, "oh, boo hoo, I'm not good enough wahhh!" As he spoke, his voice turned more into a nasty snarl, "well you're right, you're _nothing_. The only honest thing I said was that Light's a dick."

You stood there, shame and embarrassment rising up your mind. 22 hours... he'd traveled to see Matsuda's body with you, had been there when you broke down... watched you sleep. You shifted, trying not let emotion show on your face.

"Why?" You rasped, "if not for sex, then why?"

"I had a bit of a goal for myself. Fool you for a full 24 hours. Think of the sex as my step up and _Beyond_ , eh, eh? No... okay. Anyone can pretend to be someone else, but it takes a true actor to have sex with someone's soulmate and not have them notice."

It was so surreal... watching L's features twist cruelly... of course you knew it wasn't him, but the color of his eyes and skin, his wild hair and frame of his face... he flexed his toes, a small but undeniably insane smile playing up his lips.

You inhaled shakily, still trying to wrap your brain around the situation. 

"I don't understand," you whispered, "... how?"

B gave a cryptic smile, his eyes going distant. 

_My palms were sweating bullets, but I forced myself to keep calm. According to Matsuda, there were 3 levels of security in the building. A guard in the front, cameras everywhere with 'no blindspots' (although let's be honest, there's always a blindspot somewhere) and a passcode-protected elevator._

_I shifted in my Matsuda disguise, flashing a smile at the guard. He barely glanced up, waving me on to the elevator where I used his passcode. Now came the tricky part. Finding a blindspot. If all went according to plan, I was going to hide while Matsuda tampered with the footage and left the building. Hopefully his body wouldn't be discovered for a_ **long** _time and I could study L more closely, really integrate myself into their lives. As I got on the elevator, I glanced in Rem's direction._

_"I need you to tell me if Light is actually Kira. I need to figure out how useful he is."_

_Rem's brow quirked, unconvinced._

_"What makes you think I'd help you?"_

_I shrugged._

_"Kira's prisoners left that message that Gods of Death love apples, no? I'll buy you a fuckton once this is all done. Come on, Remmy, it's not like you care about any of these fools."_

_She hesitated, but ultimately conceded, stepping through the doors to snoop._

_Okay, the room to ironically have the least amount of cameras would probably be L's. He was hypocritical like that. Creeping up to the door, I pressed my ear against it, surprised when I heard L lightly snoring. Hm, perfect. Slipping inside, I ducked, slinking around, eyes darting for the camera._ **Wow, L. No camera. You asshole** _. I stood above his bed, looking down at him. Aw, he was adorable when he was sleeping. His hair was swept in front of his face and hm, he was... oh, was he naked? Of course the bedsheets were covering him, but at the very least he was shirtless. I leaned down, so close that I could feel his breath on my face._

_**Remember when I used to worship the ground you walked on**? _

_Licking my lips, I was about to reach out when I heard heavy footsteps. **Ah shit**. _

_Thinking fast, I slipped under the bed, listening as Y/n burst in talking about how she thought something was wrong with Matsuda. I don't know how long I was there, my heart beating quickly. Rem told me how the task force was all gathered and looking for him... Jesus, I knew everything was going too smoothly. But I stayed there, not knowing what else to do._

_At one point, she and L were sitting above me, him talking about how Wammy's had changed over the past couple of years. I listened quietly, staring at the mattress above me. When I left, I hadn't given that place a second thought. But hearing him talk about it made my throat bob. Hm, maybe a part of me did miss those brats... I liked Mello. He was a destructive spirit... he had the guts to do what he needed to to get up in the world. At some point, Y/n went out to get donuts and L started moving for the bathroom._

_The second his feet touched the floor, my lips curled. My hand snapped out, the syringe sinking into his skin._

_L yelped, stumbling back as I slipped out._

_Oh, God his face was everything I'd hoped it'd be._

_He swayed, his breath catching. His usual emotionless face was full of delicious fear. L leapt for the comms near the door, but he crumpled, whimpering pathetically as the drug worked its magic and his face buried into the carpet. He made a pained sound, trying to crawl towards the wall, hyperventilating. Casually strolling towards him, I sent all my frustration, all my anger into one decisive kick to his chest._

_L wheezed, curling in on himself and coughing._

_"Hm, I guess The Great Detective L really isn't what he's cut out to be," I trilled._

_I leaned over him, gently brushing his hair out of his face. He met my eyes, trying to say words but his mouth just uselessly gaping. His eyes went unfocused, a certain desperation bleeding through._

_"Y/n," he cried out, shivering, "Y/n!"_

_"Shh," I whispered, hugging him. His head lolled on my shoulder, his entire body trembling as I tenderly stroked his hair._

_It was so soft. So beautiful. He let out a high-pitched whine._

_"Ple-... don-... hur-... her."_

_"Aw, Sweetie, don't worry. I'll take good care of her," I breathed in his ear as he slumped._

He was still staring at you, his expression unreadable. You chewed on your lip, watching him closely.

"So, what? You're going to kill me?" You hated the waver in your voice.

B tapped the barrel of his gun thoughtfully against his chin.

"It would be easier," he mused, "I'll think about it once you actually give me my fucking jam."

You swallowed, positioning your body sensually, distracting him from the fact that you were subtly holding something else in your hand. His brow quirked. You squeezed the blade against your palm, wincing when it elicited a slight trickle of blood. Sauntering up, you moved close to him, holding the jam between the two of you. 

"You said I'm nothing, but we both know that's not true. I'm the missing piece... once you have me, you have everything. You'll _be_ L... the world will be yours."

His eyes lidded, licking his lips. B swayed, his eyes trained on your mouth. The air was thick and you could see him lowering his guard, even if subconsciously. He gave a fox-like grin, making your skin itch.

"Still not my type, but I suppose anything is better than no-"

Roaring, you slashed your blade through his eye. 


	21. Repeated History

His scream was deafening.

"GODDAMN, YOU BITCH," he let out a shriek of agony.

The blood waterfall down his cheek, bits and pieces of his eyeball hanging in pieces out of its socket. His skin was red with fury.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

But he was gripping his face, crying out. You didn't have any trouble twisting the gun out of his hands, pressing the barrel into his temple. His jaw clamped, his nostrils still flaring in pain. He locked eyes with you... and his face fell.

"I can't see your name," he whispered, his working eye wide, "I-I can't... everything's messed up! M-my plans! Oh, my God!"

For the first time, you saw fear in his pupil, his lip quivering. 

"W-WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING NAME?!"

You cocked the gun, instantly silencing him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you growled, your eyes narrowing.

He faltered, seeming to search for the words. His voice lowered to a whisper.

"I still see your death date though..."

Your brow quirked.

"Tell me where L is and I might not bring about your death date."

He sneered, glaring at you with a burning hatred so fiery that it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand. Watching you challengingly, B dragged his tongue up the barrel of the gun. Your nose wrinkled in disgust as he delicately kissed the end of it.

"Do it," he purred, twisting his neck languidly, his voice smooth and velvety, "come on, Y/n, paint this entire room red..." his lips curled, "if it's not with my red, it'll be with yours."

Your breath caught staring at the tattered eye dripping out in shreds. 

After the initial pain, it was almost as if he wasn't bothered by it... in fact, he- you gagged, looking on in a quiet horror as he licked at one of the remnants hanging off his cheek. He gave a sickening smile, a shrill laugh working up his throat.

"You know, I've never had raw eye... but fried with a little butter? Mmm."

Your stomach gurgled unpleasantly, but you didn't move. _Is he trying to make me sick_? 

You didn't even need to be sick.

You'd been so thrown off that you hadn't noticed his fingers slipping underneath his pillow. 

A shot rang out and you gasped, tipping backwards. Blood splashed up and covered the headrest and his face... your blood... Everything spun as you tumbled to the ground, clutching at your abdomen. Your gun slid across the floor. It didn't even hurt, everything was just... numb... but you couldn't move, the world spinning. 

Clutching his eye, he swung himself off the bed, pointing a second gun. You stared at it in shock, your mind trying to wrap around it. He snickered.

"Matsuda gave me so many useful things."

Matsuda's gun... you tried to get the fog out of your mind as he laughed.

"I guess it's true what they say, hm? History really does repeat itself."

He kicked you away from the bed, sending pain flaring up your sides and back as he rolled you to the center of the room. 

"It's a shame," he sighed, "I really wanted to fool you for 24 hours... but I guess you'll just have to be the one who got away, hm? But you've been a thorn in my side for years," he hissed, kneeling over you, "I can't think of my magnum opus without you breathing down my neck. And who knows? Maybe your death will incentivize L to work even harder," he gave a giggle that didn't fit L's face, "I guess even in the afterlife you'll be helping me out."

Your blood was seeping across the floor, everything slowly draining out of you. You looked up at him, not caring if you looked dignified anymore. Your lip quivered.

"Where is he? Please..."

He tilted his head.

"Seriously? You're on Death's Door and you want to know where your boyfriend is?"

"Is he safe? I want- I-"

The sound of static was filling your brain. 

You opened your mouth, but blood gurgled out. It was all around you... you shuddered, convulsing a bit. Holding onto your abdomen, you tried applying pressure, your vision swimming. B dragged the gun down your temple, so gently one might almost mistake it for kindness.

"I can do you one better."

Your eyes widened, a squeak leaving your chest as he dramatically reached underneath the bed. Chuckling, he pulled out an unconscious L, his head lolled back, his arms and legs tightly bound with a gag stuffed in his mouth. Under the bed... L had been stuffed under the bed this entire time...

B roughly pulled L's head back, his fingers ghosting over L's throat before tearing the gag off.

"Leave him alone," you rasped, trying to slide to a sitting position. 

He slapped a hand across L's face. You bit down on your lip, watching as he moaned, his eyes fluttering open. B leaned down, his eye the only thing separating them in appearance. L's expression was sluggish, his eyes unfocused, tired. 

"L-" you croaked, hissing out as you managed to sit up.

L blinked, meeting your eyes. The gravity of the situation hadn't hit him yet. A sleepy smile crossed his lips looking at you. His head tried rolling forward, but was stopped by B's fingers in his hair. He groaned, eyes flickering in B's direction.

"Wha-"

B locked gazes with you, his entire body practically trembling from anger. He gave a dark, manic grin.

"Eh, he's still a bit doped up... We have to look alike, don't we?"

You paled, realizing what he meant. 

"B, don-"

B held up the razor. L gave a slightly drunk chuckle, scanning your face.

"Pretty," he mumbled, almost slumping forward.

Fear shot through you, clouding your vision. No... no, no, no, no, no.

"B, please! I-I'll do whatever just _please_... don't do this. I'm begging you!"

"Oh, you hear that, L? She's begging."

His brow furrowed in confusion.

"Ryoko?" He breathed, swaying in B's grip.

"Beg some more," B trilled, "I have to say, I rather like it."

He positioned the razor few inches from L's eye.

"NO PLEASE, I'M BEGGING. B... please, Oh God, please don't do it. L, close your eyes, B-"

Tears streamed down your face and you didn't even try stopping them. L was waking up more, his eyes widening as the situation dawned on him. He gave a terrified squeak, shuttling in B's grasp. B grabbed L's chin, steadying his face as he carefully line up the razor.

" _ **NO!**_ I-I'll call you L from now on! I'll- fuck, I'll do whatever you want... STOP!"

He paused, his eyes flashing in your direction. B debated, still tightly clutching L. Rolling his eyes, he dropped L into the puddle of your blood. It caked in his hair, staining his white shirt. He gasped, the blood putting him on full-alert, his mouth gaping. L hyperventilated, shaking uncontrollably. 

"Bastard! I'll kill you," L snarled.

B stalked over to you, assessing how quickly you were bleeding out. He stood over you, the manic insanity replaced by deep thought. 

"You're going to die," he murmured, "no one will be coming for hours and by then, you'll have bled out," he tucked your hair behind your ear, "I'm not going to take out his eye only because I want him to get a _full_ view of you dying and there'll be _nothing_ he can do about it. And you... you can die knowing that you _owe_ me, the you're indebted to me, now and in the afterlife."

Your chest heaved. Before you could respond, he roughly pushed you back to the ground, and you found you didn't have the strength to sit up again. Stepping over you, he casually strolled to the bathroom and pressed a makeshift eyepatch. He paused at the door, giving you a sickly sweet smile.

"It's been nice knowing you, Sis." 

He stretched, his bones cracking and eyes glinting.

"Now if you'll excuse me," he trilled, "I have a case to think up," he motioned to his eye, "I have to deal with this fucking mess now. First Matsuda, then you, Jesus Christ."

You watched him leave, the door shutting loudly behind him. Everything was... cold... 

L was still breathing heavily, curled in on himself. He slowly twisted his neck so he was looking at you, grey eyes shining in fear and regret.

"Y/n- I... I'm so sorry, he surprised me and I-"

"It's not your fault," you whispered, grunting as you slid in his direction.

You didn't get far, sinking onto the hard floor, feeling your own blood against your cheek. L's nostrils flared. He tried twisting around, but the binds were so tight that the best he could do was roll close to you. You buried your face in his chest, his scent tainted by blood. He nuzzled the top of your head, and you could feel warm tears sliding onto your temple.

"It's okay," his voice wavered, "I-I can get us out of here! I'm going to save you, it's going to be okay."

"L-"

"It's going to be okay," his voice cracked as he pressed his lips against your forehead. 

He screamed for help, his voice going hoarse. Your eyelids fluttered. There were so many things you wanted to say, so much you wanted to do. Regret flooded your chest. You'd... _wasted_... so much time chasing B. Time you could've spent with him. At Wammy's. With the other orphans. 

"I'm sorry. If I'd just gone home with you-"

L whimpered, touching his lips to the back of your head.

"Shh, hey, don't you dare. _Fuck_. **_HELP_**!"

"L-"

"I can't get to the coms, I-I can't- no..."

"No one's coming for hours," you reminded him gently, twisting your neck so you were facing him.

L looked down at you, his wild hair matted to his neck by sweat. His eyes flashed desperately. 

"No! I'm L, I always find a way. I can do it, I just..." his lip quivered, "I don't know how. **_SOMEBODY HELP!_** "

Your fingers slid towards his cheek, leaving a blood stain on his skin. He stopped, his eyes like spotlights.

"I love you," your lips twitched, "there's so many things I wish were different."

L slowly kissed you. Yeah, definitely his kiss. He tasted sweet, even with the tang in your mouth. 

"I love you so much," he breathed, eyes darting around your face. He gave a sad laugh, "I've never cared about anyone else, much less loved them. But I love you..."

Everything felt slow in your mind. You could hear him, but it was difficult processing the words. 

"Hm, lucky me," your voice sounded foreign to you. Were you getting delirious? Maybe, the world was spotted and airy, "we should, um... get married and own a little bakery and live hap.. ha..."

"Stay awake! Um, y-yeah. That sounds nice. W-we need a name for our bakery, don't we?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. That's... that's important... how bout-bout L and Y/n's Baking Services?"

"Yeah, that sounds amazing," you were vaguely aware of him nuzzling your cheek, "t-tell me what you want in the bakery."

"Your banana cake was... was g..."

Everything started fading.

"Don't you dare lose consciousness! Goddamnit, I mean it, Y/n! You're stubborn but so am I! No!"

L's perspective

She gave a weak smile, her eyes slipping. 

"Y/n? Y/n!"

Her breathing was shallow. Shit.

I twisted my neck, screaming again and again until it felt like my throat had given out on me and the sounds came out breathy. My eyes went to her, my limbs prickling. 

"I never fail," I tried convincing myself, touching my forehead to hers. It was clammy.

There was a soft knock at the door. Hope soared up my chest, but... Light's voice... came through. Instantly, the hope was dashed. 

"Hey, Ryuzaki? I saw something kind of weird with the tapes. I think they've been tampered with-"

My heart did a small jump, weighing my options. There was a possibility he'd just kill us both here and now. In fact, that was the probability. He was sadistic, but more or less than B? And there was no doubt in my mind that if he did decide to help, it'd come at a price. My eyes darted, all the analytics of my brain spiraling out of control. 

"... Ryuzaki?"

Light... Kira... my last hope... glancing between her and the door, I felt my stubbornness, my deep-seated pride and ego crumble.

"Light! Help!"


	22. One Speech

Light's perspective

"Light! Help!" He cried, his voice cracking, "Light, please! I need you!"

I stared at the door in shock. Need me? Ha, L the Great Detective needed _my_ help with something? My lips twitched upwards. Oh, I was totally going to rub it in his face later.

Pushing it open, I stumbled back, the smile instantly dropping from my face.

Y/n was topless and... shot... and L was tied up next to her, his neck craned so he was facing me. I'd _never_ seen that expression on his face. It was pure desperation... raw terror... I didn't see the iron-willed man who was so methodical about his reactions. If anything, he looked child-like, all of his feelings strikingly obvious. He curled up, his entire body shaking.

"What happened?" I whispered.

He sobbed, struggling to move in his binds.

"Light... I-I'm begging you, please-"

I stared at him. Technically, I could just... slit his throat or something... I'd been meaning to kill him for so long and suddenly someone gift-wraps him for me? Maybe these were just divine forces at work? It wouldn't surprise me if a greater being was finally recognizing my contribution. I could kill him with my bare hands! He seemed to read my mind, because his eyes went large.

"I'll do whatever you want," he croaked, "anything... I'll denounce my title! I'll never pursue you again... just... Lig-... **_save her_**!"

Whoa... I had an opportunity here. A massive one. A chance to reign as Kira and never have to worry about being caught. All the while him being alive and seeing my rule firsthand? I could show him how the world would flourish under Kira! For a solid minute, the two of us simply stared at each other. This was all a game, with pieces and positions at stake. His eyes dawned in understanding.

"Of course, I will give you my name as insurance," he cleared his throat, straightening himself ever-so-slightly, "I'll say it now and once you've helped us, I'll show you how to spell it."

I considered, watching him. His throat was bobbing, a jittery, needy look in his eye. I was a bit surprised by the disappointment blossoming in my chest.

"You're really throwing in the towel in our game?"

It was the perfect jab. Not quite the ultimate humiliation, but close. L winced, letting out a low hiss of air. His gaze went to the floor, his glare hard. 

"Just untie me and find Watari."

"Hm. I'll find Watari, but if you want me to untie you, I'm afraid you'll have to grovel to your god."

His shoulder tensed. _That_ was the ultimate humiliation. For a second, I thought he wouldn't do it. That I'd managed to push him too far. His teeth were gritted, his voice gravelly and dangerous.

"Please... Kami... I grovel at your feet."

He shuddered, looking disgusted with himself. My lips curled, adrenaline and dopamine flooding my system. Holy shit... L just groveled at my feet... I laughed, unable to stop it, the feeling bubbling up my stomach, as if it had a mind of its own. I was fully aware that it was a far cry from the facade I always put up, but in that moment... fuck if I cared! 

"Name before I untie you," I wheezed, my chest strained, "and I'll know if you're lying," I glanced at Ryuk, silently promising him apples with my eyes. He waved a hand, nodding nonchalantly. 

"L Lawliet."

"That's it, alright," Ryuk hyuked.

My brow furrowed. Oh yeah, I'd definitely need him to spell that out.

"Wait, so your first name's just L?"

"Not my idea."

"What, your parents hate you or something?"

He gave me a sour expression.

"Unless Kira can bring them back from the dead, we'll never know."

Sighing, I untied him. The second the ropes came loose, he practically flew to her side, pressing his fingers into her neck. He was breathing heavily, twisting them into the skin. Holding his hands to her still bleeding wound, his pale skin was instantly stained red. He held down the pressure, his lip quivering.

"If we can't get her medical treatment, I give her an hour... maybe two," When he met my eyes, they were steely, "we need Watari... be careful, B might still be in the building. I don't know what he's planning-"

No sooner had he said that when a siren echoed throughout the building. L inhaled sharply, his face absolutely pallid with fear.

"I take it that's because of B," it wasn't too hard to deduce. 

Just saying the letter made him flinch. He hesitated, watching me closely while biting his thumb, his features cryptic. God, I hated those eyes. Even when he didn't know something, it felt like he could see deep into my soul. Overall, he was just a creepy, perceptive freak.

"Forget Watari," he breathed. I gaped. I knew he wasn't below leaving people behind, but damn, "him sounding the alarm is to tell me to consider him and everyone else dead... there's a network of secret tunnels under the building. Help me."

We grabbed the bedsheets and formed them into a makeshift stretcher, carefully placing Kage in the center. Stepping out into the hallway, everything was washed in red. L's eyes darted, his nostrils flaring. 

"There's a hidden staircase down the hall," he barked over the blaring.

It was deafening. I glanced at the bedsheets, biting my lip. Shit, the bleeding was _bad_. The white had turned dark, almost black. We maneuvered, carefully moving her down the stairs and to the entrance of a dark tunnel. There there were more supplies at the ready. An actual stretcher and a basic medkit along with backpacks of food, water, money and fake IDs. 

"Stretcher," he grunted.

Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten the spindly little man was weak. Rolling my eyes, I heaved her onto the stretcher. He shot me a glare so venomous that I felt obligated to shift her to be more comfortable. He grabbed hold of one end, his eyes locking with mine. They were mistrustful, cautious. 

"How does Kira kill?"

My lips curled. 

"Let's just say the pen is mightier than the sword, hm?"

To my surprise, his eyes sparked in amusement. It was just a flicker that was quickly buried. 

"I figured your answer would be vague like that... L L-a-w-l-i-e-t. There's your insurance."

"Pleasure doing business with you. I'd say it was nice knowing you, but that'd be a lie."

L didn't respond right away, his hands still pressed against her abdomen. 

"I'd go check on your father if I were you. B is deranged, and I feel he's becoming more and more unhinged."

Without looking at me again, he wheeled the stretcher into the darkness, quickly disappearing from view. Hm, a deranged killer? No problem. 

But what I wasn't expecting was for B to look identical to L.

Like, holy shit. I opened the door to the investigation room and froze, my heart thundering and my blood running cold. The entire task force and Watari were standing in aline, their expressions blank, standing stoic. 

The man who looked exactly like L was wearing an eyepatch, slowly and methodically stepping around them, a predatory gleam in his eye. He barely glanced in my direction, his deep laugh both unsettling and exciting me.

"Kira. I'm pleased we can finally show our true colors to each other."

"I take it you're B?"

"Such a trite title. Please, call me L. What do you think of my new puppets?"

"Dad..."

"Oh, don't act like you cared about him. We both know you would've killed him in a heartbeat if he interfered with the death note."

My breath caught.

"Your use of the death note has made Kira a villain in the eyes of the public."

B's brow quirked, his face infuriatingly emotionless. He rose a thumb to his lips. God, even his quirks were exactly like L's. 

"You think so? Never really cared much about what others thought of me."

"Sure you do."

His eyes narrowed, "explain."

"It's obvious you've done your research and have dedicated so much to playing the role of L... you're an actor, aren't you? Actors care about how they're perceived."

He rubbed that thumb along his lip, his gaze captivating. B snorted, looking back at his new personal army. 

"I'm surprised you've never used the death note in this manner," B mumbled.

I shrugged.

"Why kill people when I can make them willingly subservient."

At that, he laughed, his nose crinkling. It was a strange sight, an expression that didn't fit L's face. Hm, I was seeing a whole lot of new expressions from those features tonight.

"I wish to propose a business deal," he spoke up, making my brow arch.

"Oh?"

"Yes. At this moment, the first L is watching Kage die. I don't doubt he'll escape at some point, but by that time, she'll be dead and I'll be out of here," his lips curled, "When he comes down, he'll see that not only is his team and Watari dead, but that I have killed all the major world leaders, essentially robbing him of any resources. I'll even write that Roger burns down that fucking house." A small smile crept up his lips, "I might kill those brats too... oh, everything in his life will come crashing down. He'll be all alone, and he'll be so enraged, so revenge-driven that he'll abandon you, come after me and I can finally prove he's a hack with a brain. He'll never solve my case."

His eyes sparked and I saw inklings of insanity. He squeezed his eyes shut, composing himself.

"That's where you come in, Kira. Make a broadcast that _you_ killed the world leaders for being so corrupt and that you'll appoint yourself in their places. First L will know who really did it, but the general public with be none the wiser. And they'll especially fold to you once I, L, have declared my subservience to your rule. The world will be yours... a god among men while I have my fun with L... or I could just write your name, Light Yagami."

I stared at him. Would no one really stand in my way? Wow... my eyes moved to my father, his gaze glazed over. _Sorry, Dad. But this is important. I'm bringing justice to an unjust, rotten world... maybe in another life you would've understood_. I considered telling B that L had left the building with Kage, but paused myself. I reminded myself quickly... he wanted L all to himself. He knew L would've given me his name in exchange... I had a sneaking suspicion that if B found out that I knew L's name, I'd be dead. _I have to play it careful with this one. Don't show all your cards in one go_. Holding out my hand, I gave my most charming smile possible.

"To a beautiful partnership."

* * *

L's perspective

This was so bad. I was in one of the bunkers that led off from the tunnel. It wasn't a sterile environment! And I knew basic medical training, but this required _surgery_! She was bleeding out and no amount of gauze or anything was stopping it. It was... slowing down... at least. I chewed on my thumb, tasting her blood in my mouth.

I needed to do something to stop the bleeding. I could worry about infection, torn tissue and the bullet later... once I had better equipment. 

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, digging through my bag and finding a box of matches. 

Tearing the bedsheet, I lit the scraps on fire, watching as the flames licked up the material... and held a nearby rod over it. The metal became warm and eventually red the more the fire flamed up. Inhaling deeply, I looked to see her sleeping, her skin practically grey from the loss. 

"You're going to kill me..."

Sinking my teeth into my lip, I pressed the metal rod against the wound. Her eyes flew open, wild and terrified as a shriek ripped through her throat. A shudder passed over my body, my skin crawling at the sound. It sounded like she was being tortured, her voice going hoarse. But as soon as she made it, she slumped, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. Craning my neck to make sure the wound was properly cauterized, I quickly swung the rod away. Okay, that took care of the bleeding at least... but it wasn't okay... not by a long shot. Sweat beaded her brow.

Sighing, I passed a hand over her forehead.

"It's okay, I'm here. See? I told you I'd get us out."

She didn't respond. My chest heaved, my mind spinning. Smoothing her hair away from her face, I froze, the reality of the situation sinking in. I'd _willingly_ given up my name. Kira could kill me at any time, and I'd essentially committed suicide. Searching my bag, I took out the emergency mini tv. Something told me B wasn't done... and I was right... the news was alit with stories covering major world leaders' deaths. Hundreds of leaders from all different countries, each one from a heart attack. The news anchor paused, her finger going to her ear.

"I-I've just received word that we're getting a live transmission from L!"

My throat closed on me when the screen went white and the cloister letter went stark against the background. Huh. It never really occurred to me how intimidating it was. A single letter that represented not just a person, but an institution. An unstoppable force with such a deceptively simply name. _You were right about it, Watari_. A pang wormed my stomach, but I forced the thought away. As unlikely it was, maybe he was still alive? No... a childish hope. All I could focus on was the here and now. The voice scrambler filled the bunker, making Y/n shift in her sleep, but she didn't wake up.

" _Greetings to all watching this global broadcast. I. Am L. Recent events have seen our world leaders collapsing, and the governments to which they lead are soon to follow. My resources have been depleted and I fear I may no longer pursue Kira in good conscience lest the lack of government becomes anarchy. He has shown an unprecedented strength and willingness to lead this world. It is with a heavy heart, that I, L Lawliet, give my name and fealty to Kira. As my last word of advice to the remaining leaders, I suggest they do the same. Kira has won this battle. I apologize and wish this world luck and only ask that Kira rule fairly. Thank you_."

The news anchor was pale. I simply sat there, staring at the little machine. In one speech, he'd managed to ruin me. My career, my reputation, everything I was. One Speech and they both turned the world inside out. 

I really did fail.

She looked at a loss for words.

"I... we're going to be updating the situation."

The screen went dark.


	23. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, the angst is strong with this one. Also, not sure if you've seen Code Geass, but the mask I reference in this chapter is the one I picture from there.

Mello's perspective

Burning. Pain. I screamed, holding onto the side of my face while Matt dragged me out. 

"Mells! Are you okay?" He gently moved my hand to examine the burn.

I quickly shook him off, struggling to my feet and looking around me. No. I could focus on the pain later. All of the kids were outside, breathing heavily, covered in soot and burns but otherwise safe. Whirling my head back to the manor, my jaw dropped. It had been dream-like... Roger had been giving us a lesson. His eyes glazed over and without looking or talking to us, he set the manor on fire. It was amazing none of us had died in the blaze. I glanced Matt.

"We have to contact Watari and L."

Matt shook his head.

"Roger was the only one who could!"

Fuck.

The oldest kid in the orphanage, Shiro at 17, jogged over to us, inspecting me and making sure I was okay. Matt looked at the older boy worriedly.

"What do we do? Including the three of us, there are 18 kids. We need help!"

Shiro nodded gravely. He kept staring at the side of my face.

"You need medical attention-"

The sound of cars pulling up made us all look over. There was a fit of coughing next to me and I looked so see Near, his hair black from the soot. He shivered, and for the first time I didn't see a robot... just a scared kid...

"Hey," I lightly slapped his shoulder. He looked like he was about to retort, but realized the move wasn't malicious, "L's always got us covered."

Near hesitated, but nodded. The cars pulled up and a man stepped out, flashing L's insignia, showing who he worked for. There was a collective sigh of relief. One of the men stepped forward, clearing his throat.

"L and Watari are currently in Japan, so they could not physically be here. But I have his transmission and once he finishes addressing you, we're taking all of you to Japan."

There were a few cheers. I felt like laying down on the grass, the pure terror subsiding. One of them held out a screen and the familiar cloister black L filled it up. Fuck, I'd never missed a letter more! L sighed heavily.

"Thank God you're alright. I'm so sorry this has happened... do not fret, there's a medical professional on the plane to examine and take care of you. Have a safe flight and remember that you're not alone."

All the kids started chattering, nodding amongst themselves. Our caregiver hadn't abandoned us! As we all piled into the vehicles, I found myself squished to Near. Great. When he twirled his hair, the soot fell out, making it more grey. His voice stayed monotone, but I noticed his eyes were darting suspiciously.

"What's your deal?" I snorted.

He didn't answer right away. 

"It seems rather convenient, doesn't it?" he murmured under his breath, "five minutes after the manor unexpectedly burns down, L's providing us with a cavalry, a private plane and medical personnel."

 _Shit, Near don't do this. My face is burned, I'm tired, I'm hungry. **Do not make me suspicious**_ **.**

_Too late. Goddamn, you little asshole_.

"He's L. I dunno, he's probably got satellites and a million connections that move at light speed on his command. Drop it, Near. We're safe."

I wanted to be safe. Near's eyes silently slid in my direction. 

"That would be the most logical explanation," he conceded, "but that's not how we were raised, Mello."

"I don't need you to tell me how I was raised," I snapped. 

"Of course not."

His words wormed through my head the entire plane-ride. Even while the paramedic took care of my face and checked my throat for smoke inhalation. No. Near was just being paranoid. He was always paranoid! Landing in Japan, L was already waiting for us at the entrance of the airport. I elbowed his ribs. Near's jaw tightened.

"See?" I couldn't help throwing in a little taunt, "admit you were being paranoid!"

Near's shoulders sank in resignation.

"Fine," he grumbled. 

"Children!" L gasped, looking over us worriedly, "I heard about the manor, and I just... what happened?"

Shiro was the one to shake his head.

"It's like Roger lost his mind or something."

L stared at him intently, nodding seriously.

"None of you should have had to go through that. We'll take you all somewhere safe until the orphanage is rebuilt and we can figure out what to do."

A smile spread across my face. I knew L would come through! But Near was staring at him, his face expressionless.

"What happened to your eye?"

L flinched, locking gazes with Near. He sighed, lightly touching the eyepatch.

"An accident. Don't worry about it. Come on, let's get you all somewhere safe."

* * *

The first thing you heard was rain, softly pelting on the roof. You shifted slightly, a dull ache spreading up your front. 

You were buried under a mountain of blankets, an entire nest of pillows surrounding your head. What... where were you? Your eyes flickered around to see a tiny apartment, long cracks along the ceiling and mottled spots on the walls. Blinking, you craned your neck, listening to the pattering of the rain, your heart beating quickly. The last thing you remembered was laying in your own blood, L's soft lips, his low rumbly voice. Not sure what to do, you just stayed there, staring at the ceiling above you. 

It was hard to tell how long you were like that when the door opened. You sat up a bit too quickly, wincing at the pain.

L paused in the doorway, watching you with wide eyes. You pulled the blanket around your shoulders, trying to flash him a smile. Something was off about him. For one, he was wearing a dark hoodie and not his usual shirt. For another, his chin was stubbly, little black hair poking out of his skin. He didn't return your smile, carrying a bag of groceries to a sad excuse of a counter.

"Y-you're awake."

You watched him, your chest twisting.

"L?"

He avoided your gaze, putting things away but you noticed a definite tremor in his fingers. 

"I, um, got eggs but my paycheck doesn't come in for another few days, so... I'm sorry, I was planning on having this large meal for when you woke up, I just..." He leaned against the counter, hanging his head.

That's when you noticed how much longer his hair had gotten. It was sopping wet from the rain, clinging to the back of his neck.

"Hey, L... what happened? How long have I been out?"

He picked up his eyes, but being careful not to meet yours. Your breath caught. They were so empty, exuding a hopelessness you'd never seen on his face before. L smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"You've been out for about 2 months... omelet?"

You jolted, your jaw dropping.

"2 months?!" There were so many questions swirling in your brain, you didn't even know where to begin.

L bobbed his head, continuing to unload the grocery bag, his fingers shaking unsteadily. You stared at him, willing him to start talking. To explain. But he wasn't saying anything. Your brow furrowed.

"Okay... are you going to let me in on the situation?"

He froze, tightly clutching a pack of Skittles. His eyes went distant, his fingers twisting in the plastic. That's when it hit just how _traumatized_ he looked. 

"The situation?" He gave a soft laugh, shrinking, "the situation is that we lost. Kira and B won. Light's pretty much taken over the world. There's no government that doesn't bow to him and he has a strict hold over the media. And B," his shoulder twitched, "i... I can't escape him. Not in my dreams and everyone I see on the street must be him in disguise... he's become a public figure, posing as L to advocate for Kira. Showing his face on tv... following me."

He paused, biting at his fingers. But it wasn't his usual pensive thoughtfulness, it was much more of a jumpy anxiousness, even breaking the skin a bit. Your blood ran cold, fear shivering up your system. _Oh, God... he's in such bad shape_.

"Wam-"

"I couldn't get in touch with Wammy's," he whispered, "those kids could be dead for all I know, and without my resources, there's no way out of the country."

L drummed his fingers, giving a dry chuckle.

"I've never had to do anything myself... I've always had my money and Watari to fall back on. I got you into a hospital under an alias and before they could ask for payment, I managed to sneak you out on wheelchair. Then I realized 'holy shit, I don't have money or a place to stay' so, I... got a job..." his laugh started wavering, "but I still had to steal medicine and dressings because it pays shit."

You gaped, everything in your body cracking. Everything felt stiff and you noticed your muscles had shrunk a lot, but you could still move them and put weight on them. At your questioning glance, he grinned sheepishly.

"I had to make sure your muscles didn't atrophy."

"L..."

You started moving to him, ready to embrace him. His eyes darted around your face before he gave a cheery smile, his face straining. 

"It's okay though. Everything's okay. We're safe here. Kira can't get us here. This is a good place. A safe place. Safe, safe... right, the omelet!"

He turned away from you, turning up the heat on the stove, his shoulders hunching protectively. He kept mumbling 'safe' to himself like a mantra. Sadness rose up your mind like a wall.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" the gentleness of your voice surprised even you.

For just a moment, L swayed on his feet. He gave a much too-loud laugh, nodding rapidly.

"There's nothing to talk about. Everything's fine. Go- get caught up on the news!"

You gnawed on your lip, sensing that he wanted to be alone right now. You hesitated between still wanting to reach out and moving to the sofa, switching on the news. The news anchor had a plastic smile, his eyes terrified. 

"In good news! Our God Kira has punished approximately 131 scum today. Australia had pledged their allegiance to Kira, marking the 150th country that he controls. Any 'refugee' seeking Australia's asylum is being hunted down and served the justice that's been so wrongfully denied. All hail Kira!"

Your stomach twisted uncomfortably as the feed switched to a throne room. B... he was standing proudly behind Light... Light himself was wearing an intimidating mask, a dark glass hiding his face from the masses, keeping the illusion of an almost inhuman deity. Kira made a speech to Australia with L's voice scrambler, talking about the fairness and justice they would experience under his rule. His voice left you shuddering, the sheer insanity and power-lust in his tone leaving you shrinking. 

You quickly turned it off, a sick feeling in your stomach. Wow. Suddenly it was making sense how much L need a safe place. It seemed like everywhere else was extraordinarily dangerous. And the thought of everything he'd gone through, not paying hospital bills, stealing drugs and other medical equipment, making sure he stayed off any radars. L was quiet, his eyes trained on you. You scanned him, your tongue heavy in your mouth.

"Okay, so things are pretty bad... but we can-"

"No!" He cried out sharply, pure, unfiltered panic flashing across his face.

Your jaw clamped, staring at him incredulously. The trembling had gotten so bad that it seemed the counter was the only thing holding him up. He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.

"Y/n, we _lost_. The fact that _either_ of us is alive is a miracle."

"Either...? L, did B do something to you? Light? Do they have something over your head?"

L's lips tightened. He moved for the door, his head tilted down.

"I have to go to work. You should move around, your muscles still need the motion."

"Wait, L!"

He disappeared. You sat there, stunned. Rushing to the door, you threw it open to see that he'd left. The apartment complex was very similar to the ones you'd stayed for those three years, so worn-down and beat-up that any landlord would be jumping at the opportunity to rent it out even for just a month. Not knowing what else to do, you made yourself some food, rubbing at your lip. There was something L wasn't telling you... there was no way he'd just drop a case. Especially one like this. But then again, everything about this case was new. And terrifying. 

You spent the day catching up on the news, and that's when you saw it. 'L''s broadcast about bowing down to Kira. And the broadcast used L's full name... you were staring at the screen so intently that you didn't hear him slip into the apartment. He watched the tv behind you, silent as a ghost. You noticed him, whirling your head to see him observing, a blank look on his face, his eyes glassy.

"I gave my name to Kira. I groveled at his feet and called him Kami. The only reason I'm alive is because he's _letting_ me live... that broadcast might as well be from me."

His voice was a low mumble. He was looking everywhere but you...your eyes widened. H _e's ashamed of himself, that's why he's not meeting my eyes. L, please, no. You have nothing to_ -

"I can understand if you're disgusted by me... you're so... fiery. When B hurt you, your first instinct was to go after him, guns blazing. Me... when I was pushed, I caved. And I thought I was stronger than that. I could've found another way. You deserve someone better."

Your throat felt tight. You wanted to tell him no, that he was the strongest person you knew. You opened your mouth to protest, but he was already slinking to the bedroom, leaving you with B's broadcast eerily illuminating the room. 


	24. Your L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minka (Japanese: 民家, lit. "house of the people") are vernacular houses constructed in any one of several traditional Japanese building styles. ... Minka are characterised by their basic structure, their roof structure and their roof shape.

Matt's perspective

I grumbled, tapping my gameboy. Technically speaking, the minka L had sent us to wasn't too unlike Wammy's. It was isolated and surrounded by nature... in other words, the electricity was _ass_. No television or computers because the damn place didn't get Internet. Wammy's didn't have too many connections to the outside world either. One computer in the main library, a single TV in Roger's office, and if you were sneaky enough, a whole trove of them in L's old room.

Our new caretaker sucked. I rolled my eyes, leaning against a tree, a cigarette dangling from my lips. Speaking of the sucky caretaker... Aimi marched out, her face set sternly.

"What are you doing out here?" She snarled.

My brow quirked. 

"Lighten up, will ya? I needed a smoke and you would've been turning 5 shades of red if I lit a cig in the house."

Aimi opened her mouth to either protest or scold. I watched her expectantly, trying not to smirk and show that I'd won. She fumed, looking like she might punish me anyway. The sound of a car coming made us both perk up. It was a black limo... L? It had been about 2 months since he'd visited. I tilted my head curiously as Aimi bustled away to greet him and I slunk more in the shadows. 

L greeted her respectfully, dipping his head.

"I take it the children's health is well?"

Aimi nodded quickly. He glanced over and met my eyes, his lips twitching. I motioned to his eyepatch.

"So is that permanent?"

He faltered, his face falling a bit. 

"Yeah," he said gently, "it's permanent. I came to congratulate Shiro on his 18th birthday. Now that he's not a minor, I'd like to give him an assignment, do you know where he is?"

I pointed towards the house.

"Aimi doesn't really want us out too much." 

She scowled but didn't respond. In about an hour flat, Shiro was following L into the limo, his bag slung over his shoulders. All the kids were gathered at the entrance, waving and calling out goodbye. I paused him, scanning him. He was a good kid, always looking out for the others. As far as I knew, he'd mostly forgone self-care and addressing the trauma of losing Wammy's House in favor of helping the little kids. 

"You sure you want to go? You're in a right state of mind?"

Shiro shrugged slightly. 

"I mean, I was always planning on leaving when I turned 18... maybe I can find some peace."

Near sat on one of the front steps. Ever since we got here, his face always seemed scrunched up in suspicion. He kept claiming that something about the situation didn't feel right, and the fact that we were cut off electronically from the rest of the world didn't ease his suspicions. Taking a step towards them, I watched the limo pull away. Near shook his head, glaring at Aimi.

"I want a computer."

Aimi sneered, her brow arching. 

"You didn't have one before."

Near's eyes narrowed.

"I still need it for research," he argued, "that's what the one in the library was for."

Aimi ran a hand along her face.

"Fine, okay? I'll talk to Darcy about getting you one. Jesus," she grumbled, stalking back into the minka.

I crushed my cig under my boot. Mello bit off a piece of chocolate while Near glanced between the two of us, his eyes dark and set.

"That's what she said a week ago," he growled.

* * *

It really was like living with a ghost. A silent specter who moved from room to room, never talking or even looking at you. Every time you'd try to strike up any kind of conversation, he'd find a way to disappear. To excuse himself. It had been four days and you didn't even know where he worked.

One night, you stood in front of the door, blocking his exit. His eyes were still down.

"Y/n, I'm late."

"It's been a couple of days and I don't even know where you work! We haven't had any meals together or have even so much as hugged. L Lawliet, I love you but sit your ass down."

He blinked, for the first time properly looking at you. You met those eyes, trying not to look too desperate or eager with your own. 

"5 minutes," you whispered, "please, L... I want to talk."

He hesitated, lightly tugging at his hair. L shrank before he gave a subtle nod.

"I'll call the ice cream parlor."

"... you work at an ice cream parlor?"

For the first time since you'd woken up, he gave a wry but genuine smirk.

"It's not like I have any other job experience and I can't exactly tell potential employers who I was... I even get to wear an ice cream cone hat and everything."

Unable to stop it, you snorted. His lips twitched, his eyes sparking fondly. Stepping towards him, you brushed his hair behind his ear. It was the first contact you'd had in a while, his jawline hard and cool. He inhaled slightly, shuddering and leaning longingly into your touch. 

"Let's order a pizza, _real_ food, and spend the evening together, hm? No psychopaths or world-dominating evils."

His eyes were still glassy, softly touching your chin as if making sure you were real.

"You're staying?" He rasped, "I told you I wouldn't blame you if you left. I've-I've been preparing myself for that."

You shifted, the familiar guilt rising up your chest. No. At one time, you would've abandoned everyone and everything, even your own safety and sanity to go after B. But you were starting to see how big of a task this was... something neither of you could do alone. Gently holding onto the sides of his face, you shook your head.

"L. I think I came to an epiphany."

"Big word," he teased lightly, a twinkle returning to his eyes.

You scoffed, rolling your own.

"I was trying to have a TV inspirational moment, thank you very much-"

"Oh, I'm sorry. By all means-"

"Are you done? I was talking about my epiphany here!" Your smile fell a bit, going more serious, "L, I wasted so much time on revenge and hatred. Time that we could've used to help each other heal. I'm not going to make that mistake again. From now on, we help each other, ourselves come before B. Listen to me. I'm not going to stand by and watch you disappear. You think you can get rid of me and vanish? Do you _want_ to vanish? Is that why you're pushing me away?"

L swayed on his feet, that glassy look in his eyes sputtering. 

"I, um-"

"If you want to vanish, you better learn how to do it with me around. I'm warning you now, it's not going to be easy."

L stared at you. Your breath caught. The glassiness had been replaced with something kinder. More warm. 

"I'll order the pizza."

It was awkward at first, almost as if neither of you knew how to talk to the other. Swallowing a string of cheese, you gave a shaky smile.

"You said you have to wear a hat for work?"

His cheeks went a bright tomato red.

"Don't you da-"

"Can I see it?" You piped up, grinning mischievously.

L placed his chin in the cup of his hand, wincing.

"You're going to laugh."

"I swear I won't."

"Tsk, liar."

You mocked hurt, "who, me? L, you wound me."

His eyes narrowed before he sighed, digging through his bag and disappearing into the bathroom. When he came out, you quickly covered your mouth. He gave a little smile, crossing his arms.

"I knew you'd laugh."

"I'm not laughing!" You managed behind your hand, "I-it's actually really adorable."

It was a whole uniform, a white and pink striped shirt with a baby blue apron. The hat was absolutely fantastic, an ice cream cone with a scoop resting on top of his head. L smirked, moving slowly over to you.

"Oh? Then take your hand away from your mouth."

"Maybe I like having it here," you wheezed, pressing your palm harder.

He gave a genuine smile and for a second, it took your breath away. L leaned over you, kissing your forehead, his lips soft.

"But if you don't move your hand, I can't kiss you," he rumbled playfully. 

You squeaked as he peppered little kisses all over your face. Soon, you couldn't hold it back and you burst out giggling, holding onto your stomach as you heaved.

"Ha!" He cried out triumphantly, "knew you were laughing!"

He wrapped his arms around you as you laughed, his lips pecking at your neck. You chuckled, leaning into him and swiping at your eye.

"I'm sorry, it's just so-"

He pursed his lips in a way that made them tickle, making any coherent thought impossible.

"Mhm?" He hummed teasingly, "you were saying?"

You were vaguely aware of him pulling you close as he collapsed onto the sofa, kissing at the nape of you neck. Craning your neck, you captured his lips, wrinkling your nose at the scratchy stubble on his chin.

"I'm shaving that thing on your face."

"Wha?! I'm going for a full 'was on an island and has gone through a spiritual and physical transformation' beard!"

"Yeah, well it looks like a black rat died on your chin." 

"She has the most delicate way of phrasing things."

He yelped as you practically pushed him towards the bathroom.

"No kisses until it's gone."

"Cruel heart thy ha-gah!"

He chuckled, tossing off the hat and apron. It was nice seeing him slowly relax as you dragged the razor down the side of his face. As you worked, he watched you, affection bleeding through his gaze. The expression faltered as he shrank again. You hesitated, staring at him. What was wrong? His face fell as he fiddled with his fingers.

"That night... your top was off-"

You lightly shaved off some more of the stubble, not exactly sure how to answer.

"B's one sick puppy," was all you could manage.

L didn't answer right away, his fingers ghosting over your knuckles.

"I've been wondering for the past 2 months what happened while I was unconscious. Did he..." His eyes darted, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously. Realization dawned in your mind. 

"Rape me? No," your lips twitched, "it'd kind of ruin his whole L persona."

"Okay," his voice was hushed, "I've been... I've been worrying about that a lot."

For a while, the two of you just stood there, you shaving and him closing his eyes. Something twisted in your gut. Yeah... he'd been unconscious. He had no idea what B said or did as him...

"How wild has your imagination been running?" You asked quietly.

"All I could do was imagine," his voice cracked and you stopped your motions. His eyes were still closed. 

Light's words swirled through your head.

 _You're a vulnerability. A liability to L._ You took in his features, your fingers shaking. _Is it true? Is this my fault...?... N-no. It's B's! But B would've never gotten so close if I hadn't stayed..._

 _Is it my fault L's suffering?_

You hadn't even realized you'd been crying until a tear slid down your cheek. 

"It's all my fault," you murmured.

His eyes opened to see you holding the shaver mid-air.

"What?"

"It's all my fault. If it weren't for me, Light wouldn't have been able to blackmail you into giving him your name. B wouldn't have attacked and we'd both be safer. I wouldn't have gotten shot-"

"And you probably would've ended up dead in some alley," he cut in gently. You paused, glancing up at him while he continued, "if we hadn't gotten together, B would've probably fled to another country with the killing power and without you, my Kira investigation would then be split between two completely different countries and governments. And you're wrong about being safer. If he didn't see the opportunity for a game, he probably would've just killed you or me or both of us for the Hell of it. At least now he just thinks you're dead and I'm broken..." he paused, lightly holding your hand, "although I suppose in that regard, he is correct... anyway. He wants to play a _game_ with me. That's why I'm alive right now... he's planning it, thinking up the rules and stakes but before he could start, he needed you out of the picture, one way or another."

L sighed, framing your face.

"It's not your fault," he mumbled.

You leaned in, brushing your lips against his. He gasped into your mouth, tentatively placing his hands on your waist. His fingers were as cool as the rest of him, and when he slowly dragged them up your sides, a moan vibrated your throat. Your tongues danced, and you realized just how you much you needed to taste and feel him. You were vaguely aware of him leading you to the bedroom, the bedsheets soft around you and smelling fresh. He attached his lips to your neck, his lithe muscles moving and stretching. You ran your fingers through his hair, lightly squeezing his scalp.

L made a pleased sound at the feeling, his lips ghosting up the side of your face. Wrapping your arms around his back, you dug your fingers into his shoulder blades, your stomach roiling in anticipation. Softly kissing the crook of his neck, you smiled against his skin.

Yeah, definitely your L. 


	25. B's Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag: mention of suicide

It was so warm in the bed. You don't know why you smelled honey mixed with the cotton and sex, but it wasn't unpleasant by any means. Your body was exhausted, spent in the best way possible. L lightly moved his fingers up your side, tangling in your hair before bringing you in for a goodnight kiss. Both of your lips were swollen and raw, but it felt good. 

L buried his nose into your hair, hugging you and pressing you close to his body. You gave a slight moan into his mouth, taking in his face as you tucked some of his hair away from his face. He watched you, his eyes sparking warmly. His throat bobbed as he gently dragged the back of his palm down the side of your face.

"I'm going to die," he whispered. 

You sat up instantly, your heart pounding.

"What?"

His eyes misted, his lips twitching sadly.

"Think about it. You... he thinks you're dead. You can move on with your life. I'm-, well, I'm little more than a pet. Once B and I play our game, whether or not I win, he's going to kill me. And if he doesn't, Kira will." L kissed your forehead, his lips making you tremble, "we're on borrowed time."

"We'll figure something out," you argued, your breath catching.

For just a moment, you saw the same hopelessness in his eyes and that's when you realized. It was acceptance. He was so sure he was going to die. You grasped the sides of his face, forcing him to look into your eyes.

"You're not dying. We're figuring it out."

He smiled sadly, kissing you slowly. That sweet taste coated your tongue, making your toes curl.

"I'm not scared. When an unjust force rises, another will combat it. Justice will always prevail."

You stared at him, your stomach stirring unpleasantly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He blinked, brow furrowing in confusion as you stood up.

"I swear to God, Lawliet, sometimes you're full of such shit."

L gaped, searching your face.

"Y/n-"

"So, what? You've given up? Is that it?"

L faltered, his eyes wide. 

"I lost though," his voice was soft.

"Oh my God, L! None of this is a game! You _always_ treat your cases like games! There are no rules. If you're alive, you haven't lost yet! If you're so sure you're going to die, you're much more likely to."

That made him go quiet. He shrank, his eyes darting at the prospect. Sighing, L curled a strand of your hair around his finger, watching it curl and fall against your neck. 

"There's nothing we can do though... Y/n, I just want to stay here with you."

He enveloped you, squeezing you almost desperately. Pleadingly. You could feel his lip quivering against your shoulder. 

"You're the only person I have left," his voice lowered, "I just want to spend what little time I have with you."

You held him out, his words swirling in your brain. He thought he was broken, defeated.

"L... we can do it together. No matter what B throws at us."

His head hung, his face tired. Instead of responding, he nuzzled your forehead.

"Let's have some breakfast?"

As the pancakes cooked, you flipped through the tv, settling on one of the local news stations. 

You froze, nausea spreading through your stomach. Your entire body rattled, the air being sucked out of your lungs.

"Holy shit."

L glanced over and gasped, almost dropping the cup out of his hand. His entire face sank in horror, fear and hatred battling on his features. 

"I should've known... God, I should've known."

B's final game.

Shiro, the oldest boy from the orphanage had been brutally murdered. Officially he was a John Doe and the news was looking for people who knew him. Family members or friends. Carved on his chest was XVIII... the Roman numeral for 18. There were other strange marks and carvings littering his front, the only part that was untouched was the face.

You stared, wanting to look away but not being able to. L was shaking, his face contorting in a dark fury.

"He's going to pay for this," L snarled, his grey eyes going charcoal.

You looked to see he'd snapped into detective-mode, any other feelings or thoughts out the window. L rounded the sofa, his eyes trained on the screen. You chewed on your lips thoughtfully.

"18... it could be either his age or-"

"A countdown," L finished with a nod, "18 children."

L straightened, exhaling.

"Well, he's made his move. The rules... he'll kill them one by one. If I can find either him or save them, then I win. If he manages to kill them all, I'll bet he'll then kill himself, and he'll win. None of my resources to help me out."

He was still glaring at the screen intently, his eyes hard.

"You still think I'll survive? We can't focus on me... we have to save them. We don't even know how far apart B will space his killings."

You didn't argue. Standing up, you moved to stop the pancakes from burning, not hungry in the slightest, but not wanting a fire either. You paused, staring at the bubbling batter. Wow... Shiro was dead... he came to the orphanage when he was five, his parents having died in a car crash. The thought of all of them, ending up like that made you shudder. _I'm sorry, Shiro. You deserve better_. 

Meeting L's eyes, your set determinedly.

"We're going to find, catch and kill B," you growled.

L's eyes were so convinced he would die that you wondered if he'd become reckless. He looked back at the report, his jaw angular and angry.

"First thing's first. We have to figure out our timeframe between killings. No doubt B left some clues."

He took a picture of the body from the screen and examined it. You glanced over his shoulder, taking in the deep marks all across Shiro's body. Tapping your chin, you tilted your head.

"It doesn't make sense," you mused, "why would B wait 2 months before killing one of the kids? He probably has them all."

L didn't answer at first.

"What's today's date?" He asked suddenly.

"March 13."

L's nostrils flared.

"13... looks a bit like B... He waited until Shiro turned 18, didn't he? When's Shiro's birthday?"

Your cheeks warmed, knowing exactly when it was. In truth, you knew when all of their birthdays were, even B's.

"March 1..."

L grabbed a scrap piece of paper and began scribbling down, mumbling to himself. 

"B waited 2 months... subtraction? Maybe. Trial and error. But he definitely waited for Shiro to turn 18. So 18-2?.... 16... March is the 3rd months of the year... 16 + 3=19? No, that doesn't make sense. It's a nonsense number, but if we subtract 3 from 16, that gives us 13, which would also align with today's date for March 13 13. Whether that's B's genuine calling card or red herring is anyone's guess, but it would be an effective. way of signing the murder as his. Shiro's birthday was March 1..."

He bit down on his thumb so hard that a drop of blood rolled down his skin. L glanced at you hopefully.

"You wouldn't happen to know the time he was born?"

Well that was a bit of a tall order... but you considered, scratching at your chin for any mentions Shiro might have given.

"Somewhere around 8?"

"March 1 at 8. 1.8?... add or subtract... or something else."

Your eyes narrowed, doing a quick calculation in your head. 

"13/1.8 is 7.222," you thought out loud.

L nodded, scratching it on the paper.

"If we're to assume the whole number is days and the decimal are times, that would be the closest in time to this murder... in a week at 2:22. There's other possible combinations, but I can't see B waiting too long."

L threw the scrap of paper on the table, reading over the potential message.

"7 days, 2:22, 13 13? Possibly, but there's still so much to account for."

L groaned, smoothing a hand over his face.

"It's probably wrong."

"We might be on to something," you offered gently, "there's so many combinations and potential messages with the numbers that it'll be almost impossible to know unless we get other clues."

He placed his chin in the cup of his hand, watching you.

"It's pure speculation though. I could've just gone down a wild goose chase."

"Well, sometimes that's how it goes," you sighed, going to search for coffee, "especially with B. However, he was accounting for the fact that you didn't know Shiro's birthday."

"I could've been here for days without seeing it," L gave a dry snort, "technically speaking, I could've gone the entire investigation without ever knowing."

"Yeah."

He wasn't good about that stuff, something B was obviously banking on. Were the clues going to be things personal to the kids? Shiro's face was burned in your mind. You didn't want to... no... couldn't allow yourself to imagine any of the other kids like that. Bringing the coffee back to the sofa, you looked over the picture again. L took the cup gratefully.

"Either way," his eyes sparked with purpose, something that had been missing for a while, "we're going to save them."

Near's perspective

I wasn't one for intuition, but something was wrong. And the more time we spent so far from civilization, the more I recognized that Mello and Matt were feeling the same. Aimi kept explaining that we had to stay here because of Kira. 

"Once L finishes the case, life will go back to how it was."

On the best of days, I didn't like Aimi. On the worst, I plain didn't trust her. I was supposed to be working on my lesson of the day. Mello was stretched out, his eyes glazed over, indicating he wasn't actually reading the material. I didn't want to ask him. I _really_ didn't want to ask him.

But I swallowed my pride, stepping up to him.

"Help me sneak out."

His brow quirked in surprise.

"You want to sneak out?" His lips went taunting, "going clubbing or something?"

"Shut up," I grumbled, "I just want to get my hands on a computer."

"Near, we don't know anything about the area."

"So you're saying you can't do it?" I challenged quietly.

His eyes narrowed.

"I never said _that_."

"Then do it," it was useful having a monotone voice, but even he could hear the taunt in my inflection.

"Fine," he growled, "we'll head out tonight and look for a library. Those usually have free computer use."

* * *

Rem's perspective

Disgust filled me watching B hack away at the body. And he was going to kill more? And younger? _Humans truly are despicable. At least this one is_. B stepped away from the boy's body, blood covered his hands and face, his lips curled in a manic grin. They were both children in their own rights, compared to a Shinigami's lifespan. 

I couldn't kill him. That would be the ultimate betrayal against Gelus. His dying wish was that I look over him and when the time was right to give him his inheritance. No, I would not be responsible for this boy's death. 

But I had to do something. He tipped his head back with a booming laugh, searching in his bag for some jam.

"Tell me, Remmy, do Shinigami like jam?"

I didn't say anything. He shrugged, rolling his shoulder to get the cracks out before skipping away from the body, scooping handfuls of jam into his mouth. I watched after feeling trapped. I couldn't do anything that would result in his death but at the same time...

 _Ryoko Bessho must be stopped._


	26. Kira's World

"What"

"The"

" _Fuck_?!"

Matt was so stunned that he was shoving cigarette after cigarette into his mouth. Even Near, for all his... eccentricities... looked absolutely confounded. And me, I-I couldn't even think! It had been a two hour walk down the little road between the minka and the nearest gas-station convenience store. Even though the store wasn't in a very populated area, we could already see Kira's influence.

There was a sign on the sliding door saying 'Kira punishes shoplifters'. Stepping into the store, we were greeted by a slew of Kira memorabilia. 'Kira's birthplace!' postcards, hats saying 'all hail, Kira', signs similar to the one on the door for sale, some merchandise slandering L, others _praising_ him for _bowing_ to Kira?

I was so tempted to just smash the entire display. 

_No. Can't get on Aimi's radar. Especially not now_. 

Near hung back, shrinking a bit, the entire store a little more than just intimidating. Matt sauntered up to the cashier, somehow managing an easy smile.

"Hi, I'm afraid we're a little lost. Do you know which way it is to Tokyo?"

"Take a right at the next road and it's about a 30 minute drive."

 _Oh, great_. Hopefully the walk wouldn't be too bad? Matt was dazedly walking away, but I piped up.

"Got any newspapers?"

The three of us crowded around it outside, staring at L with his eyepatch standing dutifully behind Kira. _Australia marks Kira's 150th country. International Kira Investigator L advises South Africa to follow Australia's example_. 

"This doesn't make sense," Matt groaned, "L-L would _never_!"

"We have to see him," I was surprised to hear a note of panic in Near's voice. I quickly shook my head.

"Oh? And what do you want to do? Roll up in front of the building and say 'hey! We noticed you offered your fealty to Kira and we think something's fishy!' I'm sure things will go _peachy_."

Near scowled. He silently fumed, not wanting to admit I was right. I stared at the picture. There was something off about L, just his face in general. Like it was him, but something mor sinister lurking beneath the surface. The words came out before I could stop or think about them.

"It's not him."

Both of their heads snapped in my direction. The heat rose up my neck.

"That's not L. At least I refuse to believe it is."

They were quiet, mulling over my words. 

"But if it's not L... then who-"

"Didn't the LABB murder case have something similar happen?" Near piped up.

I sucked in a sharp breath, exchanging a glance with Matt. He wasn't even at the orphanage yet. We were only 10 when B went off the rails. Near, ha. He was 8 when it happened. He was barely a memory for me. Sometimes we'd talk and even played chess once or twice. He always struck me as someone who was a little obsessed with L. But whenever I asked him why, he'd always give a cryptic smile and roll his shoulders.

"You really think it's B?"

"Who else could impersonate L?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Near picked up his head.

"Wait, if B's in the country, does that mean Y/n-"

Oh, wow. I hadn't heard that name in a long time. 

In the distance, we could hear sirens. Matt gasped, pushing us towards the trees and bushes.

"Sounds like Aimi noticed we're missing. We can _not_ be caught. If it is B, he'll kill us the second we're returned..."

Near and I bobbed our heads. The three of us pressed into the darkness as a police officer stopped in front of the store. My eyes widened.

"We've got to go. They're going to ask about us."

They dipped their heads, stealthily moving through the brush. I followed in the rear, my heart pounding. None of us voiced what was going through all of our heads. What if L is dead already? What if Y/n was? As far as I knew, Wammy's hadn't received any word in the past of her death. No. They were both alive. I had to believe they were. Similar to B, I was too young to really remember too much about Y/n. Even less, really, she'd left to travel and be L's proxy when I was 8. Hell, Near wasn't even at the orphanage yet. But as a result, she'd earned a bit of a legend around herself. Steel-trap memory, wicked shot and the ability to see through most deceptions. A shadow, the one who was always lurking and would chase you to the ends of the Earth. Legend said she was the only one who had ever gotten an emotional response out of L, the only proxy he'd ever seen as an equal. The Queen. 

We had to find them.

* * *

You were hanging upside down, hoping the extra blood flow to your brain would help. The apartment was a bit... distracting... at the moment. It covered wall to wall in printed pictures of Shiro's body, sticky notes with theories, calculations and speculations not leaving an inch uncovered. L was trying to reach for a paper but ended up tripping, sending a whole avalanche of them to the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut, nostrils flaring.

"Spectacular," he grumbled bitterly, scooping to pick them up.

You gnawed on a Twizzler, narrowing your eyes at the desecrated body. 

"Hey, L, made any progress on those symbols on his arm?"

"HKILAS BIEJW."

At your look, he shrugged, "something tells me my decryption is a bit off."

You gave a soft smile, nodding, "yeah, sounds like it needs work."

His lips twitched. It was hard to tell how he was, he seemed to be simultaneously worse and better. Although to be fair, you were feeling the same way. Like you finally had a purpose, something to work on and exercise your brain, but the exercise was... not ideal.

"I'm getting ice cream," you declared, swinging to your feet. It probably wasn't good for you, the sun hadn't even risen yet. But God, did you need some. 

He hesitated, watching you closely.

"You haven't been in Kira's world yet," he warned.

You pursed your lips, not wanting to admit he had a point. In a corner of your brain, it felt like everything was fine and stepping out on the street would be normal. But you knew better. You deflated, having hyped yourself up for a short break. 

L's eyes were large and round. He lurched in your direction, sticking his hands in his pocket sheepishly. 

"Although it does open at 5 in the morning, so we _could_... I have been taking an awful amount of sick leave. As much priority as this takes, we're screwed either way if we can't pay rent."

Your chest warmed, a small smile crossing your lips. He perked up seeing it. 

"I just have to act like I was sick for a while."

"Hm. Shouldn't be too hard, you're already pasty and exhausted."

L's nose wrinkled, "I resent that."

"But you didn't deny it," you smirked.

The street really was insanely different. Signs warning against crimes or facing Kira's wrath, places of worship teeming with activity, and plaques declaring the peoples' allegiance to Kira and his greatness. It was one of the most goddamn _surreal_ walks of your life. Sitting in a booth with him poking at your ice cream, you stared at the swirl, your stomach aching.

"Is it bad I don't feel sad about Shiro?"

You felt bad for him of course, but you hadn't _known_ him. You didn't know what made him tick. It felt like you were investigating a stranger, and that felt almost as disturbing as the killing itself. L swirled his tongue around his spoon thoughtfully. He glanced around before dropping his voice an octave.

"It'd only be bad if that was the fate you'd wished for him."

"Don't even joke about that!" You tensed, quickly checking that no one had overheard your outburst. 

L bobbed his head. The soft sunlight was filtered through the window golden in a way you didn't even see in the apartment. Glancing out at the sunrise, you sighed. It was beautiful, golden, orange and magenta streaks across the sky, reflecting against the buildings.

"It was always comforting to know the sunrise was the same," you murmured before you could stop yourself.

He glanced up, his spoon hanging in mid-air. Little drops of ice creams dripped onto the table, but he was watching you so intently that he didn't seem to notice. L didn't ask you to elaborate or go on, he just waited. You drummed your fingers.

"Whenever I was missing home, it was nice to remind myself that it's still the same world, with the same sky and sun and stars," you smiled.

L's eyes were owlish, unblinking.

"You missed home?"

It was so innocent, his voice so small. You met his eyes, gaping. Did he really think you didn't miss anything? Wammy, Roger, the kids, him?

"Of course I did. And I still do."

He thoughtfully brought the spoon to his lips, pouting when he realized it had all dropped to the table. L stared at the little puddle as if he could warp it with his mind.

"Light got the killing power before B... does the order matter?"

"We don't even know what the killing power _is_ ," you groaned, "is it mental, a weapon?"

L didn't answer. You glanced in his direction, realizing you'd spaced out... he was staring at your right, his body rigid. You followed his eyes, but didn't see anything.

"Are you-"

He let out a string of incoherent sounds. You made your voice quieter, leaning forward.

" _L?"_ you hissed.

"Sh- Shi-"

Something lightly touched the back of your neck. You shivered at the feeling, whipping around and ready to punch whoever had just touched you.

Your face fell, your fingers shaking. It was a monster! Purple hair hanging around a bony white face and equally and sharp edges around its body. It looked down at you with a glittering golden eye.

Light's messages with the prisoners flooded back. Gods of death, Shinigami. 

You were frozen just looking up at it. No way this could be real! N-no, definitely not! No one else in the little store seemed to notice her. Your gaze snapped back in L's direction, trying to keep your features steady.

"You see it too, right?" you whispered.

All he could do was dazedly nod.

"Unless this is just my fever dream and we're both still in the apartment," he laughed weakly.

The creature stepped around so it was next to the table. It's voice sounded female, albeit breathy and kind of low.

"L Lawliet, Y/n L/n. For the past day and a half, I've been searching for you."

"Oh. It's been searching for us," you burst out a single laugh, clamping a hand over your mouth.

L gave what one might mistake as a drunken giggle, sweat beading his brow. The creature rolled its eyes.

"We have time-sensitive business to discuss. I suggest we find a more private area, no one else can see me."

That sobered the two of you, exchanging glances. L touched a finger to his lip, swirling it in interest.

"Back to the apartment?" He caught your gaze.

"Yeah."

If it wasn't so terrifying, it'd be funny. She was hovering behind as the two of you walked to the apartment. People all around were just going through their daily lives. One passed right through her, and you gave a decidedly unheroic squeak.

"Focus," L touched your arm.

"Right."

Everything was like a dream slowly closing the door and watching her phase right through it. You held your hands there for what felt like forever, the air icy.

You and L burst out with questions at the same time, bombarding her so wholly that not even you heard all the questions.

Her eyes darted, stunned. 

"One at a time."

It wasn't working. At this point, L was pacing and had switched over to Russian. 

" _One at a time_!" She barked, instantly silencing the both of you. She inhaled deeply, "let me explain first and then you may ask your questions."

Not even bothering to pull over a chair, the both o you dropped cross-legged onto the floor, looking much more like curious and eager children. Her brow quirked, but she didn't address it.

"I am Rem, the Shinigami. What I touched you both with was a piece of paper from my killing tool, the death note."

Rem held up a seemingly innocent little black book with the words Death Note scrawled on the front. You were holding your breath just to stop yourself from pouncing on her again. L opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again. Rem sighed heavily.

"There are two death notes currently in humans' possessions."

"Kira and B," you breathed in awe. 

L scooted forward anxiously.

"They have these books? How does it work?"

Rem explained everything. The way the book operated, how Kira must've found it after it was dropped from the Shinigami realm. She paused then, genuinely looking uncomfortable.

"And who you call B. He's half-Shinigami."

"Well that would explain a lot," you grumbled.

L's lips twitched. Rem continued, her face going grave.

"When a human owns a death note, they may make a deal to half their lifespan for Shinigami Eyes. They allow the person to see names and death dates. Unfortunately, B was born with them."

Your mouth fell open. It felt like someone had punched you right in the gut. L made a strangled sound, looking at his hands.

"All those years...B was telling the truth?"

"And no one believed him," your voice wavered, "we threw him in therapy, gave him medication... told him it was all in his head."

You felt sick, the ice cream rebellious in your stomach, "we told him to stop making stuff up."

You paused, a memory swirling in your brain. B had to be only four at the time, you six. Before L had even come to Wammy's. He had a large scrape across his arm that you were helping the nurse clean up. B wouldn't let anyone else touch him, so it was up to you to help.

_"B, what happened?"_

_He didn't answer right away, looking at the ground. At your questioning glance though, he shifted, his face going down in shame._

_"Darryl and V were making fun of me and I- I told them 'at least I won't die before 25. I hope it's painful'."_

_"You what?!"_

_"Then they pushed me and I scraped my arm," his lip quivered._

_Before you could say or do anything, he threw himself into a hug around you, burying his face in your shoulder. Not sure what else to do, you just hugged him back. He was shaking in your grip, sniffing._

_"I just wanted them to stop," he whimpered._

_"B-but that's no reason to lie like that!" You squeaked, "they might take it as a threat!"_

_He stiffened, looking up at you with a flash of hurt and betrayal._

_"But I didn't lie!" He protested, "Darryl's going to die when he's 23! And V when he's 20!"_

_"You can't know that!"_

_"I always know!... you're just like them. **You're going to die too and there's nothing anyone can do about it**!"_

_You opened your mouth to argue again, but was ushered away by the nurse._

_"I'll take care of this, Honey."_

_You glanced back over your shoulder to see him curled up in a ball, his face buried in his knees._

_"Everyone's going to die," the four year old sobbed, scraping at his scalp, "everyone- I can't escape," he burst out crying, going horizontal._

_The nurse pushed you outside._

You felt cold. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you passed your hands over your arms for warmth.

"Okay," you rasped, looking up at the Shinigami, "how do we stop him?"


	27. Revelations

I was holding up the back, Matt in the front and Near in the middle. We'd been wandering aimlessly around the city for about two hours now, trying to figure where to go and what to do. All of our nerves were on high, the situation making us jumpy. Between the three of us, we had a collective $50. Matt had suggested using it on a motel, but that'd only cover one night. In terms of dealing with the streets, Near was definitely the weakest link. So we stayed in the shadows, but it was slow and paranoid-inducing. 

Someone grabbed my shoulder and I yelled, whipping around. The adrenaline rushed my veins and I was this close to completely shattering the person's jawbone. I froze, looking up at familiar icy blue eyes.

Matt's face broke into a wide smile and Near's lips twitched, the equivalent of a beaming grin. Even though I was 15 and we were out on the street, I allowed myself to throw myself into a hug.

"Aiber!"

"Kiddo!" Aiber laughed, wrapping his large arms around me.

Wedy materialized from a shadow in the alley, a cigarette hanging off her lips. Matt sidled to her, silently asking for one. Her brow quirked amusedly as she gave it to him. Turning back to Aiber, I smiled again. L had encountered Aiber during a time when he'd been looking for Y/n to try and get her to come back. He hadn't lasted too long, but for a couple of months, he taught at Wammy's. Roger never liked him and he never liked Roger, so...but he was here?!

"What are you doing here?" The words tumbled out of my mouth. Not even waiting for an answer, my mouth shot off. I recounted everything that had happened.

Aiber exchanged a glance with Wedy, nodding. He gently but firmly touched my shoulders.

"We know," he sighed gravely, "I was helping Wedy bug the Yagami house when we got an alert on our phone. Code Black. Consider everyone dead and get yourself to a secure location."

Code Black? It wasn't even an emergency code. It was an 'abandon ship' death call. Suddenly Near's theory about B being behind all of this was starting to make a lot of sense.

"So you know what's going on?" Near piped up.

Aiber scratched at his chin, rolling his massive shoulders.

"Vaguely. I was aware that a member of the task force died, but we weren't really hanging around the building, so we've really been cut off from everything... we just saw the three of you sneaking around and, well," he glanced down sheepishly, "we were hoping you might be able to brief us."

The three of us gave our theories and explanations, telling of how the orphanage burned down and Roger died. Aiber listened intently, nodding when appropriate. It was hard to tell Wedy's reaction, even though it was dark, she was wearing sunglasses. 

"So you don't know what happened to Charlie?" Her voice was surprisingly soft.

"Charlie?"

"Uh, Kage? Minerva? Sybil? Lydia? Victoria? Wow... I don't even know her name," there were hints of regret in her voice. She stared at the ground, "we've been worried about her."

Y/n's name wasn't ours to give, but the three of us exchanged glances.

"We know who you're talking about," Matt assured.

For the first time, she gave a warm expression. Aiber massaged the bridge of his nose. He scanned the three of us, sighing.

"Come on, we've been motel-hopping. We've been searching for them, but it's all been pretty hopeless... let's get you some food, hm?"

We perked up at the thought, our stomachs making their presence known. The thought of a genuine shower, even in a crappy motel room was enough to get us excited. 

"Hey, between the five of us, I'm sure we'll find them!" I declared, letting a toothy smile up my lips.

* * *

Rem shook her head. 

"You can't use my death note."

L scowled, crossing his arms. You winced, staring up at her.

"So you... _are_... loyal to B?"

She snorted, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"I am not," she clarified, "in fact, I'd love if you defeated B, one way or another."

"Then why-"

She held up a silencing finger, making you shift. Rem sighed, holding up a death note. 

"The one in his possession was his father's, Gelus'. Since I was the next Shinigami to touch it, I became bound to that one in addition to this death note. I can't give you my death note or else I'll be bound to you for the rest of your life," her lips curled, "and as much as I hate B, I also don't want _that_. And I can't write his name because it would be worse that spitting on Gelus' ashes."

You pursed your lips, trying not to look annoyed.

"So what, we're right back to square 1?"

Rem considered, fingering her death note thoughtfully.

"You underestimate the power of knowledge. I don't know if this is beneficial to you or not, but when you tore apart his eye, he lost half of his Shinigami Eyes, meaning he can't see names anymore. Just deaths."

You gasped. Right... he'd been shocked and even scared when you'd sliced through that eye. L had a lollipop in his mouth. He swirled around his tongue, taking it out with a _pop_. 

"And his eyes are the only thing he inherited from his father?" He sounded a bit skeptical. You looked over and he shrugged, "it just seems that if you're half of each parent, he'd have more Shinigami traits. How did that even work? No disrespect, Rem, but looking at you, you don't look like you have-"

"Are you asking the Death God in our living room not only for the story of B's conception but about her genitals?" You growled pointedly.

L paused, blinking. Rem's jaw set. Her eyes narrowed.

"You know, I didn't think to ask about B's conception."

His cheeks went a bright red before he stuffed his lollipop back into his mouth, looking like he desperately wanted to disappear.

Your gaze slid to Rem though. _Please say the eyes are all he has. No more nightmare fuel please_. Rem sighed.

"I don't know much about the boy. Since the beginning of humankind, there has been a total of six hybrids. Technically speaking, it is against the rules to... fraternize... with humans. The very first hybrid went insane and killed almost 300 people without a death note. The next three were relatively stable and led normal lives. One even became a doctor to _save_ people. But then... the fifth," Rem shuddered, "she was worse than B, more Shinigami than human. She had the eyes, the ability to turn invisible and a pair wings," she gave a shrill laugh, sending your skin crawling, "compared to the strength and powers of his predecessors, B is rather weak. The others didn't _need_ death notes to be Human Shinigamis. He's a dog with no teeth."

Weak wasn't the word you'd use to describe him, but it wasn't like you were about to argue with a Shinigami.

"That's when the King outlawed hybrids."

 _Oh, great. At least the little asshole doesn't have wings. Or can turn invisible_.

"All I know is that Gelus fell in love with a woman," her eyes darted, "there were complications with the birth and he had to choose between saving her and keeping watch over his son."

"And as a result, my friend died," you bit, remembering Naomi's face. 

Rem didn't seem particularly concerned about that. She shifted, her voice going so serious that you and L leaned forward in anticipation.

"He may be weak, but he is the most... vicious... of the bunch. Even the girl with the wings had some remorse over her actions, but killing was like a drug for her. With B, he takes a great pleasure in it. And the reason I'm telling you all of this..." Rem sucked in a breath, hesitating before adverting her eyes, "the second hybrid didn't even realize he wasn't human until he'd almost finished maturing. At that point, his skin turned hard to the point where nothing could penetrate it."

Your breath caught, your heart dropping. The apartment went icily quiet, the air tense. Your voice wavered, hearing the fear plain as day in your own tone. 

"A hybrid got a new power _later_ in life?"

When she nodded, your entire body turned to jelly, "he may or may not develop powers as he finishes maturing, but it is most definitely a possibility," Rem tacked on.

"We have to kill him now before he gets older," L whispered.

Rem looked at him, dipping her head. 

"Especially now that his eye's been torn out, his body will be trying to heal itself and in the process may modify. Like I said, time-sensitive business."

You blanched. L circled the pictures of Shiro's body, his lip quivering.

"Then can you tell us where he is?"

Rem's expression was unreadable. Her gaze was piercing, making you feel small.

"He stays in Kira's fortress. But he's restless, it's very rare that he spends much time there."

Kira's... fortress? You and L exchanged looks.

"Tell us about Kira's fortress."

"It's a large castle mostly hidden out of the public's eyes, sitting on a castle with top-notch security. No one in the in the general public knows here it is to keep Kira's identity secret, but the staff are sworn in by giving their names and faces to Kira lest they ever divulge information or go against his word. There is no way for you to find a way in on your own. In order to appease him, Light gave B the west wing to do with as he pleases. As for the children from Wammy's, they're being isolated from the rest of the world in a remote house."

It felt like a weight was lifted off your chest. The kids' living condition had been worrying you. If they were being tortured in any way. You could tell L felt the same way. His legs were shaking in relief.

"Okay... we need to figure something out."

His eyes widened.

"Rem, is there any way to get immunity from the death note?"

You held your breath, picking at your leg. When Rem brought it up, it hadn't even crossed your mind that immunity was possible. But to your shock, she nodded slowly.

"If it is accidentally misspelled four times, you will be immune to any death note. But it must be accidental, no intentional misspellings or the writer will die."

Both of you gaped, the information making you sway in uncertainty. There was a way to get immunity... incredible... you glanced at L and felt your chest warm. His grey eyes were large, his lip quivering. If you didn't know any better, you would've said his face was... hopeful. Confirming it, he spoke, his voice soft and small.

"There's a possibility I won't die? I can-I can live?"

Moving towards him, you intertwined your fingers with his. He was shaking, a gentle smile lighting up his face. He made a choked sound, pulling you into a hug. You spread your hands across his back, your eyes tearing when he sagged into your grip.

"There's a chance?"

"I told you there's always a way," you murmured, kissing his forehead.

It was cold and clammy. He combed his fingers through your hair, giving a short laugh. 

"They won't know what hit them."

B's perspective

I hung up the phone with Aimi, growling. So those brats snuck out?! I had a half a mind to kill them here and now! But... Jesus, I'd had my game so carefully thought out. If Matt wasn't the next to die, then that threw off Heather's death, which then threw off Nico and J's death and suddenly everything was falling apart! I marched up to the guard, puffing out my chest.

"I need you to find some kids."

His nose wrinkled. Even though L had sworn fealty to Kira, there was still an underlying suspicion in the public eye. Was L really on Kira's side, or was he just pretending? The guard snorted.

"We only take orders from Kami."

My lips pursed, already planning the guard's 'accident' in my head.

"Of course you do," I grumbled, stalking off to find 'his majesty'. 

Not bothering to knock, I kicked open the door. Light yelped, jolting up. The maid squeaked, throwing the bed's covers over her head. I rolled my eyes as Light scrambled to throw on a robe, sending me a deadly glare.

"I need some kids found. Get your idiotic guard in gear."

The glare turned venomous. Aw, how cute. He thought he could intimidate me. Of course he couldn't, he didn't even know my name. He might like to pretend he was a god, but he was subject to _my_ wishes. The maid glanced over the bedsheet, looking at Light questioningly. I cut in before he could say something.

"Get out, I'm going to need your _Kami_ for a while. Besides," my lips curled, "I'm saving you from a life of being called a whore and slut and whatever nasty connotations come with sleeping with your boss."

Her cheeks burned a bright red. Ignoring her, I grabbed Light's arm, pulling him towards the comms room. 

"Put out an apb. If I don't have that boy in 3 days at 2:22, you're dead, Yagami."

He whirled on me, his eyes full of hate.

"How is it that you're more annoying than Lawliet?"

Ha, he thought this was annoying? He hadn't seen me when I was actually trying!

"Just get the city's asses in gear, _Kami_."

Light sneered, but was already moving his fingers on the keyboard.

"Why don't you just write down his name or something?"

I didn't answer, which made him look up at me.

"You... do know his name, don't you?"

"O-of course I do!" I cursed hearing the slight waver in my voice.

His fingers froze, his face lighting up gleefully.

"You don't remember his name... does it have anything to do with your eye?"

Everything. I'd never had to keep track of faces because their names were always floating. I could almost remember Matt's name, but if they weren't prominent in my life, names had just never taken up space in my memory.

"It doesn't matter," I shot back, "as long as I know yours, Light."


	28. Together Again

_33% probability of winning. But since rock is picked more often than not as the choice, the good answer would be to pick paper. However, this is L we're talking about, he won't be fooled by that! Ergo, he'll pick scissors and I should do rock. Unless he's **expecting** that and actually does pick paper, something for which I would have accounted for and picked scissors_...

"No!" You cried out.

L gave a sound of victory, having chosen rock against your scissors. 

"You always beat me," you grumbled, sinking across the table.

He hesitated, his eyes going soft as he scratched at the back of his neck.

"78% of the time, you'll stop your calculations after 3 or 4 predictions."

Your eyes narrowed. He blinked innocently, handing you the list of what the both of you needed from the store. Rem had left to keep B from getting suspicious. 

"Love you," he chirped, crouching back in front of the case. 

You slunk down the sidewalk, hidden under your hood, carrying the bag of groceries with your thoughts distant and whirring. If only you could figure out a way to trick Rem into giving up her note. You couldn't think of many other ways without trying to start a revolution or something. As you moved, someone grasped your arm. You glanced up with a gasp, coming face-to-face with a member of Kira's Guard, the old 'police'. 

Fear shot up your spine, your mind already moving at a million miles a second. Had B somehow found out you were alive? Did Light want to hold you hostage for some reason? You tensed, your muscles getting ready to spring and take the Guard on. He held out a picture and your throat closed on you.

"Have you seen this boy?"

Matt.

Your face went pale, eyes searching the Guard's. Matt ran away? And B was adamant about getting him back... if Matt was gone, Mello had most definitely followed. Near was another story, but maybe. You gave a tight smile, rolling your shoulders. 

"Sorry."

His lips pursed, but he just went on to the next person. Huh, now that you were paying attention, you were noticing a lot of Guards out. You stealthily moved to the shadows, watching intently. One of the Guards seemed to be on to something, having a long and intense conversation with a homeless person. He nodded his thanks and jogged in one direction. Looking around, you expertly stepped in time with him, your years of practice of following people springing forward.

It must've been a 20 minute or so walk, L was probably going to start getting nervous soon. You froze, your mouth falling open when the Guard stepped up to a motel room, knocking. From your position, your eyes popped, your legs going numb as Wedy opened the door, giving a sweet smile. You couldn't hear what she was saying from this distance. She tried closing the door at some point, but the Guard held it open. Her expression fell, her face blanching.

Something was going wrong.

The Guard's hand snapped out, wrapping around her throat and pushing her into the room.

You jolted, racing towards the room, your pulse pounding in your ears. Kicking open the door, the Guard whirled. He had Wedy in a chokehold, Matt, Near and Mello on the other side of the room, their eyes wide and terrified. The Guard's eyes popped in surprise, but before he could do anything, you charged him, giving out a war cry.

Your fist found his temple. He reeled back, letting Wedy go. She whipped around, kicking straight into the middle of his chest. He was propelled back, landing hard on the floor.

"You'll pay for this!" He snarled, "you'll feel Kira's wrath!"

Before he could make too much more noise, the boys were on him, gagging and tying him up. The man let out a muffled scream, shuttling in the binds. Wedy looked at you, her mouth gaping. Her bright hazel, almost golden eyes rooted you to the spot. She looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"Kage?" She whispered.

Your nostrils flared, a whole myriad of emotions rising up.

"Oh my God... _Wedy_?!"

The usually so-cold thief's face lit up. She surged forward, enveloping you. Wow, you weren't sure if she'd ever shown this level of affection or worry for you. The boys stood in the back dejectedly, watching as you and Wedy hugged. You glanced at them, your breath catching. They looked and were so much older than when you'd last seen them... Matt had done it and had finally dyed his hair from brown to a bright red. Near twirled a strand of hair, watching you closely.

"Kage... where's L?"

You faltered, a smile playing at your lips. 

"Straight to the point, I see," you teased.

Near didn't say anything, but Mello cut in, his turquoise eyes wide and excited.

"Kage!" He cried out, surging forward.

Matt didn't hold back either. The two of them pulled you in the damn tightest hug of your life. Your nose wrinkled as you looked at Matt affectionately.

"Don't tell me you're a smoker," you playfully chastised.

He held up his head, eyes twinkling.

"Like a chain," he winked.

Mello rolled his eyes, swatting at Matt. You blinked, your limbs trembling as you hugged Mello again. He quickly melted into your grip, burying his head in your shoulder.

"How are you doing?" You murmured low enough for only him to hear.

He didn't exactly have a... happy... beginning. None of them did, but him in particular... Mello was quiet for a second before sighing.

"I'm okay."

"... Good."

Stepping back, you looked at all four of them, your eyes settling on Wedy and silently asking for an explanation. She massaged the bridge of her nose, talking about how she and Aiber had found the boys wandering the streets. Near took a step and said something that made your heart drop.

"The manor is gone. Roger burned it and himself to the ground."

You stared at him, your chest twisting. The manor was gone? Bu-no... you'd been dreaming about going back there when this was all over, seeing how it'd changed. And Roger. You'd always equated him to a grumpy uncle. The place you grew up, all the times you'd missed out on. The home you'd never realized had been your home until recently.

It was gone?

Anything else they said was a blur. Wedy said something, but when you didn't respond, she gently shook your arm.

"Once Aiber gets back, we have to congregate with L."

You bobbed your head.

"Of course, L's back at the apartment."

The four of you sat down, catching up while everyone waited for Aiber. You couldn't find it in you to tell the boys that Shiro had been brutally murdered. When Aiber did come, he stumbled in shock, blue eyes confounded.

"... Kage?"

"Aiber!"

You practically threw yourself into his arms. The movement was a bit too quick and you winced, your abdomen flaring up, letting you know that it did _not_ appreciate it. His face fell in concern as he examined you.

"A-are you okay? What happened?!"

You gave a tight smile, brushing the first question off.

"Come on... L's at our apartment."

His face was an indescribable mix of shock, happiness and disbelief. He simply stood in the doorway, those spotlights holding the boys in their places.

"My God," L murmured, holding out a shaky hand.

He sucked in a breath, his lip quivering as he ran a hand through their hair in awe. The boys glanced at each other, and you could read their silent conversation.

_What happened to L?_

_I expected him to be happy, but he just seems so off._

_Something went horribly wrong_...

Their eyes widened when L sank to his knees, enveloping them. They certainly weren't use to this level of affection and the fact that it came from L, no less made their faces go incredulous. Even Aiber and Wedy didn't seem to know what to do when L gave a quiet sob. 

"I thought you were gone," he whispered, "after Shiro-"

"What happened to Shiro?"

You winced. L blinked. He glanced around, coming back into himself. 

"Please, all of you, come inside. We have much to discuss."

They all started filing in. Before L could step through the doorway, you held him back, whispering in his ear about Wammy's. His face fell, and for just a moment you saw the same glassiness in his eyes. 

"Oh," he rumbled, "I... I see. I don't blame B, it was a strategic position and resource he had to cut off-"

"L..."

He hesitated, something changing in his face. 

"They're alive, and they're okay," his eyes misted, a smile playing at his lips.

He gently touched your arms, his relief contagious. You felt your own lips tugging up.

"They're alive," L repeated in a rasp, "a-and they're okay."

Even though Rem had told the both of you such, seeing was believing. And the proof was sitting right now in the apartment. You took his hand, feeling how cold it was. He held up your palm nuzzling it softly.

"Let's go say hi," you giggled, pulling him into the apartment.

Near's perspective

We'd been trained well enough to know trauma when we saw it. They were both going through it, Kage was just better at hiding it. L... he wasn't doing well. One didn't even need to be trained to see that. We watched them bustle around the kitchen, Kage's bag of groceries on the counter. Wedy and Aiber had leaned in to each other and were exchanging whispers. My gaze slid in their direction, my fingers automatically toying with my hair. Hm. Mello was walking around, exploring the small living room, now cramped with all of us. He started to open a drawer and gasped, scrambling backwards. L and Kage's eyes snapped in his direction before their gazes softened.

"I wanted to explain the situation first," L sighed, moving to the drawer.

I craned my neck, my heart stopping. Shiro was dead. The body had been absolutely _desecrated_. My fingers stopped in my hair, a wall rising in my mind. No way... Shiro had always been the 'big brother'. If you had a problem with bullies or Roger or anything, he would do everything in his power to help. It was a refreshing change from the usual competitive genii in the orphanage.

There was a tense moment where no one moved. What was their problem? I'd only read B's profile once in my life, but they were acting like it was some large revelation that he was capable of killing an 18 year old perfectly able-bodied person. Was that cynical for a thirteen year? Quillish would probably say that was cynical.

"We can mourn later," that made everyone look at me in surprise. I shrugged, speaking the truth, "he's dead and that's not going to change. We should be focusing our efforts on B."

"Hm, the robot has spoken," Mello grumbled.

"I'm sorry, Mello, please give us your idea," I piped up.

His face went a bright red, but he clamped his jaw.

Your perspective

You watched the exchange amusedly. You paused, staring at the counter for what felt like forever until your eyes lit up.

"Idea!" You declared, slapping the fridge.

The noise made L jump, his eyes owlish.

"Idea?"

You grasped his arms and he squeaked, searching your face, as if trying to read your mind. Your outburst made the others glance over curiously, but none of them had the courage to speak up.

"It's a bit of a long-shot," you admitted sheepishly, "but I think I know how to get us immune without having Rem give up her death note."

"Well that sentence made absolutely no sense," Matt murmured.

You waved him off, searching the grocery bag for a large, juicy red apple.

"Rem!" You called, "you there?"


	29. The Gamble

Rem phased through the wall. You bit your lip nervously. 

"Rem. You said you wouldn't give us your note because you don't want it to belong to the human world, right?"

L's eyes flashed in alarm. Mello leaned into Matt.

"Who's she talking to?"

Rem stared at you, her gaze analytical and trying to figure out your angle.

"This is correct."

"Awesome. Cool. I'm curious. Does the book become the human's once it leaves your hands? What would happen if, say, you held the book while someone else wrote in it?"

"If you intend to write his name, that's too close to me doing it. I won't-"

"Uh, uh. I'm not talking about that."

There was a beat where she simply stared at you. L's finger was swirling around his lips in interest. Rem hesitated before tilting her head. She caught on that you were talking about the 4 misspellings immunity, but her eyes narrowed.

"I already told you. The writer's intention cannot be to give immunity. Otherwise the writer will die. And in regards to me holding the book while another writes, I don't know if that would work. But the contract between a human owner and Shinigami is that someday I will write their name," her eyes darkened, "if the book leaves my realm to the human world, I will kill the new owner here and now."

Your throat bobbed. Even though you knew they couldn't see or hear her, you cast a worried glance at Aiber and Wedy. If this went south, one of them could die... you couldn't be offering lives like that... L's eyes widened a fraction, catching on to your thinking. Trying to keep the waver out of your voice, you cleared your throat, looking at the two criminals seriously. Your friends, the ones who had helped you when you were in the darkest place of your life.

"Aiber. Wedy. If I asked you to risk your lives-"

"If it's for a good reason," Wedy nodded affirmatively.

Aiber hesitated, his eyes downcast, "depends," he sighed.

Wedy smiled, gently touching Aiber's shoulder.

"If it's something dangerous, I have to do it. You have a wife and kid..."

Aiber scanned her face and blinked gratefully. Wedy took a step towards you, looking pale.

"I assume this has something to do with the conversation you've been having with yourself."

You chuckled, trying to control your nerves. If this worked, almost everyone could be immune... Rem held out her death note to two blank pages, her eyes dawned in understanding. She gave you one last warning expression that you read loud and clear. _I'm not your friend. I won't hesitate to kill if things don't go my way_. Taking Wedy's hand, you slowly laid it on the death note. Both the book and the Shinigami became visible to her. She sucked in a sharp breath, her jaw falling open. Wedy froze, unable to process what was in front of her, her breathing going heavy. Rem's gaze darted.

"If the others can see the book, that means it's passed into your world."

L turned to them.

"Can you see a book floating in midair?"

That made them all start, but they shook their heads in confusion. Rem hissed out a breath, her eyes kinder as she locked gazes with you. There was a spark of admiration.

"It seems the gamble has paid off."

"Not quite yet," you countered, your heart drumming. Now came the hard part.

You touched Wedy's arm, your pulse racing.

"I need you to write down my name while you picture my face. Do that 4 times and then do the same thing for L."

You'd been thinking about it recently. Raye Penber and 12 other FBI agents died of a heart attack. There was no way Light knew the names of all those FBI agents, or their faces. And the fact that Raye Penber's file had been missing when he exited the train added to your suspicion. The only logical conclusion was that he'd tricked Raye into writing the names of his comrades, meaning one didn't need to have an 'intention' to use the book itself, one just couldn't use it for immunity. Wedy's brow furrowed.

"I-I don't know either of your names, though," she whimpered.

Before the boys could say anything, you cut in.

"Guess. Try to get it right."

 _Please don't guess right_. Wedy's eyes were intense, making it feel like you had a massive spotlight trained on you.

"What happens once I write your name?"

You chewed on your lip. You hated lying to her, but you couldn't think of another way.

"If you guess L, me, and the boys correctly after 4 times, this creature will grant us a wish."

Her lips pursed. Obviously she didn't believe it, but Rem attempted for a smile. It was a horrific mixture between a grimace and a 'I'm going to eat you in the middle of the night and enjoy it' expression.

'It's true," she purred, "you can wish for whatever you want."

Wedy's brow quirked. 

"Okay neither of you are good liars, but whatever."

You snorted, holding out a pen for her. She looked at it as if it would come to life, but numbly took it. You winced seeing the tremor in her fingers, but she didn't pay any mind to it. She looked at you for a second, her lips twitching.

"You look like a Valorie."

"Um... thanks?"

"And your last name... aw jeez, I don't know... Vaiden?"

"Valorie Vaiden?"

"I don't know!" She cried out, scribbling it down, "another name? Um... Ariana Abbott?"

"Why are you choosing the same letter for the first and last-"

"I don't know!" She repeated, looking genuinely stressed out. She laughed nervously, "I keep waiting for the shoe to drop."

"Just keep going," you breathed.

On the fourth attempt, she somehow managed to get your first name. Your chest squeezed, your eyes widening. _Gah, no no no no no no no_. Thankfully, she got your last name wrong. You released a breath, feeling lightheaded. Did it work? You waited tensely as she moved on to L's name, staring at him in interest. He simply smiled weakly while she scratched her chin.

"Aw man, I've never had to really think about your name... I'm going to go on a limb and say it begins with L."

"You could say that."

She cycled through Lawrence, Lucian, Levi, and Larry. L blinked.

"Why Larry?"

"Hey, you take it or not?"

He held up his hands in surrender. You shifted nervously, locking eyes with Rem, silently asking if she knew whether or not it had worked. The air was icy, your body tense.

Rem gave a subtle nod.

 _Oh, my God_.

You almost passed out from relief. The both of you were safe. L didn't have a looming threat over his head and you wouldn't have to worry... it felt like a weight had finally been lifted. You wiped at your brow, trying to keep your voice steady and stopping yourself from stumbling.

"G-Good. Can you do the boys now?"

The boys hesitated, smart enough to know when to keep their mouths shut and not say their names. You were more at ease as she did them too, still looking absolutely confused. Of course she wouldn't be able to do herself and unfortunately, she knew Aiber's name. But as soon as the kids were immune, you nearly collapsed. Rem pulled her note back, her face genuinely impressed.

"Not bad, Human."

If it was somehow possible, L's entire face had gone paler. He let out a choked laugh. Before either you or Wedy could say anything, he gave a whoop, enveloping you. You squeaked in surprise, your heart soaring. He was shaking, his entire body violently rattling as if he'd fall apart at any second, but his face was beaming, the widest smile you'd ever seen him give. Folding his arms around your waist, he spun you, his low, broken laugh making you giggle in turn. You wrapped your arms around his neck, laughing as the small apartment whirled around you.

"We did it!" You cried out, crashing your lips into his. 

He returned it sloppily, neither of you really going for a 'fairytale perfect kiss' moment. 

Everyone's jaws were hanging, knowing they were much too out-of-the-loop to get involved. L let out a happy sound, pressing his soft lips to your temple. You buried your face into his shoulder, inhaling sweetness mixed with coffee, a soothing scent that made you hug him tighter. 

Were you floating? It felt like it. He showered little kisses along your jawline and face, right in front of everyone. Pulling back slightly, ran the back of his finger down your cheek, his eyes misted. 

Wedy's gaze flitted back and forth.

"Great. Yay. We did it. Now can someone explain to me what I just did?"

* * *

B's perspective

My nose wrinkled.

I was pissed.

The Guard waited anxiously in the interrogation room, tapping his foot. I threw open the door and he squeaked, shrinking under my glare.

"Is it correct that you had the boy?" I growled, "and what? Did these _children_ get the best of Kira's Guard?"

Disgraceful. The idiot had been found tied up in a motel room! Honestly, how stupid? The man simpered, whimpering pathetically.

"I'm sorry!" He cried out, "I was overpowered! They were staying with a blonde woman and I had the situation under control, but a new player came into the fray. They stuffed me in the bathroom so I couldn't hear their conversation!" At this point, he was bawling out loud, looking terrified.

Good. He should've been. But a blonde woman... didn't Y/n have a traveling partner like that at one time? I cursed, trying to remember her name. Mary, Merry, Mabel? Crap... sighing, I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Great. And tell me about this new player."

The man was trembling, his eyes downcast.

"I-I don't know, I didn't get to see her too well-"

"Hold on. Her?"

My stomach dropped on me.

No. No way. The man nodded rapidly, going on to describe 'her'... based on the description, the spitting image of Y/n. But... there's no way L saved her in time. Unless... he had help... my limbs were heavy. He was looking up at me hopefully, probably assuming 'L' would just let him go. 

Quicker than he could process, I whipped out my knife, slashing it against his throat. His eyes widened in momentary shock, the shock being replaced by fear and pain. Blood spurted out, covering my face and staining my makeup red. I watched him convulse and bleed out, the interrogation room a mess. 

Drenched in blood, I stalked through the halls, anger clouding my vision. Bursting into the throne room, all of the officials giving Light his daily briefing gasped, scrambling to their feet.

"Get out," I snarled.

They didn't need to be told a second time.

Light didn't move from his throne, his gaze amused. I held up my knife menacingly.

"You... did you help Kage? Is that bitch alive?"

He didn't need to say anything. His expression said it all.

"You... **_You_**!"

I marched up, but the guards in the corners of the room swept forward, blocking my path. Light clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, a smug smirk playing up his lips.

"What's wrong? You think you're entitled to what I know?"

My entire being was trembling at this point. He was dead. I was going to kill him with my bare hands. 

"You _idiot_!"

Light waved an uninterested hand.

"You worry too much. Lawliet is in our pocket. He's a toy and once we've had our fun, we can kill him with no issue."

My nostrils flared. 

"You underestimate her," I barked, sliding my hands up my scalp, "she's _dangerous_. God, you're so fucking stupid."

Light stood calmly, motioning for his guards to let him pass. He stood over me, his lips curled. My chest swelled, the need to kill so strong that it was hard to focus on anything else. My muscles tensed, ready to attack, but the guards held up their guns threateningly. He tilted his head curiously.

"You didn't write her name just to be sure? I'm surprised... why not?"

I stiffened. Why? Because... because... I faltered. Light's eyes lit up, sparkling tauntingly, his voice lowering and going smooth.

"Unless a part of you didn't want your game with her to be over. A deeper, buried part of you hoped she'd survive. Because as much as you wanted to play with Lawliet, she's a part of your life that you didn't want to let go," his smile only grew wider, "you miss her chasing you."

I stared at him. 

"Watch your mouth," I growled. 

He held up his death note, a smirk playing at his lips.

"Then tell me her name. Kami provides."

My eyes went to the note tightly clutched in his fingers. No... I wasn't weak. His analysis was wrong. I met his eyes head-on, my own glaring.

"Y/n L/n."

Light jotted her name in less than 5 seconds. Chuckling, he held it out for my approval. The anger slowly defused, hissing out but still red and hot. He checked his watch, the seconds passing agonizingly slowly.

"There," he purred, "40 seconds. See? If she was alive, she's dead."

Huh. Now it was for-sure. No more chasing. No more running. He gave a soft laugh, snapping the book closed.

"Are we okay?"

I opened my mouth to argue. No. I was supposed to be the puppet master. This... this _child_ who fancied himself a god was _nothing_. He rolled his shoulders.

"Honestly, _L_ , you must relax. We won, we're on top of the world. Do you really want to start fighting each other now? When we both have everything we could ever want?"

Arrogant. A foolish, arrogant child. But he had a point. I let him become Kira because I didn't care for ruling the world. That was never what I wanted and the idea was anything but appealing. Now he had the love of his staff, the love of his country and slowly but surely the world though. It wasn't productive to make an enemy of the world right now. But this... it had been a show of strength... that he could keep whoever he wanted alive or dead and that he had no problem keeping me out of the loop.

"Thread carefully, Light," I whispered, "you think you're unstoppable. You're not. I'm not. Neither of us are."

Without waiting for an answer, I walked out, my stomach still uneasy about the whole event.


	30. Caramel

No one could really focus for the rest of the day. Once they understood the gravity of what had just happened, the day was filled with celebrating and music, ending with the kids passing out first, Aiber earlier claiming 'a father must sleep when he can' and then Wedy. You tried getting some sleep, your body still buzzing with a certain energy. 

L gently tapped your shoulder. You groaned, your eyes flickering open to see it was a little past 3. A sleepy smile crossed your lips.

"You need to sleep at some point in your life," you lightly chastised in a low whisper.

"Sleep's for the weak," he declared, his long fingers intertwining with yours.

The feeling woke you up a bit more. Blinking, you rolled to your side. He was shrouded in darkness, the only visible being his wild and unkempt silhouette. Oh yeah, he'd kind of disappeared for a while. You tilted your head curiously, wondering where he'd been.

"Do you want to see something?" He murmured.

You nodded, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders and following him. He led you to the fire escape, holding a finger to his lips as he motioned for you to follow him to the roof. You gasped, slowly looking around. He'd set up a makeshift tent, crude but effective, housing a ton of blankets and pillows, almost more fluffy than the actual bed in the apartment. Tokyo was so lit up that you'd gotten used to not seeing stars, and hadn't seen them for months. But tonight, the sky was more clear, revealing a couple dozen in the sky. Glancing in his direction, he quickly adverted his eyes, shuffling his feet nervously.

"I hope you lik-"

"I love it," you whispered, stepping up to him, "you did this all for me?"

He gave a sheepish expression, cupping his hands around your face.

"I don't know what's going to happen... we might still die. But I want to make our time together special."

Your lip quivered, a lump forming in your throat. He blinked, his face going alarmed.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Laughing a bit, you shook your head, moving towards the little tent. There was a portable lamp in the middle, illuminating the white sheets from the inside. Sitting on one of the thick blankets, he wandered in, holding a bowl of candy.

"hors d'oeuvres?" He quipped, holding it out.

Taking a caramel, you dipped your head gratefully. You weren't sure how long the two of you just sat like that, talking about whatever came to mind, even talking about the future as if it was guaranteed. At some point, you were flat on your back, looking up at the little tent's ceiling, but still talking. Honestly, sometimes these were your favorite moments with him... just talking. He pressed forward, capturing your mouth.

"The first thing we absolutely need to do when this is all behind us is rebuild Wammy's."

Your stomach twisted with the thought. Nodding, you allowed a genuine smile to cross your face. 

"Is it weird to say I really miss the stained glass windows? I always thought they were beautiful," you murmured.

His nose crinkled, eyes dancing.

"Every window can be stained glass."

"Well that won't drive the kids insane after a while," you giggled. 

The corners of his lips went up. To any person, it was barely the minimum to even call it a smile, but to you it was beaming, absolutely radiating. He scooted forward, resting his sharp chin on your chest, his gaze going soft. You toyed with a strand of his hair, your other hand gliding around his shoulders. He shuddered, leaning into your digits.

"You're beautiful," he rumbled lowly. 

Heat spread up your neck. Huh. You'd had sex and spent so much time with this guy, yet such a simple yet meaningful compliment was making you flustered?

L lightly touched your chin, running a finger along your lip. You gaped, the greatest urge to suck it into your mouth making your blood run hot. You tried to think of a response to his compliment, but all you could think up was,

"you're handsome."

He chuckled, his lips tickling your cheek. You lightly touched the back of his neck, feeling his soft hair between your fingers.

"L," you sighed, catching his lips.

Your tongues danced, your nerves bubbling. L tasted like the caramel the two of you had been eating, a sweet and buttery flavor that made you want to melt. He trailed kisses to the soft part of your throat, making it bob. The finger was back to your mouth, simply holding against your bottom lip.

"You think anyone will be able to hear us up here?" You breathed, your fingers tingling.

L considered, tapping his chin dramatically. Just being a bit mischievous and throwing the ball to his court, you licked at his finger. His pupils dilated, making his eyes appear charcoal. L leaned in, his cool lips brushing your ear.

"Hopefully not. Otherwise the neighbors may file a noise complaint..." He gently nibbling on your earlobe, throwing all rational thought out the window. He sighed, "I guess we'll just have to be very quiet."

You opened your mouth to respond but gasped, your back arching when he slipped a finger into your loose sweatpants. Trying not to whine, you tightened your lips, rolling your hips down on the rubbing, exploring finger. He let out a husky sound in response, his lips moving from your ear and ghosting to your cheek. The finger that was still in your mouth curled, running along the inside of your cheeks. You squeaked, wrapping your tongue around it pleadingly. 

"Fuck," you mumbled around the object in your mouth, your eyes lidding. 

He attached his lips to your jaw, pushing deeper into your entrance. You threw your head back, wishing, no, needing him to insert another finger. But he kept it at only one, teasing you and stimulating you without giving you the satisfaction you needed. You needed more. In you, in your mouth, against your body. You didn't even realize you'd closed your eyes in pleasure when you felt his lips traveling down your chest and abdomen, stopping right above your entrance. He blew cool air, making you squirm.

"Please," you mouthed, unable to form actual words. 

"Well, since you asked so nicely," his voice was dripping with lust.

His tongue darted out and you were twisting, writhing and panting under his mouth. Grabbing at the bedsheets, you whimpered, your thighs quivering as that tongue expertly wove and curled, constantly bringing you to brink but backing off just in time. Crying out, you grasped his hair, tugging on it more harshly than you intended. But in that moment, it didn't matter. If anything, he liked it, the stinging of his scalp seeming to egg him on and bury himself deeper.

The orgasm left your legs shaking, washing your mind in pleasure and sending your ear drums pounding. He smirked, satisfied at your state, slowly crawling up to capture your lips. You could taste yourself, and the way his tongue instantly went to work on the inside of your mouth made the arousal spark all over again.

Your eyes traveled to his baggy jeans, your entire body throbbing. Looking up at him with a smile, you leaned forward, sliding down the front of his pants agonizingly slow on purpose. He watched you, his eyes now fully blown black and glazed over. His erection sprang out and you immediately wrapped your lips around his member, needing to taste him and have him fill your mouth. 

L made a strangled sound, his fingers tangling in your hair with a moan. You licked up his shaft, your heart pounding excitedly. His hips rocked, sending himself deeper into your throat. It was slow and you squirmed, holding onto his sides, coming up for breath.

"Faster," you murmured, an irresistible itch under your skin.

Taking him back in your mouth, his hips snapped. You weren't expecting it, but you weren't complaining at the same time. Dragging your fingernails down his skin, he groaned, thrusting into your mouth.

"So good," was all he could manage, his voice strained.

Your nostrils flared, wanting to take in as much as possible. His cock twitched but before he could come, he pulled out, wrapping his arms around you and plunging into your heat. You had to bite your tongue from screaming, your fingers clawed into his back.

"Yes," you moaned, throwing your head back to expose your neck. 

He was quick to attach his mouth to your neck, his breath hot and heavy against your skin. Moaning, he moved slowly, stretching you completely. Your hips bucked, silently demanding that he move faster. You needed to feel him fill you, take over everything and completely crash your body. His thrusts picked up speed, moving in time with yours. Soon, both of you were sloppy, simply ramming into each other, panting and making incoherent sounds. It felt so _good_. 

"Oh, _God_ , L," your voice broke as the pleasure spilled over. Your toes curled, a shriek catching in your throat. 

He paused, his fingers leaving bruises in your sides as he pushed himself deep, shooting hot warmth. Your mouth fell open, both satisfied and wanting more. His hips jerked a few more times before he slumped, smiling tiredly, sweat covering his brow. The two of you stayed there for what felt like forever until he gently pulled out. You whined at the loss, but he quickly made up for it by spooning you, leaving feathery kisses on your nape.

L absent-mindedly drew patterns along your abdomen. It was the strangest thing, there wasn't a need for words. You leaned into him, nuzzling the crook of his shoulder. He quietly returned it, resting his cheek in your hair. 

The two of you fell asleep like that, wrapped in each other.

* * *

L being the light sleeper woke you up just as the sun was breaking in the horizon. Everything felt sore sitting up, but it was a welcome soreness. Peering out of the tent, you sighed watching the colors streak across the sky, washing everything in a golden light. He draped his arms around you from behind, leaning into you while watching the sunrise.

"We should probably get back soon before we're missed," he pecked your shoulder.

Out of everyone in the apartment, Near was awake first. As you and L came back in nonchalantly, his brow quirked.

"You two had sex."

Heat rose up our neck as L stiffened, his ears going a light pink.

"Near!" He hissed, glancing to make sure the others were still sleeping. 

Near rolled his shoulders uninterestedly, searching the fridge for breakfast.

"When are we going to go after B and Light? Do we have a plan? We need a plan."

He absently tossed a candy into his mouth, wandering to the table. L's lips twitched in amusement.

"Once everyone's awake, that's what we're going to make."

You didn't know what you expected from Near, but him nodding in understanding and going to bang a pan against the table was _not_ it. You jumped, and that was nothing compared to the poor four sleeping bodies. Matt screamed, falling off the sofa. Mello was up in an instant, still exhausted but whirling and looking for the fight. Aiber must've been used to sudden loud noises from his kid because he sat up groggily, blinking slowly. Wedy threw her sunglasses, pelting Near in the face. In retaliation, he banged his pan closer to her face. Her features screwed.

"Little goblin," Wedy grumbled, turning on her side. 

You and L exchanged a look. He hopped and perched onto a chair, wiggling his toes.

"If it works," he shrugged with a mischievous glint...

All seven of you crowded around the table, everyone caught up with current events. Everyone recognized that at the current moment, you had the element of surprise. L nibbled his finger.

"Ideally, we could obtain both notebooks and have them arrested but seeing as they both control the government and police, that may prove..." he hesitated.

It took all you had not to snort. _Impossible? Laughable? A Fool's Quest_? 

"Difficult?" You offered.

"The term seems appropriate," he relented.

Mello leaned back in his chair, snapping a piece of chocolate with his teeth.

"So in other words, we gotta get in there and either kill them or take them hostage ourselves."

Taking them hostage was almost as laughable as trying to have them arrested. L audibly sighed.

"It's tricky. If we kill them, we might create a power vacuum. Light killed anyone the governments could've turned to. They won't be able to reestablish themselves."

He considered, his gaze off in a distant world. L's eyes went sharp, staring down at his coffee. Hm, he only got that look when he was having an inner conversation. You stared at him curiously until he finally touched his chin.

"Perhaps... I can nudge the world in the right direction? Once they're dead or captured, I could make a broadcast and declare that me playing along with Kira was all part of my plan and help establish some sort of presence."

Aiber chuckled dryly.

"You mean impersonate B to impersonate yourself?"

L gave a sardonic smirk.

"Something along those lines."

"But we still need to kill them first," Matt reminded.

"Yes, we must dispose of them," L mused thoughtfully, gently stirring his coffee. 

It made a light _clinking_ sound, the only one in the apartment. You watched the ripples in interest. It always intriguing watching his plans unfold in real time. 

"That's where you come in," L whispered quietly, meeting Matt's eyes.

His features scrunched in confusion. Twisting his body, L reached for a large sheet of paper, dragging a pencil along it.

"Rem can help us draw up a blueprint... we need to infiltrate the castle no matter what we do. I believe our first and foremost priority should be obtaining the notes. They get their power from them. And once we have them, we can decide whether to have them imprisoned or to execute them with the death note. Matt. B is searching for you specifically. Perhaps we can use that to our advantage while a team recovers the death notes?"

It made sense. Mello cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

"So we got ourselves an old-fashioned heist?"

L gave the ghost of a smile, just hints that bled through his face. You chuckled, motioning towards Wedy.

"We've gone through our own share of heists, hm?" You remembered all the robberies the two of you had committed.

Wedy snorted, nibbling her toast.

"Hm, I have been missing them. I guess this'll just have to be my greatest heist yet."

Matt slammed a hand against the paper, making L jolt. He gave him a toothy grin.

"I declare this mission Death Note Heist! Available on the pc, PS4 and Xbox."


	31. Heist

Rem's perspective

I glanced around B's room, wondering where the boy was. Probably lounging in an open grave or something eating jam. I found him on the roof, not with jam but a bottle of beer? Actually, from the numerous empty bottles, it looked like he'd had way more than just one. He was staring out over the sinking sun. B didn't look at me, but he chuckled dryly.

"Sweetie, how's it going?" His words bled together. He gave a high pitched giggle, chugging on his bottle, "did ya-did you hear the good news?"

"Depends on the news," I murmured.

That made him finally look at me, his cheeks flushed with alcohol and his leg swinging lazily over the side of the roof. He gave a drunk smile.

"Y/n's dead... I can fully go forward with my plans. I'm celebrating! Isn't that just... fantastic?"

My brow quirked. What was his problem? I would never understand humans, they were too contradictory.

"You don't seem happy about it," I stated bluntly, not really caring in one way or another.

He let out a high-pitched laugh, throwing his bottle as hard as he could off the roof. Without waiting, he was already opening a new one.

"Oh, no, it's great. It's what I've always wanted! It's not like I was at my happiest when I was just murdering for fun and she was chasing me _nooo_."

B's gaze went distant.

"Nothing like that at all."

God, why were these tiny creatures so confusing? B turned the bottle in his hands.

"Say, what happens to people when they die? Where is she?"

"Mu. Nothingness. It is the fate of all humans to come from and return to it in a cycle of death and rebirth."

He stared silently at his bottle.

"So she's nothing right now?" He gave a sardonic chuckle, "just like everyone else."

B waved the bottled, "oh well. No one lives forever."

"Do you want to?"

There was no way to make him immortal, I was just curious. _How much of a Human Shinigami are you, Ryoko?_ To my shock, he laughed dryly.

"Oh, Light would jump at the opportunity. But he doesn't get it..." he trailed off, his voice going soft, "what's the point? Everyone dies and they go to nothing. I see the proof day in, day out," B stiffened, his eye misting, "every single second I look at someone, for 23 years, all I see is death... after a while, it just becomes... _meaningless_. Life is _meaningless,"_ he fell onto his back, staring up at the sky,

"people are nothing... just walking corpses."

His eye sparked in anger. I simply stood there, observing as he scrambled to his feet and yelled, smashing a bottle against the roof's edge, sending glass shattering.

" _They're all **nothing**_!" He shrieked, " _meaningless, pathetic, little_..." he roared, his eye glowing with its own fire, " **I'LL KILL ALL THOSE WEAK LITTLE NOTHINGS."**

He stumbled, laughing drunkly. 

"It's the strangest sensation," he cackled, "every human dies. I know that. I knew she'd die at some point, but she was the only person I ever met who didn't _feel_ like they'd die. Like I could almost ignore her numbers. Even L always felt like a ticking clock."

B breathed heavily, curling up into a ball.

"Ryoko?"

"Go away," he snarled. 

Whatever, he wasn't my problem. There was a knock on the roof door and one of the guards poked their head.

"Um, sir? I heard screa-"

B plunged the broken bottle into the guard's stomach. I hissed out a breath, shaking my head. No. He was no Human Shinigami. Shinigami didn't care about killing, but they also didn't do it out of anger. To a Shinigami, killing was just a tool. Not a means of coping or to derive pleasure. _You really are hopeless. Gelus would've done himself better in letting you die_. He screamed into the body's face, slashing and completely destroying it. 

"You're not worthy of being Gelus' son," the words came out before I could stop them.

He glanced at me in surprise, blood dripping off his skin. I glared at him, all the bitterness, my friend who had died for this child rising up, yet my voice remained even. Calm enough that even he seemed intimidated.

"Gelus was ridiculed because he still cared about humans. They fascinated him and it was his greatest wish to be one. You are a waste of that dream, living the life he should've. Yet you spend your life on games and having people chase you, because you know no one will miss you when you die. If Y/n was alive, at least she'd remember that you existed. But now that she's not, all that you have is L, but even that is borrowed time. You'll die a sad, lonely death, forgotten and hated. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

B stared at me in a stunned silence, his eye wide. Electricity crackled between the two of us until he grabbed a new bottle, easily popping the top.

"Whatever," he grumbled, his feet unsteady as he made his way to the door, his words slurred, "we're all going to be forgotten at some point, nothing matters."

* * *

The plan was deceptively simple. Rem would let everyone know when B was leaving the castle. Usually he was gone up to hours at a time, getting some kills in, drinking up the praise as L, taking interviews and checking on the Wammy's kids. That alone would take him up to two hours because of the distance.

In that time, L would pose as B, bringing Matt to the castle and declaring not only that he be locked up, but that he have an extra heavy security detail, essentially pulling guards and leaving brief spaces for infiltration. He'd be going with Matt to make sure nothing happened to him. As cool as Matt seemed with the whole ordeal, it was easy to forget he was just a 15 year old kid. No one was going to let him just be with the guards on his own.

With the security significantly lessened, you, Wedy and Aiber would be able to sneak in, have Aiber pose as a guard, wear the helmet, and consistently keep track of Light's movements. You were in charge of getting B's death note from his room. Rem said that B was very careful with it. He never took it outside of where he deemed safe, so it was practically guaranteed to be there.

The only unknown variable was where Light's death note was. According to Rem, sometimes he had it on him, usually as a show of strength and to do his work from the throne room. Other times, it was kept hidden in his room. That'd be part of Aiber's job, to observe Light and relay whether or not he had the book on him. Actually getting it would be up to Wedy. 

Near and Mello blinked, shrinking.

"What about us?" Mello pouted, "I thought this was supposed to be a heist."

You looked at them, your heart warming. L scooted forward, trying to captivate them with his eyes.

"Mello... you're fifteen. As it is, I'm terrified for Matt. And Near's only thirteen!"

They bristled, crossing their arms.

"That's never stopped us before," Mello shot back, "we're more capable than most adults."

Even though his face was mostly neutral, you could see flashes of hurt and indignance on Near's face. Well he had a point there, but your heart softened. L sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. 

"Please," he whispered, "the both of you... you're our insurance. If either Kage or I or both of us die, I need to at least die knowing there will be others willing to step in. That someone from Wammy's will know what happened to us."

They hesitated, their eyes going to the floor. Mello looked like he was about to argue, but the fire sputtered out.

"Okay," they mumbled miserably.

L smiled gently, ruffling their hair.

The plan was set to go into motion in 2 days, allowing everyone to gather anything needed. 

In the meantime, everyone got disguises prepared, the tiny apartment cramped with all the bustling energy. You were good at applying makeup and contacts, making you look like a new person. Standing slowly, you gaped, examining yourself in the mirror. Huh. _I guess B's not the only one who can paint a new face_. Just with makeup, you'd managed to change the shape of your nose and made your face look more angular. You had a wig on and colored contacts that made everything look different. 

L had an eyepatch. Seeing him look so similar to B again made shivers run up and down your spine. He leaned against the wall, poking at it quizzically.

"When he addresses the guards, do you think he uses my voice or his own?"

A part of you was too scared to hear him try and imitate B's voice.

"I'd think it'd be your voice," you answered hastily, "that's the voice he uses for interviews and he wouldn't want anyone getting suspicious."

He sensed there was something else bothering you. You fiddled with your fingers, shifting nervously every time you looked at that eyepatch. Because of it, you could now be confident when you were talking to L that it was, in fact, L. It had been an amazing feeling... to be confident for the first time in over a decade. To look at L and say 'yeah, this is him'. But now... God, you hated this feeling. He reached out for you and you inadvertently flinched, that dormant, traumatized part of your brain flaring up. L blinked in realization.

His eyes flickered in hurt, but he simply shrank back, quietly stuffing his hand in his pocket. L gave a weak laugh, quickly sliding the eyepatch off.

"It's, um, it's uncomfortable," he murmured.

You winced, scratching at your scalp. 

"Y-yeah. It must be."

There was an awkward silence. He scanned you for a second before taking your hand. You were about to open your mouth to apologize when Rem stepped through the wall. Her face was sharp, her jaw set.

"He just left the castle."

Your heart drummed nervously. L straightened, his brow set determinedly. He gave you one last longing look before nodding. As the five of you passed Mello and Near, they waved, wishing good luck. 

Unbeknownst to you, Mello leaned into Near.

"We're totally following them, right?"

"Of course."

* * *

You all followed Rem's instructions, looking up at the looming building. It was imposing, a castle with modern-day amenities pretty secluded from the city. The guards glanced over, straightening their tuxes and quirking their brows when they saw L. He had his hand latched onto Matt's arm, his wrists cuffed together. You, Aiber and Wedy were hiding just out of sight, watching the events unfold. Rem had helped you get an outfit, a long light grey yet slim-fitting dress that thankfully wasn't some maid dress stereotype. It still felt like you couldn't breathe, but you weren't sure if that was from the dress of the nerves.

L waved an uninterested arm, roughly shaking Matt's. Matt shriveled under their gaze, his eyes wide. L ignored him, opting to address the guards.

"Get your idiots together. I'm taking him to the interrogation room and I need as much muscle as possible."

The guard rolled his eyes, wrinkling his nose distastefully.

"It's just one kid-"

"Did I stutter?" L snapped, his eyes narrowed to slits.

The guard looked like he still wanted to argue, but he must've been used to this kind of behavior from B. His eyes flashed to the ground submissively.

"How many guards do you need to accompany you?"

"You, you, you and you," L picked off the front guards. They hesitated, but L grumbled impatiently, "come on, it'll only take two minutes."

They sighed but agreed, following L and Matt inside the castle. A part of you suspected that the kid wasn't faking being scared.

You exchanged a glance with Aiber and Wedy, Aiber dressed in a well-fitted tux of his own with a brown wig and brown contacts. Wedy had the same kind of dress as you, admittedly complimenting her form. The three of you darted to the door, glancing in. The guards were mostly gone, save for one at a far-end door, Aiber cleared his throat, motioning for the two of you to go in. You scurried inside, keeping your face tilted down. 

As you got deeper, no one paid attention to you. It was a struggle walking normally, trying to look like you belonged. In the distance, your breath caught seeing Light strolling down the hall. Wow... he'd really jumped off the deep end, hadn't he? His outfit was grandiose, fit for a king with silk and small jewels woven into the fabric. He had this... _serene_ look on his face, his eyes glazed over and joyful.

You tucked a strand of you wig consciously behind your ear as he passed, not recognizing you. _Okay, disguise working so far. That's good_. 

You snuck towards B's bedroom, holding out your cleaning supplies and quietly closing the door behind you.

It felt strange being in B's room, like it was an alien world. _Hm, like the royal things in life much, B_? The room was beautiful, a king-sized bed with a blood-red canopy, mahogany chairs and drawers lining the stone walls. The castle itself was old, giving the entire room an antique vibe. 

Jogging over to the drawers, you started opening them one by one, searching for the death note. Crap... Rem said he never took it out! You balanced on the balls of your feet the lower the drawers went, quickly sliding them open and cursing under your breath. Not there. So where? Maybe under the bed or in a secret compartment?

You stood up, looking at the top of the drawers thoughtfully. Where...

The door opened and you whirled around, your throat closing on you.

B stood in the doorway, stretching his back languidly, cracking his neck, his eyes closed. You froze, your stomach turning on you. 

_**Ssssshiit**! Where's Rem? What happened to him being away for hours? Why didn't she warn you he was coming? _

_Oh my God, what if he recognizes me_?


	32. Surprise!

Fear gripped your spine, rooting to the spot. Crap, the plan was going up in smokes. B paused, noticing you for the first time. His brow furrowed ever so slightly but he shook his head, his eyes flicking over you.

"Do I know you?" It was a genuine question filled with curiosity.

Your cheeks burned as you exhaled slowly. H-he didn't recognize you... you gave a shaky smile, rolling your shoulders.

"Maybe from around the castle?" You offered, throwing your voice into an indiscernible accent.

His gaze flickered, but he ultimately shrugged, throwing himself onto the bed. You glanced past him, trying to find Rem, but you couldn't see her. _Where is she_?

"Aren't you going to continue cleaning?"

You jumped a bit, looking to see that he was staring at you from the bed. He was scanning your body in interest, cocking his head to the side. Forcing a smile, you started dusting the top of the drawers. You could feel him burning a hole into the back of your neck with his eyes. He finally settled with a sigh. You could feel his eyes leaving you and it was a relief.

"You look a lot like someone I used to know," he murmured.

Your throat bobbed. You tried to keep the tremor out of your fingers, continuing on to dust the mantle. 

"Oh?" You tried sounding casual but it was hard.

"Don't worry, it's a compliment," he snorted, "or maybe not, I don't know. I suppose it doesn't matter anyhow, she's dead..." he trailed off, going quiet.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

He didn't say anything right away, then gave a soft laugh.

"Don't be, I killed her."

That sent chills up your spine, but you didn't respond.

"Tell me about yourself," he chirped, and you could hear the bed shifting, "who's the lucky guy?"

"Lucky guy?"

You gave him a halfway glance curiously. He cocked his head to the side.

"The father?"

You froze.

The blood rushed up through your head, making your vision swim.

A part of you didn't even care anymore if he realized who you were when you turned around. You stared at him, your face going pale at the implication. _Is he suggesting that I'm... no... I'm not! I always take my pills_!

B faltered seeing your face, a bright red blush spreading up his cheeks.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbled sheepishly, "I assumed you knew... judging from the look on your face, I'm guessing you used protection... heh, it's all crappy stuff anyway. Surprise!"

Your knees buckled.

"You're lying," you rasped.

His brow quirked.

"Why would I lie about that?"

You leaned against the mantle, the world spinning and tilting dangerously. He scratched the back of his neck, honestly looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here. You understood the feeling.

"How- how do you-," you stammered, your throat dry. 

"As uh, Kami's right hand, I can see lifespans and you've got an extra one floating around your belly."

 _No... no, no, no_... Suddenly you felt sick. Your stomach gurgled unpleasantly. A lie. It had to be a lie. B's eyes flashed in alarm, watching you grasp the mantle, your knuckles white. He bit at his thumb.

"Ah Geez, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make your life difficult-"

Your hand clamped to your mouth, your throat tight. You were going to vomit, you could feel it in your body, your limbs tensing in preparation. B swung himself out of the bed, racing to his bathroom and jamming a bucket in your hands. The second you could feel it, you bent over, spewing into the bucket. An acidic taste filled your mouth, your nostrils singing with an acrid stench.

B winced apologetically. You thought he'd go back to the bed or sit in a chair or something, but to your shock, he smoothed your hair away from your face.

"That was my bad, no filter," he laughed, his nose wrinkling with the smell, "it's easy to forget that people aren't immediately aware of those kind of things."

You opened your mouth to reply, but all you could do was throw up again, everything in your mind crashing together. He slowly led you to one of the chairs, helping you sit down. You looked up at him, mistrust worming up your gut. Your breath caught, waiting for the shoe to drop, for him to cackle and try to kill you. But he stretched out on the other chair, his lips tugged up.

"That'll suck when the morning sickness _really_ kicks in, huh?"

You watched him warily, your fingers prickling. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing, goosebumps peppering your arms. You needed to get out, you needed to-... Jesus, you just needed time to _think_! He made his way to the comms, ordering a chamomile tea. You fiddled with the hem of your sleeve, your emergency knife strapped to the inside of your arm. One clean stab, that's all you needed... but now you had to worry about protecting your abdomen... wait, what were you thinking?! It wasn't even confirmed you were pregnant! You couldn't just take B's word for it!

 _Even so, he's still physically stronger than me_. 

You shrank, your hand subconsciously going to your belly. Was it really true?

B took a tray of tea at the door, barely saying anything to the person who brought it. It felt like there was cotton in your mouth, clogging all of your thoughts. He took a butterknife from the tray, lathering jam onto his toast. Great. Now he had a knife of his own. _Fantastic_. B paused, taking in your clammy appearance.

"Is this is a happy or sad occasion?"

"Terrifying," you breathed, your stomach still doing flips.

He faltered, seeming unsure what to do with himself. B gave what he must've believed was a reassuring smile, but all you saw were fangs curling, a beast ready to tear you apart at any second. He slid the tea in front of you.

"Hm, I'm sorry to hear that?"

"Are you?" Your voice came out sharper than you intended.

 _Stop, stop, stop. Don't let panic cloud your mind. Don't forget what you came here to do. You can deal with..... **this**... after everything's over_. You gave your best sweet smile that you could muster, avoiding drinking the tea.

"I'm sorry," you trilled, "I've burdened you long enough. I still have four rooms to clean before my shift's over."

You started to stand, but he grasped your wrist, the same arm with the knife attached, making it impossible to grab if it came to it. Your heart thudded, drowning out any other sounds. Forcing yourself to look at him, you swallowed, trying to focus more on the fact that it was like looking at L rather than B. Maybe that would calm you down... if you pretended you were having this conversation with him... Even the concerned gaze he was giving you was very L-like.

"Are you sure you want to leave? You truly do remind me of an old friend."

"The one who's dead?"

He bobbed his head, his grip on your wrist squeezing slightly.

"Please, stay. I'll tip you a week's worth of your salary," at your expression, he quickly shook his head, "not for anything, uh, indecent... just to talk."

You swayed, subtly pulling on your arm. No! You didn't want to stay! Your knees buckled, realizing the only thing you wanted was for L to hug you, for him to say it would all be okay. That's all you wanted. But, shit, he wasn't letting go. 

Numbly, you sat back down on the opposite chair, too far away for a proper attack with the knife. You tried to control the shivers racing up and down your spine, staring at the red carpet that reminded you of blood.

"What, um... what do you want to talk about?" You croaked. 

"Hm, not sure. Didn't think I'd get this far," he admitted sheepishly, stretching languidly. 

He considered for a second, watching you closely.

"How does it feel not knowing when your loved ones will die?"

 _Well damn if that's not threatening_. You chewed on your lip while he quickly explained himself.

"I was talking with someone else a couple of days ago and I've been thinking. How do you look at someone, not knowing how long they have left to live and say 'yeah, I want you in my life', like, it's such a gamble."

Your eyes darted, trying to think of a way out.

"Well caring about anyone is a gamble when you can't see their lifespans," you said, just to stop him from watching you so intensely, "but what's the alternative? Isolation-?"

You trailed off, thinking. Huh, you'd isolated yourself for years. Even when people reached out and tried to help you, even when L had forgiven you... but you'd gone in on yourself so wholly that you stopped caring about people for a while. B stared at the knife in his hand, covered in leftover jam. You shuddered when he brought the blade to his lips, licking the remnant off.

"Hm. That's a fair point I'd suppose. I'd argue that since we're all going to die and become nothing, it doesn't matter if we're alone or with other people. Company that ends in nothing but misery becomes redundant."

Your brow quirked. This conversation almost reminded you of when the two of you were at Wammy's, playing chess, just talking about the world in general. The fact that he was so apathetic probably should've been the first red flag, but as horrible of a monster as he was, you had to admit, philosophical conversations with him were interesting.

"Depends on what you value. What's worse? Having company that you lose and mourn or never making connections and dying alone and scared?"

B's eyes sparked in interest. He snorted, continuing to lick his knife.

"So what you're saying is that we make connections solely for selfish reasons? Because we don't want to be alone?"

 _That's not what I meant, but leave it to you to twist my words_.

"Well they don't want to be alone either... mutually selfish yet beneficial."

B bounced a foot thoughtfully. You drummed your fingers. Death note... was it possible that it was too far away? Your breath caught. Maybe Rem couldn't have warned you because the note was hidden out of her range of movement? You had to find L... you had to talk to-

He made a sound of disappointment and you glanced up. B had finished the entire jar of jam, his lip pouting dramatically.

"Damn," he muttered, "I have to order more."

"Let me get it!" You piped up.

B blinked, cocking his head.

"Are you sure-"

"Yeah! It'll only take a few minutes," you chirped, standing.

For a moment, you were worried he'd see through your disguise or order you to stay. But to your relief, he shrugged, waving his knife uninterestedly.

"Sure," he rolled his shoulders, "I'll be here."

Your knees buckled. Moving for the door, he called after you and you stopped, your eyes flashing in his direction.

"You're interesting to talk to... Ms-?"

"Nise," you beamed without missing a beat, "my name's Nise."

His lips twitched.

"Pleasure to meet you, Nise."

Breathing out, you swiftly walked down the hall, your nerves struggling to come down from their high.

 _I don't have long, he'll start missing me soon... I have to warn L_.


	33. A Split Second

Ugh! You didn't have enough _time_. By the time you found Aiber or Wedy or L, B would be wondering where you were. 

As you walked, you found your hand kept going to your abdomen, B's words swirling in your brain. You didn't have the death note, you might be pregnant, and the dangerous serial killer was trying to be your goddamn friend.

What a mess.

You exhaled, trying to calm yourself by imagining L kissing your throat, his long fingers gliding over your skin. It was working a bit, your shoulder went down slowly. Okay, okay... where was the holding cell where L and Matt were? You still had your bucket and mop with you.

It was relatively easy to find. L was having a mock interrogation as B. While you cleaned the floors, he did a double take, his eye widening. L tapped his finger on the table, giving Matt a deadly glare. You glanced at the tapping finger, translating the Morse Code in your head.

**_Everything ok_?**

Blinking, you tapped on the top of your mop's handle.

**_B's here. In his room_.**

L slammed his hands on the table, making both you and Matt jump.

"Tell me where the others are," he snarled at Matt.

While Matt pretended to stammer, L tapped again.

**_Did B see you_?**

**_He talked to me. Didn't recognize. If I don't return soon with jam, suspicious_.**

L hissed out a breath, grabbing and twisting the front of Matt's shirt.

"If you don't tell me where your little friends are, I'll rip your head from your neck!"

**_Death note? Why didn't Rem warn you_?**

You chewed on your lip thoughtfully, **_I think he took it far away. Far enough that she physically can't travel_.**

L's jaw tightened, **_Do you think you can stealthily interrogate B? We need that book. Also can't_ _have anyone realize there are 2 B's in the castle_.**

 ** _Yeah_** , you finally managed, **_I can try_.**

**_Good. Did he say anything else_?**

Your mouth felt dry. When you didn't respond right away, he almost looked at you, but managed to keep his eyes trained on Matt. Your finger hovered, your brain battling on whether or not to tell L.

**_Y/n?_ **

**_..._ **

**_Y/n? What did he say?!... Y/n!_ **

**_Nothing we can't talk about later_.**

The tension in his shoulders eased. 

**_Be car_ -**

The door opened. Your grip on your mop tightened, staring as Light strode into the interrogation room. _Goddamn it, everything's going wrong_. L straightened, his gaze hardening. Folding his hands behind his back, you saw his finger subtly tapping against his palm.

 ** _Go. Don't tap back. I love you_**.

Swallowing, you shuffled past Light, keeping your head down. He didn't pay any attention to you, his eyes trained on L. 

L's perspective

"What do you want?" I growled, my eyes narrowing. 

B would probably (most definitely) respond with hostility. Just as I expected, he shrugged, rounding on Matt. An instant flare of protectiveness flashed up as Matt shrank, large green eyes wavering. I wanted to snap at Light, get him away. But I forced myself to look nonchalant. 

"So this is the kid you're going to kill?" Light mused, his lips tugged up.

My jaw squared.

"Get your own victim... L's going to have such a good time with this one."

His brow quirked ever so slightly.

"Since when have you called him L? I thought it was always 'Lawliet' or 'Sweetie'."

Fuck.

Even Matt's shoulders rose to his ears in apprehension. I shrugged.

"So what, hm? You're going to be dictating every little thing I say?"

He rolled his eyes, leaning over Matt. The poor kid let out a terrified squeak that I could tell wasn't just acting. Light opened his mouth to say something, but paused, glancing over his shoulder at the wall. His eyes flashed in annoyance. _His Shinigami! No! Rem was supposed to be helping us keep tabs on him_! 

But now that Rem wasn't there... Light stared at me expectantly. I sucked in a sharp breath, sensing impending danger.

"Well?" Light prodded, "aren't you going to answer him?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"I don't have tell either of you anything," I snarled. 

We looked at each other, the air icy and thick. Light's lips curled, amber eyes flashing red.

"Trick question. Ryuk didn't ask anything... Hello, Lawliet." 

My chest squeezed. Well this whole situation was just burning up in flames, hm? Straightening, I met his eyes head-on, locking glares with him.

"Light," I greeted curtly.

His lips curled, scanning me in interest.

"You're probably wondering how I did it, hm? How I killed your precious Y/n?"

 _Oh my God, he wrote her name after she was immune... and he thinks I'm here for answers or revenge or maybe both_? Surging towards him, my eyes lit in a deadly fire. The guards tensed, but Light waved an uninterested hand, letting me get within feet of him. My lip trembled, my nostrils flaring, my voice going low.

"You'll pay for her death," I growled, "when I find out how you kill-"

Light's lips twitched, his eyes practically glowing red.

"I can do you one better," he whispered tauntingly, "I can show you if you tell me how many other spies you brought into my castle."

"Come now, Light, where's the fun in that? You want me to just give you all my secrets?" 

Light tilted his head ever so slightly in amusement. He barely glanced at Matt, huffing out a laugh.

"I'll have three guards with me. Two on the kid," he turned to me with a smirk, "there's really no need for all this sneaking around. Let's talk about this like rational adults, hm?"

My brow furrowed. He grinned.

"Or I could just kill you right now, L Lawliet."

 _Ooh, so scary. I'm absolutely quaking_.

"Why don't you?" I challenged, biting at my thumb.

Light sighed.

"I want you for myself, B wants you for himself, you really are sought after. Follow."

 _Oh, commanding me now like a dog_? It took all I had not to retort something sarcastic.

Following him, I looked at our 3 guards. Okay... Aiber was one of them. Would Matt be okay by himself? God, every little part of me just wanted to stay with him. And Y/n, I just wanted to be with her... she seemed extra preoccupied. She was used to plans not going the way they were supposed to, having to improvise on the spot. She knew the risks, yet she seemed _rattled_. I didn't have long to think about it when Light motioned for me to enter a large dining hall, a long mahogany table in the center and lavish decorations around the room.

"Shall we discuss this over dinner?"

* * *

"What do you _mean_ you're out of jam?" you hissed.

Annoyance flashed over the chef's face.

"I didn't say we were completely out, just out in the kitchen. He blows through about 100 jams a day, okay? There should be a new shipment in the underground warehouse if he's that desperate."

You stared at him. Would asking where the warehouse was disclose that you didn't work for the staff? Well, going back to B empty-handed would definitely not bode well for you. Yeah, you were more intimidated of Beyond Birthday than you were of this guy.

"Where's the warehouse?" You grumbled.

He blinked, looking at you curiously.

"New?"

"Uh, yeah."

He snorted, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, with all the jam we've gotta shuttle back and forth, you'll learn your way around in no time. It's about a five minute walk down the hill."

"Thanks," you growled, stalking out of the kitchen. _How much fucking jam can one weirdo eat_?.....

You gaped, your eyes so wide that it would've been comical in a different situation. You found the warehouse, alright. The damn building was well-hidden, with the only entrance and exit being a rickety elevator. It was stocked with hundreds of non-perishables, enough to last someone years, possibly an entire lifetime. Maybe it was Light's backup plan if the castle was under siege or suffered a revolution. There was an entire wall of said warehouse completely dedicated to jam, though.

Hundreds of feet of wall filled with jam. Hundreds, no, thousands of jars of jam. 

Strawberry jam.

Blackberry jam.

Grape jam.

Types of jam you'd never even heard of before.

"Oh my God," you murmured.

As you took a strawberry one, you mouthed 'what the fuck' to yourself.

Turning around, you yelped in surprise, almost dropping the jar. B stood in the elevator, inspecting his butterknife. You froze, your muscles preparing for a fight as he gave a languid smile.

"I know your game," he trilled, chuckling.

A cold sweat beaded across your brow. He stepped off the elevator, expertly twirling his knife.

"You," he snarled, "... were after my jam!"

At your expression, he burst out cackling, swinging his knife carelessly while he laughed. 

"Nise, you should've seen the look on your face! You probably thought I was going to slit your throat or something, huh?"

You forced a laugh, tossing him the jam.

"Ha, yeah you got me."

He easily caught it, tearing into the jar and just tipping it backwards into his mouth. You didn't know what to say or do, so you just stood there as he gazed around the warehouse.

"Note to self," he muttered to himself, "remind Light to install chandeliers. I feel like swinging on something."

Your hand slid subtly up your sleeve, feeling for your own knife still firmly attached. He was too far away for a sneak attack. If you could just get him closer, have him turn his back on you...

"So what's your favorite jam?" You chirped.

Of course you knew the answer, but anything to keep him talking, maybe even have him walk over to the strawberry section. B's lips twitched.

"Strawberry, you?"

"Strawberry."

"Hm, you saying that just to get on my good side?" 

"Can't beat the best," you shrugged to his chuckle.

"Fair. Hm, maybe I won't kill you after all," he winked.

All you could do was give a shaky smile. He strolled among the jam, swirling his thumb around his lips. Glancing up, he straightened completely to look at one of the jars. You were so used to seeing both of them with a slight hunch that seeing B stand totally straight was unnerving in and of itself.

"So, have you considered any names?"

 _I don't even want to think about it for now_. Your brow arched.

"I just found out I was pregnant about fifteen minutes ago. No. I don't have a name yet."

B hopped on the shelf. Somehow it didn't buckle and he was able to spider-monkey his way up to the top, his head brushing the ceiling. He looked down at you from up there, holding up a jam.

"Catch."

Child's play. The strawberry jam landed in your hands. Instead of eating it, you stuffed it into your pocket. Blinking sweetly, you tilted your head. _Stealthy interrogation? You got this_!

"You're so lucky," you sighed reverently, "getting to be a living god's right hand!"

B pursed his lips, his nose wrinkling.

"Right," he mumbled under his breath, "I forgot all of Light's staff drank the Kool-aid," he addressed you again, a film of disappointment over his eyes, "yeah, it is what it is."

"But a man that incredible and righteous," you trilled, "do you think he was just born with all that power?!"

His eyes flickered jealously. He crossed his arms sourly, swinging his legs over the shelf's edge.

"He's not _that_ incredible..."

"But, who else?" You cried out dramatically, "who else could have such a power to change this world? Kami truly is one of a kind!"

"Is not!" He declared, pouting his lip childishly. B winced, trying to avoid your curious look. He scratched the back of his neck, "I mean... what would you say if I told you I also had that power?"

"I'd never leave your side!" You promised with a serene grin, "I'd worship and follow you to the ends of the Earth, L."

B pulled his knees up to his chin. He scanned you, biting at his thumb.

"You mean it?" He breathed.

"But you don't have Kami's power," you said disappointedly. 

"Do too," he shot back.

"Then prove it," you twirled a strand of your hair.

He stared at you for what felt like forever. B looked down at his hands.

"I can't... I don't have it with me."

"Oh... no problem. Where is 'it'?"

B opened his mouth, but hesitated.

"I don't want to see her again," he shook his head. 

Rem? He'd had some kind of argument or fallout with her? Suddenly it was all making sense. Rem said he never took the book out of his room. But a fallout with her... one in which he didn't want to see or talk to her again... that'd mean moving the note far enough away! _Burying your problems. How typical of you_. 

He sighed, starting to slide down the shelf.

You stared at him coming down, your pulse drumming in your ears. When he landed on the ground, his back would be to you.

A split second. That's all you had to decide whether or not to go for him, your fingers sliding up your sleeve and touching your knife.


	34. Modifications

You could barely hear anything over your heart drumming wildly.

With time, you were sure you could break down his walls and get him to show you where the death note was. But on the flip side, the more time you spent with him, the more likely it was that you'd be found out.

If you failed to kill him. The chances were low that it would happen... but if you actually succeeded! _I don't know what to do_!

B's feet lightly touched the ground.

Before you could allow yourself time to think or hesitate long enough for him to turn around, you unstrapped your knife and plunged it for his back. The knife ran into the material, landing into something. You eyes widened, your brain having just enough time to think that you did it... no... something was-

He whipped around, gasping and catching your wrist.

 _Shit_!

And there went your chance.

His eye was wide, all of his limbs tensing.

"Nise...?"

You were momentarily surprised to see genuine hurt on his features.

Your momentum kept moving you forward, even as you tried twisting to the side. B pulled your wrist towards him, his other hand wrapping around your throat. You gasped, his fingers tightening and squeezing. Spots filled your vision, your lungs screaming for air. 

"Who do you work for?" His voice was low and threatening, "Light? Lawliet? Wammy's?"

You choked, your vision swimming. He barked out a laugh, applying pressure.

"You think I won't kill a pregnant woman? Oh, Sweetie."

A yelp escaped as he slammed you to the floor, pinning you under his weight. His eye sparked with bloodlust, his lips twitching. There it was, all in insanity he'd been bottling up sparking his chest. He sneered, shifting his loose-fitting white shirt to reveal a vest as tailored and close to the body as humanly possible. B licked his lips.

"You thought I wouldn't be wearing some type of protection?! HA, BITCH," he leaned down, so close that you could smell strawberry jam on his breath, "I'm fucking unkillable, you hear me?"

Staring at him, you barked out a laugh, unable to stop it. B's grip on your throat faltered, his lips tightening. You squeaked with laughter, a smug smirk crossing your lips, even with his fingers pressed on your windpipe. You couldn't help it, your eyes narrowed spitefully.

"Oh please," you growled, "everyone's killable. You of all people should know that."

His eyes narrowed, locking with yours. He sucked in a sharp breath, his eye dawning in fear. Wow, he was actually afraid?

"You know all about the book, don't you? Trying to get close to me? **Who are you**!?"

He dug his fingers into the soft part of your throat and you choked. 

"Impossible," he whispered, "I... I saw him write your name! I counted the seconds myself..."

B was frozen, staring into your face in a quiet shock.

"Y/n?..."

"Boo."

He gaped. Now that he was temporarily thrown off, you kneed him in the gut. B gasped, doubling over. Not giving him the chance to recover, you kicked him as hard as you could, sending him rolling across the floor. He easily caught himself, swinging to a crouched and position and watching you with incredulous eyes.

"I don't understand," he rasped, "your-your name is in the death note! It was spelled correctly and everything! **_How_** -"

B trailed off, still looking in disbelief. But his eyes went to slits, grabbing the knife out of his vest and twirling it.

"No matter," he snarled, "you won't be alive for long," his lips twitched, "should've stayed in hiding."

He surged forward. Gasping, you threw one of his jam jars at him. B deflected it easily, but it smashed against the ground. He stopped in his tracks, looking down at the mushy mess with intense pain in his eyes.

"No," he breathed, lip quivering.

 _Uh... works for me_! You dove towards various rows of boxes, hiding among the stacks. The elevator was up ahead, if you could just get there- no sooner had you thought that when a knife launched, lodging itself into a set of wires on the elevator. You bit your lip as sparks flew, electricity crackling. _That... doesn't sound good. Fuck_. That was the only exit. _Well, according to the chef. I'm sure Light has a secret escape route he hasn't told anyone... I wonder if B knows_. You paused, your eyes widening. _Of course there is... B's insane, but he wouldn't trap himself in an underground bunker with no way out knowing how much Light wants to get rid of him_!

Slinking among the boxes, you listened intently. The warehouse was quiet save for the sparks still in the wires. He was waiting for you, you knew it. As soon as you stepped out into the light, he'd attack and you wouldn't know from which direction he was coming. 

"Y/n," he sing-sang, his voice sweet and dripping.

You held your breath, moving for the opposite end of the warehouse. Another exit, another exit, where would it be? The lights above you went out. **_Crap_**! You tensed, trying to shallow your breathing.

"Oh, don't worry. You can't see me, but I'll be able to see you. You and your kids' lifespans glow in the dark. Have fun with that."

Hyperventilation threatened to take over. You tried to push through the sinking feeling in your gut, focus on the present.

"I'm actually happy you're alive," his voice was soft, "I missed our game more than I thought I would. I guess one could even say I was mourning," he gave a light laugh, making chills go up your spine. 

Moving through the rows, you looked at the floor and the walls, trying to find some, any indication of another way out. B's voice echoed, making it sound like he was everywhere.

"I hope I get to see L's face when you're dead at my feet. I wonder what he'll say-"

his voice dropped to L's register and he screamed, "Y/n! No!" 

Your breath caught, trying not to listen. He wailed in L's voice, the sound haunting and making tears press against the back of your eyes. He kept sobbing in that low voice before B couldn't hold it back anymore and he burst out laughing.

"I imagine he'll say something like that. Ooh, fire."

Fire...? The elevator... the wires... did they catch on fire? _Does he have access in some way, shape or form to fire? **Goddamnit**_! 

Your worst fears were confirmed when you heard the sound of cardboard catching on fire, burning. Fingers shaking, you scurried deeper among the rows, your mind racing. The warehouse was full of cardboard boxes and other flammable material. This place would a blaze in a couple of minutes... and you still hadn't found a way out...

"Oh, yes. He'll have just enough time to see your body before I kill him with my bare hands."

B hummed under his breath, slipping into L's voice like a glove, so realistic and close that it was almost like he was talking. 

"Help!" he shrieked, "Oh, God," B devolved into gurgling, imitating exactly how he was going to make L suffer. 

You hissed out a breath. Acting. That's all it was. As you crept closer to the wall, you stiffened, feeling his presence. You still couldn't see him, but you had a sneaking suspicion that he was watching you, his lips curled and eye flashing red. 

The cardboard on the other side of the warehouse flamed up, illuminating your face... and you saw him. Perched on one of the boxes, watching you intensely, the fire licking up behind him. 

He smiled slowly and languidly, standing and stretching.

"Hey, Sweetie," he grinned.

* * *

L's perspective

"No candy?" I asked innocently, poking at the salad he'd given me.

Light chuckled, shaking his head.

"If it wasn't me or B, it was going to be the diabetes."

"Bold of you to assume a little thing like that would stop me," my lips twitched. 

Light's brow quirked amusedly. He sighed, waving for a servant to replace my dish with something sweeter.

"It's a shame. In a different world, we could've been friends. But you had to hold on to your archaic sense of justice."

Hm, is that what he thought? I swirled a thumb around my finger in interest, tasting some leftover sugar. 

"Not a sense of justice," I corrected, "justice is relative. If we assumed the laws were the end all, be all of justice, then I'd be a criminal. As would Kage have been. No, Kira. I find you detestable for a... different... reason."

"Oh?"

"You think yourself a god, do you not? The most righteous human to ever walk this Earth, when in reality, your hands are as dirty as the rest of us. You, Light, are the shining example of ego and pride at its most ugly."

Light laughed, his eyes practically glowing maliciously. 

"Wow, Lawliet. Even in the face of losing everyone you love, the love of your life dying, you still manage to keep a cool head and try to play mental chess."

I stared at him, my gaze hard.

"Beware the fury of a patient man," I quoted, my voice barely above a whisper, "now, before you kill me, I know you've been _dying_ to show me your killing method. You want to rub it in my face, don't you? 'Ha, L, look at this. This is how I did it and you could never figure it out, I win'. Or am I off-base?"

Light sneered, reaching into his belt and pulling out his death note. My breath caught. No, I had to keep acting like I was in the dark. Like he'd already won and this was little more than. a victory lap.

"Once I write your name, you're dead," he giggled, eyes sparking insanely, "you could still beg for your life, you know. You've already groveled at my feet, why not kiss my boot?"

Our eyes locked, electricity passing. 

"Who knows?" I answered breezily, "if you have a weapon that can do what you say it does, I may have to reconsider my priorities..."

* * *

Fire roared around you. When B cut the power, he had to the fire alarms as well, leaving just the sound of the flames. 

Pain flared up your leg as he kicked, but you caught yourself, twirling him and making him slam to the ground. You moved to choke him, but B scrambled back to his feet, tackling you. You snarled, trying to rake your nails down his face, chomping your teeth for any skin you could latch onto. B's eyes sparked furiously, reeling back to punch you. It wasn't any kind of calculated fight, just animalistic sounds and doing whatever either of you could to get the upper-hand. 

You expertly rolled, taking him with you and throwing off his balance. All around you, the fire had gotten bigger, sending billows of smoke into the air. You covered your mouth, trying your best not to breathe it in. 

Laughing, B swiped the knife in your direction. Using Capoeira, you kicked at his wrist. He yelped, the blade scattering across the floor.

He tried throwing himself for it, but you grabbed him, the two of you wrestling. He punched your abdomen, sending you reeling, the faintest worry flitting through your mind before you head butted him. His head snapped back, momentarily stunned. Your fingers went for his throat, honing in on the soft, sensitive part. B sank his teeth into your finger, the pain making you scream, blood running down your fingers. You managed to kick him, sending him sprawling.

You tried to run away but he roared, surging towards you. 

It happened so quick that you weren't even sure if it had happened. 

You managed to grab him, twisting both of you and pushing him into a nearby column of flame. He tripped, landing hard as fire attached itself to him.

B's scream tore the air, his cries echoing. You stumbled back, coughing wildly as the smoke clouded your vision... but you could still see... he was screaming, slapping at himself and trying to put it out. He held out a hand, his face falling in horror as the skin started peeling off... and revealing blue skin underneath... He looked at it with a wide eye, his gaze snapping in your direction.

"What's happening to me?" His voice trembled, tears streaming down his cheeks.

It was genuine fear, no acting or tricks. Raw, pure terror stretched across his features. He dragged his nails against the blue skin, panic settling in.

"What is this!?" His voice cracked, just as more of his skin cracked, up his neck and face.

"N-no! No, no, no, no, no."

You hesitated, your nerves on full-alert. He should've been down by now, suffering burns so severe that he may never move again. But even as the fire licked up his skin, revealing more blue, he cried out in terror, scratching and tearing at himself.

"Wh-what-"

Rem's words echoed in your brain.

" _Especially now that his eye's been torn out, his body will be trying to heal itself and in the process may modify._ "

B howled, the smell of burning flesh and hair mixing with the heavy smoke. He pitched forward, his entire body gurgling and stretching.

Your eyes popped, your limbs frozen as two leathery batty wings sprouted from his shoulder blades. 


	35. So Many Choices

**_NOOOOPE_**.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, oh Hell no.

Turning on your heel, you booked it, with no destination in mind except 'get away from the mutant B'. No destination needed, just fucking _go_.

He was still yelling pain and absolute terror, each howl filled with anguish and confusion.

"What's happening to me?" He sobbed, knocking over boxes as he tried looking at his new wings.

In another world, you may have felt sorry for him. Rem never told him that his body may still develop, he had no idea what was going on. But you swung towards the elevator, looking at the destroyed wires with a growl. No way to get it operational in a timely manner. You looked back towards the warehouse, but the blaze was licking up the cardboard, the fire so bad that you couldn't even look for a second exit if you wanted to.

As smoke billowed, you covered your mouth and nose, squinting to see B standing in a daze.

He was recovering from the shock, rotating his wings in awe. He locked eyes with you, his gaze flickering at your expression.

"You don't seem surprised," he whispered, his eyes narrowing. 

You moved backwards until you hit the elevator's wall, your heart drowning everything else out. He took a menacing step, maroon eye glowing red. The eyepatch had been burned away, revealing the scab and scar tissue that used to be his other eye.

He didn't look anything like himself or L anymore. The wig and makeup were absolutely gone, but his natural auburn and curly hair had been singed and charred black, his hundreds of little freckles gone with his new blue skin. His feet had turned into large talons, hooked black claws sliding against the concrete ground. Your breathing quickened. _Okay, well just because his body's changed doesn't mean he's impervious to death... right?_ His eyes darted, understanding dawning on his face.

"Rem was helping you, wasn't she?" He rasped, "you-you know something about this... **don't you**!?"

A dark fury spread over his features. You held up your hands peacefully, sensing an impending ticking time-bomb... that was running out of time...

"B-"

"I'LL KILL YOU," he roared, shooting towards you, his wings snapped open.

You didn't have anywhere to run. Squeezing your eyes shut, you yelped as he grabbed you, rocketing up the elevator shaft. The wind pushed down on you, disorienting you and scattering your thoughts. All you could do was scream as the both of you broke the surface, the air clear and fresh. The smoke was still rising, coming out of the exit in plumes, polluting the already-cloudy sky.

Coughs racked your body, trying to get rid of the smoke. B tossed you up. You flailed your arms, shrieking, feeling nothing until he caught you again with his talons, his claws making your arms ooze blood. You hissed out in pain as it dripped and slid down your skin. B roughly held you up, grabbing the back of your head and forcing you to look down.

It was a large drop... the ground just an indiscernible blanket of rocks and green. B laughed shrilly, positioning a claw right above your throat, practically touching your windpipe.

"Oh, the choices," he sighed, "to drop or slice. Drop or slice. Drop or slice. Or-" his neck craned, his lips brushing your ear, making you shudder. The claw poised above your throat moved down, lightly tapping your belly, "I could keep you alive long enough for that kid to be born. Take it for myself and raise it as my own." His dark chuckle made you shake, your vision blurring, "imagine that. Me! A father! I think I'd be a pretty good one, don't you?"

"Go to Hell," you snarled, squirming in his grasp.

You almost dropped, but he simply shifted, holding you more tightly while laughing.

"Ooh, careful. You don't want to hurt my kid! You think it's going to be a girl or a boy? Mothers usually have that kind of intuition."

"Go fuck yourself," you barked, trying to bite at his fingers. 

He tapped his chin as if he wasn't listening, eyes sparking.

"Okay, okay. If it's a boy, I'm thinking Jam. A girl, Strawberry?"

"Ryoko, I swear to God!"

B sneered, staring into your eyes, his lips curled.

"Drop, slice, or kid? So many choices," he purred.

* * *

L's perspective

I sipped my coffee, watching Light in interest. I knew what this was about. He missed our mind games, the fact that I was the only person who'd given him a challenge. Light and B had much more in common than they thought. They both lived for the game, and as such, they didn't want it to end. Games were all that staved off the boredom, a boredom so intense that they'd rather go through hardships and almost lose rather than lose their excitement.

In turn, I'd never come across a criminal that was my equal. Y/n was the only reason I myself wasn't dying of boredom. Without her... I couldn't imagine the reckless risks I'd take. How close I'd try to get to Light just for a chance to keep the adrenaline going. Tilting my head, I scanned him.

"So how have you been handling B?"

Light wrinkled his nose. Huffing a laugh, I glared at him.

"B's annoying you, hm? Welcome to my life."

Light wrinkled his nose.

"God, how did you stand him?"

"Before he went utterly insane, I found jam placated him."

He tightened his lips.

"I tried that," he replied miserably, "I've got hundreds of jars of the stuff just for him," he motioned out the window with a sigh.

I glanced out and nearly choked on my coffee. There was smoke down the hill. By the looks of it, the fire must've been big. Light followed my gaze, his perfect facade cracking as his eye twitched.

"B," the both of us groaned at the same time.

My eyes popped. What if Y/n was in danger? My eyes flashed in Light's direction, my stomach turning. There were many equations in this universe. But B+Fire+Y/n= disaster. If I could just keep the situation under con-

Something was flying in the distance. I squinted, a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. _Do I even want to know what that is_? Looking at Light, I debated. But he seemed intrigued as well, squinting out at the flying thing. The closer it got, I could hear screaming in the distance. My heart twisted.

Was that...

"B!" We both gasped in horror.

* * *

You screamed, both wanting to scratch and latch onto B's arm. Everything was spinning and you'd never wanted the ground more. Tipping upwards, B spun, making you nauseous as you screamed.

"Put me down!" You cried out, kicking your legs.

"Okay!" B dropped you, letting you free-fall before easily catching you again.

You gasped him, digging your fingers into his shoulders so harshly that your knuckles had gone white. _Don't put me down_! B zoomed around the top of the castle, dipping and looping around some of the towers, jerking you around like a rag doll.

"Isn't this a romantic flight?" He trilled, cackling wildly. 

There were many things you wanted to retort, but your throat felt too caught. He tossed you up and down, bringing you to his eye-level. He glared into your eyes, his own a blood red.

"You know, I was actually enjoying Nise's company. I should've known... I'll make you pay for trying to trick me."

"So the prodigy actor can't tell when someone's acting?" You seethed, your eyes slits.

His lips twitched in rage, baring his teeth as he threw you up in the air, holding up his claws to impale you when you came back down. 

Your eyes widened, seeing those dagger-like talons coming at you, straight for your abdomen. A myriad of regrets and memories flooded your brain. There was so much left to do. No... you wanted to live... you never even got to tell L you were pregnant. M-maybe it was better this way... he wouldn't know what he was missing. No one would. Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth, those talons getting closer and closer.

A gun shot rang out and B howled, a bullet tearing straight through his back and coming out of his sternum. Blood exploded up as his wings faltered. B touched at the spot in awe, having just enough time to let the fear shine through his expression. He met your eyes, his own torn as he started tumbling through the air. You blinked, realizing that the both of you were now falling. You grabbed at the air, your heart racing. 

Passing by one of the tower's windows, you gasped as someone jumped out, wrapping their arms around you. You blinked, looking to see Mello, completely tied up in rope and swinging from the window, a gun in hand. His eyes were stunned looking down at B, still falling.

Grunting, B flapped his wings, buffering in the air. He glanced at you for just a second, hovering before gripping his side in pain and tucking his wings in. B moved down, disappearing around the castle. You breathed out, turning your attention to Mello. He gave you a shaky smile, his entire body trembling.

"Holy shit, I didn't think that'd work. Near and I saw you having a joyride."

You gave a nervous laugh, situating yourself more securely. The two of you were hanging against the tower's stone wall, dangling rather precariously. Hooking yourself to his back, you noticed Near above, trying to help pull the rope up. After what felt like an eternity of fumbling and scrabbling for rocks, the two of you collapsed into what looked like an attic. Your nerves were still on high, adrenaline pumping. They were breathing heavily, their arms buckling trying to keep them steady.

So they'd completely disregarded your and L's orders? How'd they even manage to follow? _What are you saying? Of course they figured out a way, they're Wammy's House kids_. 

Falling back into the floor, you burst out laughing, the fear and anger all washing out. Near and Mello stared at you, sharing a cautious look with each other. Wheezing, you pointed a finger at them.

"Never listen to me or L ever again," you choked.

Near and Mello blinked, smiling gently and chuckling. The three of you huffed in laughter, unable to control it. Taking them, you enveloped them, burying your face into their shoulders. Ha, if you'd been happy finding them before, now you were ecstatic. 

Mello's fingers were tight around the gun. His face was pale, and that's when it hit you. He'd never shot anyone, much less almost fatally. And if B died from his wound, then that'd mean Mello had actually killed someone... you knelt in front of him, tenderly touching his cheek. He leaned into your fingers, his eyes glassy.

"That... that was..."

"It's okay," you murmured, "thank you... so much... I- and my kid- are alive because of you."

Mello's eyes snapped up to you.

"Your kid?"

Taking the gun from his grip, you nodded. He gaped, a small smile of disbelief on his face.

"I saved you and your kid," he affirmed with a slight chuckle, "that's... thanks."

Hugging him again, you pulled him to his feet.

"Come on. B's hurt. Now's our chance."


	36. Destroyed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick trigger: an instant of self-harm.

L's perspective

I tried looking at the figure in the distance more clearly. Could that really be B?

Light slammed his hands against the windowsill, his groomed features and face contorting ugly. Outside, the castle staff was racing to put out the fire.

" ** _He burned up my fucking bunker?! That was for emergencies_**!"

"Like in case of a revolution because the people will eventually come to hate Kira's rule?" I asked breezily.

He shot me a venomous glare full of contempt, snapping open his death note.

"Sorry, Lawliet. I know once you're gone, I'll be the throws of boredom again, but I have to deal with this."

My brow simply quirked. I tried not to smile watching him scribble my name in less than thirty seconds. He stared at me, his lips curling.

"I wanted to savor this moment," he whispered reverently, "but I suppose now is as good a time as any."

He looked down at his watch, each second passing making his face more and more eager. I counted in my head, poking at my chest when the watch his 40 seconds.

"Oh. Ooh. My heart. Oh the pain. What a world."

Light blanched.

"You're not dead."

"Asuste observation."

He blinked, his brain seeming to be on stand-by. His eyes went to the death note, turning it over in his hand and closely inspecting the page.

"Ryuk! Is this thing broken?"

Oh, so that was the Shinigami's name. Interesting. Light's growled.

"Yes... No! Oh my God, fuck you!"

"Um, may I ask of the nature of the conversation-?"

Light stalked over to me. Before I could do anything, he promptly slapped me with the death note. I reeled back, instantly shifting into Capoeira position, but he simply crossed back over to Ryuk, the Shinigami now visible.

Huh, this one looked monumentally different than Rem. His lips were up in a permanent smile, pointing and cackling at me. Light held up his book, demanding an explanation, which Ryuk simply chortled at.

"Oh, Lighto, I don't have to tell you anything," he wheezed. 

If Light's glare could kill, he wouldn't need the death note.

"What is the meaning of this? I demand to know!"

I couldn't help the smirk working up my face.

"Y/n also sends her regards."

His eyes popped. Light shrank, watching me warily, the hand tightly clutching the book shaking.

"I don't understand," he whispered, "I'm a god! I willed yours and her deaths!"

My eyes narrowed. I needed to find Y/n... but I also had to deal with this idiot. We circled each other, Light's eyes darting like a wounded animal, his knuckles on the death note turning white. I shot him a grin, one of the ones Y/n joked that were 'terrifying'. It seemed to work, his brow beaded in sweat.

"What's wrong, Light? It looks like you've seen a ghost."

When Light didn't respond, I laughed. He'd never heard me laugh. I'd always been insecure about it, but right now I was grateful for its low, still kind of monotonous register. This was the moment. The test of his measure of bravery. And just as I expected... he turned and ran, almost stumbling but managing to make it to the door, his breathing heavy. Pathetic. He threw it open just to be greeted by Aiber and Wedy, glaring at him with curled smiles.

Light's face fell in horror.

"You can't do this to me," he stuttered, "I'm Kira! I am the god of the new world! Only I can cleanse this rotten heap!"

Aiber rolled his eyes.

"Ego, much?"

Light twitched, looking between Aiber and Wedy in distress. 

Racing past them, I motioned towards Light.

"Keep him detained, will you?"

They nodded, Aiber sliding the door closed. With Light out of the way, I strolled casually over to a guard, snapping my fingers.

"Get everyone together and follow me.

Y/n could be seriously injured. The thought made me sway. 

Stepping into the hallway, I turned in the other direction, towards where I'd seen that _thing_ flying. 

* * *

The gun felt heavy and cool in your hands. Near and Mello followed anxiously, Mello nervously chewing on his chocolate and Near twirling a lock of hair. You stopped at the foot of a staircase, looking at them. They weren't normal kids, anyone could tell that. They'd managed to sneakily follow the team and had saved your life. That being said, you still didn't want them to witness you killing someone. It wasn't that you were babying them, but thinking back to the first time you saw someone die... a person alive one second and just a husk the next...

"Matt's still in the interrogation room. If you can figure out a way to free him, go do that."

The two of them stared at you, sensing this was your way of having them not see what was to come. Mello opened his mouth to protest, but Near gently tugged on his sleeve.

"Come on. Matt's probably scared."

That made Mello hesitate, his face torn. 

"Yeah," he murmured resignedly, "poor guy's probably pissing himself."

You watched them scamper down the hall and disappear around a corner. 

Holding your breath, you ascended the stairs. It was quiet, unnervingly so... this section of the castle had a bridge connecting two of the towers, perfect for a crash landing. And just as you expected, there was a puddle of blood on the old, faded stones. The blood turned into a trail, splotching and staining into the other tower. Your heart was racing uncomfortably. Was this really it? After years of chasing him... stepping into the darkness of the other tower, you froze, listening.

There was a low moaning, the sound of heavy breathing. Taking your gun in hand, you stepped cautiously. There.

B was on the ground, curling up in a ball and leaning against the wall in front of a window, his scarred/blind side to you. He was bleeding badly, sitting in a pool of it, his wings sprawled and twitching. It looked like he'd smashed the window up, shards of glass littering the floor. You moved towards him and his head snapped up.

"Who's there?! S-stay away!"

You froze. 'Who's there'? Why didn't he just turn his head? That's when you noticed he was clutching his other eye with a hand, blood seeping through his fingers.

"B?"

"Y/n..." He gave a cackle, laughing dryly, "man, you must be sour, hm? If I'd actually burned in that fire, this would've been your kill. But it's not! Mello got me! Ha!"

"Well obviously it wasn't Mello's kill if you're still alive," you answered cooly, "as long as that nonexistent heart of yours is beating, you're mine, Beyond."

His teeth chattered and even though you couldn't see his eyes, you could tell he was terrified. Good. There an anger welling up, that same hatred that had completely consumed you for a while. It was happening! You were going to kill him!

He gave a shaky smile offset by a choked sob.

"I, um, I figured out a solution... how to get rid of my curse!"

His curse?

Your eyes widened as he continued, blood staining his teeth. He held up a blood-soaked and smeared shard of glass.

"Well, y-you took out one eye and I couldn't see names, so... I thought. I thought- if I could just tear out my other eye, I wouldn't have to look at death dates." He gave a scared laugh, shrinking into the wall, "I-it worked! I can't see anything. I'm free... I-isn't that great?"

He wheezed, coughing and you couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying. Blood poured from his mouth as he coughed, his face going pale. B slumped, bringing his knees beneath his chin. All you could do was stare. He'd... he'd torn out his own eye... just to escape his ability? Holy shit... he'd- in an instant, all the intense, burning anger was gone. Replaced by something more... regretful.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize how bad it was," you croaked, "I really wish I could've helped you. You must've felt so alone."

To your shock, it was the truth. B shuddered, his lip quivering. He gave a sad smile.

"Do you remember the day L came to the orphanage?"

You smiled, breathing out a soft laugh. 

"Dumbass insulted one of the older kids and we had to save his sorry ass."

B laughed, his chest heaving.

"He used to be such a little coward. Hiding while you fought and ended up getting a black eye."

Your lips twitched at the memory. An eight year old L who'd just lost his parents pressing an ice pack to your face, B helping and asking a million questions. Wow... everything seemed so simple back then. Even when all of you were confused, scared orphans... in a way, you were at your happiest then.

"I miss that," you admitted quietly.

There was a few seconds where he didn't say anything, and then his voice low and strained.

"This is the first conversation I've ever had where I haven't thought about death."

Silence. You didn't know what to say. Even if you could offer sympathy, you didn't know what it was like. No one did.

"Sounds like a miserable existence."

He swallowed.

"It is."

B shifted.

"Congratulations, you won our little game. The death note is buried in a forest about 30 miles away."

Your heart quickened. The death note... Somewhere in the distance, you could hear footsteps running in your direction. From the sound of it, it sounded like about 10 people, probably all with their sights on B. Could they find a way to save him? Maybe... they'd heal him to throw him into some kind of prison or lab. B let out a squeak, shaking his head. He was slapping at the ground, presumably for a weapon, but he shook his head, panic obviously settling in.

"No, no, no, Y/n- Y/n, I don't wanna, I-"

You held up the gun, clicking the safety off. B stopped, hearing the gun. He hunched his shoulders, slowly removing his hand to reveal his freshly destroyed eye. It was grotesque, pieces of flesh in tatters and small shards of glass left behind.

"I don't want to die alone," he whimpered, "I didn't think it mattered, but... I don't want to die alone."

Crouching down, you combed a hand through his hair. He flinched at first, but ultimately leaned into your touch. 

"You're not alone, Ryoko."

Lining the gun up with his forehead, you gazed at him. A kid you'd known since he was a toddler. 

"Y/n... I'm scared."

"I know... I'm right here, Ryoko."

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you pulled the trigger.

The shot echoed in your chest, stunning you. His head jerked back, hitting the wall, a fresh bullet hole appearing on his temple. B gaped, his chest going still. Your fingers were trembling, all your systems crashing together.

B was dead.

Ryoko was dead.

You scanned him. He was destroyed, just a shell with his modified body, torn eyes and two bullet wounds. Your breath caught. He was only 22... Tears pressed the back of your eyes, but you couldn't tell if it was from relief or sadness.

Maybe a mix.

* * *

L's perspective

Still wearing my eyepatch, I commanded the guards to follow me. 

As we made our way into the tower, I sucked in a sharp breath, my feet stopping on me. B... was that even B?

Y/n was hugging B's body, his face buried into her shoulder. His eyes... I moved forward in a daze and she glanced at me, her eyes glassy.

"L..."

Surging forward, I enveloped her.


	37. Free

You felt numb, your arms crossed as Light fought, snarling and trying to punch even as L turned on a broadcast. Light's face was revealed to the world, a college student who was way over his head. A crazed, desperate one at that. 

L told the camera how he'd gone deep under cover to infiltrate Kira's base of operations, how his fealty had been nothing but a rouse and that he'd aid struggling governments in re-establishing themselves. As for Kira, he claimed that he'd take care of him. That Kira's supporters would be a constant threat and L wanted to ensure that Light's execution went off without a hitch.

Light was screaming bloody murder, shouting about how he was a god and that this was blasphemy. About how you and L were nothing but dirty little heathens. You watched him, slightly amused as Aiber shoved him into the truck, his hands cuffed behind his back.

"I'll kill you all!" He shrieked, "Ryuk! Ryuk, I-"

Wedy stuffed a cloth into his mouth in satisfaction. Light cried out into the material, trying to twist and squirm. Ryuk munched on an apple, twirling the core on a long, hooked black claw.

"You sure you don't want me to just kill him here and now?"

L's lips tightened.

"No. I promise you won't have to wait long for his execution. And of course, you'll be... compensated."

Ryuk perked up at that, readily agreeing and tossing apple after apple into his mouth. You snorted, shaking your head and glancing into the truck. Light's eyes were wide and terrified, his entire body rattling in fear. He locked gazes with you, silently pleading for help. For mercy. All you did was shrug in response. 

L slowly shut off the broadcast, staring at the camera. You were rooted in place, observing his grave face. B had been placed in a body bag and was waiting outside. You stepped out, staring at the black mass. It was hard to imagine that that was once a living person. Was he even human? When he was little, you would've said 'yes, absolutely', but now... if he wasn't human, what was he? He definitely wasn't a Shinigami... would his existence always be defined as 'half-breed' and 'hybrid'? The thought made your mouth dry.

"We still have to get the death note from the woods," L sighed. 

You nodded absently. Matt, Near and Mello had just come up and were sitting around the body bag quietly. Before you could open your mouth, they glanced in your direction.

"We have to bring him back to England," Mello declared.

Matt bobbed his head.

"No matter how evil he was, he was a Wammy's Kid."

Near simply dipped his head in agreement. You exchanged a look with L, his face unreadable. He reached forward, long fingers brushing with yours. Electricity went up your spine at the feeling. You opened and closed your mouth. Was now the right time to tell him? There was still so much to do, so much to worry about and obsess over. Mello and Near met your eyes, sensing you hadn't told him yet. Smiling tightly, you pulled on L's arm.

"Let's go find Rem."

It wasn't as hard as you thought it would be. She was flying around, trying to find a way to travel even further from the book. When she saw the two of you, she sagged to the ground in relief, listening intently while you and L explained the situation. Her gaze flickered and you thought you could see a flash of shame.

"Gelus would be heartbroken..." A wistful smile crossed her lips, "Ryoko's mother... I'd never heard Gelus talk about anyone the same way he talked about her. I do wish it had worked out."

With her help, you found the death note. Rem was the one to pick it up.

"Now that B is dead, and I'm the first one to touch it, ownership goes back to me. I no longer have any attachment to this world and fully intend on returning to my realm."

L nodded in interest, giving a wry smile.

"I don't suppose I could ask some scientific questions about the Shinigami, hm?"

Rem snorted.

"You could try, but I grow tired of this place."

The two of you watched as he rose into the air, disappearing among a blanket of clouds. It was over... the only death note left on Earth was Light's. You wrung your fingers, your gaze flashing towards L. He was still looking up at the sky, his features sharp and his expression pensive. 

God, why were you so nervous? You hissed a breath, gently touching his arm. Grey eyes flicked over to you, and you couldn't help but wonder if the baby would have his eyes or yours.

"There's something we need to talk about," you murmured, your stomach doing flips.

He tilted his head, that gaze like a spotlight. Jesus, he always had a way of just rooting you to the spot. Your throat was tight, the world going fuzzy.

"I'm... I'm pregnant."

He stared at you and you could swear the big genius brain of his had just blown a fuse. 

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Pregnant, L. Me. Kid. Us."

L blinked.

"You're......... preg...."

"Nant."

L swayed on his feet, his face two shades paler.

"You're pregnant..."

"I'm pregnant."

"Your'e... _pregnant_?!"

"That is the word."

"Oh my God, you're pregnant."

There was a beat where neither of you said anything, his eyes distant. _Was that a good Oh my God, you're pregnant or a dreaded one_? A part of you was too worried to even ask. You suspected he might shut himself off, for time to process if nothing else. But then... a bright smile lit up his face, his eyes shining. 

You yelped, not expecting when he wrapped his arms around you, his tone filled with a mixture of excitement and nerves.

" ** _OH MY GOD, YOU'RE PREGNANT_**!"

You giggled as he spun you, tangling his fingers into your hair. He pressed forward, crashing his lips against yours, making you gasp from the raw force and emotion behind the action. He held his forehead against yours, your breaths mixing. His breath was warm and left your heart thudding. You inhaled his sweetness, your fingers trembling. He was shaking too, the both of you just getting lost in the moment.

"I'm going to be a father," he whispered in awe, scanning your features, "I-if that's what you want. Are, are we happy about this?"

L touched your hair, twirling a strand around his finger. You didn't know what to say, you'd been so worried yet preoccupied and suddenly all of this felt _real_. Hooking your arms around his neck, you allowed a smile to cross your lips. 

"Yeah," you breathed, "B's gone, we don't have to be scared of Kira... yeah. We're happy."

L cupped your face, pressing forward. His lips were so soft and warm. And suddenly it felt like everything might be okay.

"I love you," he murmured in a low voice.

* * *

The flight was tense. Kira had his greatest concentration of followers in Japan, adding another layer as to why it made sense to go back to England and to bring Light along for the ride. B's body was below, waiting for a burial. L had bought a house big enough to take care of the kids while the manor was rebuilt... while home was rebuilt. The thought of seeing what used to be Wammy's made your heart skip nervously. You didn't want it as some charred mess, as if it hadn't had such a long and rich history.

It was so much worse. 

Stepping out of the limo, you stopped dead in your tracks staring at a useless foundation. After two months, there weren't even cinders, just black posts and floorboards to indicate there had ever been something. L's face flickered sadly. Quietly, he stepped over the wreckage, standing in what used to be the library, gazing around in a stunned awe. 

"That used to be my favorite place in the whole manor," his voice cracked as he pointed to where the old antique sofa was.

It was nothing but a pile of ash now... you moved towards the last remaining stair that indicated there had once been a case of them... memories flooded back, of that night. The night you'd almost killed L. At the time, it almost felt like you had to leave, like you could never look at this place again. You never thought you'd miss it so much. 

All of the kids helped in digging the hole in the garden. Of course it was overrun with weeds and the gorgeous flowers had turned into gnarled messes. By the time everyone was finished, you stepped back, sweat beading your brow. You just wanted everything to be done with. You wanted peace.

Mello, Matt and Near carried B's body, still wrapped in the black bag. You stared it, your heart pounding. L cleared his throat, slowly gazing around the brilliant, genius kids.

"B... Ryoko... he was a good kid. Somewhere along the way, he lost himself... I'd say he was my first friend though, and no matter what he's done and how evil he became... I-I'm sad."

It felt like there was sandpaper in your mouth. You stared down at your hands, trying to keep the tremble out. 

"Ryoko, he-" you hissed out, your throat closing on you. What could you even say? Just thinking about B brought on a whole turbulent of emotions, "I've known him since he was two years old..."

A sad smile crossed your lips as the words came easier, remembering him as a toddler.

"When he came to the orphanage, he'd just come from a horrible foster family. He was malnourished and beaten, quiet and scared... but he was alive. I was only four at the time, but I came here when I was about a week old... I knew the ropes and I tried to take him under my wing. Despite all the heartbreak and anguish, I'm proud that I extended a hand to that kid. Even without his curse, no one really paid him any mind or genuinely cared about him. I hope that I was able to provide some light in his life."

You hadn't even realized you'd been crying until you felt tears sliding down your cheek. Wiping at them, you tried to play them off with a smile, but it felt like all your insides were twisting painfully. L hugged, nuzzling your neck. Leaning into him, you screwed your eyes shut, pressing your ear against his heart.

Not a lot of the kids knew B, but the ones who did spoke. You stared at the body as everyone pitched in in filling the grave back up. Taking a shovel, you helped, watching the dirt slowly fill. Stepping back, you sighed. L absently wrapped an arm around you, subtly touching your belly. You blinked at the feathery touch, reaching up and touching his knuckles. L intertwined his fingers with yours, those long digits cool and calloused. 

"It'll be okay," he whispered, holding his lips to your temple.

You nodded, turning and kissing him fully. His tongue worked throughout your mouth, your knees buckling. He combed his fingers through your hair, watching the locks slip through.

"Once Kira is dead, this'll all be over... we did it, Y/n." His lips twitched, "we're free."

A slight laugh escaped your chest.

"Yeah... free."


	38. Trapped

Light looked up at you, his amber eyes blazing with hatred.

You crossed your arms, meeting the gaze. He faltered, his jaw tense.

"You can't do this! I'm a god, I'm making the world a better place... why can't you and L understand that? Do you really think there's justice in this world"

You didn't answer at first. Fiddling with your fingers, you snorted.

"Light, you lost the high ground when you killed Lind L. Taylor."

His nostrils flared. He scanned you, his lips twitching.

"That's what you think, hm? And how far along are you?... you do realize that by killing me, you're condemning that kid to a living Hell, right?"

A laugh forced its way up your chest. You were 7 months along, your belly extended and everything feeling bloated. After months of paperwork, expedited trials, and L rebuilding his reputation and influence, it was the day of Light's execution. Leaning against the back wall, you chuckled.

"I get that you actually believe that about yourself, and in a way, I feel bad for you. Your death won't have any fanfare. It'll be a sad, pathetic death for a human. Not a god or some other kind of deity. Light, you're going to die like the rest of us."

He sneered, his eyes slits.

"Why'd you come? To gloat?"

"To take your order for your last meal."

That made him pause, his eyes widening a fraction.

"I'm... getting a last meal?"

"We don't have to give you one," you reminded pointedly, "better make it a damn good one."

Light hesitated, looking down at his hands, a pensive expression overtaking his features. In another life, he and L really _would've_ been good friends. They both had the same expression when they were so deep in thought that the rest of the world didn't matter and you almost see the gears physically turning on their faces. 

"Yakizakana."

"Sure."

You turned to leave, but he called out, slowly standing. Watching him, your brow quirked in mistrust. He slowly gripped the bars, his face flushed with embarrassment.

"Um, is there any way that my mom could make it?" His voice lowered to a mumble, "I loved her yakizakana."

Deciding to just rip the bandage off, you crossed your arms.

"She doesn't want to see you."

He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Is she coming to the execution?"

When you didn't answer, panic shivered through his eyes.

"Sayu?!"

"I'm sorry, Light. Your mother... blames you... for your father's death."

"I didn't kill him!" Light cried out, his voice cracking, "I-I only went along with B! I didn't kill him-"

"But you would've if the situation became dire," you shot back.

His jaw clamped. Light silently sat on the edge of his bed, the life slowly draining from his eyes.

"I'm making the world a better place," his voice came out soft, "I... I wanted to clean the world. You can understand that, right?"

"Light, it doesn't matter what I think... I'll go get your yakizakana."

* * *

You stood next to L. The two of you and some government officials were the only ones in attendance to Light's execution. L had considered widely broadcasting it, but you'd convinced him otherwise, leaving just the current world leaders to watch Kira's death from their monitors. 

L pressed a button, leaning into the microphone.

"Light Yagami. You have been convicted of the first-degree murder of 247,921 people. The ICPO has found you guilty and has sentenced you to death by injection."

"You mean you sentenced me to death," Light laughed dryly, "let's not kid ourselves, L. The ICPO just went along with whatever you wanted."

L didn't respond at first. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, gently touching his shoulder. _You're a good person_. L scanned your face with those alien eyes, handsome and sharp. He leaned into your grip, his gaze tender.

"I told you in that first broadcast that it wouldn't be long before I had you sentenced to death... and I meant it," L responded with conviction. 

Light's eyes misted. He shook his head, panic and begging bleeding through his eyes. He covered his mouth, trying to keep his composure.

"I don't want to die! Please, L, you can stop this! Kage, please! I don't want to die!"

Light slid to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. He gave strangled sounds, clenching and unclenching his fingers.

"Please," he sobbed, pitching forward in a desperate bow, his forehead brushing the floor, "I don't want to die! I don't want to die..."

You looked over to see L staring at him, his emotions a mask, his face unreadable. Without looking at you, he covered the microphone with a finger.

"What do you think?"

You started, your mouth dry.

"What?"

"I see merits in both killing and not killing him. As long as he doesn't have a death note, he's not a threat."

"That was their reasoning for keeping you alive," you whispered, "L... you and Light have this unhealthy obsession with each other. With catching and chasing the other. Trust me, I know the feeling. It's your competitive side talking right now. You don't want the game to end."

He tensed ever so slightly, his gaze sliding in your direction.

"Just like B."

"No, not like B. Because you're not an insane, homicidal maniac who sprouts wings when he catches on fire."

L gave what once could consider a wry smirk. It wasn't a smile, but it wasn't a sneer either. He observed Light for what felt like the longest, his silence making Light's eyes widen in hope. Sighing heavily, he uncovered the microphone.

"The execution will now commence."

Light wailed, shaking his head desperately, pleading and choking.

"I'm sorry! I'll never do it again, I'll be a good boy! I'll do whatever you want!"

There was a cackling and the two of you looked to see Ryuk laughing wildly in the corner of the execution room, wiping at his eyes.

"Oh, ha. This is all very interesting."

Light's eyes lit up. He stood so quickly that the guards trained their guns on him.

"Ryuk!" He cried out, "I-I relinquish ownership! I don't want to die, please!"

Your and L's eyes popped. L slammed his hand on a button.

"Shinigami! What does that mean, 'relinquish ownership'?"

Ryuk's eyes on Light were intense. Even though that smile was permanent, it somehow seemed to grow wider.

"If he relinquishes ownership, he loses all memory of being Kira."

L gaped, stunned. You swayed, suddenly feeling sick. Light laughed, his pupils small and crazed, his teeth grinding together.

"Come on, Kage! L! Would you really execute an amnesiac?!"

Light was hyperventilating now, his limbs shaking.

"Get rid of it, Ryuk!" His voice cracked.

You simply stood there, unable to do anything as Light's sucked in a sharp breath. Did his eyes look... lighter? Rounder? L leaned forward, his eyes so wide that you were worried they'd fall out. He was nibbling silently on his thumb.

Both rooms were deathly quiet, until Light turned around in confusion.

"Where am I?... Ryuzaki? Kage? What's going on?

* * *

"We should still execute him," one of the leaders demanded.

You winced, all the leaders pitching in what they wanted done with Light. Some were ordering for his death, others for his imprisonment, others to spare him. It was impossibly disorienting. Smoothing a hand over his face, L groaned, holding up a hand.

"I kindly ask that the delegates be quiet."

Everyone instantly shut up. He released his breath.

"If the Shinigami was being honest, then he has no memory and will not gain his memory back..."

"By all accounts, an innocent man," you murmured in awe.

L's eyes went to the carpet.

"Detention. He'll stay imprisoned and if we need him on any cases, we'll slowly phase in his help until he works solely for us."

"And what then?" One of them snarled, "does he just... _live a life_? Walk away scot-free while hundreds of thousands of people died by his hand?"

A shiver ran up your spine. You looked at the monitor, watching Light pace back and forth in his cell, asking what was happening, why he was there. Begging to see his father. L massaged the bridge of his nose, shaking his head.

"Let's just take this one step at a time? Death notes and Shinigami are above all of our pay grades."

There was a displeased, judgmental silence. And then one of their voices, much softer and sounding genuinely concerned.

"And how can you remain a detective? The whole world knows your face. As well as your name and mostly everything about you... 'L' has become useless."

It looked like L had been kicked. You bit your lip, fighting your instinct to just rush over and envelop him. His voice came out breathy, with a slight tone of desperation.

"I can take on a new alias... Names can be rebuilt." 

"You may, but an unidentifiable detective using a voice scrambler? People will get suspicious, no?"

L's jaw tightened.

"There are many different solutions-" he paused, blinking and swaying on his feet, "unless... this is your way of making sure I don't become too powerful... the people would love and rally behind who they think defeated Kira and helped the governments re-establish themselves... you feel threatened by me."

The air was icy. You didn't even realize you'd been holding your breath. The voice, sickly sweet as if she was offering a deal. When in reality, it was anything but.

"We'll still consult you on cases, and even let you keep Light Yagami in your custody, but you can't take credit for any of them. You'll have no public presence and it'll be like 'L' disappeared. You're lucky, you know. Even if the public thinks it was all a rouse, you still swore fealty to Kira. We can execute you on that alone. Go against us or start a new alias and we might still."

You covered your mouth, tears pressing the back of your eyes. L's throat bobbed, his face stony as they continued, the speakers echoing in the room.

"You work under us now, L... we control you. We control every case you take and approve every movement out of England. Take custody of Light as you see fit. We'll take charge of transferring the death note."

Before either of you could say anything, the voices clicked off, just leaving an uncomfortable silence. L's shoulders hunched, quickly hiding his face from you.

"L-"

"I-I have to see to Light's transport," he briskly walked past you, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

You stood there numbly, your heart racing. Wandering into the hallway, you saw him leaning on a wall, his chest heaving.

"I was so stupid," he whimpered, "I should've foreseen something like this happening."

Taking his hand, it felt cold and clammy, sweaty and scared. His lip quivered, his eyes going distant.

"I'll never be able to use my 'L' title again... and if I start a new one and they find out-"

Entwining your fingers, you felt over his bony and hard knuckles, the spindly yet strong fingers. His eyes went red, misting over. L shook, obviously on the verge of a meltdown.

"When we became immune to the death note, I thought I was free to be my own person and finally go back to what I love! But I'm trapped all over again."

Nuzzling his hand, you softly kissing the back of his palm. Giving it a tight squeeze, you pulled the rest of him into a hug, the action awkward with your belly.

"This isn't over," you reassured quietly, "I know all about evading organizations like the ICPO. Together, we're unstoppable. L... being a detective is what you love. Let me help you."

L swallowed thickly. He dragged his fingertips down the sides of your face, his eyes sparking gratefully. Those fingertips slowly moved to your belly, his hand lingering. A smile crept up your lips feeling the baby kick, its little foot pressing into L's open palm. The two of you met eyes, a mutual agreement passing. 

"Little L comes first," he half-teased.

You scoffed, playfully punching his arm.

"Little Y/n to you," you giggled.

His lips went up lovingly. Holding onto his shoulder, you nodded.

"But yeah... it comes first... the second it becomes too dangerous, we stop."

L tilted his face, his lips brushing yours.

"Okay," he breathed, touching your chin. His eyes lit up, "I have an idea."


	39. The Bat Cave

"Keep them closed!"

" ** _L_**!"

"I've got you, it's okay."

He gently guided you in your uncertain waddle. 

"I'm a week from the fucking due date, Lawliet. This better be worth it."

He simply pecked the nape of your neck with an anticipated chuckle. 

"Okay. Open."

Your eyes fluttered open, your mouth dropping. It was an... empty bakery. But it was beautiful, light blue walls and dark wood floor. There was a display case that you could just picture full of a delicious array of sweets and pastries. You stepped into the middle of the little bakery, your mind spinning.

"Is this..."

Glancing at L, he had a sheepish expression, scratching the back of his neck.

"You might not have meant it, you _were_ bleeding out, after all. But... that night that B shot you in the building, you said you wanted to have a little bakery. I think I found the best of both worlds."

You were stunned, only able to watch as he reached beneath the counter and pressed a button. You gasped, a square of wood boards in the back storage closet parting and revealing a staircase. L seemed jittery and nervous, like he'd had a million cups of coffee.

Unsure what to say, you slowly descended the stairs, your heart beating loudly in your ears. It was... it was incredible. A spacious room filled with computers, televisions, white boards, equipment, cabinets filled with files and background checks. You simply stood there in awe, laughing in shock.

"This is... incredible," you breathed, combing a hand through your hair.

L blinked, pleased that you liked it. 

"I know you've always wanted to be out in the field, chasing and fighting-"

"Oh, I think I'd like a break from that," you chuckled weakly.

He smiled.

"Got it... the bakery is the perfect front to hide this. We don't have to worry about the ICPO or anyone. We can be detectives and follow whatever cases we want."

Turning in circles, you smoothed your fingers over the tables, felt the computers and advanced sets. Breathing out and snorting, you whirled to face him. 

"L Lawliet, you built the Bat Cave."

"Y/n and L's Batman Services? Although we _should_ probably think of a different title." 

You beamed, your body buzzing with adrenaline. Wiping at your eyes, you cursed the extra hormones.

"I don't know what to say," you choked.

Stepping forward, L cleared his throat, breathing out slowly.

"Well, there was something else you suggested when we were in that building, on the floor. Something that I never stopped thinking about. I've never given it much consideration, but-"

He took out a little black box, biting at his finger.

"You said you wanted to get married. Was that a-a heat of the moment thing?"

"Oh my God..."

Your eyes misted, your throat closing on you. Pitching forward, you gave a sob, a myriad of emotions rising in your mind. L blinked, looking worried as you rose a trembling hand to your mouth. He looked down at the little box, trying to shakily stuff it back in his pocket.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset-"

"No," you laughed, trying not to completely melt, "it's not that. I just- I never thought... I never thought I'd live past B. I honestly thought I'd die killing him and for so long, that was _okay_ with me. I was... I was okay with dying in some back-alley..."

He stared at you, his eyes impossibly large, analyzing in only the way he could do. Your lip quivered.

"Yes!" You cried out, "yes, I would love to marry you."

L stumbled back, the little black box nearly slipping from his hands. Surging forward, he awkwardly tried to hug you over your baby bump, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder. The two of you stood there for what felt like forever, until your toes were tired. He gently helped you to one of the seats, perching in another one. You sniffed, everything feeling surreal.

"I honestly didn't peg you for the marrying type," you teased lightly.

He smirked around the thumb in his mouth, wiggling his toes on the seat.

"I'm not sure I can find someone else who wants an insomnia-driven vigilante detective." 

"Their loss," you murmured, catching his lips.

L moaned into the kiss, opening his mouth. Your tongue explored, but you quickly drew back, wrinkling your nose.

"You taste like coffee."

At his confounded expression, you pointed to your extended belly.

"Yeah, apparently she doesn't like coffee."

He laughed. It was a loud, genuine laugh that left those grey eyes sparkling.

"My bad," he rumbled, resting his chin on his knees and simply watching you, warmth bleeding through those orbs.

* * *

The kids were all staying in a temporary mansion while the manor was being repaired. On the way to the mansion, the both of you stopped to see how repairs were doing. You tilted your head, seeing dark mahogany wood built from the ground up, people going from place to place.

Home... a feeling of peace settled over you. The future looked optimistic and you couldn't help but drum your fingers in excitement. Mello and Matt, being the oldest kids, had volunteered to aid in the construction. 

Matt jogged over to the limo, red hair plastered to his skin with sweat. Tossing it back with an exhausted smile, he fished out a cigarette. You snapped your fingers.

"Hey, hey. Not around the pregnant woman, thank you very much. You should quit those, they're crap for your lungs."

Matt flushed, sheepishly putting it back in his pocket.

"Sorry," he mumbled, but there was a mischievous glint in his gaze.

Mello practically dragged himself to the limo, looking utterly spent. But when he saw you, his eyes lit up.

"Hey! When's the successor program going to kick up again?"

You gaped, exchanging looks with L. He tilted his head curiously.

"You... wish to continue the successor program?"

Mello rolled his shoulders, leaning against Matt. Your brow quirked, trying not to smile when you noticed Matt subtly touch his fingers to the other side of Mello's waist. Mello continued, nodding quickly.

"I mean, no offense, but, like, all the other programs suuuuuck. Art? Music? Biochemical engineering? Software engineer? Medical? Politics? They're all boring!"

L looked genuinely taken aback by this. 

"But... I thought the Detective program was proving to be too much pressure? After I went through it, it changed so much and started becoming a contest of who could be me. It was- it was a lot to put on your shoulders. I fear the program really lost its way."

Mello shrugged, turquoise eyes going pleading.

"Then change how the program treats us, but I really want to continue! And Near says that being a detective is all he's ever considered."

"I think I'm going to switch from the Detective program to Software engineering though," Matt piped up, adding quickly, "but I still think Detective should be an option."

The both of you were stunned. But you had to attest to L's assessment. Thankfully, you'd 'graduated' in the same class as him, but the pressure on the students that came after... B, A, Near, Mello, Matt... it was so much. L hesitated, fiddling with his thumbs.

"I... suppose... we can revamp the program. Try to give it a new directive and gear you, Near and anyone else who wishes to join towards more critical and analytical thinking rather than imitation."

Mello's face lit up. He stammered, his hand wrapping so tightly around Matt's that the other winced.

"T-thank you, L!" He breathed, trying to contain his obvious excitement.

The construction workers behind them called for them to get back to work. They waved to the two of you in a daze, racing back over to a section of unfinished manor. L quietly watched after them, his expression cryptic yet telling at the same time.

"They really want to continue the Detective program?... I wonder how many others avoided it simply for the pressure."

Leaning back, you glanced up to the see the England sky had gotten cloudy again, promising cool rain soon. Sighing, you touched his hand. 

"I guess we've got our work cut out for us," you chuckled, smoothing a hand over your face, "rebuilding, parenting, baking, vigilanteing-"

"Is that even a word?" He smirked.

"It's what we're doing. And revamping. Also, now that Wammy and Roger are gone, _teaching_ said revamp. That is a Hell of a list, L. I think we need some help."

Ah, yes. The 'h' word. L opened his mouth, looking like he was going to protest needing _help_ on anything, but you pursed your lips. He clamped his jaw, groaning.

"I know what you're suggesting-" he grumbled.

"It makes sense."

"But I can-"

"You're Batman, not Superman. Do not say you can do all of that and still retain your sanity."

L bit at his thumb, softly chewing the nail and fingertip.

"Bold of you to assume I was ever sane," he purred.

You bit your lip to keep from laughing. The two of you paused, hearing the light pitter-patter of rain on the windows. L looked out at it, silently watching the drops trail down the window.

"Okay," he whispered.

* * *

You carried the tray through the empty hallway. The little prison was not exactly... sanctioned. It was where Interpol kept their most high-profile and dangerous criminals. Light's room had recently been upgraded with a few new books. He was sprawled out on his bed, looking up at the ceiling with a blank expression.

"Food," you announced, sliding it into his cell. 

He didn't look at you. His voice came out soft and scared, his eyes glassy.

"I'm Kira... aren't I? Or, at least, I _was_... but no, then I still would be. Bu-"

"Yes," you answered straight-forward.

Interpol liked tiptoeing around him, but after a month and a half of being innocent, it was time to start thinking about his future. If he couldn't remember his crime and was divorced from Kira, didn't that make him innocent? You wanted him to be... He stared at you in a stunned silence, urging you to continue. Sighing, you shook your head.

"You're not Kira now. That part of you is gone and L and I are going to do our damndest to make sure it doesn't come back. Under confinement, you've shown rather... noble traits. Very different from when you were Kira, or even when Kira was pretending to be innocent. Light, you're not going to die because of another man's crime."

His gaze was consuming.

"Does my mother know I'm alive?" Light whispered, "Sayu?"

"They think you were executed. The world believes you were."

"So I _am_ dead..."

"Not in the way that matters."

Light fiddled with his fingers, not answering you. He gave a quiet laugh.

"The last thing I remember, we were trying to solve Kira. Something about Matsuda, I don't-I don't recall. And you... well, you definitely weren't pregnant... I really missed that much time?"

Him mentioning Matsuda made you wince. There'd been a lovely funeral for the task force and Watari, mourning the brave lives that Kira and B had taken. You hesitated, glancing at the camera as if for confirmation. Even though the machine couldn't say anything, you could practically see L behind the lens, nodding and encouraging you to go on.

"Light. You have a choice. You can either stay here and rot, maybe have L or I come down occasionally for help on a case. Or you can wear an ankle bracelet, a tracker under your skin, and a watch which monitors your vitals. Under our and our peoples' supervision, we could see how you do... teaching... for a semester."

Light's eyes flickered in confusion.

"Teaching?"

"In terms of one of L's cases, you're the first that's ever been an even match, even almost winning." You faltered, not sure if you should say what was next on your mind, but realizing you had nothing to lose, "B was my match. A person who kept me constantly on edge and challenged me. You're that for L. The upcoming months are going to be insanely busy. Under careful supervision, we'd like you to help teach the kids who want to continue in the Detective program. They're brilliant, prodigy minds who need an equally brilliant teacher who's going to _challenge_ them. Teach them how to look for the smaller details, show them the inner-workings of a cautious mind."

He was speechless, his eyes glued to you. Giving him a tight smile, you shrugged.

"If they know what kind of person can defeat L, then they can protect themselves."

Light's chest was heaving, he seemed to be in complete disbelief. His eyes were pooling and his hands violently trembling.

"I won't be stuck here for the rest of my life?" His voice cracked.

Light swayed, letting out a choked cry. In that moment, he looked like what he was... an 18 almost 19 year old kid who hadn't even completed college, absolutely terrified out of his mind. He curled up, sobbing and burying his face into his knees.

You retreated, allowing him time to process. 


	40. Makaira

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this was fun to write ^w^. Tooth-rotting fluff ahoy! :D

" _God damn it_!" You cried out.

L yelped as your grip around his hand crushed. 

"Fingers!"

" _Childbirth_!"

He blinked.

"Okay, I'll give you that one."

It felt endless, but eventually, the nurse gently placed the baby in your arms. You gaped down at her, your heart fluttering.

"Oh my God," you whispered, a small smile crossing your lips.

L scooted forward, perched on the chair and his toes wiggling excitedly. His eyes were wide in awe. He leaned back and pulled his knees close to his chest. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was making himself as small as possible. As if she'd be intimidated or scared.

"Makaira," you breathed, your heart pounding so loudly that you were worried it would disturb her. You smirked, "but because we can't seem to live without nicknames, I suggest Kai."

Her eyes opened and you inhaled deeply, your eyes welling as you smiled. The doctor standing off to the side nodded.

"We noticed that she has complete Heterochromia iridum. Her irises are different colors. Don't worry, it's usually harmless."

Indeed... Makaira's right eye was a soft yet steely grey, a perfect replica of L's, while her left resembled yours exactly. L's genes had won out and her hair was a pitch black fuzz. Makaira's eyes flitted to the both of you, as if she was trying to figure out who the both of you were. Hugging her closely, you breathed out, feeling her body rise and fall against your breast.

"She's perfect," you whispered, tears pressing to the back of your eyes.

L was speechless, watching her yawn and fuss with wide eyes. He softly kissed the top of her head. She didn't protest, and if anything, she was deflating and already falling asleep, his touch seeming to calm her.

"Can I hold her?" He breathed, his voice hitched.

Carefully, you handed her off to him. The movement made her nose wrinkle, but she didn't wake up. L supported her, his eyes trained of her sleeping face so intensely that it looked like they might fall out of his head. His lips twitched upwards nervously, his bottom lip quivering.

"She's so beautiful," he murmured. His gaze sparked fondly, "as long as I'm around, no one's going to hurt you."

"Hm, don't scare off the boyfriend," you chuckled tiredly.

His face blanched, giving a weak laugh.

"Y/n, don't give me a heart attack here."

That made you snort. Rolling onto your side, you sighed, shaking your head. You'd never been this exhausted before. Like all of your energy had been sapped right out of your system, leaving behind a mushy pile.

You fell asleep to him quietly humming to Kai.

L's perspective

Oh, was she sleeping? Both of them, actually... I took the opportunity to scan Y/n's face, pinpointing exactly where her features were on Makaira. She had my sharp angular chin, but that was about it. The rest was all Y/n. And that was fine with me. Of course I'd never tell Y/n that I watched her sleep sometimes, but my insomnia always assured that I'd be awake in bed, usually tangled up in her body but mentally tracing her features. There was something unique about that face I couldn't quite pinpoint, but I loved to take in every detail.

Yes, Makaira truly would be beautiful.

There was a knock at the door and I glanced to see the boys standing there awkwardly, grinning shyly. Holding a finger up to my lips, I motioned to the fact that they were both sleeping. Near, probably because he was the quietest, shuffled forward, barely making a sound. He twirled a lock of hair, staring down at the baby with a blank expression.

"It's small," was all he commented.

"She is," I tried not to smile. He was trying, I could recognize that.

Near cleared his throat, adverting his eyes as he held out a white paper bag.

"Light suggested we go shopping. Our allowance wasn't a lot, and we couldn't agree on something until this..."

 _Translation: Light forced us to get a present. He didn't let us back in the classroom until we all agreed on something. It was torture trying to decide._ Glancing in, my chest warmed. It was a gorgeous and expensive-looking teddy bear, it's fluffy fur a deep chocolate brown and a soft satin bow tied around its neck.

"It's lovely. Thank you... and tell Light thank you for making you go."

Near's lips curved ever so slightly in amusement. He quickly retreated, leaving Matt and Mello to shift nervously, trying to affirm that the gift was, in fact, acceptable. Probably deciding they'd had enough touchy-feely baby mushiness for a week, the three of them scurried towards the cafeteria. Sighing contentedly, I leaned back in my chair, just watching Makaira's chest. This was a real human... my kid... 

"Welcome to the world, Kai."

* * *

You bounced Makaira in your arms, chuckling whenever she squealed, her eyes lit up in excitement. She was 6 months old now and the manor was finally finished...

Looking up, your heart twisted, gaping. It was amazing... it looked so much like the original Wammy's, yet new and sleek. As if the old manor was simply out getting a new paint job. A sudden pang hit your chest. _Wow, I really missed this place... I **really** missed this place_. The Detective program's classroom had been up and running for a while already though. It was nice, ever since the directive changed and it wasn't demanding imitation, more kids had been showing an interest in pursing detective work. You'd say about 10 out 26 wanted it, always bubbling about what they were going to do as their _own_ detective. No standard to live up to. 

Peering in, you smiled. No one could really see you from this angle, but you watched the lesson from the hallway. After 6 months, Light had graduated from having a guard always sitting in the back of the classroom to just having his ankle bracelet, a tracker, and a camera in the corner of the room. 

He cleared his throat, leaning against the blackboard.

"Okay, so say you've touched the death note for the first time and you see a Shinigami for the first time. How do you handle the situation?"

One of the kids tilted her head.

"Do we even need to concern ourselves with the Shinigami? If it hasn't killed us up to this point, then why would it do so now? And there's nothing that a Shinigami would want that it couldn't get itself."

He shook his head.

"Wrong. You never _assume_ an entity's intentions. Like you said, you don't know what it wants. If you'd been paying attention to the hypothetical scenario, you'd have realized that this entity is trying to _protect_ something. Within this hypothetical, what's your number 1 objective now?"

"Um... try to prove the 13 day rule wrong? Kira's still the main threat. If we do that, we can convict the 'Second Kira'."

Light crossed his arms.

"Wrong again. Neither Kira is the main threat at this point. You've just identified that the Shinigami is trying to protect something. Figure out what that something is and give the Shinigami what it wants! This relates to any case... find the weak link in your opposition, the one you can sway to aid you rather than needlessly fight them. Give a member of the opposition what they want and, in turn, they may switch sides. No entity, mortal or otherwise, is impervious to their desires and the potential to obtain said desires. They're only your enemy until they're your friend."

The kids scribbled it down, nodding amongst themselves. You tilted your head, thinking about what you or L would've done in that scenario. You'd been out in the world long enough to learn that everyone wants _something_... would L? Or would he be too engrossed with Kira and dismiss the opportunity? Would he assume there was nothing a Shinigami would want? Would such a scenario have led to his death...? Makaira fussed, making everyone glance in your direction. You grinned.

"Just watching."

Light motioned to the kids.

"Why don't you guys take a fifteen minute break and brainstorm your next course of action in our hypothetical? And write _why_ that's your next course of action."

As they filed out, you observed Light curiously. 

"How are you feeling?"

He smirked.

"You mean 'am I feeling any Kira-ish today'?"

"That's a more blunt way, but yes."

Light faltered, his face falling slightly.

"No... I don't remember anything from that time."

You felt a stab of sympathy. He quickly shook it off, giving another shaky smile and motioning towards Makaira, who was fiddling with your shirt and playing with the buttons in an inquisitive, almost analytical way.

"Is that-?"

"Yup. I'm just checking out the new place, introducing Kai to all the kids."

Hm, maybe you didn't trust Innocent Light as much as you thought. There was no way he'd hear Makaira's full name. It was simply the sad truth. He twisted the hem of his shirt, not looking directly at you.

"I'm sorry... You would've brought her sooner if you weren't so worried about me. I'm sorry."

"I wouldn't have brought her at all if I was so worried about you," you piped up pointedly. 

That made him perk up, a gentle smile crossing his face. 

"Are you going to sit in with the rest of the lesson?"

"Wish I could, L's coming here and then we have to head to the bakery."

His brow quirked, a spark of intrigued mischief in his gaze. 

"Do I even need to say that I can't possibly see L Lawliet giving up detective work to become a baker?"

You simply gave him a cryptic smile.

"L!" The kids cried out outside.

Makaira's head swiveled, bouncing excitedly in your arms, reaching outwards.

"Er!" (Her attempt at 'L').

Nodding respectfully, you waved.

"I'll see you, Light. I hope... I hope you find peace here."

He gave a warm expression.

"You know, I... I actually love it here..."

You and L sat out in the garden, looking out at the distant hills, the stark greens contrasting with reds and yellows. Makaira was twirling a flower, giggling to herself as she dissected it, holding each petal up as if she could figure out all of its secrets.

Chuckling, L slid her over, holding her in a tight hug. She babbled, burying her face into his chest.

"Da-da," she squealed, beaming.

L's face lit up. Leaning back into the grass, you sighed, looking at the clouds.

"I'm happy," you breathed, your fingers tingling.

He carefully laid down too, leaving her to fall asleep on his chest.

"I'm happy too," he whispered, intertwining his fingers with yours, "now that everything's kind of calm down, we can finally get that wedding up in gear." 

L craned his neck so his face was softly touching your shoulder, his breath warm. You weren't sure how long the three of you lay there, but at some point, he'd fallen asleep, gently snoring. 

* * *

The wedding was small. A lot of the people you knew and who would've wanted to come were gone. That injected a bit of a bittersweetness, but you still loved it. Makaira still couldn't walk yet, so she was being carried by Matt as sort of a 'flower girl proxy'. 

You paced, unable to think. Wedy was sprawled out on the sofa, giving one of her easy grins.

"You're stressing too much."

"What if something goes wrong?!" You grabbed a brown bag, hyperventilating into it.

Wedy's brow arched. She swung her legs onto the floor, her eyes flickering.

"Y/n, when you were 22, you helped me break into the Guggenheim. This is nothing."

Still. It felt like you couldn't concentrate or think! Sighing, she took your hands.

"I'm not sure if you've realized this yet," she quipped, "but L _adores_ you. He adores you so much that it gives me fucking cavities just watching the two of you together."

You laughed, trying to calm your racing nerves. Wedy touched your cheek.

"That'll never change. He'll never _stop_ adoring you, as much as my dental health may suffer for it."

Aiber walked you out and you stopped in front of L, taking him in. As wary as you still were of Light, you had to admit that he knew his fashion. He'd swept in and had completely redone L, making his hair fall smoothly and silkily against his back, knowing just the right amount of makeup to make L's face even more handsome while properly hiding his eye bags. Leaning in, L's voice went to a low rumble.

"You look gorgeous."

"Not too shabby yourself," you purred.

His lips twitched.

"You should've seen him, I swear he had 8 hands. Light materialized in a cloud of hairspray and disappeared like a goddamn ninja."

You giggled, trying to stifle it as the ceremony commenced. It was difficult to concentrate, L kept making subtle funny expressions to make you break face. You wrinkled your nose playfully scoldingly. He leaned in, whispering something _immensely_ dirty in your ear, too low for anyone else to hear, but you had to cover your mouth to keep from bursting out laughing. The officiant pursed his lips, but continued, trying to ignore the both of you.

"You may now kiss the bride."

It was a sweet kiss, tender and promising, everything seeming to melt away. His lips were warm and inviting, sending your heart skipping. 

L swayed back, his lips staying an inch from yours, your breaths mixing.

"I love you so much..."


	41. Epilogue

4 years later...

You placed the croissants into the display case, all of the cookies, cakes and pie smells wafting together and leaving you lightheaded. Makaira was sitting at one of the booths, well, more like perched, the balls of her toes digging into the soft material and her knees close to her chin. She was scribbling in her notebook, a little bowl of candy beside her. The little bell above the door rang and you perked, seeing one of the elderly ladies in the neighborhood beaming. Huh, today had been a relatively slow day. She gave a wrinkled grin.

"Got any of those toffee bars?"

"For you, Ms. Ebersole? Anything!"

She beamed, digging in her purse for money. Makaira's face lit up as she bounced over. 

"Ms. Ebersole! Look what I made!"

Makaira held up a badly-drawn illustration of a face wearing an eye-mask. Before you could step in, Kai gave a toothy smile.

"It's a police sketch! He totally killed someone. I'm gonna catch the bad guy!" As if proving her point, she sloppily kicked the air.

"A police sketch?!" Ms. Ebersole laughed nervously, "how on Earth do you-"

"Oh, we always lock the door when we watch our crime shows, but you know how it is," you butted in quickly. _Okay, duly noted, Kai's spending way too much time at Wammy's_.

Still looking a bit flustered, she took her toffee bars and quickly shuffled out, giving an uncertain farewell. 

You glanced down at Makaira, pursing your lips. She simply gazed back with her different-colored eyes, her chest swelled in pride. Sighing, you realized you couldn't be mad at her.

"Baby, that's a beautiful sketch. But you can't risk anyone knowing about the family business."

Makaira's face flickered in confusion.

"Will they hurt us?"

"Um... we'll be very sad."

She tilted her head, sighing dramatically.

"Okay, Mommy," she grumbled, going back to her seat.

"It's still beautiful," you called after her, "I might have to hang it when we get home."

Her lips went up, eyes warm and sweet. You glanced at the clock, your brow furrowing. L had been in the investigation room since yesterday. _Did he fall asleep on the chair_?

Stepping into the backroom, you pressed the intercom, lowering your voice.

"Switch shifts?"

The only thing that answered was an exhausted groan.

"Ugh."

Your brow quirked.

"L, when was the last time you slept?"

"UUUUGH."

Trying to hide the smile on your lips, you tapped the wall. 

"Come on, it's actually a calm day. I can deal with the case. You just have to pretend to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH."

He stumbled out of the investigation room, bleary eyed. L rubbed a hand along his face, blinking in utter confusion.

"It's three? The last time I checked, it was four."

"It's tomorrow."

"It's... oh shit, it's tomorrow?"

"It is, in fact."

He swayed unsteadily, seemingly unable to process this information. You hissed out a breath, shaking your head.

"Maybe you should just take Kai and lock up the bakery early."

"Nuuuu... y-you took care of things up here for two days. My- I wanna-"

"Please!" Makaira interrupted, jumping on top of the booth's seat, "Dad! Lock up early! I wanna go to see Uncle Light!"

L winced, mumbling under his breath to himself.

"I called him Uncle Light once as a joke. A _joke_."

You smirked, both wanting and trying to avoid saying 'I told you so. I told you that joke was going to stick with her'. Makaira put on the puppy dog eyes, pouting and making her whole face look much more innocent than it actually was.

"Pleeeeeease."

"Fine," L conceded, but there was an affection behind it.

Makaira squealed, throwing herself into L's arms. He chuckled, easily supporting her. L spun in a circle, sending her into a fit of giggles.

"Let's go!"

"Whoo!"

You leaned against the wall, watching them go and L flip the sign from Open to Closed. Taking the opportunity, you snuck into the investigation room, your fingers absolutely itching to get to the case. You scanned over the latest developments from a serial killer in Iceland. Swiveling from monitor to monitor, you critically examined the evidence on file and tried to predict the killer's next moves.

A small smile sparked up your lips. Hell, yeah. This was the kind of adrenaline you could get used to.

* * *

By the time you got home, it was dark outside, well past midnight. L had fallen asleep on the sofa, Makaira curled up into his chest, a movie's credits playing on the tv screen. Softly touching Makaira's shoulder, her grey eye slid open, sleepily meeting yours.

"Kai, it's time for bed," you whispered.

She was too tired to fight or argue, slipping out of L's grasp. He stirred, but didn't wake up. Holding her hand, you tucked her into bed, but the journey to her bedroom had woken her up.

"I'm not tired!" She whined.

"You don't want to sleep?" You asked amusedly. _Just like someone else_.

Kai shook her head stubbornly.

"I'm not tired! I'm not tired, I'm... not... ti-" She collapsed, snoring.

Quietly creeping out of her room, you saw L standing and stretching, his lean limbs cracking and popping. Scanning you, he wrapped his fingers between yours, his breath cool on your lips.

"Let's make another kid," he rumbled, passing a hand over your stomach, "let's make four more. Right now."

"I'm not sure if I can make four kids right _now,_ " you purred playfully, nipping at his bottom lip.

He let out a soft moan, the hand on your stomach snaking up and attaching to the back of your neck.

"You doubt my abilities?" His lips twitched. He leaned, his voice tickling your ear and sending pleasant shivers up your spine, "I'm going to fuck you so hard that you get quadruplets."

You snorted, tilting your face.

"Not sure if that's how it works," you pecked a kiss along his jawline, languidly licking at the sharp bone, your voice dropping an octave, "but you're welcome to try."

L led you back to your bedroom, the two of you tiptoeing past Makaira's room. Giggling, you locked door while he ran his fingers over your body, moving and shifting your clothing. You rolled your hips in anticipation as those fingers glided down your front, hooking and rubbing your clit teasingly. You pressed your forehead against the wall, trying to stifle your moan.

"Oh my God," you rasped, grinding your hips down.

His teeth grazed the side of your neck, sending your thoughts spiraling and unable to concentrate.

"L," you sighed, twisting and capturing his lips.

He framed your face, his breath not hot and quick. Before you could process it, you were horizontal on the bed, your arms wrapped around him. L let out a strangled sound, his eyes lidded with lust.

"God, I love you," he rasped, practically tearing off his clothing.

Your heart leapt, the adrenaline making your fingers tingle. Surging forward, you took him in your mouth, your brain instantly set on just swallowing him as deep as you could. He let out a needy sound, digging his fingers into your hair, his chest heaving.

"Y/n," he moaned, throwing his head back.

You smirked, knowing just how to swirl your tongue, where to lick that drove him crazy, made that genius brain of his stall. Hollowing you cheeks, he sucked in a sharp breath, his voice a strained whisper.

" _Fuck_..." 

His fingers gripped your head as he came, panting and his eyes blown black. You dragged your tongue up his shaft, blinking up at him innocently. He smirked, moving down towards your entrance, his lips hovering.

Scrabbling for the bedsheets, you cried out, your vision going blurred. He paused, and you feel his smile against your flesh.

"Shh, you wouldn't want to wake Kai, would you?"

All you could do was groan in response as his tongue flicked out again, trying to draw more loud sounds from you. You quickly muffled yourself with the pillow, your legs kicking and writhing at the feeling, every curl and twist of his tongue making you squirm and yelp.

"Please," you begged, your body trembling.

He delicately kissed the inside of your thigh.

"Please, what?"

"You're so mean," you trilled, bucking your hips pleadingly. 

He blew air against you and you squeaked, unable to think or even form _words_. All you could think about was how much you needed him, pushing and thrusting inside of you.

"Please make me come. Fuck me."

L puckered his lips and you thought you were going to die from all the stimulation. You screwed your eyes shut, every other sense both heightening and dampening at the same time, your pulse thundering in your ears. He drew back, making you hold your breath, your skin humming tensely. L pushed into you and it took all you had not to come right then and there, your brain flailing. 

He sighed, nibbling on your shoulder while you got comfortable, latching your nails into his back. Rocking his hips, he thrusted, every movement making your nails scratch down a little harder. L sank his teeth into your earlobe, growling out dirty nothings, his pace increasing. Pulling him down, as pressed to your body as you could, you felt yourself get washed away in all the sensations, in the fact that the two of you were here, alive and safe, loving and warm.

Your thighs quivered with the force and with a final jerk, he let out a husky growl, crashing his lips into yours as he came, filling you with heat. You mewled, coming a second later, your body numb with pleasure. Neither of you moved, his hips rolling more gently. His crazed hair was damp and hanging on the back of his neck, his grey eyes sparked and practically glowing. His lips ghosted over the soft part of your throat, tenderly licking at the skin.

L slowly pulled out and settled against you, spooning you. The air felt both stagnant and alive, bringing with it a certain peace. He nuzzled the nape of your neck, somehow managing to make the embrace even closer and warmer, his body pressed against yours, mumbling 'I love you' into your neck. You lay there, listening to his breathing as it went more steady and you were sure he'd fallen asleep. Craning your neck, you gazed at him, your breath catching. There weren't many men in the world that you could say were 'beautiful', but he had such striking and angular features, all those heritages working together for a sculpted face, that it was hard not to stare in a stunned silence. 

"Goodnight, L," you said in a low voice.

He was already out. 

Smiling to yourself, you kissed his nose. 

You were exactly where you wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun ^w^. I hope everyone enjoyed it :D and thank you to everyone reading!


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